Healing Process
by Twisted Mind of a Spy
Summary: Ava Shepherd comes to town with her own set of issues. When they are exposed, it becomes clear that the perfect family Addison and Derek have is in crisis. Can Ava, Addison and Derek overcome their issues or will they drown in them?
1. Conversations

Healing Process

Part I: Conversations with the ex-girlfriend and the wife.

Watching your child lying in a hospital bed with a machine pumping air into her lungs is a scary thing for any parent. But for two of the most successful and well respected surgeons in the country, being on the other side of a situation that they faced everyday was terrifying.

Wires and tubes ran from various machines into Quinn's tiny frame. She looked so vulnerable lying there. Addison was curled up in the bed holding their daughter. Both were asleep having succumbed to the trials of the long day. Derek rose quietly and slipped out of the room. He walked for a long time before he found himself in the hospital courtyard. He sat down and rubbed his eyes.

"You look like you've been through the ringer," said a voice from behind him.

Derek turned to see Meredith coming toward him.

"Thanks."

She sat down beside him and nothing was said for a moment.

"So you have a daughter?"

"I have a daughter."

"How is she?"

"Fine." He paused. "She didn't know that I was leaving."

"Who didn't know?"

"Quinn. The night I left New York, I went home to get my things and I went into her room. She woke up, I kissed her good night, told her I loved her and I left."

"And you came here."

"And I came here, too wrapped up in my own pain, anger, and resentment to think about what I had left behind. She refused to speak to me and I don't blame her."

"My dad did that," Meredith quietly.

"He did?"

"Yeah, he did. He put me to bed and when I woke up he was gone. He never did come back or call. Quinn will forgive you. You're too hard to hate, it's too much work."

Derek smiled at this, "Thanks."

"She's lucky to have you both as her parents. I wish my mom had been like Addison. She actually cares about her family."

"Now she does. But things were different in New York. We were both so wrapped up in our careers that family came second. We were selfish. I was selfish."

"Who went to Quinn's school stuff, like her plays and parent teacher conferences?"

"We both went, why?"

"Did you sit all the way through them?"

"Addison did." He paused. "But I didn't. She only got called away once."

"My mother never came to my school stuff. Well not never, but hardly ever."

"I was selfish."

"You are a devoted surgeon."

"And a lousy father."

"You're not now. You can start fresh Derek. Isn't that why you came here?"

"Yes."

Meredith smiled, "See? Not so bad after all."

"My niece Ava would tell me to stop being so dramatic." He chuckled. "She's a theatre major at NYU."

"Sounds like my kind of woman."

"You'd like her."

Meredith's pager buzzed, "I'd better get back inside."

"Yeah. Me too."

They rose and walked back inside before departing for separate parts of the hospital.

* * *

When Derek returned to Quinn's room, Addison was awake. 

"Have a nice nap?" he asked coming into the room.

"As good as can be expected in this situation. Where were you?"

"I went to get some air," he said and silence filled the air for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not being there. I got so wrapped up in work that family came second."

"Derek…."

"Do you remember when Quinn was born?"

Addison laughed, "Of course I do. That was one of the rare times I had to give up control to someone else."

"I was late that day, remember? I had a surgery that I was doing and instead of postponing it until the next day, which I could have I did it. And I almost missed Quinn being born."

"But you didn't."

"I've missed so many moments Addi," Derek said quietly. "So many things that you were there for and I wasn't."

"You're here now, we both are," she said kissing his forehead

Quinn stirred and opened her eyes, a frown crossing her face. She whimpered.

Addison went to her, "Hi baby girl." The breathing tube had been removed an hour before and upgraded to an oxygen mask making Quinn a lot more comfortable.

"Mama…" Quinn croaked softly, her throat sore from the tube.

"How do you feel?"

"Mad"

"Are you mad at me sweetheart?" Derek asked.

Quinn nodded, "You left and didn't say goodbye."

Derek sighed, "Yeah I did and I'm sorry. I swear I won't do it again."

"Promise?"

"Yes," he kissed her forehead. "I promise."

"Does that mean we can go home now?"

"Now that is something that can wait," Addison said smiling and perching on the bed. "You need to rest young lady."

"But I'm not tired," Quinn said as her eyelids began to get heavy again.

"I'll tell you what," Addison said letting Quinn cuddle into her arms. "Let's just you and me have some quiet time, like back at home in New York."

"Okay Mama," Quinn whispered. "And daddy too?"

"And me too," said Derek getting on the bed.

Within a few minutes, mom, dad, and daughter were all sleeping peacefully.

* * *

R/R please! 


	2. Surprises Come in All Shapes

Healing Process

Part II: Surprises Come in All Shapes and Sizes

Sometime in the early hours of the morning Chief Webber persuaded both Dr. Shepherds to go home for a few hours. Well persuasion was an understatement. In reality, they had been forced to go home due to exhaustion, but only after being promised that two interns would be watching Quinn around the clock until they returned.

Around the time that the Shepherds departed, Miranda Bailey was in intern locker room giving out assignments.

"Karev, Stevens, and O'Malley you're all on pre-rounds. Grey and Yang, you are in charge of watching Quinn Shepherd until the Dr. Shepherds return.

"We're on babysitting duty?" Cristina said in protest.

"You got a problem with that?" Bailey shot back. "These orders aren't coming from me Yang. They are coming from the Chief. There is a little girl upstairs who is scared to death and who has spent the last 7 months without her parents and had to spend her first day in the city on the table having surgery. She's in need of a little compassion, you understand that right?"

"Yes," Cristina said.

"Good, now go." As Meredith and Cristina start to leave Bailey says, "And don't let me catch you calling that child "Satan's Spawn" again."

"I've never seen Bailey like that," Cristina said when they left the locker room.

"But she's right," Meredith said not looking at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I ran into Shepherd last night, in the courtyard."

"What did you talk about?"

"His daughter and his niece."

"You talked to McDreamy about his kid?"

"Yeah," Meredith said as they boarded an elevator. "He feels guilty."

"For what?"

"Not being there for Quinn."

"He always feels guilty."

"Cristina!"

"Well it's true!"

"Maybe. But he really cares about his family."

They arrived in the Pediatric ICU a few seconds later where Quinn was just waking up.

"How are you feeling Quinn?" Meredith asked

"Better. Do you know where my mommy and daddy are?"

"I think they went home to get changed. But they'll be back in a little bit."

"Ok," she said as Cristina started her pre-round exam on Quinn. "Does that mean Ava is here then?"

"Who's Ava?" Cristina asked.

"My sister."

* * *

An hour later, Addison and Derek entered the trailer and made a beeline for the bedroom. Addison began to change out of the clothes that she had been wearing since yesterday. And that's when the tears came hard and fast. Throughout this entire ordeal neither of them showed any emotion for fear of frightening their daughter. But now, in Quinn's absence the tears came and flowed freely from them both.

Derek gathered his wife in his arms and held her tightly. This was their first truly intimate act in more than a year. In this moment, nothing and no one existed except for them.

"What are we doing?" she whispered. "How did it come to this?"

"I don't know," Derek replied.

"We're horrible parents, great surgeons but horrible parents."

"Addi don't say that."

"But its true isn't it? If I hadn't come here this wouldn't have happened."

"Yes it would have. You know better than I do that children with this diagnosis don't show symptoms more often than not."

"But she did remember? Flu like symptoms according to Carrie. If I had been there—"

"Addi don't do this."

"Do what?" Addison asked pulling away and looking into his eyes.

Derek brushed her cheek with his hand, "You and I can say "If I had done this," or "If I had done that" a million times over. But that still doesn't change what's happening right now. Our daughter is sick and we have to deal with it. At least it didn't happen in New York---"

Addison cut him off, "Did you call her?"

"Of course I did."

"Did you talk to her?"

"No, I left a message on her voicemail."

"What did you say?"

"That Quinn was sick in the hospital and that it wasn't good."

"Oh Derek….She's got to be scared to death. Did she call you back?"

Derek flipped opened his phone, "No. You?"

Addison looked at her own phone, "No, but I'm going to call her anyway." She pressed a button on her phone and the words "Calling…Ava" appeared on the screen.

After two rings someone answered, "Hi mom."

"Ava," Addison let out a small sigh of relief. "Where are you?"

"At Starbucks getting coffee why?" Ava said pressing the phone to her ear with one hand and grabbing her venti vanilla latte with the other.

"Did you get your dad's message?"

"Yeah," Ava replied her voice full of static.

"You're breaking up."

"I'll call you back then," the static was even worse now

Addison terminated the call, "She's going to call me back."

"Where is she?"

"At Starbucks getting coffee."

"She can't be that worried then."

"That doesn't mean anything. You know how calm she can be under stress."

* * *

19 year-old Ava Shepherd snapped her phone closed and dropped it in the Louis Vuitton Papillion bag hanging on her arm before getting into a black town car. The driver closed the passenger side door before moving around to the driver's side and getting in.

"Where to Ms. Shepherd?" He asked.

"Seattle Grace Hospital please," Ava said taking a sip of her latte as the car pulled away, the Space Needle looming behind it.

* * *

Four inch Jimmy Choo heels clicked on the linoleum floor as Ava made her way across the PICU to Quinn's room. With every step, Ava's heart beat faster and faster. Thoughts of Quinn and her family and what all of this meant raced through her head.

Then she reached the door and looked inside. Two women, whom Ava did not know were talking to Quinn. Quietly Ava slipped into the room. Quinn looked up almost immediately.

"Ava!" the little girl said lighting up almost immediately

"Hey squirt," Ava said with a laugh going to hug her sister inwardly fighting the sudden urge not to cry.

"So you're Ava," said a voice from behind her.

Ava turned and faced Meredith and Cristina, "Yeah I am," she said putting down her coffee and her purse.

"The dance major at NYU?"

Ava nodded.

"Wait, she's the niece?" Cristina said turning to Meredith.

"Actually, I'm the niece who is legally the daughter," said Ava.

* * *

Addison and Derek returned to Seattle Grace a couple of hours later. There had been no call back from Ava, but they had both figured that she was probably in rehearsal or class and knew she would talk to them later.

Sounds of laughter could be heard coming from Quinn's room as they approached it.

When Derek and Addison entered they saw none other than Ava sitting in a chair next to Quinn's bed. The younger woman turned as they came in.

"Ava?" Addison and Derek both said in surprise.

"Hi," Ava said smiling as she stood up dressed in jeans and a black top.

The surprise faded quickly as Derek moved to interrogate his daughter, "Exactly what are you doing here?"

"Well hello to you too," she replied sarcastically.

"Sweetie what are you doing here?" Addison asked.

"Ava came to see me," Quinn piped up.

"Don't you have school?" Derek asked.

"Yes, but I took care of it."

"What do you mean took care of it?"

"I took a leave from school."

"Ava, school is your first priority," Derek said sharply.

"I know," Ava said looking away.

"Daddy, are you going to yell at Ava?"

"No he's not," Addison interjected.

"I'm going to get some air," Ava said quietly. "I'll be back Quinn, I swear," she said kissing her sister and then leaving the room.

"What is wrong with you?" Addison whispered harshly to Derek. "I'll be right back baby," she said to Quinn before going after Ava.

Addison caught up with her niece in the hospital courtyard a few minutes later. As she approached her, Addison could still see the six year-old that had been brought to Derek's apartment thirteen years earlier. Ava's mother, Derek's older sister by about five years, Kate had been having drug and alcohol problems since her teens. Derek's parents had tried almost every rehab program in New York State but nothing had seemed to work. For the years proceeding and following Ava's birth though, Kate had remained clean and sober all on her own. This was attributed to Ava's father's influence.

However, just a little before Ava celebrated her first birthday, things between Kate and Ava's father went sour. No one ever knew who he was or what happened, Kate had kept those details to herself. After that, Kate took Ava away from New York, moving through several states over five years. Kate would always call her mother and Derek, who she had been the closest to, to say that they were fine. A few times a year, Kate would bring Ava back to New York just long enough to visit the family. But as soon as anyone began probing into Kate's lifestyle and her care of Ava, they were gone again.

But then everything changed. Addison had met Ava several times over the years and was aware of the entire situation, having been with Derek for over a year when Ava was born. It was late the night that Kate showed up with Ava high and scared. Addison had just moved in with Derek a few months earlier. Derek had tried to get Kate to stay, but she wouldn't. She refused to explain to him exactly what had happened. She only stayed long enough to make sure that Ava could stay with him. Once Derek consented, she left and didn't come back for nearly a year.

It quickly became obvious why Kate had been so insistent on Ava staying with them. Not long after she left, Addison and Derek had found bruises on the child's body caused by Kate's boyfriend at the time. Once the rest of the family found out, all hell broke loose as Derek's parents tried to find Kate. But she was already long gone. After talking with doctors, social workers, and Ava herself, a judge agreed to award temporary guardianship of Ava to Derek and by proxy Addison too. This was all during their second year of residency at New York University Hospital.

A year later Kate came back into their lives wanting Ava back, but Ava didn't want to go with her. Despite their busy schedules, Derek and Addison had managed to provide Ava with a stable home life. And instead of putting a strain on their relationship, Ava managed to bring her uncle and her almost aunt closer, so close in fact that Derek proposed to Addison on Valentine's Day that year on top of the Empire State Building. A few weeks after their wedding, the request to adopt Ava was granted.

Addison smiled at the memory as she approached Ava who was sitting on a bench looking out.

"Hey," Addison said sitting next to her.

"Hey," Ava said in reply giving her a brief smile.

Ava rested her head on Addison's shoulder. "Have you slept at all?"

"No, I haven't unless you count my 2 hour nap yesterday afternoon before rehearsal."

"You should sleep."

"I should, but I'm not going to."

"Are those my shoes?" Addison asked looking down at Ava's feet.

"Maybe?" Ava said looking at her, an impish grin crossing her face.

"You raided my closet?" Addison asked in mock disbelief.

"What? It wasn't like your massive shoe collection was being used. And besides, they looked so lonely, sitting there unworn."

"Don't remind me. I miss my shoes. So you went home from school and then to the airport?"

Ava nodded, "Mommy, is Quinn going to be ok?"

"Of course she is" Addison paused and looked at Ava, who was looking down to the ground. "Sweetie as much as I know you love Quinn, you didn't fly all night just to see her. So what's really going on?"

Ava shrugged, "Nothing just school. I had dinner with Jackson on Tuesday," Ava said softly referring to Jackson Abrams, Ava's biological father. He was a successful Wall Street executive who had been searching for his daughter her entire life. They finally met almost two years ago and since then, Jackson had tried hard for a relationship with Ava.

"How did that go?"

"Fine if you like awkward pauses. But we're working on it. I called him after I got dad's message. I didn't know what else to do. All I knew was that I needed to be here."

"You need to be here?"

"Yeah I do," she said softly.

* * *

"Something's off," Addison said sitting on the bed in the on-call room just down the hall from Quinn's room. Ava was in with Quinn watching _Cinderella _on Ava's laptop.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked tiredly.

"With Ava, there's something not right."

"Addison, Ava should be in school not here."

"Our children need us Derek that much is obvious. If you had bothered to at least say hi to Ava you would have figured that out."

"Are you blaming this on me?"

Addison sighed, "No, I'm not. I'm simply saying that we need to figure out what's going on with her. So what if she misses a week or two of classes? Her well being is much more important."

"I guess you're right."

Addison smiled, "I know I'm right."

* * *

"Did Cinderella find her prince?" Derek asked entering Quinn's room.

"Yeah she did," Quinn replied with a grin as Addison crossed over to the bed, having come in behind Derek.

"What did you think? Do you think princes exist in real life?" She asked sitting next to Quinn who was half lying on Ava's chest.

Quinn nodded, "Yes I do because Ava has one."

Derek looked to Ava, "Oh she does, does she?"

Ava opened her mouth to respond but Quinn continued on, "Yep. I saw them out on the front stoop last week. They were kissing and he had his hand up Ava's sh---" But before Quinn could finish her sentence, Ava clamped a hand over her mouth.

"I think all of that medicine is making you loopy," Ava said sweetly giving Quinn a "we talked about this remember, shut up!" look.

"No, it's not!" Quinn protested when Ava removed her hand.

"Ava is there something you want to tell us?" Derek asked.

"No, there's nothing to tell," she replied quickly before extracting herself from the bed.

"Ava---"

"There's nothing to say," she said before leaving the room.

"Did I say something wrong?" Quinn asked looking between both of her parents.

* * *

_God Save the Drama: Ava's Blog_

_February 23, 2006_

_Seattle_

_This is probably the most impulsive thing that I, Ava Gabrielle Shepherd have ever done. At this time yesterday I was on campus at NYU rehearsing for a show that is opening in a little less than three weeks and right now I'm sitting here in my mom's office, 3,000 miles away in Seattle_ _of all places._

_I have no idea what possessed me to call my biological father at 12:15 in the morning in a panic saying that I had to go to Seattle like yesterday. Jackson_ _was so nice about it all though. He took care of everything, the flight, the hotel, and transportation not to mention an open ended plane ticket home. I only wish that I could give him what he wants. I wish I could call him "dad" but I can't. It's just too weird, not to mention wrong. I already have a father, or at least I used to._

_Ok, so maybe I do know why I called Jackson. I was scared, I am scared. I feel like my entire world is coming apart, that's why I left New York. There is so much going on right now and I can't do anything about it._

_My mom was trying to figure out why I really came here but I couldn't tell her why because the reasons are numerous._

_The same day I had dinner with Jackson, Kate aka my biological mother showed up. I had rehearsal so Jackson and I had an early dinner. So you can imagine my surprise, when I was taking a break backstage at 8 and my partner comes up to me and says "Hey Ava, your mom's here. She says she wants to take you out to dinner." I took off my toe shoes and slipped into the flip-flops that were in my dance bag and I went out into the lobby and there she was. _

_I haven't seen my birth mom in almost three years. The last time she came to "visit" she showed up at our house. It was something like 5:30_ _in the afternoon. I didn't have class that day so I went home and I was doing homework when she showed up. My dad was home that day, which was unusual because he was at the hospital until nine or ten most nights. But this time my mom was at the hospital delivering a baby that she performed surgery on a couple months before._

_Kate had tried to pretend like visiting me was a completely normal thing, like she did it all the time. I tried to be good and listen that night. But I ended up walking out and going to the studio anyway. I just got my stuff and left and when I got to the studio I spent almost 3 hours dancing. I dance when I'm mad. Mom ended up coming to get me after she got done at the hospital. I remember her just looking at me. She didn't say anything, she just looked at me and then hugged me. We spent the rest of the night talking about Kate and everything that had gone on during the past week with us._

_When Kate showed up the other night, I felt like I had been violated. I have no idea how she found me. She had entered this world I had created for myself to get me away from the real world. The show is part of the season for the New York Ballet Academy and it's my final one as a student officially before I apply for my apprenticeship with the company itself. So it was a big deal. She just showed up and this time, there was no studio to go to or mom to talk to. So I talked to her for a few minutes and then explained I had to go back in. _

_That was the first time I really missed my parents. Before I was too busy with Quinn and school to think about anything else, but now my family is the only thing on my mind. Maybe it's because Kate got married last year to some guy who has two kids from a previous marriage, or because my biological dad has two sons and a wife. That's why Kate came I guess to update me on her life._

_I had no idea Quinn was going to New York_ _until Aunt Carrie told me and with Mark the asshole no less. I'm not even going to go there. He had no business being there. For the past two or three weeks I've felt like my family is going to fall apart. I know that it won't, at least not right now. But when my dad called, I felt like my world bottomed out because Quinn is never ever sick, like me. And now, there was the possibility that she could die? That's insane._

_I couldn't just stay in New York_ _and do nothing. I know that my Dad is mad because I just walked away from all of my responsibilities. But those things don't matter right now. My family does. They balance me out, just like my parents balance each other out. Hopefully the surprise I've been working on will bring them a step or two back from divorce._

_That is my objective while I'm here; to keep them together. If my surprise doesn't work, which if Richard Webber consents to what I asked for will, I'm considering locking them in a linen closet and seeing what happens._

_And if I'm going to be completely honest here, the other reason I left New York besides Quinn and Kate was the fact that the interview I did with that big women's magazine is coming out tomorrow. I would have never done it, except that Donna, NYB's Artistic Director talked me into it saying that it would be good for the company and school image because I'm very passionate or something. I couldn't say no, after all Donna will be the one reviewing my apprenticeship application next month._

_So now I'm here, in Seattle_ _because I felt like I didn't really fit in back in New York. But now I feel like I'm intruding now that I'm here._

_God, can't I just turn back the clock? Things were so much better two years ago. We were happy then. And now we're not._

* * *

Ava sat back and re-read her blog entry the next afternoon as she sat in her mother's office. Quinn was having some kind of a test done and their parents were with her. Ava was supposed to be working on a paper for her human physiology class. But she had gotten distracted. Before she could finish reading the blog entry and go back to the paper there was a knock at the door. Ava got up to answer it, only to find Mark the asshole on the other side.

"Hey Ava, is your mom here?"

"No, she's not. She's with my sister," Ava said putting particular emphasis on the word "sister."

"Oh, well—"

"You shouldn't be here you know. You should go back to New York where you belong."

"I just wanted to know if Quinn was ok that's all."

"She's fine," Ava replied tersely

"Good."

"Bye," Ava said shutting the door in his face.

She leaned against the doorframe and let out a breath, feeling nauseous. She had felt that way for a few days, but she had yet to throw up. She made her way to the bathroom just down the hall. From a distance, Mark watched her go into the bathroom. He decided to stick around and make sure she made it back ok. It was part of this feeling that he had, one in the pit of his stomach that something wasn't right.

In the bathroom, Ava emptied the contents of her stomach and waited for the clamminess to subside a little before she got up. But another wave of nausea hit and Ava retched. However, this time instead of seeing something like bile, Ava saw blood, a lot of blood. Warning bells went off in her head, but before she could recover and try to do something, a sharp pain rippled across her abdomen and more blood came.

Ava felt dizzy and light headed, the room was spinning and that's when she heard it. A voice was calling her name from far away. She felt herself falling and blood pounded in her ears. She could hear the sounds of her own shallow breathing. And that's when she realized that she was dying.

"Ava?" said Mark Sloan as he kneeled on the floor and pulled Ava into his arms. He had become concerned when she hadn't come out. And he had every right to be as he took in Ava's deathly pale face, racing pulse, and shallow breathing. He knew she was bleeding badly from the blood in the toilet. Carefully, he lifted her up into his arms and exited the bathroom.

"I need some help here!" he yelled as he went into a room across the hall.

"Dr. Sloan?" said Meredith Grey coming in after seeing him go in.

"Dr. Grey, page Dr. Webber. She's bleeding out."

"Is that Ava?" Meredith asked surprised.

"Yes, she collapsed and she's bleeding."

"We should get her down to the ER."

"I don't think she'll make it that far," he said taking Meredith's stethoscope and listening to Ava's lungs. "I think the blood is getting stuck in her lungs."

"Dr. Webber is in his office down the hall. I'll go get him."

Meredith left running at top speed as she went to get the chief, hoping that when she got back Ava would still be there.

* * *

R/R please! 


	3. Ballerina

Healing Process

Part III: Ballerina

_I'll never feel the weight of your hands  
Inside mine like diamonds  
Lace so fine ballerina  
Cupcake and my earthquake  
Wakes me from my sleep that  
Never comes, are you breathing  
Waiting for me_

They weren't supposed to have their pagers on. The Chief made sure that the Dr. Shepherds were taken off service during the duration of their daughter's recovery. But habit kept the pagers of Addison and Derek on their person and active. This was part of an effort to maintain some sense of normalcy during this difficult time. Not that either of them expected or wanted to be disturbed at this time.

So needless to say when their pagers did go off simultaneously it came as a surprise. The couple checked the readouts automatically and then frowned.

"4651911?" Addison said bewildered. "Isn't that OR 2?"

"Yeah, it is," Derek said looking at her. "I got the same thing."

"Are you on call?"

"No, are you?" He asked.

"No, but I'm going to check it out anyway," she said and crossed to the house phone just outside the cardiac catheter lab. Quinn wanted them to wait outside because all of their hovering made her nervous. Picking up the phone Addison dialed the extension and waited for someone to pick up.

"OR 2," said a scrub nurse on the other end of the line.

"This is Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, I was paged."

"We need you down here doctor."

"I'm not on call. Page Dr. Masters."

"This isn't patient related doctor. Dr. Webber said to tell you that he has Ava on the table."

Addison's throat tightened, "What?"

"We need permission to operate."

"For what purpose?"

"Ava is bleeding out," said Mark into the phone having grabbed it from the scrub nurse. "Addie, they need to go now."

"Yes," she blurted shakily. "I'll be down in a minute," and without another word she slammed down the phone.

"What was it?" Derek asked looking over at her concern was etched in his face.

Addison leaned against the wall feeling like she could barely breathe. It was happening again. But this time, death was looming ever so closely over the one person they both loved more than life itself, excluding Quinn of course.

"It's Ava," she said tonelessly.

"Addie, what's wrong with Ava?" Derek asked crossing to her, his heart beginning to thump.

"She's down in OR 2. We need to go now," she said and without waiting for an answer took the stairs a few feet away.

* * *

_I didn't really want you  
But I want you now  
Was so foolish of me  
Feel you tumbling down  
Into that empty room  
The lights went out  
I want to rescue want to scream out loud_

Derek followed her almost immediately and in a matter of minutes they were standing in front of the OR. Without waiting for Derek, Addison went into the surgical locker room and changed into her scrubs and then went into the scrub room. Derek saw her and went after her.

"What are you doing?" he asked as she scrubbed in.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Addie," he said softly taking her arm.

"Don't Derek," she said pulling away from him. "I need to be with Ava."

"Addison," he said grabbing her wrists. "We can't go in there."

Addison looked through the window to where Richard Webber and Miranda Bailey were working over her daughter's prone and exposed body. Mark was standing at her head looking down at Ava's pale face. Her long, dark brown hair had been swept neatly into a surgical cap.

"Ava is our glue Derek," she said quietly.

"Our glue?"

"Yes, our glue and if something happens to her, we won't survive." Then Addison turned on her heel and left the room.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" said the charge nurse coming up to her. "I need you to sign these," she handed her consent forms for Ava's surgery.

Addison signed them and handed them to Derek who did the same. When he was finished Addison said, "Can you go be with Quinn? I don't think I can face her right now and there's no sense in worrying her."

"Yeah," he said. Both of them were exhausted and there really was no need to worry Quinn right now.

"I'm going to my office. Ava left her stuff there."

"Ok," He kissed her lips softly, a quick but gentle kiss. "We'll be ok."

"I hope so."

* * *

_I didn't think I needed you  
But I need you now  
Was so empty in me  
Feel you crashing down  
Into the empty world  
The music stops  
I want to rescue want to scream out loud  
You will always be mine_

Addison entered her office as night began to encroach on the city of Seattle. Ava's computer sat on her desk casting a somewhat eerie glow on her medical textbooks. Addison flipped on a lamp beside the window on the opposite side of the door and then sat at her desk, intending to save Ava's work before turning the computer off. But before she could start, something caught her eye. It was Ava's blog entry and it was dated today.

Addison had never been one to pry in her daughter's life mostly because Ava wasn't the type to keep secrets. However, since her departure from New York, Addison and Ava were not as close as they had been. But since Ava was downstairs with a very large perforated peptic ulcer, Addison felt it was her duty as a parent and a doctor to try and determine why the ulcer became so severe. So she read the entry.

When she got to the part about Kate's visit, she leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes exhaling remembering that night three years ago almost too well.

* * *

_New York_ _Ballet_ _Academy_

_November, 2003_

_Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers drifted out from one of the many rehearsal rooms in NYBA. Addison followed the sounds on instinct knowing that where the Nutcracker was, Ava would also be. And sure enough she was. Addison slipped into the room silently dressed in a gray wool sweater, a black skirt, and knee length leather boots. Her purse remained on her shoulder as she watched Ava glide almost effortlessly across the floor._

_For her part, Ava was not even aware that there was anyone else in the room. She was so lost in the beautiful music that it became the only thing that mattered. Addison_ _could feel the energy radiating off of Ava with every single movement. In fact, she found herself almost transfixed on Ava and it wasn't until the music swelled signaling the end of the piece that Addison_ _snapped out of it. She waited as Ava took her final pose before making her presence known._

_Ava_ _whirled around to face the intruder, her eyes blazing. But when she saw who it was, her eyes and body posture measured relief. She crossed over to her bag and grabbed a towel wiping the sweat from her face. That was when Ava became aware that she was being watched intently. She tried to smile but failed miserably. Addison_ _pulled her into a hug and Ava hugged her back tighter than she usually did. Addison_ _felt her exhale deeply and she kissed the top of Ava's head._

"_Hi," Ava said quietly._

"_Hi butterfly."_

"_How did you know where I was?"_

"_Daddy called me and said you had left. And this is your home away from home."_

"_True."_

"_So do you want to tell me what's going on?"_

_Ava_ _pulled out of the hug, "Kate came to visit." Ava sat on the floor and started to take off her toe shoes._

_Addison_ _sat down beside her, "It didn't go well I take it?"_

"_She acts like its completely normal!"_

"_What is?"_

"_Coming to see me._ _She's always done that, popped into my life and then popped back out again when she realizes that I'm not coming with her."_

"_Coming with her?"_

_Ava_ _paused, "Every time she comes to visit, Kate asks me to go stay with her like on weekends and stuff. But sometimes…" she trailed off._

"_She asks you to stay with her on a more permanent basis?"_

"_Yeah," Ava stood up and walked over to the stereo to take out her CD. She slipped it in a case and then stood there for a long moment. Before she could stop them, silent tears began to roll down her cheeks._

_Addison_ _crossed to her, "Hey," she said lifting Ava's chin to meet her gaze. "You don't cry very often butterfly, so why the tears?" Ava shrugged, "Yes you do know why you're crying."_

"_You're going to think it's stupid."_

"_No I won't."_

"_I don't want to go back to court. I don't want to choose. I want everything to stay the way it is."_

"_No one is going to court Ava and you're not going to have to choose anyone. The adoption is final and it has been for years. It can't be reversed and Kate can't take you away from us. I know you know that." Ava nodded. "But daddy and I have an agreement with Kate. In order to for you to be adopted, she had to give up her legal rights as your mother. She didn't want to give you up, even though she knew you were better off with us. So we agreed to let her visit you whenever she wanted." Addison_ _paused. "We also have let her visit because daddy and I never want you to have any regrets. I know that you may not like Kate now, but we all want you to be able to see her if you ever choose to."_

"_You promise?"_

"_I promise," Addison_ _said before hugging Ava again. "You are my daughter forever and always. Never doubt that."_

* * *

_The room spins  
Pull you from me  
My body burns  
Tell me all the rainbows  
The colors that the rain throws  
Ballerina dance softly  
She knows when to come only  
When she's called on slowly coming to_

I didn't really want you  
But I need you  
Was so foolish of me  
Feel you tumbling down  
Into that empty room  
The lights went out  
Want to rescue want to scream out loud

After she shut off Ava's computer, Addison grabbed Ava's purse and headed back to the OR, this time sitting in the gallery. But to her surprise, she found Derek already sitting there. The gallery was completely empty except for them.

"I thought you were with Quinn." she said, taking a seat beside her husband.

"I was, but then Izzie came in."

"So Izzie trumps daddy?"

"Apparently she does."

"Does Quinn suspect anything?"

"No."

Silence fell upon them as they watched Richard and Miranda finish sewing up the perforation in the abdominal wall. Addison's gaze drifted to Mark and Derek's to Meredith.

"How is she?"

"Good. Ava's been doing good so far."

"Who would have thought that our exes would be the ones helping to save our daughter?"

"Addison…"

"What Derek? It's true."

"That was a loaded comment and you know it!"

"A loaded comment?"

"Yes a loaded comment. You just wanted to get me angry!"

"Don't point the finger at me. The anger that you're feeling is all your own."

"You just---" Derek started, but before he could finish Richard's voice cut in.

"Damn another bleeder!"

"We're losing pressure," said the anesthesiologist looking up at the monitor. "She's tachicardiac…"

_So so sorry  
Just come back for me now  
So so sorry  
Just come back to me now  
Or soon_

"Give me the paddles," said Richard, who was handed what he requested immediately. "Charge to 200." He put the paddles on Ava's chest. "Clear!" And then shocked her, but there was no change. "300! Clear!" No change. "Come on Ava, it's not time to go yet. Charge 300 again. Clear!" And with another jolt, Ava's heart went back into normal sinus rhythm.

Derek and Addison collapsed weakly back into their chairs, having stood up without realizing it.

"I'm almost done here Chief," Bailey said tying off the end of Ava's intestine.

"Good. Are you on call tonight?"

"No sir," Bailey said looking up from her work.

"Could you stay for awhile? I know your husband probably wants you home---"

"I'll stay for as long as it takes Chief."

"Thanks."

Up in the gallery, Derek looked down into his daughter's peritoneal cavity for a long moment.

"Addie, I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"Let's not fight anymore," she said hoarsely.

"Ok," Derek said putting an arm around his wife.

Addison didn't fight him. Instead, she just let him do what he wanted as the watched the tie that bonded them together become whole once more. When Richard and Miranda finished closing her up, Richard focused his gaze up into the gallery and inside he could see Derek and Addison holding each other, both of them were sound asleep.

"They're going to make it," he whispered.

_I didn't think I wanted you  
But I want you now  
Was so foolish of me  
Feel you tumbling down  
Into that empty room  
The lights went out  
Wanted to rescue want to scream out loud  
I didn't think I needed you  
But I need you now  
Was so empty in me  
Feel you tumbling down  
Into that empty room  
The lights went out  
I want to rescue want to scream out loud  
That you will always be mine_

Lyrics- "Ballerina" Leona Naess

* * *

To be continued….Please R/R! 


	4. Between Sleeping and Waking

Healing Process

Part IV: Between Sleeping and Waking

"_So how does it feel?" Ava asked stepping onto the front stoop of the Central Park_ _brownstone her parents owned._

"_How does what feel?" Xavier Manoso asked as he joined her._

"_Dating a ballerina?"_

_He smiled, "Very good actually."_

_Ava felt her knees go weak. She had never thought that was really possible until she met Xavier. He was international relations major at NYU. They had met a few months earlier when he had attended the fall dance concert at the request of a friend. And he was easily one of the finest guys on campus. He had thick jet black hair, skin the color of olives, eyes she could get lost in, and a body to die for._

"_I had fun tonight."_

"_That was my intention," he said kissing her lips softly. "Even ballerinas need to have their fun."_

"_Yes, we do," Ava replied before returning the kiss. It was longer this time and Ava felt a tingling start in her toes and work its way up her spine._

_Xavier wrapped his arms around her waist gently, pulling her closer. Ava wrapped her arms around his neck. The world around them seemed to disappear as their kisses turned from gentle and casual to passionate and needy. His scent made her dizzy and his lips on hers made her want him badly. When his hand slid under the hem of her shirt, it rested on her stomach. Ava felt herself shiver with anticipation and they weren't even inside yet. She pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard as she fished for her house key. But before she could get it out, the door opened._

"_Ava?" said Quinn standing in the doorway._

_Ava turned and looked at her sister, but said nothing, she was too surprised._

"_Ava?" Quinn said again, but it wasn't Quinn's voice. Ava frowned and then the brownstone vanished._

* * *

"Ava?" said the voice again.

Ava opened her eyes and squinted as they adjusted to the dark room. Her throat was dry and she became aware that she had an oxygen mask on her face. She reached up to remove it, but a hand stopped her.

"It's there to help you breath," Mark Sloan said.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered, all memory of her dream gone annoyance and anger in its place.

"I saved your life. You could have died Ava."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dr. Sloan," said a voice from behind him. He turned and saw Miranda Bailey enter the room. "I need a moment alone with my patient."

"Sure," he said before leaving quickly.

"Thanks," Ava said quietly, but her grateful tone was evident.

"You're welcome. I'm Dr. Bailey; I assisted Dr. Webber with your surgery earlier."

"Surgery?"

"You had a large ulcer that perforated causing significant bleeding and damage to your stomach."

"Were you able to fix it?"

"Most of it, but we're going to have to finish repairing your stomach in a few days when your infection resolves. Until then, we'll keep you hydrated and give you nutrients through your IV."

"Ok."

"Dr. Webber also asked me to tell you that the arrangements that you wanted have been made."

"Good."

"You seem like a smart girl," Bailey said. "How long have you been having stomach pain?"

"For a couple of weeks."

"And you told no one?"

"There was no one to tell and even if there was, I had no time to say it." She paused before speaking again, "My parents have been gone for awhile and in their absence, I've become Quinn's everything. My aunt stayed with us, but somehow I ended up playing mommy. I don't mind, but between Quinn, school, and ballet there hasn't been a lot of time for me. Yes, I felt pain, but I ignored it because I couldn't afford to give into it."

Bailey nodded, "I understand. But right now you need to let us take care of you. Your parents care about you a lot and they were really worried."

"I know."

"Get some rest and I'll be back to check on you in the morning."

"Ok."

* * *

"Derek?" said Richard Webber placing a hand on his shoulder.

Derek turned and looked up at his friend and colleague. He had woken up only a few minutes before. Addison opened her eyes at the sound, the silence of the room now broken.

"Richard, how is she?"

"Ava's doing well," he said obviously pleased with the results. "But," he said more seriously, "I'm going to have to finish repairing her stomach after she's had a chance to recover."

Addison squeezed her husband's hand, "Thanks Richard."

* * *

"What did we miss?" Derek asked as they entered the elevator.

"What do you mean?" Addison asked leaning against the railing.

"We're Doctors Addie, two of the best doctors in the country. How could we have missed all of this? Quinn had to have a pacemaker put in and Ava is recovering from an ulcer."

"3000 miles Derek. That's how we missed it."

Derek sighed, "Don't blame Seattle for this."

"It's true Derek," Addison said walking out of the elevator, anger rising in her.

She stalked across the surgical floor to the ICU where Ava sat in a private room staring at the ceiling.

"Ava?" Addison said entering the room. Derek followed in behind her.

"Hi," Ava said softly.

Addison kissed her forehead, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Why didn't you tell us that you weren't feeling good Ava?" Derek asked.

"Because…"

"Because why?"

"Because I didn't ok?"

"No, not ok. You could have died! You almost died!"

"Spare me the scare routine. Save it for your patients!"

"Ava, don't talk to your father like that," Addison said rubbing her arm, trying to calm her down.

"I have every right to be concerned Ava, especially when I have to watch my friend and colleague cut into my daughter."

"Concerned? You lost the right to be concerned when you left New York!"

"Ava…"

"Clearly you care about your work more than us."

"That's not true!"

Addison looked between them both staying silent. Derek needed to hear this from Ava. He wouldn't hear it from her.

"Isn't it? Every time I walk into physiology, my classmates look at me like I'm some kind of a celebrity because I'm the daughter of two great and extremely capable surgeons. They think I'm so lucky and I guess I am. But I'm really not because somewhere along the line, my father's work became more important than his family."

"Enough!"

"You started it!"

"Ava, you need to calm down," Addison said. "And you need to cool off, "she said turning to Derek.

"What?"

"Go!"

Derek turned and left. Ava winced and settled back onto the pillows. Addison turned up her IV slightly.

"I know you're upset, you have every right to be. But you need to take it easy."

"He acts like he didn't do anything."

"I know, but what happens between your dad and I is our problem."

"7 months here makes it my problem now."

Ava, why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you and dad to get a divorce. So I didn't want to worry you. And besides, I was too busy with school and the dance concert."

"Divorce? What makes you think we're getting a divorce?"

"Mark said you were."


	5. Collisons in Love

Healing Process

Part V: Collision in Love

_

* * *

__The dawn is breaking_  
_A light shining through_  
_You're barely waking_  
_And I'm tangled up in you_  
_Yeah_ _I'm open, you're closed_  
_Where I follow, you'll go_  
_I worry I won't see your face_  
_Light up again_

By the following evening, Ava and Derek were not speaking to each other. Derek now spent his time with Quinn when he wasn't going back and forth between the trailer and the hospital to check on Doc. Addison had only seen Derek briefly when she had gone to see Quinn. And then he had left claiming to want more coffee. But Addison knew that he was mad at her for her remarks in the elevator and then her dismissal of him in Ava's room.

Addison sighed softly as she exited Ava's room at 5pm. She was headed for the on call room in hopes of catching a few hours of sleep. She was just about to go in when Nurse Debbie called to her.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

"Yes?" Addison said coming over to the desk.

"I was asked to give you these," she said handing over a large white box, a black shopping bag, and an envelope.

Addison took them bewildered, "Thank you."

Then without another word, Addison headed into the on call room and closed the door behind her. Then she set to opening the large white box, lifting the top and removing the tissue paper she revealed a dark red Valentino gown. She gasped as she pulled it out of the box. It was an absolutely stunning off the shoulder gown. Next she opened the black shopping bag and pulled out a shoe box stamped Manolo Blahnik. She almost squealed with delight as she pulled the shoes out of the box. The 4 inch heels matched perfectly to the dress. Also inside the bag were 2 small boxes. She opened each to reveal a diamond necklace and matching earrings. Addison frowned and then smiled looking around at the things surrounding her. She had bought everything with the exception of the jewelry which were both gifts from Derek several years ago. Makeup was also in the bag. Only a few select people knew what brands and shades of makeup Addison used. The majority were in New York, but one person was here.

The last thing that Addison opened was the envelope itself. She pulled out a white, silver and red engraved invitation which read:

_Your presence is requested tonight at seven o'clock_ _in the gallery above surgical operating suite number four. Please come promptly and properly attired for this evening's festivities. No surgery will be performed._

* * *

_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_  
_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_  
_I somehow find  
_ _You and I collide_

_I'm quiet you know_  
_You make a first impression_  
_I've found I'm scared to know  
I'm always on your mind_

Derek laughed softly as he too read the same invitation again dressed in a very nice Armani tuxedo, knowing that a certain someone or someones were trying to play cupid.

He took the elevator down to the operating rooms and as he passed the charge desk, Derek stopped. Today was February 24. Today was his 12th anniversary. He checked his watch, 6:45pm, too late to buy a gift now. But that's when he felt it. Derek reached into his breast pocket and removed a long thin black box. He opened it to reveal a black pearl choker with silver accents. Addison would love it.

* * *

Addison was staring down into the operating room when Derek arrived. She turned when he came in and Derek felt his breath hitch. She looked absolutely breathtaking in the gown. Her hair had been swept up into an intricate bun and the smaller details made her look like a queen. 

"You look beautiful Addison," Derek said.

"Thank you," she said coming forward and kissing him. "I love that suit."

"Thanks. So who did all of this?" He asked looking around the room. The rows of chairs and the risers on which they had rested were now gone and in their place was a table in the corner overlooking the operating room. On the table were two plates covered with silver tops. In the center of the room pushed in toward the wall sat two overstuffed arm chairs. Behind them sat vases of roses, lilies, honey suckle, and babies breathe surrounding candles on a table.

"I have a theory."

"The same one perhaps?"

"Perhaps."

"Shall we eat?"

"Yes, I'm starved!"

After dinner, they both sat in the overstuffed chairs drinking the last of their champagne. They had avoided the subjects of Ava, Mark, and work during the meal choosing instead to reminisce over their past, hoping somehow that their remarkable past would propel them into the future.

Once their glasses were drained, Derek pulled out the box.

"Happy Anniversary Addie," he said handing it over.

Addison accepted it and then opened the box, letting out a small breath, "Derek it's stunning."

He smiled, "I'm glad you like it."

Addison stood up and walked over to kiss her husband. Derek allowed her to, but this time he stood up and held her in his arms. He deepened the kiss, his tongue plundering her mouth until she moaned. She pulled away slightly.

"What are you doing?" She rasped.

"Making love to my wife."

"Don't do it out of a sense of obligation Derek."

"I'm doing this because I want my wife Addison. I want you."

The couple renewed their kiss with an almost burning urgency as they sank to the floor coming together as one for the first time in a long time.

_

* * *

_

_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the stars refuse to shine_  
_Out of the back you fall in time  
__I somehow find_  
_You and I collide_

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
__Even the wrong words seem to ryhme_  
_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_  
_You finally find_  
You and I collide

* * *

Sometime later, Addison and Derek emerged from the surgical gallery, clothes slightly askew. But that didn't matter to them.

"Is that dress new?" Derek asked as they walked down the hall.

"No, actually I bought it a year or so ago for a charity event we were supposed to go to. But I got called into surgery and ended up putting it in the back of my closet."

"It suits you," he said with a smirk.

"Thanks," she said kissing his cheek.

"I'm going to check on Ava."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I have a few things to say."

"Ok. I'm going to say goodnight to Quinn and then go change. I'll meet you in the on call room?"

"Sounds good."

They went their separate ways, Derek to the ICU and Addison to Pediatrics. Just as Addison was crossing the bridge to Peds, a familiar voice stopped her.

"Addie."

* * *

The room was dark when Derek arrived in the ICU, but he suspected that Ava was still awake. He slid the glass door open quietly and stepped inside. 

"Ava?"

The only sounds that greeted him were the heart monitor and the IV controller. As Derek approached the bed, he could see that Ava was sound asleep, her head tilted toward the window. It was a full moon tonight and the light picked up on the blonde flecks in Ava's hair. He perched on the edge of the bed and looked at her. She looked so young in this moment. The little girl who had shown up on his doorstep was here now in sleep. He brushed her cheek and then kissed her forehead.

Ava stirred but she didn't wake. Derek placed his hand on hers and then squeezed it. He was about to rise when he caught something out of the corner of his eye. He looked at his hand, foundation dotted his fingers. Gingerly he lifted her arm and that's when he saw it. Peaking through the foundation on the underside of Ava's wrist were multiple cuts and they were fresh.

Derek didn't need to look at her other wrist to know what he already knew.

It was happening again.

He rose from his spot reluctantly and left the room heading off to find his wife. The surprises never stopped coming.

Derek headed across the hospital towards pediatrics and had just opened the door to the bridge when he saw them. He strode toward the two figures standing in the center of it.

"Kate," he said greeting his older sister. "What brings you to Seattle?"

_You finally find_  
_You and I collide  
__You finally find_  
_You and I collide_

* * *

Lyrics- "Collide"- Howie Day 

R/R Please!


	6. And It All Goes to Hell

Healing Process

* * *

Part VI: And it All Goes to Hell

_There's just one thing that I need to say  
Before I close my eyes and walk away  
There's just one thing that I need to feel  
Before I walk away against my will _

There's just one thing that I need to hear  
Before I walk away for the last time  
There's just one thing that I need to see  
Before I take this chance and set us free

* * *

"Kate, what brings you to Seattle?" Derek asked his older sister. 

"Mark called me Derek. He called to tell me that he watched my only child get cut open."

"Katie," he said quietly placing his hand on her shoulder. "She's fine, Ava's fine."

Katherine Shepherd was a woman of medium height with dark green eyes, medium length brown hair and a strong face that knew many things. She was very pretty once, but drugs and alcohol had worn away some of that beauty like the ocean weathers its rocks.

"Why didn't you call me Derek? Why did I have to hear that news from my brother in-law?"

"Why don't you go up to my office? I'll be up in a minute."

"Fine," she said as Derek handed her the keys to his office and gave her directions on how to get there. As soon as she was gone, Derek let out a sigh and leaned against the railing. He looked tired all of a sudden.

"Derek, what's the matter?" Addison asked leaning on the rail next to him.

"Ava's cutting herself again," he stated simply.

Addison closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose between her forefinger and thumb, "How long?"

"Recently, within the last week."

"Around the time Kate showed up."

"Addison…"

"I read Ava's blog entry Derek."

"You invaded her privacy?"

"It was already up on the screen, I was just shutting the computer off."

"She's not going to be happy with you."

Addison looked over at him, "Derek focus. Kate showed up unannounced at NYU and told Ava she married Daniel."

"When?"

"Tuesday."

"Damn it."

"That's why Ava is cutting herself."

Derek took a breath and then said, "Ok, I'm going to go deal with Kate. Ava's asleep. So why don't you go check on Quinn?"

"Fine. But after that I'm coming back to talk to Kate."

Derek shook his head, "No Addie. Let me deal with Kate. After you say goodnight to Quinn, go change and I'll meet you in the on-call room just like we planned."

"Derek, I want to be there! I have every right to be there."

"I'm not saying you don't. But you need to strategize. We have two sick kids, but Ava is in a particularly vulnerable position right now. She's going to hit the roof when she finds out Kate is here and the first person she is going to go to is you. Ava is still that little girl Addie. She is still that little girl in need of her mother."

Addison nodded, "I know." And the she paused before continuing, "I'll hold off on getting a physch consult until the morning. The important thing is to keep Ava calm which means that we have to be calm and keep Quinn calm."

"Right."

Addison kissed Derek on the cheek, "I had a good time tonight." She smiled. "Good luck."

"So did I." He touched her arm, "I love you."

"I love you too."

And with that they separated going to different parts of the hospital.

* * *

_Don't forget me  
Don't regret me  
Don't suspect me  
Don't neglect me _

The memory of this still reminds me of you  
The memory of this still reminds  
The memory of this still reminds me of you  
And that is where you'll find me

* * *

When Addison finally made it to pediatrics, she was sure that Quinn was already asleep. It was 10pm, but Quinn was up playing cards with Izzie. 

"Hey peanut, what are you still doing up?" Addison asked from the doorway.

Quinn turned to look at her mother and her eyes lit up, "Mommy, you really do look like a princess!"

Izzie and Addison laughed, "Why thank you," she said crossing over to Quinn and kissing the top of her head.

"You do look really beautiful Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd," Izzie said as Addison perched on the bed opposite of Izzie.

"Thanks Izzie," she said.

"It really did work!" Quinn said grinning.

"What worked?"

"Our plan."

"You and Ava planned this for daddy and I?"

Quinn nodded, "Yep. Ava got all of the stuff from New York, but I helped by telling her about everything here. Did you and daddy like it?"

"We loved it baby," she said pulling Quinn into a hug.

"Guess what Mommy?"

"What?"

"Dr. Burke said I can go home tomorrow if everything's ok."

"That's great sweetheart."

Quinn nodded, "Ava thought so too."

Addison raised an eyebrow, "You went to see Ava?"

"I was worried about her. She didn't come to see me so I thought she was at rehearsal again."

"Has Ava been in rehearsal a lot since we've been here?"

"Yes and until really late too, even on school nights."

"Has she slept you think?"

"Nope."

"She'll be ok, Quinn I promise.

* * *

As Derek walked away back towards his office, he could feel the toll of the last few days bearing down upon him. Kate was back and Derek was glad to see that she looked well and that she was happy. But once again her visit would prove to be extremely disruptive for everyone. 

Kate had always had this habit of coming back into Ava's life at the times when she was just beginning to get comfortable and put bad experiences behind her.

_Stars in your eyes  
Did you take the time to realize _

Can you count the stars in your eyes?  
Did you take the time to realize?

When Derek entered the office, Kate was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the desk. She looked as worried as he felt.

"Katie?" He said as he closed the door behind him and walked toward her.

"Derek," she said standing up to hug him. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," he said hugging her tightly. "How are you?"

"I should be asking you that. I heard about Quinn," she said as they sat down across from each other. "How is she doing?"

"She's doing better. She's being released tomorrow in fact, but Quinn will still require treatment. Fortunately, her doctor is one of the best in the country."

"Well so are you little brother."

Derek smiled at this, "Maybe I am. How are Daniel and the kids?"

"Good, they're all doing great."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes Derek, I am happy, more so than I have been in a long time."

"How about you?"

"I'm working on it Katie."

"Derek?" She said looking up at him, "I didn't come here to cause trouble between you and Addison or Ava. When Mark called, I had to come. I couldn't not come."

"I know."

"She's still my child and I was hoping that maybe we could start a new chapter in our lives."

"I heard you went to NYU to see Ava."

"I did. I got to see her dance Derek. She's amazing."

"She certainly is."

"Ava's grown up so much since I saw her last. She's not a little girl anymore."

"No."

"I want to try again. I need to try again, to make up for all of those lost years."

"I understand how you feel. But Ava might not want to Kate. She was happy when you saw her in New York, doing what she loved."

"Was she really Derek?"

* * *

_There's just one thing that I need to say  
Before I walk away  
There's just one thing that I need to feel  
Before I walk away against my will _

Don't forget me  
Don't regret me  
The memory of this still reminds me of you  
Don't suspect me  
The memory of this still reminds me  
Don't neglect me  
The memory of this still reminds me of you

"How did it go?" Addison asked as Derek came into the on-call room.

"Kate still wants to see Ava, but I convinced her to come back tomorrow around 11," Derek said sitting on the bottom bunk next to his wife.

"Good, so we have time to warn her."

"Yeah. You know what you said to me the other night about something not being right with Ava?"

"Yes."

"Kate noticed it too. She said Ava didn't look happy at rehearsal."

"How would she know Derek?" Addison asked. There was an edge to her voice.

"Excuse me?"

"How would Kate know how Ava feels? If she did know how she felt, she would stay the hell away from her!" Addison practically spat the final words.

"Addie, take it easy," Derek said touching her arm.

"I'm sorry Derek," she said more softly. "But Kate is only going to make things worse and you know that. She comes in and tries to say that she has a right to be here because she's Ava's mother but she isn't, not really. I am Ava's mother Derek, me." Addison took a shaky breath and Derek held her as she began to cry.

"Hey," he whispered pressing kisses into her hair. "It's ok. Don't cry. I hate to see you cry."

"She's hurting Derek. Ava is hurting so bad and there is nothing we can do, no surgery that can be performed to make that go away," she said through her tears. "For so long, I thought it was Quinn that would take us being away so hard." She paused. "But I was wrong. Ava made everything seem so great for Quinn because that's who she is. And instead, Ava took it all on herself. She put everyone and everything else first. And now we could lose her. She's not the same Ava I left behind Derek, she's changed and it's not all for the better."

"We'll get her through this Addie, I swear to you we will. She's helped us and now we need to help her. And the first step is to warn her about Kate being here."

"Ok," Addison said sitting up again and wiping her tears. "I talked to Richard and Adele. Adele found an apartment downtown for us with plenty of space. She has people in there right now trying to make it a home. If you'll go with Quinn tomorrow, I'll stay with Ava."

"Addie, you need sleep you know."

"And I'll get plenty while I'm here. I talked to Izzie as well. I asked her to stay with Quinn."

"And Richard is allowing it?"

Addison nodded, "He's allowing it. Quinn needs to be cared for by someone who knows what they're doing. And Quinn loves Izzie. Doc will be able to stay there too. So we should be ok."

"What about the trailer?"

"It'll still be there, we can talk about that later."

"Ok, I trust you," he said kissing her softly. "Now, how about we get some sleep?"

"Actually, I requested to have a cot put in Ava's room, I don't want to leave her alone. You could come with me if you want. I ordered two just in case."

"In that tiny room? They wouldn't fit."

"If we put them together, they would."

"You're really worried about Ava aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am Derek."

"Ok," he stood up and held out his hand. "Lead the way."

_The memory of this still reminds me  
Stars in your eyes  
Did you take the time to realize?_

* * *

Lyrics- "Don't Forget Me"- Way Out West 

Well? Kate's back….so what do you think? R/R!


	7. The Gloves Come Off

Healing Process

* * *

Part VII: The Gloves Come Off 

Ava Shepherd opened her eyes as the bright sunshine of the morning poured through her window. She felt drained, that was the only way she could describe it. Two days post-op and Ava felt like someone had run her over with a Mack truck. But still, she should have been doing something. At this time of morning in New York, Ava would have been up for hours already doing her morning workout, finishing the last of any homework she hadn't completed the night before and at this very moment she would be in her world history and modern society class. This, lying in bed, was not productive.

Ava looked around the room to see if her laptop was anywhere. She had five million things that she had to do for school. Taking a leave of absence for her only meant that she would not be in class physically, but her work still had to be there.

"Don't even think about it," said a voice from the doorway.

Ava looked up to find Addison standing there, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I already called your professors Ava and they've all agreed to give you extensions until you're feeling better," Addison said as she sat on the bed running her fingers through Ava's hair.

"But I can't just lay here all day. I have to do something."

"What you need to do butterfly is rest. You had a rough night last night."

"I did?"

"Yes, you did. Daddy and I had to intubate you last night because your oxygen saturation was dangerously low. I only took the tube out an hour ago."

"Where's daddy?"

"Taking Quinn home," said Addison kissing her forehead.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Ava asked a frown crossing her face.

"I'm worried about you that's all."

"Don't be, I'll be fine after my stomach is fixed and I can have food again."

"Ava, I don't think you know how sick you really are." She paused. "For most people, an ulcer isn't that big of a deal because they are fairly healthy individuals. But for you it is very serious because you are not healthy and I suspect you haven't been for awhile."

"Mom---"

"Ava, I'm not mad at you, no one is mad at you. But I am concerned about you and so are a lot of other people."

"Like who?"

"Well for starters---"

"Ava?" said Kate coming into the room.

Ava stiffened at the sound of Kate's voice, "Mother what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you of course."

"I'll leave you two alone," Addison said getting off the bed and then turning to Ava, "I'll be back in a little bit ok?"

Ava nodded, "Ok."

And with that Addison left the room. As soon as she was far enough away she let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding. Addison had never liked Kate that much, even before Ava became an issue. But since Ava moved from being her niece to her daughter, Addison's dislike for Kate had grown over the years. And right now, at this very moment Addison hated Kate with a vengeance.

Derek had never been able to stand up to Kate the way Ava needed him to. It wasn't that Derek was afraid of Kate. Rather, Kate had always been somewhat of a sensitive issue in the Shepherd family. Samantha and James Shepherd had tried everything to get Kate help with her addictions and the entire family had been very supportive. Addison herself had witnessed that kindness and support.

But it all came down to one thing; Kate was a great actress. She had fooled the entire family into believing that she was fine and that the treatment programs were working when they really weren't. And then the family would find out the truth and the cycle would begin all over again. That was how Kate managed to keep Ava as long as she did. But when Ava came to Derek and Addison all of that stopped, Kate continued her old ways. But Ava's physical abuse and emotional state were enough to keep her in Addison and Derek's care.

However, despite being adopted legally, Ava still had a wound that her mother had given her long ago. And it was a wound that would never truly heal no matter how much therapy or love she had. And now that wound was ripped open and bleeding badly.

When Derek and Addison first learned that Ava was cutting herself, they were understandably frightened and Ava had been put on medication because doctors believed that she was depressed. But Ava's self mutilation was not traditional or frequent. So after being encouraged to open up in a special family session Ava revealed that the cuts she inflicted on herself were expressions of how she felt. They represented her pain and that wound deep inside of her that was ripped open every time her mother showed up.

It was not the best way to cope according to Ava's therapist. But Ava herself didn't care.

Addison was now standing in the waiting room at the other end of the hall. She glanced up at the clock which told her thirty minutes had gone by since she had left Ava and Kate alone. This had to be a sign that they were at least having a civilized conversation.

Still Addison thought it better to start heading back to the room to make sure everything was going ok. She started to head back when someone called to her.

"Addie!"

Addison turned to see Derek coming toward her.

"Hey," she said as he came up to her, kissing her briefly on the lips.

"Hey."

"How's Quinn?"

"Fine, she's fine. Having Izzie there takes her mind off of Ava. She's really worried about her."

"You didn't tell her about last night did you?"

"No, of course not. But I think Quinn knows more than we're giving her credit for."

"How do you mean?"

"She's been keeping a closer eye on Ava since we left New York."

"That's what I thought."

"She confirmed that Ava had barely slept in her bed the last couple of weeks and that she hasn't seen Ava eat a lot."

Addison nodded, "Anything else?"

"According to Quinn, Ava and her prince have been going out since the beginning of the school year."

"Ava could have been with him on the nights she wasn't in her bed."

"Addie please, don't say that. It's bad enough that our seven year-old saw him with his hand up her shirt."

"Derek, Ava is not a little girl; she is a very smart young woman."

"I realize that, but I'd rather not discuss her sex life thank you. She shouldn't even have one yet."

"Would you rather she be a 30 year-old virgin?"

"Truthfully?"

"Truthfully."

"Yes."

Addison laughed, "I love you."

Derek grumbled in reply. They approached Ava's room and found that Ava was out of bed. Kate was sitting in a chair watching Ava dig through her purse.

"You shouldn't be out of bed sweetheart," Kate said observing her cautiously.

"It's not like I'm overexerting myself and besides I need to stretch my legs literally," Ava replied not really looking at her.

"I saw you dance the other night when I went to NYU," Kate said changing the subject.

Ava turned to face her, "You did?"

"Yes, you're very talented butterfly."

Ava stiffened and her face registered disbelief and confusion, "What did you call me?"

"Butterfly. That's what you like to be called isn't it?"

"My parents call me that."

"That's what I thought. It suits you, you really do---"

Ava cut her off, "You have no right to call me that."

"I'm your mother. So technically I do qualify."

"You are not my mother," Ava said quietly.

"I gave you life Ava Gabrielle. I am your mother."

"Biologically speaking maybe, but I already have a mother in the ways that matter most."

"Ava---"

"Where were you when I had horrible nightmares at night? Where were you when I had the chicken pox? Where were you when I got accepted to NYBA? Where were you when I danced for the first time in public? Where were you when I graduated from 8th grade? Or when I got accepted to high school? Where were you when I made the cheerleading squad? Where were you when I got my first pair of toe shoes? Or got my ears pierced? Or when my first real boyfriend dumped me? Where were you when I fell and hit my head cheering at a basketball game? Where were you when I was applying to colleges and studying to take my Baccalaureate exams? Where were you when I went to prom? Where were you when I had to go visit all the schools I was accepted to? Where were you?"

"Ava, please don't do this," Kate said softly.

"No, I want to know," Ava said in a matter of-fact tone.

"I wasn't there then Ava and I apologize for that. But I want to start over," she said touching Ava's arm, but the younger woman recoiled at her touch.

"Don't," Ava said her throat tight as she braced herself against the bed.

"I think that's enough Katie," Derek said approaching his sister. Addison was behind him, watching Kate with hidden distain.

"No Derek, I have a right to be here."

"No you don't Kate," Addison said coldly. "Now please leave."

"Addison," Derek said turning to her, his eyes pleading with her not to start anything.

"Kate doesn't belong here Derek and you know it."

"She is my child Addison, not yours no matter how many little fantasies you fill her head with!" Kate spat.

"Ava doesn't want you here."

"Both of you need to calm down," Derek said.

None of the three seemed to notice Ava anymore. They were all too focused on each other. But then a dull thud caused them all to turn around. Ava had fainted.

* * *

When Ava opened her eyes again, there were people everywhere and she felt like someone had hit her in the chest hard. Derek was looming above her, his stethoscope on her chest listening to her heart. 

"Dad?" Ava said weakly.

"You're ok, sweetheart. You just passed out," he said pocketing his stethoscope. "Let's get you back into bed," he said before lifting her effortlessly and putting her into the bed. She was so light in his arms and he found that vaguely disturbing.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Don't be. You're sick, this isn't your fault."

Meanwhile, Addison and Kate stood in a corner off to the side just outside of Ava's room.

"Is she going to be alright?" Kate asked looking shaken.

"She'll be fine," Addison replied tiredly. She felt a migraine coming on.

"I'm going to call Daniel and tell him I'm going to be here longer than I expected. I'm going to stay until Ava is well."

Addison looked up at her, "No you're not."

"You are in no position to tell me what to do Addison."

"I no longer care what you think you know Kate. You are in my territory now. I am done letting you do whatever you damn well please! Ava left New York to get away from you. If you love her so much you will leave this hospital and this city as fast as you possibly can because you are hurting Ava. You hurt her every time you come back. She has been in and out of therapy ever since she came into our lives. And my mistake was not listening to Ava when she told me that she didn't want to see you again. I told her I didn't want her to have any regrets. But at this moment, I am the one who has the regrets. I should have cut you out long ago. But because you were Derek's sister I didn't. All of that is done."

"You have no right to talk to me like that! Especially after what you did to Derek!"

Addison's eyes narrowed, "Careful Kate. Don't talk about things you know nothing about."

"You broke his heart!"

"Maybe I did, but the key to a good marriage is being able to work things out. You'll learn that in time."

"How can you honestly say that when you ripped your own family apart?"

"I saved my family Kate. There's a difference."

"Is there? You abandoned your own child and left mine to deal with everything on her own."

"Do you really want to go there Kate?"

"It's true Addison."

"You don't know the first thing about my relationship with Derek or why I came here. Ava convinced me to stay here and work things out. Ava is the reason for my being here. She is the one who helped bring Derek and I back together. And she didn't do it just for us or for herself. Ava has done everything for her sister in hopes that Quinn will never have to experience the hell you put her through."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Until Ava came into my life, I didn't think I wanted kids. But that all changed the day she called me "mommy." From that day on, I vowed to do everything I could to protect her. She may not share my DNA, but Ava is my daughter in every way that counts."

"She is my child!"

"You can say that as many times as you want Kate but you can't prove it. Ava asked you to do so just now and you couldn't do it. You have violated her in every way possible and still you are too blind to see it. You mentioned her dancing as if it were some casual thing that could be said in passing."

"I saw her dance Addison. I thought she was good and I told her so."

"Ava eats, sleeps, and breathes ballet like Derek and I do medicine. Ballet is her life. She managed to create a world for herself that is all her own and you violated her by stepping into it uninvited."

"I didn't violate her Addison. You make it sound like I did something awful by going to see my child."

"You violated her private world and on top of that you called her butterfly."

"It's a nickname."

"Not to her."

"Well what is it then?"

"When Ava danced for the first time she became a completely different child. She became free of everything and everyone around her. It was just her and the music. There was nothing stopping her. She became like a butterfly taking flight with nothing but the open sky in front of her."

"How poetic of you," Kate replied sarcastically.

"Go back to New York Kate. You're no longer wanted here," Addison said growing tired of the conversation.

"I'm not leaving."

"You have no place here. You can say you're Ava's mother until you turn blue for all I care. But when you were off wherever you decided to go, I was here. I was the one who sat up with Ava when she had nightmares. I took care of her when she had chicken pox. I was there when Ava danced for the first time. I was there for all of those moments in her life both good and bad. And I will continue to be there for many more because I am her mother Kate, me. Ava recognizes it and so does the law. I only tolerated your visits for Ava and for my husband. But as of this moment I am done. Now leave this hospital before I have you thrown out!"

And with that Addison turned on her heel and walked back into Ava's room. Kate stood there in stunned silence for a few moments. But then slowly, she turned and walked the opposite way.

* * *

Kate is gone, but the drama is just beginning! 

R/R please!


	8. Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing

Healing Process

* * *

Part VIII: Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing 

_Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame _

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me, I am small and needy  
Warm me up and breathe me

Meredith entered Ava's room just after one that afternoon to do a quick post-op follow-up exam. The hospital was already buzzing about Derek's sister Kate's visit earlier today. Gossip always traveled faster than news at Seattle Grace. Meredith had seen Kate only briefly an hour before and had witnessed what happened when someone got between she-Shepherd and her children. It wasn't pretty.

But the fighting didn't stop there. Meredith had detected tension between the Doctors Shepherd in the cafeteria before she got called away, it was definitely palpable. After she finished her exam, Meredith looked down at Ava sleeping peacefully and sighed. The poor kid looked so pale and so young. She felt sorry for her.

Meredith reached down and grabbed Ava's chart and began to jot some notes down. She closed the chart and took one last look at Ava. As she did so, something caught her eye and she bent down to pick up the object. Looking closer Meredith realized that it was a mini Louis Vuitton wallet. She opened it and saw two Avas staring up at her. One was a New York University student ID and the other a New York State driver's license. Meredith closed it and was about to get up when she noticed something under the bed; it was a small bottle. She grabbed it and then straightened up, it was a pill bottle. Meredith looked at the label and then picked up the chart opening it again. She scanned the medicine list and the medical history, but nothing was mentioned. Checking quickly to make sure Ava was still asleep; Meredith dropped the mini wallet back into Ava's purse and left the room with the bottle in hand.

"Dr. Bailey?" Meredith said approaching the nurse's station where Bailey was standing looking at a chart.

"What is it Grey?" Bailey asked not looking up.

"It's Ava Shepherd. I think she's taking caffeine pills."

Bailey frowned and looked up at Meredith, "Are you sure?"

Meredith showed Bailey the bottle, "About half of it is gone. I found it under the bed. I guess it rolled under there when she dropped her wallet."

"And it's not documented at all?"

"No, but she hadn't slept for a few days before she was admitted."

"Go talk to her then."

"She's asleep."

"Then come back later."

"Ok," she started to walk away.

"And Grey?"

"Yes?"

"Don't say anything to the Shepherds yet."

"I won't."

Inside the room, Ava laid in her bed staring at the ceiling. Tears brimmed at the corner of her eyes. It was all falling apart now, that façade she had worked so hard to protect. And so was her family. Ava knew the minute her mom looked at her dad that it had finally happened. She had finally let Kate have it and for that Ava was relieved. But now Addison and Derek were fighting again and it was all her fault. It was time for Ava to make her exit for the sake of them and Quinn too.

_Ouch, I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found  
Yeah, I think I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

* * *

"Why couldn't you leave well enough alone Addie?" Derek asked as they drove toward their new penthouse. 

"I was protecting Ava."

"What do you think I was doing? I was trying to maintain the peace in my family Addison."

"Our daughter is hurting and instead of taking her feelings into consideration you are thinking about how people who live 3,000 miles away are feeling?"

"You know what my family is like!"

"Yes I do. But if telling the truth helps Ava heal just a little bit emotionally, I would much rather have that than good relations with your family."

"How can you say that?" Derek asked both hurt and angry as the car came to a stop in the parking garage and they got out of the car.

"Because Derek," Addison said coming over next to him and looking at him, "Ava gave me her trust. She gave both of us her trust. She chose to place herself in our hands and trust that we would always protect her and that the decisions we made on her behalf were the right ones. But we have not protected her like we should have. Both of us have let Kate do as she pleased for far too long. Ava is our daughter forever; Kate can never take that away. She had the chance to take Ava back, but someone or something always forced her not to."

"Yes Addison she does trust us. That's why we agreed to keep Kate in Ava's life. I don't want to be the one to cut Kate out of our daughter's life permanently," Derek said as they got into the elevator.

"No, you just leave me to do that."

* * *

"Daddy?" Quinn asked. 

"Yes Quinnabear?"

"Are you mad at mommy?"

Derek looked down at his daughter who was sitting nestled in his lap under a blanket watching the Powerpuff Girls, "No baby of course not. Why do you ask?"

"Because you aren't talking to each other."

"Mommy's just taking some quiet time that's all."

Quinn didn't buy it, "Are you fighting about us?"

"We're not fighting Quinn."

"Yes you are!" Quinn almost shouted.

"I think you need some quiet time too," Derek said before switching off the TV.

"No I don't."

"Quinn please don't do this."

"Then stop lying to me!" Quinn protested.

"No one is lying about anything."

"You are!"

"That's it," he said picking the little girl up and going toward her room. "Your room, 7 minutes. Maybe after that you'll remember your manners." He set her down on her bed and Quinn crossed her arms.

"I hate you," Quinn said quietly.

Derek wanted to respond, but chose not to and closed the door behind him before going into his bedroom. Addison was lying on her side with her eyes closed napping comfortably in a bed bigger than the one in the trailer. Derek sat on his side of the bed and then crawled over to her side of the bed. Gently he moved her hair aside and kissed her neck.

"Quinn giving you trouble?" Addison asked not moving.

"She's tired that's all," Derek replied continuing to kiss her neck.

"Quinn knows that something's going on."

"But she can't prove it," he said blowing on her ear lightly until he was rewarded with a soft moan.

"Derek, I'm not in the mood," she said as he bared a small portion of her shoulder and kissed it.

"I find that hard to believe," Derek replied with a grin as he turned Addison on her back and lifted up her shirt to kiss her stomach.

"Derek stop!"

"Do you really want me to stop?" He asked kissing her navel, feeling her shiver in anticipation.

"No," Addison whispered and then she pulled him to her and their lips met in a sweet and passion-filled kiss.

Forty minutes later, Derek and Addison pulled apart sated.

"I'm glad you didn't stop," Addison said recovering her breath.

"Me too."

Addison began to rise, "I should go check on Ava."

"Don't go," he said.

"Derek---," she started, but the ringing of Derek's cell phone interrupted her. Reluctantly, he picked up the device and flipped it open.

"Hello?" he said pressing the phone to his ear.

"Derek?" Meredith's voice said from the other end of the line.

"Yeah?"

"Ava is missing."

* * *

At the Four Seasons only three blocks from Derek and Addison's new flat, Ava zipped up her last bag. Dressed in sweatpants and a black velvet hoodie and flip flops, she scanned the room one last time looking for any other items she had forgotten to pack. 

Getting out of the hospital had been easier than Ava had expected. Being in the ICU unit, she had thought that there were going to be more people around. But at that time in the afternoon it was relatively quietly. It had been almost three hours since she had left. Ava had her driver drive around Seattle for awhile after she left Seattle Grace so that she could think about her next move. She had arrived back at the hotel an hour before to begin packing and make the arrangements to return home. The concierge had just dropped off a first class plane ticket from Seattle-Tacoma Intl'Airport to JFK departing that same night at 8pm. No one, not even her parents could stop her. She had turned off her phone and had never gotten to tell them where she was staying. She set the ticket next to her purse on the nightstand.

Hole in her stomach or not, Ava Shepherd was determined to get the hell out of Seattle before her parents fighting got any worse. Once in New York, she would deal with her stomach and call her parents once she was back in Manhattan. She refused to be the reason for her parents divorce. With Ava gone, Quinn would be able to have her parents and just by being there, would stop any fighting between them for the moment. And then they could be a normal family again without Ava.

And Ava would return to New York, get her stomach fixed, and then resume her life before she had ever made the decision to come to Seattle. But she still felt so tired. Ava glanced at the clock which read 4:15pm and then at the bed which looked so inviting. She laid down on it after a moment's consideration, knowing she had at least an hour or so before she had to leave for the airport.

Sleep came swiftly and soon Ava drifted off into a dreamless sleep, the world around her fading to black.

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me, I am small and needy  
Warm me up and breathe me _

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me, I am small and needy  
Warm me up and breathe me

* * *

Lyrics- "Breathe Me" Sia. 

And so it ends….please review people. The more you review the faster the chapters come!


	9. How to Save a Life

Healing Process

* * *

Part IX: How to Save a Life 

_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came _

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

"How could you have lost Ava?" Izzie Stevens asked Meredith Grey as they sat on a gurney in the tunnel.

"I don't know! She was asleep the last time I saw her and when I came back an hour later she was gone."

"And she just walked out? No one even noticed?"

"Nope."

"But why? Why would she just walk out like that without warning? And how did she even manage to get out of bed let alone leave the hospital?"

"I don't know, but I have a feeling it might have had something to do with what Addison said to Kate."

"Kate? Who's Kate?"

"Ava's biological mom."

"She was here?"

"Yep and she wasn't welcome. Addison let her have it this morning after Ava collapsed."

"Ava collapsed? That's not good."

"No," Meredith said as her hand brushed the pocket of her lab coat. Her eyes widened and she pulled out the pill bottle.

"What's that?"

"I found it under Ava's bed, caffeine pills." She paused. "I think Ava might have heard me talking to Bailey. That's why she ran, because she's scared."

"Sick and scared is not a good combination."

"We need to find her."

"But how? We don't even know where to start. She didn't even tell anyone which hotel she was staying at."

"She had to have told someone."

They both thought for a moment and then looked at each other and said at the same time, "Quinn!"

20 minutes later, Izzie and Meredith pulled into the front entrance of the Four Seasons in downtown Seattle and went inside. After stopping at the front desk, the two interns took the elevator upstairs and got off on the 9th floor. They stopped when the reached room 9173 at the end of the hall and knocked. The minutes ticked by, but there was no answer.

They were about to give up when a maid passed by.

"Excuse me?" Izzie said politely. "I forgot my key and my sister is inside sleeping. Could you let me in?"

"Of course miss," said the maid and slid her master key into the lock. It clicked and Izzie turned the handle.

"Thank you."

Izzie and Meredith went inside and the door closed behind them. They moved into the expensive suite slowly preparing themselves for what they were about to find.

Ava was still on the bed when Meredith found her. She was turned on her side facing away from them and the intern went to her. Ava was deathly pale and little beads of sweat had formed on her forehead.

Meredith felt her forehead, "She's burning up."

Izzie joined Meredith at the side, "I'll check her incision for infection," she said carefully lifting up Ava's sweatshirt and t-shirt and peaking under the dressing. "No infection."

"Med withdrawal probably, she was on a couple of different pain meds, antibiotics, and a sedative. I just hope she hasn't seized."

"Ava?" Izzie said loudly. "Ava?" But she didn't respond. "I'll call 911."

* * *

_Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you _

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Addison paced the floor in her office for the tenth time as she waited for Izzie and Meredith to call. She had wanted to go herself but they had convinced her not to because her presence could only heighten the situation. Derek watched her quietly. Quinn was upstairs with Richard playing go fish.

"I think a psychiatric consult would be prudent now," Derek said.

Addison sighed tired, "Maybe. But what good would that do? They're only going to pump her full of even more drugs and she doesn't need that."

"But what else can we do Addison? She's spiraling out of control."

"I don't know. Ever since she came here, I've gotten the feeling that Ava feels the need to hide things from us."

"But what could be so bad?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. I don't know what she's not saying but whatever it is, she's scared."

"But Ava used to come to us about everything."

"Used to being the keyword. Then we got busy Derek, very busy and careless. Who knows what happened while we were gone. The only thing I do know is that Quinn is absolutely fine and Ava is a complete mess." She let out a frustrated sigh, "Why haven't they called?"

"They will." He paused. "Of all the stupid things that Ava has done, this has to be the worst. She is in absolutely no shape to be anywhere except in bed."

"This all comes back to one thing Derek."

"Don't start this again."

"It all has to do with Kate."

"You can't blame this all on her."

"When our daughter is begging us not to put her on psych meds for the umpteenth time I will. Ava has tried so hard to move on with her life and every time Kate comes back it all falls apart."

"We can't protect Ava forever Addie. She has to grow up eventually."

"She already has Derek, you just missed it." Before Derek could issue a retort, the phone rang and Addison picked it up, "Addison Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" said the voice on the other end. "It's Izzie."

"Did you find her?"

"We found her."

"How is she?"

"Ok."

"Define "ok" Stevens."

"Ava seized in the ambulance. We thought it was due to sudden withdrawal of the medications."

"And now?"

"She's sedated but conscious in the ICU. But Dr. Shepherd, there's something else you should know. Next to her purse, Meredith and I found a plane ticket to New York for tonight."

Addison let out a heavy sigh, "Thanks."

"Do you want me to take Quinn?"

"If you want to, but I would understand if you wanted to go home and get some rest."

"No, I'll take her. You need to be with Ava."

"She's upstairs with Richard." Addison paused. "Thank you so much Izzie."

"Anytime Dr. Shepherd."

Addison hung up and looked at Derek, "Ava's back in the ICU sedated but conscious."

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go," he said going toward the door.

She grabbed his arm, "No let's wait."

He frowned, "Wait? But I thought you wanted to see Ava."

"I do, but we need to be calm when we see her."

"I'm calm."

"You look like you want to yell."

"I do, but I won't"

"You will and then we won't get anywhere."

"Like you don't want to yell?"

"Of course I do. But that isn't going to make Ava listen."

"Then what will? We can't let her get away with this."

"She won't."

* * *

_As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

Ava Shepherd lay in her hospital bed staring at the ceiling. Everything was screwed up, the lines and boundaries she had always followed had ceased to exist. She had ceased to exist. The pretty dancer who always commanded every audience before her with all the grace and talent of her older peers was no longer present. In her place was a very sick and lost girl that Ava had never known before. This girl was angry, sad, and irrational. She did stupid things and put herself in dangerous situations. She didn't care about anyone or anything, not even herself.

"Ava?" said a voice from the doorway.

Ava turned to see Meredith standing there, "Hi Dr. Grey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Ok I guess."

Meredith came toward the bed, "I wanted to talk to you about something." Ava waited for her to continue, "I found this under your bed earlier," she said holding up the pill bottle. "Why are you taking caffeine pills?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure?"

"They're just pills, they can't hurt me."

"Half the bottle is gone."

"So?"

"So…I'm guessing that your parents have no idea."

"Maybe."

"Ava I have to know why as your doctor. I won't tell your parents."

"I stopped taking them after I got here."

"I still need to know."

"To keep me awake, I didn't always have time to get coffee."

"Why?"

"I take a full course load. From 9 to 4 everyday except Friday I go to class. And then after class I have rehearsal or dance classes and then four or five hours of homework. And then I also have to take care of Quinn."

"It was just you and Quinn in New York?"

"Oh no, my Aunt Carrie was there. But Quinn wanted to be with me most of the time. I couldn't refuse her, not after this."

"You sound like you're a pretty good sister."

"No, I'm not. I should have come sooner to at least get my parents in a place where they could have Quinn and not kill each other."

"Ava, you can't control what your parents do. You aren't responsible for their marriage."

"If it wasn't for me, they may have not gotten married."

* * *

"Hi dad," Ava said as Derek Shepherd entered the room a little while later followed by Addison. "Hi mom." 

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked as they took seats beside the bed.

"Better," Ava said quietly avoiding his gaze.

"We were worried about you."

"I'm sorry to have worried you. But I think it's time that I go back to New York."

"You're in no shape to go anywhere Ava," Addison said quietly.

"After surgery then."

"Why are you in such a hurry to leave Ava?"

"I have responsibilities mom. My life is in New York, I can't just pick up and leave like you," There was a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Ava," said Derek in a warning tone. "You're already on thin ice. Don't push it."

"Don't push it? I haven't even begun. So don't even go there with me because once I start I won't stop."

"That is enough Ava!" Derek said so sharply and suddenly that Ava jumped. "You could have died! Don't you see that? You had your mother and I worried sick."

Ava remained silent and Addison touched her hand, "We want to know what's wrong Ava. I know you, I know that something isn't right. But your father and I can't fix it unless you tell us."

"You're the problem!" Ava exploded. You're the problem ok?"

"Ava---"

"It's true mom! I'm sorry, but it is. Now just please go," Ava said turning away.

"Ava," said Derek more forcefully. "We're not finished here."

"Yes we are," Ava fired back her words slightly slurred.

Derek and Addison frowned and Ava turned to look at them, "Will you---" She started and then suddenly without warning her arms and legs began to convulse violently as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

_Where did I go wrong (where did I go wrong), I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up (I would of stayed up) with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

* * *

Lyrics- "How to Save a Life,"- The Fray 

Well? R/R please!


	10. World on Fire

Healing Process

A/N: Thank you all so much for your positive feedback. I know you all are wondering exactly what is going on with Ava and Addison and why Ava hasn't said anything about Mark. I will get to that. But for now I hope this chapter will satisfy you. Thanks again! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter X: World on Fire 

_Hearts are worn in these dark ages  
Youre not alone in these stories pages  
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying  
And Ill try to hold it in  
Yeah_ _Ill_ _try to hold it in_

Before she had opened her eyes, Ava knew that she had gone too far. She had let herself get angry; too angry and she had said things that she couldn't take back. And then when she opened her eyes the look on her parent's faces told her everything. They looked extremely worried and hurt all at once.

"Ava?" said Derek coming over to her. "Talk to me."

"I'm fine dad," she said.

"Do you have a headache or dizziness?"

"No," she replied as he shined a penlight in her eyes.

"Good."

Ava swallowed hard before she spoke next. She really didn't want to do this, but she had to; it was time.

"I know that what I did was really stupid and I'm sorry that I worried everyone. But I never intended for this to happen. I came here for Quinn because I know that she missed both of you and I wanted her to be happy."

"I'm going to get coffee," Addison said tiredly before getting up to leave.

"Mom wait!"

"No Ava you've said enough. You should rest," Addison said and then left the room.

Ava looked as if she was about to cry but she refrained from doing so. "Go ahead and yell daddy I deserve it," she said sounding defeated.

"Yes you do deserve it," Derek said looking back to her after watching his wife leave. "But I won't," he said perching on the bed. "Ever since you arrived, I've been interrogating you and I'm sorry for that. What you did for your mother and I last night was amazing and I never thanked you for that. So thank you."

"You're welcome."

"It occurred to me that you and I haven't really talked in a long time."

"No, we haven't," she said softly.

"So, will you tell me what's going on?"

Ava hesitated and then opened her mouth to speak before closing it again, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"That's a question better answered by my therapist."

"I'd rather hear your answer."

"I don't have one."

"I think you do." He paused. "There are many people who believe that illness of the body is connected with what is going on in the mind."

"So what are you saying exactly? That I've convinced myself that I'm sick?"

"No, I'm just suggesting that maybe the reason that you are so sick has to do with the fact that you're holding onto something emotionally." He took her hand and showed her the scars on her wrist. "As much as these scare me, they are expressions of how you feel. You need to express yourself Ava. I might not always understand or agree with the way you choose to do that. But what I do know is that whatever is going on inside of you, whatever you're feeling needs to come out."

"Maybe."

"You can't begin to really get better until you let whatever it is go."

"I can't."

"Well, when you're ready, we'll be here," he said getting up and kissing her on the forehead. "Now go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

"No dad, you should go. Both you and mom should go be with Quinn."

"Ava---"

"Dad, I won't go anywhere. I promise."

"Ok then. I'll be back in the morning. Sweet dreams butterfly."

"Good night."

* * *

_I watch the heavens but I find no calling  
Something I can do to change whats coming  
Stay close to me while the skys falling  
I dont wanna be left alone dont wanna be alone_

Addison entered her daughter's room in their new flat an hour later. The hour was late and Quinn was already asleep. She was lying on her side, her face resting on her favorite stuffed monkey, Jojo. Quinn never went anywhere without him since he came to her from Florida when she was three. Ava had gone to the UCA National Championship at age fifteen and brought the toy back for her little sister.

The light beside Quinn's bed was still on illuminating her small face. She looked so angelic in sleep. She had no cares, no worries in the world. Addison crossed to the bed and brushed the stray strands of auburn hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. Quinn stirred and opened her eyes.

"Mommy?" Quinn said her voice thick with sleep.

"Hi baby, I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's ok," she said sitting up with Jojo in her arms.

"I heard that you weren't very good for daddy today."

Quinn put her head down, "No. But he was lying about fighting with you."

Addison frowned, "Fighting about what sweetheart?"

"Me and Ava," Quinn said looking up. "I don't like it when you fight, it makes me scared and it makes Ava sad. That's why Ava wants to go back to New York, so that you won't fight anymore."

"How do you know that?"

"I heard Dr. Grey tell Izzie that Ava ran away because you and daddy were fighting about Aunt Kate. And also because Dr. Grey found something bad under Ava's bed that would make you and daddy mad at her."

"Mad? Why would we get mad at Ava?"

Quinn shrugged, "I don't know. But mommy can you tell Ava I don't want her to leave? I'd miss her too much."

"Aw sweetie, why don't you tell her yourself in the morning? I'm sure she'd love to hear that."

"Ok."

"Do you think Ava is a good big sister?"

Quinn nodded, "She's the best. Ava took care of me a lot in New York."

"Really? What did she do with you?"

"She helped me with my homework, read me stories and packed my lunches for school. Ava is reading me the first Harry Potter book and she can do all the voices with a British accent."

"How cool."

"Aunt Carrie took care of me too, but she didn't know all of the things that you did for me. Ava did though. And Ava also let me watch her dance!"

"Did she?"

"Yep and in front of lots of people too! She got to be the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker because the other one was sick. Ava looked really pretty Mommy! She dances really good and she looked so happy onstage. I wish you could have seen it."

"I wish I could have seen it too sweetheart. I wish Ava would have told me."

"She tried to, but you weren't answering your phone."

"Oh." Addison paused. "You should go back to sleep, it's late."

"Ok Mama," said Quinn yawning as she slid back under the covers.

"Goodnight," Addison said kissing her forehead.

"Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too," she said before switching off the light and closing the door.

* * *

_Hearts break hearts mend love still hurts  
Visions clash planes crash still theres talk of  
saving souls still colds closing in on us _

"How are you?" Derek asked as Addison got into bed.

"I feel guilty Derek, that's how I am," Addison said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You have nothing to feel guilty for."

"I missed a defining moment in Ava's life and so did you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Ava danced the Sugar Plum Fairy."

"When?"

"When the actual one was too ill to perform, Quinn told me because she was there."

"Ava should have told us."

"She couldn't reach us Derek."

"Addie, what is over is over. There is nothing we can do now."

"But if I had been there, Ava wouldn't have said what she did."

"Addie, honey Ava is angry and she has every right to be at us."

"I know but---But I don't want to be the bad guy anymore Derek. I'm done."

"Addie—"

"Derek when I came here, I bore your insults and your hatred. I deserved everything you threw at me. But I don't know if I can take Ava's anger. The way she looked at me today was the same way she looked at Kate. I can't handle that…"

"I know you don't want to be the object of Ava's anger. But she's wound up so tight that she's making herself sick. She let me have it, now it's your turn."

"Well that's because you make yourself an easy target."

"I do not."

"I hate to break it to you, but you do."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"I'm going to sleep."

"Fine."

"I love you Addie."

"I love you too Derek."

* * *

_We part the veil on our killer sun  
Stray from the straight line on this short run  
The more we take the less we become  
The fortune of one man means less for some_

Xavier Manoso entered Ava's room and felt his stomach clench at the sight of Ava lying in bed looking to fragile. He crossed over to her immediately and kissed her softly. She stirred when his lips met hers and slowly opened her eyes.

"Xavier?" she whispered.

"Hi Gabby," he said kissing her again and she smiled up at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Someone named Meredith called me and told me you were sick."

"And you flew 3,000 miles just to see me."

"I did."

"I'm glad you're here. Everything is a mess."

"Why?"

"My parents are fighting, my mom is mad at me, and I'm here when I should be in New York…I'm missing school---"

"Hey, slow down. Everything is going to be ok Gabby," he said getting onto the bed and pulling her into his arms."

"No it's not. It's all my fault," she whispered. Silent tears rolling down her cheeks."

"Don't cry my darling," he said kissing her face gently. "There is no need for tears. Relax."

"I can't."

"Yes you can," he whispered kissing her lips softly. "Let go Gabby. Let the world go and place your trust in me. Relax," he said rubbing her back up and down gently.

"Xavier…"

"Don't talk Gabby, just feel. Don't think, just let go," he said kissing her again and a few seconds later she started to respond.

It was at that moment that the world and everything in it ceased to exist and only then did Ava let herself lose control.

_The worlds on fire its more then I can handle  
Ill tap into the water try and bring my share  
Try to bring more, more then I can handle  
Bring it to the table  
Bring what I am able_

* * *

Lyrics- "World on Fire" Sarah McLachlan 

R/R Please!


	11. The Devil's in the Details

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XI: The Devil's in the Details 

_Just like a star across my sky,  
Just like an angel off the page,  
You have appeared to my life,  
Feel like I'll never be the same,  
Just like a song in my heart,  
Just like oil on my hands,  
Oh.. I do love you,_

Morning dawned on the city of Seattle and sunlight filtered through the windows of Seattle Grace. Two of the hospital's star surgeons made their way through the main doors.

Addison Shepherd looked as radiant as always as she swept into the hospital. But upon closer inspection, she looked the slightest bit apprehensive as she boarded the elevator to the surgical ICU with Derek at her side.

"It'll be ok Addie," he whispered as the elevator propelled them upward.

"You're not going to face the firing squad," she replied looking down at her coffee.

"Addie, this is Ava we're talking about here. It won't be that bad."

"No Derek, it will," Addison said looking up at him. "Ava has seven months of retrained comments pent up in her and Kate was just here. So it will be horrible," she said as they got off the elevator.

"Maybe she'll be in a better mood today since she's gotten some sleep."

"I doubt that."

* * *

_Still I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you,  
We do it all the time,  
Blowing out my mind, _

You've got this look I can't describe,  
You make me feel like I'm alive,  
When everything else is a fade,  
Without a doubt you're on my side,  
Heaven has been away too long,  
Can't find the words to write this song,  
Oh.,..  
Your love,

"Who is that really cute boy in mini she-Shepherd's bed?" Cristina asked Meredith as they charted at the Nurse's station.

"Her boyfriend of course," Meredith replied as a small smirk crossed her face.

Cristina looked at her friend, "Did you set that up?"

"Maybe…"

"Mere—how did you do that?"

"I looked up the number in Ava's cell phone."

Cristina sighed, "Meredith, you need to stay out of her business!"

"Cristina, yesterday I had to go down to the Four Seasons to find Ava. She would have died if Izzie and I hadn't found her! She's freaking out and she needed that really cute boy. Her vitals and labs have gone way up since he arrived last night."

"Fine, I'm just saying---"

"What Cristina?"

"Be careful. I know you're friends with McDreamy, but don't get too involved with his family."

"I'm not; I'm simply helping out a patient."

"Whatever you say…"

* * *

_Still I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you,  
We do it all the time,  
Blowing out my mind,_

Ava awoke from an unusually peaceful sleep and became aware of a warm presence holding her. Opening her eyes Ava smiled.

"Good morning," she whispered sleepily.

"Good morning yes," Xavier said bending down to kiss her forehead.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to watch you sleep for awhile."

"You watched me sleep?"

"I did. You look so innocent in your sleep."

"And now?"

"You look beautiful."

"Liar."

"I never lie Gabby."

"If anyone else called me by my middle name it would sound strange. But coming from you, it has never sounded more right."

He smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"Better now that you're here."

"Are you in any pain?"

"No," she said sitting up. "I'm not in any pain thanks to you."

He touched her cheek, "I was so worried Querida."

"I seem to have a talent for worrying people these days," she said offering him a weak smile. "But I will be fine once you get past the all of the tubes and IVs."

"Yes you will, if you stay relaxed."

"Easier said than done."

He kissed her gently, "It is easier than you think. I have something for you," he said reaching for a manila envelope and then pulling photographs out of it. He handed them to her.

Ava smiled as she looked through them, "They're beautiful," she whispered.

"You are beautiful," he said kissing her neck. "Even now, with all of these tubes."

"Flatterer."

"That I may be, but flattery will get me everywhere," he whispered in her ear.

"It will," she said threading her hand through his as their lips met again and the world around them disappeared.

But Ava found herself coming back down to earth sooner than she had anticipated when someone cleared their throat behind her. She pulled apart from Xavier and turned toward the door to see Addison standing there.

"Mom! Ava said surprised.

"Ava," Addison said in reply, a slightly bemused expression on her face.

Xavier rose from his position and crossed over to Addison, "It is a pleasure to finally meet you Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, Ava has told me a lot about you," he said shaking her hand.

"The pleasure is all mine, although I will admit that Ava has told me almost nothing about you."

Ava mentally cringed, "Mom, this is Xavier," she said pasting a smile on her face.

"So I see. It is nice to finally put a face to a description."

"Gabby? You didn't tell your mother about us?"

"I---"

Ava was interrupted by Derek's entrance, "Ava how---" he stopped when he saw Xavier.

"Derek this is Xavier," Addison said.

"It's nice to finally meet you Dr. Shepherd," said Xavier not looking at Ava.

"It's nice to meet you too. Who are you to Ava exactly?"

"A friend," he replied with a smile as Ava winced behind him, this was not going well. "Actually, I was just about to leave. I have somewhere to be. It was nice meeting you both," he said grabbing his jacket.

"It was nice meeting you as well," Addison said.

"Goodbye Ava," Xavier said glancing at her quickly. "Goodbye Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Xavier, wait!" Ava said.

"I'll call you later Ava," he said before leaving the room.

Ava sat in bed frozen as she watched him leave and when he was gone she looked down at the blankets. The peace that had come over her with his presence was now gone. She sank back against the pillows.

"Was that the friend Quinn was referring to?" Derek asked.

"The very same."

"Would you like to tell us more about him since he knows so much about us?" Addison asked settling into a chair.

"No, actually I'm feeling a bit tired."

"Ava you just got up."

"And I'm tired now."

"I thought we might be able to talk."

"I don't feel much like talking right now."

"I'm going to go talk to Richard for a minute," Derek said quickly excusing himself from the room.

"Ava," Addison said "Please talk to me."

"No! You're the last person I want to talk to right now."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you punishing me?"

"Punishing you? Hardly."

"Ava I am your mother, I am not Kate."

"When it suits you."

"Excuse me?"

"When was the last time you actually looked at me mom?"

"Ava what are you talking about?"

"When was the last time you really saw me? Me now, not just the girl who lives down the hall."

"Ava…."

"Just answer the question."

"I don't know what you're asking."

Ava looked at Addison before speaking, "Somewhere along the line, you stopped seeing me. You stopped noticing me. You couldn't help but notice Quinn because she's Quinn. But you forgot I was there, like dad forgot about us and you turned to Mark."

"I didn't forget you Ava."

"No? Well I guess you were just busy then with work, Quinn, or Mark."

"That's not true!"

"It is true! I refrained from saying anything after Daddy left because I knew that you were hurt and lonely with Daddy being gone so much. I could understand that. But then you stayed with him; you stayed with Mark. You let Daddy leave and stayed with Mark."

"Ava, you don't understand!"

"Oh I understand perfectly! You let your work consume you and it cost you your marriage."

"Your father stopped seeing me too Ava. He was an absent husband and father."

"I know that. That's why you turned to Mark. I understand that. But you stayed with him for almost three months before going after Daddy. Why?"

"It's complicated."

"Just tell me why."

Addison paused, "I was scared that he wouldn't come back. But I was also angry at him and at myself. Marriage is hard work Ava; it takes two people for it to really work."

"So it wasn't working anymore?"

"Relatively speaking. And so I committed a desperate act for your dad's attention. But it blew up in my face because I ended up losing him and you in the process. And for that I am sorry. I'm sorry for staying with Mark. I didn't think about you or Quinn."

"No."

"And that's why I came here. I knew that I had to try and fix things between daddy and I. She looked down at the floor for a moment. "But in order to do that I had to leave you and Quinn behind which ultimately left you to care for your sister in the ways she needed to be cared for. You sacrificed yourself to take care of your sister and had to take on responsibilities that you shouldn't have. And for that I am deeply sorry and grateful."

"I didn't mind that part," Ava said quietly. "Quinn and I are closer now than ever. But---daddy left and then so did you. Ava looked down. "I just---I don't know. One day my family was there and the next day neither of you were. Both of you were gone. And," Ava swallowed hard, "And as stupid as it sounds you didn't say goodbye." A lone tear rolled down Ava's cheek. "I didn't think I wanted that, but I did." She said starting to cry.

"Oh Ava--," Addison said tears stinging her own eyes. "I'm so sorry," she said rising from her chair and pulling Ava into a tight hug. "I never meant to hurt you like that. Never ever did I mean for that to happen."

"I hated it," she whispered. "But I couldn't say anything because Quinn missed you so much. I wanted to make sure that she was ok. I was mad at you for leaving."

"And you had every right to be mad at me."

"Quinn wanted to know why you left. But I couldn't really explain it to her. We spent a lot of time in the Hamptons last summer because that was the only place where she was really happy. "

"I miss that house."

"I do too."

"So why didn't you tell me about the Sugar Plum Fairy?"

"It all happened so fast that I only had time to call once. Aunt Carrie had something that night and Quinn was with me. That's why she saw it."

"You still could have told me."

"It didn't seem so important after awhile."

"That was one of your dreams Ava. Of course it was important."

"Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"All of my teachers think that ballet is a waste of time."

"As long as you think it's worth while, then it's not a waste of time."

"Mom, the minute my teachers called my name at the beginning of this year everyone knew who I was. My classmates are jealous and my teachers don't think I'm serious unless I want to go to medical school. In physio, everyone always hands me the scalpel just to see if I'm really Ava Shepherd. Although sometimes I think it's because they can't stand the sight of blood."

"That's always possible. But you knew that would happen if you took a class like that. I told you that."

"I know."

"So why did you take the class?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

"I---I wanted to know what it felt like. I wanted to know what it felt like to do what you do everyday. I wanted to know how it feels to hold life itself in your hands."

Addison laughed and kissed her head, "You could have just asked."

"I know. But I don't think it's something you can pinpoint with words. I can't tell you how dancing feels for me, not truly. I have to show you."

"You really want to know?"

"Yes"

"When you are able to fix something that may not otherwise be fixable, it is a wonderful feeling."

"Is that why you went into neonatology?"

"Partly, but I also chose that specialty because of you."

"Because of me?"

Addison nodded, "I wanted to give children the best possible start in life, something that I couldn't give you."

"Mom, it's ok. We didn't know each other then."

"Maybe not, but you were the missing link for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I wasn't sure if I wanted marriage or children. She paused. "But then you showed up and I knew. I knew I wanted all of that."

* * *

_I have come to understand,  
The way it is,  
It's not a secret anymore,  
'cause we've been through that before,  
From tonight I know that you're the only one,  
I've been confused and in the dark,  
Now I understand,_

"You're still alive I see," Derek said when Addison joined him in the cafeteria nearly ninety minutes later.

"You were right; it wasn't so bad after all."

"See? I told you so."

"I think we're on the road to recovery."

"Good. Then we won't be needing that psych consult after all?"

"No."

"Did you address the boyfriend issue?"

"No, Ava kept quiet where that was concerned."

"I wouldn't mind if we knew something about him."

"He seems nice."

"Seems being the key word here Addie."

"What other guy do you know that would fly 3,000 miles to make sure his sick girlfriend was doing ok?"

"Not many."

"Maybe after Ava is discharged we can have dinner with them."

"Perhaps. Ava's surgery is tomorrow morning at 7, Richard's first surgery of the day."

"Good. Did you check on Quinn?"

"She's upstairs visiting Ava right now."

"Did Ava mention anything to you?"

"About what?"

"Anything….Quinn mentioned that Meredith found something that might make us mad at Ava."

"Like what?"

"I have no idea."

"I'll talk to Meredith later."

"Derek! We can't just circumvent Ava, it's unethical."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"Asking Ava ourselves."

"She won't give a straight answer."

"Ava doesn't lie Derek."

"She tried to run because of it. It has to be something big."

"Maybe, maybe not, yesterday was difficult because of Kate's visit."

"True. But what if it's something bigger?"

"Such as?"

"Drugs."

"Derek, that's insane. Ava knows better."

"So do a lot of other people her age, but that still doesn't stop them."

* * *

_I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you,  
I wonder why it is,  
I wont let my guard down,  
For anyone but you  
We do it all the time,  
Blowing out my mind,_

Quinn was curled up on Ava's bed as Ava read from _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone._ Harry had just made the house Quidditch team when Ava's phone buzzed. She picked it up.

"Hello?"

"It's me," said Xavier.

"I'm so glad you called."

"Why didn't you tell your parents about us?"

"I didn't get a chance to."

"We've been going out for seven months and they didn't know until now?"

"No."

There was a moment of silence, "Gabby---"

"So you're calling me Gabby again?"

He ignored her comment, "Are you ashamed of being seen with me?"

"Of course not."

"Then why didn't you tell your family?"

"It wasn't the right time."

"When is the right time?"

"Any time outside of the hospital."

"Gabby," he paused. "I love you. But I don't know if this will work."

Ava frowned, "What?"

"I don't like secrets Gabby especially between family."

"So what are you saying?"

"Maybe we should take a break from this."

"But I don't want to."

"I do, at least for a few days. I'll call you later."

"Wait, Xavier!" But he had already hung up. "I love you too," she whispered.

"Ava? What's wrong?" Quinn asked looking up at her sister with concern as Ava snapped the phone closed.

"What?" Ava said snapping out of her reverie and looking at Quinn. "No Cherie there's nothing wrong. Nothing at all."

_Just like a star across my sky,  
Just like an angel off the page,  
You have appeared to my life,  
Feel like I'll never be the same,  
Just like a song in my heart,  
Just like oil on my hands_

* * *

Whew! That was a long chapter. Just in case you missed it, Gabrielle is Ava's middle name and Gabby is what Xavier calls her. Sorry this was so Ava/Addison centered. But there will be more Addek coming in the next chapter. 

Lyrics "Like a Star" Corinne Bailey Rae

R/R please!


	12. Truth of the Heart’s Deepest Desire

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XII: Truth of the Heart's Deepest Desire 

_Adia_ _I do believe I failed you_  
_Adia_ _I know I let you down_ _don't_ _you __know  
I tried so hard_ _to_ _love you in my way_ _it's_ _easy let it go..._

Quinn Shepherd scrambled onto her mother's lap as she joined her parents in Derek's office.

"Hi mommy," Quinn said settling into her mother's arms.

Addison smiled and hugged the little girl, "Hey peanut, done with Harry Potter already?"

Quinn shook her head, red ringlets flying, "No we only got to the part when Harry finds the Mirror of Erised."

"I have no idea what that is."

Quinn rolled her eyes in a perfect imitation of Ava that said that everyone should know what this piece of the Harry Potter world was.

"Well what is it Quinn?" Derek asked looking at her and waiting for ultra serious explanation.

"The Mirror of Erised lets the person who looks at it see whatever they want. But it has to be the thing that they want the most."

"What would you see?"

Quinn contemplated this for a moment, "I would see us and Ava back home in New York." Then she looked at her parents. "After Ava is better can we go home?"

"Quinn, honey we live here now in Seattle," Addison said as Quinn looked up at her.

"But I want to go back to New York!"

"And we will," Derek said trying to defuse the situation. "To visit, but mommy and I work here now.

"But I like my friends and my school just the way they are."

"I know you do, but you'll like your new school here too. You'll make new friends and you can still talk to your old ones."

"I don't want to."

"We all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes sweetie," said Addison stroking her hair.

"What about Ava?"

"What about her?"

"Is she going to live here too?"

"That's up to Ava Quinn," Derek said. "She has to finish school, but Ava will come back in the summer."

"Why does Ava get to go back to New York and I don't?"

"Ava is old enough to take care of herself. But you're not, not yet. You need to stay here with us."

"Ava can take care of me."

"Yes, but that's not her job. Ava's job is to go to school just like you."

"But she likes taking care of me. She told me so."

"I know Ava likes to take care of you Quinn," Addison said with a small smile. "But it's time for you to be here with us. Don't you want to stay with us?"

"Yes but I want to go home to New York."

* * *

_Adia_ _I'm empty since  
__you left me_ _trying_ _to find a way  
to carry on_ _I search myself  
and everyone_ _to_ _see  
where we went wrong_

The silver edges glinted in the early afternoon sunshine as Ava held the blade up to the light. Ava brought the razor blade to rest on the skin of her wrist atop the older marks of pain.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said a voice.

Ava looked up to see Mark standing just inside the room, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm checking on you of course."

"I don't need to be checked on by you."

"Call it habit but when I find a person vomiting blood in a bathroom I like to make sure that they're ok. Especially when that person happens to be someone who likes to ignore her own problems and then try to run from them when they're about to catch up with her," Mark said crossing over to her and taking the razor blade from her hand and a small pouch containing several more. He deposited them in his pocket.

"Hey!" Ava protested.

"You don't need them."

"Who do you think you are my therapist?"

"No, but I do know that this is a pretty shitty way to repay your parents after everything they've done for you."

"That's rich coming from the man who helped to tear them apart."

"Ok, I deserve that. But really Ava, what do you think you're doing?"

"That's none of your business."

"You've got way too much going for you to be cutting yourself with razor blades," he said tossing two newspapers on the bed.

Ava picked them up and scanned the headlines of _The New York Times_ Arts & Leisure section which read "**The Great Battle** **Begins. Two Major Dance Powerhouses go to War over Dancer.**" Below the headline, there was a picture of Ava, presumably taken from the photo shoot that she had consented to for her magazine interview a few months before and an article. The caption read, "Ava Shepherd, the next great American ballerina at her home in New York City.

"Oh my god," she whispered.

"They're fighting over you."

* * *

_December 1993_

"_Close your eyes," Derek Shepherd said to his seven year-old niece as he guided her into an elevator with Addison at his side._

"_Where are we going?"_

"_You'll see," Addison_ _replied as the elevator closed and started its ascent._

_A few minutes later, the elevator opened onto the lobby of Lincoln_ _Center_ _and they all stepped out._

"_Can I open them now?" Ava asked becoming impatient._

"_No, keep them closed."_

_Addison threw her fiancée a grin as they led the little girl into the theatre, the layers of tulle and silk of her white party dress rustling as she walked. Ava's hair was down in dark chestnut colored ringlets giving her an angelic-like appearance. When they got to their seats, Addison_ _seated Ava in between herself and Derek._

"_Now you can open your eyes," Derek whispered in Ava's ear._

_Ava opened her eyes slowly and looked around, "Where are we?"_

"_Lincoln Center," Addison said and then handed her the program, which read "The New York_ _Ballet presents Peter Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker."_

_Ava frowned, "What is this?"_

"_Why don't you see for yourself?" Derek said as the lights dimmed and the overture began to play._

_At intermission, Derek and Addison stood off to the side having a glass of champagne while keeping Ava in their sights. _

"_Thank you for coming Derek," Addison_ _said kissing him gently, the silk of her dark green sequined gown brushing against his traditional tuxedo._

_He smiled, "You're welcome. Only for you would I actually go to the ballet."_

"_Come on you know you like it."_

_Derek thought for a moment, "Maybe just a little bit."_

"_Do you think Ava is enjoying herself?"_

"_I think so. This is a little girl's dream you know."_

"_I know. But I thought she looked a bit bored that's all."_

"_This is her first time in the theatre Addie. Just give her some time to take it in."_

"_Do you think we should tell her?"_

"_No, I don't want to get her hopes up yet. We still have to convince Kate that it's the right thing to do."_

_Addison_ _nodded, "I just want to put this whole thing behind us. I want us to be able to get married in peace without the constant worry that the court might give Ava back to Kate. And I want to give Ava a permanent family."_

"_I do too and we will. But let's not worry about that tonight," he said pulling her to him and kissing her._

"_I love you," she whispered in his ear._

"_I love you too Addie, forever and a day."_

_A chime sounded signaling the end of intermission and Ava came over to them. Addison and Derek pulled apart and set the champagne glasses on the tray of a passing waiter._

"_Are you ready to go in sweetheart?" Addison_ _asked._

_Ava nodded and Addison_ _took her left hand and Derek her right and they walked back into the theatre._

_When it was over, the lights in the house came up and everyone began to file out, but the trio stayed put._

"_What did you think?" Derek asked._

_Ava didn't respond at first, instead she just stared out at the stage in utter amazement. She could really say what she felt._

"_Ava?" Addison_ _said softly concerned._

_Ava looked up at them both, a small smile crossing her face, "It was really good."_

_The couple smiled at each other and then looked at Ava, "We were afraid you didn't like it," Derek said._

"_I loved it."_

"_We're glad that you did."_

"_I have a question though."_

"_What's the question?"_

"_Can I learn to do that?"_

"_To dance?"_ _Ava nodded._

"_I don't know," said Addison. "Learning how to be a ballerina isn't easy, it's a lot of hard work."_

"_I think I could do it."_

"_How about this?_ _After Christmas, we'll see if we can find you a dance class and you can see if you like it?"_

"_Ok!" Ava said, her eyes lighting up with true happiness for the first time in a long time._

"_Ok then."_

* * *

_'cause there's no one left to finger_  
_there's_ _no one here to blame_  
_there's_ _no one left to talk to honey_  
_and_ _there ain't no one to buy our innocence  
_ _'cause we are born innocent_ _believe_ _me Adia,  
we are still innocent_ _it's_ _easy,  
we all falter_ _does_ _it matter?_

"Penny for your thoughts?" Derek whispered in Addison's ear as he came up behind her.

Addison startled, "Derek you scared me," she said looking at him.

"Sorry," he said kissing her cheek. "What are you thinking about?" He asked joining her on the bench in the hospital garden.

"Nothing," Addison said. "I was just thinking about what Quinn said earlier."

"Addie don't take it to heart. Quinn will adjust eventually."

"It's not that. I know Quinn will be fine. But since Ava's been here, I never thought that she would go back to New York."

"She has to at some point, at least to finish up school."

"I know, but if Ava does go back, she'll be on her own for the first time. She'll be living her own life."

"Yes but Ava will be living in a Central Park brownstone, not a dorm."

"It doesn't matter where she's going to be living. The point is that Ava will be officially leaving us." Addison paused, "And that scares me."

"For the moment, no one is going anywhere," Derek said pulling his wife to him and kissing her. "Let's just concentrate on getting our children better. Everything else is secondary. Now what do you say we go check in on Ava and then go get some dinner?"

"What about Quinn?"

"The last time I saw her, Quinn was playing hide and seek with Karev."

Addison laughed, "Now that is a sight I would love to see. But you do realize that we've officially pawned Quinn off on almost all of Bailey's interns over the last few days?"

"Yes I do realize that. But Bailey doesn't mind at all, in fact she even offered to baby-sit Quinn for us after this is all over. Apparently, our seven year-old has a talent for keeping them on their toes and whipping them into shape. Kind of like a certain other redhead I know."

Addison laughed, "Oh really?"

"Yes really."

* * *

_Adia_ _I thought we could make it  
_ _but_ _I know I can't change the way you feel_  
_I leave you with your misery_  
_a_ _friend who won't betray_  
_I pull you from your tower  
_ _I take away your pain  
__and_ _show you all the beauty you possess_

"Have you told your parents yet?" Meredith asked Ava as she jotted some notes down in the younger woman's chart.

"No. I wanted to, but I was afraid of what they were going to say about it."

"Ava, I'm sure that they'll understand."

"I don't want them to be disappointed in me."

"They have every right to be, but they will forgive you."

"Dr. Grey what would your mother say if you had to tell her that?"

"I doubt she would have even noticed," Meredith said closing the chart and sitting on the bed. "My mother's first priority was always her patients and her work. She didn't have a lot of time for me. I would have loved to have a mom like yours. Both of your parents really care about you and your sister."

"Yeah, they do," Ava admitted.

"And they know that these last few months haven't been easy on either of you. I don't blame you for feeling like you had to take caffeine pills to keep up. You were under a lot of pressure. But you should tell them the truth Ava, don't let there be anymore secrets."

As if on cue, Addison and Derek walked through the door.

"Ava, how are you feeling?" Derek asked.

"Um…fine dad."

"Do you want me to stay while you talk Ava?" Meredith asked.

"No, that's ok. But thank you Dr. Grey for everything."

Meredith smiled, "You're welcome," she grabbed Ava's chart and just as she was about to leave she turned back. "Ava?"

"Yes?"

"Call me Meredith Dr. Grey makes me feel old."

Ava smiled, "Ok, Meredith," and with that Meredith left the room.

"What do you want to talk to us about butterfly?" Addison asked sitting on the bed. Derek chose to sit in a chair on the opposite side of Ava.

"I wanted to tell you why I tried to leave yesterday."

"Ok we're listening," said Derek.

Ava took a deep breath, "After Kate left yesterday I could tell that you had been fighting about it. And I was afraid that everything that you've worked on here would go away and you would get a divorce."

"Ava---"

"I'm not done," she said quietly. "That was only part of the reason why I left. I thought if I left, you wouldn't fight anymore. But I know that that isn't true." Ava looked down at the bed and swallowed hard. "This is so hard…..I did something really stupid at home, that I'm not proud of. But at the time it was necessary…" Ava said, her throat suddenly tightening and she looked up at both of her parents. "I was taking caffeine pills in order to get through my day. And yesterday, when my purse fell on the floor, the pill bottle was in my purse and it rolled under the bed. Dr Grey—Meredith found them and told Dr. Bailey. I—I overheard them talking about it in the hallway and I thought that they were going to tell you so I left."

"Ava, what did you think would happen?"

"I don't know I didn't think about that. I just knew I had to get out of here before---"

"Before the entire world as you knew it fell apart?" Addison finished for her.

"Yes."

"Your whole world won't cease to exist and we will not stop loving you just because you took caffeine pills," Addison said making eye contact with her daughter. "You made a bad choice yes, but that doesn't mean that we would ever stop loving you."

"It's not just that---"

"What is it then?" Derek asked coming over to Ava's side.

Ava picked up _The Times_, "It's this too. I have an image to uphold and an obligation to others."

Derek kissed her head, "And you'll still be able to do that. Ava, this is amazing if it is really true."

"It is I spoke with my agent this morning."

"You know, I distinctly remember this little girl who told me that she wanted to dance. I told her it would be a lot of hard work, but never did I imagine that your interest in dance would turn into this," Addison said. "We are so proud of you Ava and we're going to continue to help you learn how to get through school and through life. Just because you are technically an adult doesn't mean that we will stop being there for you."

"We will always be here for you Ava," Derek said hugging her. "That is a promise that we made the day we became a family remember?"

"Yes."

"Your mom and I made promises to each other the day we were married, but we also made them to you too. Family is forever and I want to make sure that you know that."

"I do."

"Good," said Derek.

"I have an idea, why don't I go get some takeout and when I get back maybe we can watch a movie?" Addison asked.

Ava grinned, "I'd like that."

"Ok, I will be back in a little bit then," Addison kissed Ava and Derek and then left the room.

"So," said Derek "You want to tell me more about that boyfriend of yours?"

"You mean ex-boyfriend. Xavier and I are over," she said her smile turning sad almost instantly. "He was using me."

* * *

Addison got off the elevator and walked across the lobby heading towards the main doors. She was intent on going to pick up takeout from a restaurant 10 minutes from the hospital. She was just about to walk out the door when someone called to her, the voice was very familiar and upon hearing it her stomach leapt. 

"Addison."

Addison whirled around to face the voice, "Mark."

_if_ _you'd only let yourself  
believe that_ _we_ _are born innocent  
_ _believe_ _me Adia, we are still innocent_  
_it's_ _easy, we all falter, does it matter?_  
_believe_ _me Adia, we are still innocent_  
_'cause we are born innocent_  
_Adia_ _we are still_ _it's_ _easy,  
we all falter ... but does it matter?_

* * *

Lyrics- "Adia" Sarah McLachlan 

R/R please!


	13. The Ties that Bind Part I

Healing Process

A/N: This is only part one of chapter 13, but I wanted to get this to you all now since you seem to like the story so much. The other half will be posted tomorrow if schoolwork permits. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter XIIIA: The Ties that Bind

_I know a girl  
She puts the color inside of my world  
But she's just like a maze  
Where all of the walls all continually change  
And I've done all I can  
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands  
Now I'm starting to see  
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me_

_Fathers, be good to your daughters  
Daughters will love like you do  
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers  
So mothers, be good to your daughters too_

"Addison," said a voice from behind Addison Shepherd as she was about to walk out the main doors of the hospital.

The sound of the voice made Addison's stomach leap and she turned around to face him, "Mark."

"How are you?"

"As good as can be expected under the circumstances, I thought you'd be back in New York by now."

"No, I had to stay to make sure Ava was alright and to apologize to her for the whole Kate thing."

"That was very big of you."

"I also wanted to say goodbye to you before I left," he said and then paused. "I'm sorry for what happened between us."

"Don't be sorry, I made the same decision."

"But you were emotional then Addie and I took advantage of that. I shouldn't have, but I did and I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology."

"I saw Quinn earlier. She wanted to know if she could go back to New York with me."

"Did she?"

"I take it you told her that you're staying in Seattle permanently?"

"Yes, and unfortunately she isn't very happy with Derek and I at the moment."

"She'll get over it in time. Ava's recovering well."

"Yes she is, physically anyway."

Mark pulled out the pouch he had taken from Ava earlier and handed it to Addison, "Without these and with a little bit of therapy I think Ava will be just fine."

"Have you become an expert on Ava all of a sudden?"

"No, but I know her. I know her because Ava is just like you Addie. She's strong, resilient and won't take crap from anyone. Quinn may have your looks, but Ava is everything you are. She is truly her mother's daughter."

"Mark thank you for everything, thank you for bringing our family home."

"You're welcome." He said before glancing at his watch. "I should go."

"Yeah, I should too."

Mark pulled Addison toward him and kissed her on the forehead, "I will always love you Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd," He whispered in her ear and then let her go. "Call me sometime and tell that husband of yours to treat you right this time. Second chances only happen once."

"I will."

"Goodbye Addison."

"Goodbye Mark," and with that he left the hospital leaving Addison standing there. For reasons she couldn't explain, Addison felt hot tears prick the corners of her eyes. He would always be a good friend. After a minute, she composed herself and headed out of the hospital.

* * *

_Oh, you see that skin?  
It's the same she's been standing in  
Since the day she saw him walking away  
Now she's left  
Cleaning up the mess he made_

So fathers, be good to your daughters  
Daughters will love like you do  
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers  
So mothers, be good to your daughters

When Addison returned to Ava's room 45 minutes later she found Derek on the bed with Ava. She was asleep with her head nestled in the crook of his arm while an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth kept her breathing and asleep without incident. To most, this scene looked very sweet. But the sweetness of the moment was ruined by the look on Derek's face. He looked pissed off. Addison regarded her husband for a moment and then made her presence known.

"You look like you just ate a bee," Addison commented as she set the bag of takeout down on the food tray.

"He hurt her Addie," Derek said looking up at his wife.

"What are you talking about?"

"That boy who was here earlier, Xavier; he broke up with Ava."

"What?" Addison said in disbelief. "When I saw them this morning, breaking up was the last thing they would do. They were---" Addison stopped mid-sentence when she saw her husband looking at her waiting for her to continue.

"They were what Addie?"

"Never mind," she said handing him a takeout carton of Thai food. "Now eat before it gets cold."

They ate in silence for a few minutes, but the angry look on Derek's face still remained. Addison sighed and Derek looked at her.

"What?"

"You can't be like this every time Ava gets her heart broken."

"She's too young for this Addie, she doesn't deserve it."

"No she doesn't. But Ava is tough Derek she'll be just fine."

"I hope so. I just don't like seeing her in pain."

* * *

_November 13, 1998_

_Dr. Addison_ _Shepherd hated being on the other end of the stirrups. It truly did suck for lack of a better word. She sat on the edge of the bed and gritted her teeth as another contraction came on. It hurt like hell despite the pain meds she had been given to take the edge off and it didn't help that this child was taking his or her sweet time either. They wouldn't give her an epidural until she was at least 5-6cm dilated._

_She glanced up at the clock which read 4:30pm. Ava would be getting out of the mandatory study hall that was part of the exclusive private school that she attended. Addison_ _vaguely considered calling Savvy to make sure Ava got picked up because at this point in time all of the relatives on both sides of their family would be too focused on getting here before the birth. Her parents and sister were already here, having left only briefly to get coffee at Addison_'_s insistence. And she was sure that the Shepherd clan was already on their way. If she had her way, Addison_ _would have only had Derek Ava, Savvy, and Weiss present in addition to her doctor of course._

_That brought her to Derek. He was still in surgery which made her feel slightly upset. But on the other hand, she had made it very clear when she arrived two hours before that he husband was not to be told that she was here. The last thing he needed was a distraction like this and someone ending up dead. Derek was a great and very capable surgeon, however when it came to this very important and momentous occasion anything could happen. Mark would be the one to tell him as soon as Derek was finished._

_45 minutes later Derek came into the room, "Hey," he said as he approached the side of the bed where Addison_ _was sitting on a birthing ball. He kissed her forehead. "How are you feeling?"_

"_Don't ask," she grumbled._

"_I saw our families on the way in, they're giving us some time alone."_

"_How nice of them, where's Ava?"_

"_She's fine, Sav went and got her. She's out in the hallway."_

"_Tell her to come in."_

_Derek went out into the hall and a second later 12 year-old Ava appeared in the doorway dressed in a school uniform of navy blue and white under a black wool pea coat and scarf._

"_Hi mom," Ava said quietly._

"_Hi honey," Addison_ _said with a smile as Ava crossed the room and kissed her mother._

"_How was school?"_

"_Good."_

"_Did you finish your homework?"_

"_I still have some math and French left to do."_

"_Addie," Derek said coming back into the room. "Are you up to visitors?"_

"_Sure."_

_Almost six hours later, Derek was sitting on Addison_'_s hospital bed supporting his wife as she tried to bring their baby into the world._

"_You're almost there Addison," said Addison_'_s colleague Nicole Lansing. "I can see the head."_

"_I can't," Addison_ _said tiredly._

"_Yes you can," Derek whispered in her ear. "It's almost over."_

"_Then why don't you do it?" she snapped and Nicole laughed._

_Mustering her strength, Addison_ _bore down once again._

"_Good Addison, the head is out," Nicole said suctioning the baby's nose and mouth. "One more and you'll have this baby." With a yell of pain, Addison_ _bore down one final time and the doctor caught the new infant in her arms. The baby let out a healthy wail. There was not a single dry eye in the room. "It's a girl," Nicole said before placing the new baby on her mother's stomach._

"_She's beautiful," Addison_ _whispered through her tears._

"_Yeah she is," Derek said pressing a kiss into her hair._

_Addison and Derek's parents each took their turns looking at the latest edition to the family and the mood was joyous. But after a minute Addison_ _noticed that someone in particular was missing._

"_Where's Ava?"_

"_She's probably out with her cousins. I'll go get her," said Weiss, who headed out to the waiting room where various members of the Shepherd clan were and Mark was also among them. "Has anyone seen Ava?" He asked._

_Everyone shook their heads and Mark looked at Weiss, "Isn't she in there with Derek and Addie?"_

"_No."_

"_I'll find her."_

_Weiss nodded and before he also went off in search of Ava, he told Derek what was going on. Addison_ _knew almost immediately that something wasn't right._

"_Honey, where is Ava?" Addison_ _asked slightly worried._

"_I don't know."_

"_What do you mean you don't know?" Addison_ _asked holding their new daughter in her arms._

"_She probably just went somewhere quiet that's all. Weiss and Sav went down to the cafeteria and the main lobby and Mark went down to peds. She'll probably show up in a second."_

"_Derek, go find Ava. Please go find her," Addison_ _asked with a new sense of urgency in her voice._

"_Ok, ok. I'll be back in a minute," he said before leaving._

_Almost 30 minutes went by and Ava was nowhere to be found. Mark was searching around the third floor of the hospital and was passing the research library. On a whim, he decided to go in. After a few minutes of searching the aisles he came up empty. But before he left, he checked in the back among the stacks and that's where he found her. Ava was on the floor leaning against a shelf surrounded by books sound asleep. Gingerly Mark picked up the young girl and cradled her against his chest. She didn't wake, so her left the room and an elevator ride later, he entered the hospital room._

"_Oh thank god," Addison_ _said sitting up in bed._

"_She's ok," Mark whispered._

"_Set her down here," Addison_ _said indicating the bed._

_Mark did as he was told, "I found her among the stacks in the library."_

_Addison kissed Ava's head, "I was so worried."_

"_She's ok Addie," Mark said again. "She probably just got a little overwhelmed."_

"_Yeah, Is Derek still out there?"_

"_I'll page him."_

"_Ok."_

_Mark left and Derek returned 10 minutes later, "Where was she?"_

"_In the stacks."_

_Derek laughed, "Only our daughter."_

_Ava stirred then and Addison rubbed her back, "Ava?" she whispered softly._

"_Hmm?"_ _Ava said as she opened her eyes._

"_Hi sweetheart," Addison_ _kissed her forehead. "We were worried about you."_

"_We've been looking everywhere for you," sad Derek. "What happened?"_

"_I got scared."_

"_Scared of what?"_

"_I didn't like to see you in pain mommy," Ava said very softly. "It hurts to see you in pain."_

"_Oh sweetheart," said Addison_ _tearing up a bit. "It's ok now. I'm fine. But I have someone I'd like you to meet." Derek carefully picked up the newborn girl and placed her in Addison_'_s arms. "Ava, this is your sister Quinn Isabella Shepherd," she said._

"_She's so tiny," Ava said a small smile crossing her face._

"_You were that small too once," Derek said. "And I have the pictures to prove it."_

_Addison_ _laughed, "Would you like to hold her?"_

"_I don't know," Ava said._

"_She won't break. Just make sure to support her head. I'll help you," Addison_ _carefully set the baby in the young girl's arms and looked at the two of them. "Perfect."_

_The baby continued to sleep in her sister's arms and Ava smiled and kissed the baby's forehead. The infant opened her eyes and seemed almost to be looking up at Ava. Their eyes locked and Ava whispered very softly, "Je t'aime ma petite soeur."_

_Without Ava noticing Derek grabbed the camera and captured the very moment that the two sisters bonded. It was instantaneous and it would never be broken not by anyone or anything._

_Boys, you can break  
You'll find out how much they can take  
Boys will be strong  
And boys soldier on  
But boys would be gone without the warmth from  
A womans good, good heart_

On behalf of every man  
Looking out for every girl  
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters  
Daughters will love like you do  
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers  
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

* * *

Lyrics "Daughters" John Mayer 


	14. Point of No Return Part II

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XIIIB: Point of No Return 

_Got to get away from here...  
Got to get away from all these thinkers... drinking up my thoughts again  
Got to get away from here...  
Got to get away from all these choosers, losers... all my best of friends  
Sit back New York City  
You're not cute but you're oh so pretty  
When the rain comes you fall up again...  
SUNNY... You are a part of me  
SUNNY... You are the heart of me_

_February 22, 2006_

_12:00 AM EST_

_Tisch_ _School_ _of the Arts at NYU_

_Ava Shepherd glanced at her watch as she stepped out into the chilly February air. It was 12:00am,_ _it was an early night tonight. Ava's entire body ached with fatigue as she walked down the stone steps of the building in flats and turned right heading to where Derek Shepherd's 2005 black Range Rover was parked. Living in New York, Ava took the subway most of the time finding that cars were just a waste of time here. But her parents had insisted that if she had rehearsal and it ran late into the night that she take a car. _

_Adjusting her dance bag on her shoulder, Ava flipped open her cell phone, which had been on silent and discovered that she had four missed calls and a voicemail. She clicked her call log and read the missed calls. They were all from her parents. Ava frowned, they would never call her that many times, especially at this time unless…. Unless something was very wrong; Ava pressed a button to automatically dial her voicemail and then pressed the phone to her ear to listen to her new message._

"_Ava, it's dad. I know you're probably in rehearsal right now but I wanted to let you know that you're sister is here in the hospital. She collapsed earlier today and she's very sick. But Quinn is under the best medical care possible and her doctor is hopeful that she will get better. I just thought you should know. Call me in the morning and we'll talk about this. Everything will be ok Ava I promise. I love you. Bye."_

_Shocked, Ava snapped the phone closed and her stomach felt sick. She was at the car now and without wasting a second, she unlocked it, opened the door and flung her bag on the passenger's seat before closing the door and starting the car. A second later she backed out of the space and fled into the starless Manhattan_ _night_

_Got to get away from here...  
Got to get away from all these people who need people... You know it really makes me sick  
Got to get away from here...  
Got to get away from expectations, recreations, just for the sake of it_

_The large Central Park_ _brownstone of Drs. Derek and Addison_ _Shepherd was dark and empty when Ava came through the front door after speeding through most of Manhattan. She was lucky she hadn't got hit or arrested at the speed she had been going. But at this point, Ava didn't care as she raced up the polished mahogany staircase past the living room where family photos decorated the walls showing them all in happier times._

_Ava flipped on the wall light in her room and tossed her dance bag on her bed before crossed to her closet and pulled out her suitcase and then set it on the bed. Then she picked up her cell phone and hit speed dial before turning the speakerphone on and continuing to pack. After two rings someone picked up._

"_Hello?" said the voice_

"_Jackson, it's Ava," Ava said trying desperately to keep her voice calm._

"_Ava doll, what's wrong?" Jackson_ _asked moving away from the party he was attending and out onto the terrace. He detected the fear in his daughter's voice almost immediately._

"_I need to go to Seattle. My parents are there and now my sister is there and she's sick. And I'm here and I need to go to her…," Ava said in a rush._

"_Slow down doll," Jackson_ _said. "What happened exactly?"_

"_My dad called and left a message on my phone saying that Quinn collapsed and that's she's very sick. I can't just stay here. I have to go to her. I have to see my parents," Ava said her throat tightening as tears welled up inside of her and she fought to control herself. "I miss them."_

"_Ok baby," he said softly. "I'm on my way; I should be there in 20 minutes."_

"_Ok."_

"_Just take a deep breath sweetheart. Everything will be fine," he said before he ended the call._

_  
Sit back New York City_ _  
You're not cute but you're oh so pretty  
When the rain comes you fall up again...  
SUNNY... You are a part of me  
SUNNY... You are the heart of me_

_Ava let out a breath before she began to pack up her stuff. In about 10 minutes, she had everything she would need. Then she went down the hall to the master bedroom and flipped on the light pausing in the doorway. The large king-sized bed in the middle of the room caught her focus. On it was a red Valentino gown of her mother's. Ava had planned to send it off for an anniversary surprise for her mother as well as the shoes and jewelry._

_She crossed to the closet and opened it revealing Addison_ _Shepherd's massive shoe collection. Carrie Bradshaw had nothing on her Ava mused as she grabbed a garment bag from the bottom shelf and then packed the items, intending to bring them herself. _

_After closing the closet, she switched off the light and headed back down the hall to bring her things downstairs. When she finally came back down to the main floor, she entered the living room and switched on a small light. The room lit up revealing the tastefully decorated room done in warm tones. Richly upholstered suede sofas sat around a coffee table. A black Steinway baby grand piano sat near a bay window looking out towards Central Park_ _and it stood to the left of the sofas. To the left of the piano was the fireplace. The wall around it as well as the mantel on top of it was covered with dozens of family photos._

_Ava sank heavily into one of the sofas and sighed. She looked out toward the hall. She had been sitting in this very spot when her father came downstairs that night almost one year before. He looked angry and hurt all at the same time. She had stood up and called to him and when he looked at her, something was different. Something had changed within him. When Ava saw the bag in his hand, memories rushed through her head. It was happening again, he was leaving, just as Kate had. And like Kate, he kissed her on the forehead and left._

_Ava rose and crossed to the piano running her fingers over the smooth black surface. She had spent many hours here when she was younger playing and now Quinn did the same. She had been standing here when Quinn came into the room in tears telling her that their mother had gone. And it was here that she took Quinn in her arms and held her until she cried herself into an exhausted sleep._

_She walked over to the mantle and gazed at some of the photos. The last family photo that was ever taken was at Ava's graduation from high school. They were all so happy then. Then her gaze drifted to a more recent photograph depicting Ava and Quinn backstage at Lincoln_ _Center_ _back in December. Ava was dressed in the Sugar Plum_ _Fairy costume still in full makeup and she was standing next to Quinn on pointe because that was what Quinn had wanted. She wanted a picture not just with her sister, but the Sugar Plum_ _Fairy too. Ava took the photo and hugged it to her chest as the silent tears began to flow._

"_Please let my sister be ok. Please let my sister be ok," she whispered. "Please. I can't lose her now."_

_Sit back New York City  
You're not cute but you're oh so pretty  
When the rain falls you come up again  
Sit back New York City friend... _

Got to get away from here...  
Got to get away from what I'm thinking...I'm thinking...it's too much for anyone...  
Got to get away from here...  
Got get away from what you're drinking... you're drinking...so I'll take another one...

* * *

_Stranger than your sympathy  
And this is my apology  
I killed myself from the inside out  
And all my fears have pushed you out _

And I wished for things that I don't need  
(all I wanted)  
And what I chased won't set me free  
(all I wanted)  
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees

"Mommy?" said a voice softly in Addison's ear. "Mommy?" the voice said again.

Addison cracked an eye open to see Quinn's impish face staring down at her and the little girl smiled, "Good morning baby girl."

"Good morning mommy."

Addison reached out and grabbed Quinn around the waist pulling the little girl onto the bed with her. Quinn giggled, "Much better. Did you sleep well pumpkin?"

"Yes."

"Were you good for Izzie?"

"Yep and I slept the whole night too."

"Good girl."

"Mommy?"

"Yes honey?"

"Can I have a baby brother?"

Addison stifled a laugh, "Why do you want a baby brother?"

"So that I can have someone to play with when Ava leaves."

"Honey, you'll have friends here when you're well enough to go back to school and besides Ava may not stay in New York after her school ends."

"I still want one though. Ava has two brothers."

"Well baby brothers take time sweetheart."

"I still want one."

"Where did your father go?"

"He wants to bring you breakfast in bed."

Addison smiled, "Why don't you go find him?"

"Ok," Quinn said getting up.

Quinn exited the room and Addison sat up thinking about what Quinn had said. She and Derek had considered having another child four years ago. At first she had trouble recalling why they had stopped trying and then she remembered. When Ava was 13, she experienced a career crisis of sorts after being invited to attend the prestigious New York Ballet Academy shortly before she was introduced to pointe. She was scared more than anything else and decided to quit dancing so seriously and become a cheerleader.

Ava enjoyed the sport, but both Addison and Derek knew that her heart wasn't completely in it. But she stuck with it and in both her freshman and sophomore years, her squad went to nationals in Orlando. However, it was in March of her sophomore year that everything changed. Derek was off work on a Wednesday and he took Quinn to his sister Sarah's house to help her get ready for her son's birthday celebration with the family. Addison had gotten off around five that evening and gone to see Ava cheer at a basketball game. They were planning to leave after half-time. But it was during half-time and a stunt gone dangerously wrong that Ava fell and hit her head knocking her unconscious for about five minutes. As a result Addison and Ava had spent a good portion of the evening in the ER. Ava went back to ballet fulltime soon after the incident.

_Oh, yeah  
Everything's all wrong, yeah  
Everything's all wrong, yeah  
Where the hell did I think I was? _

And stranger than your sympathy  
Take these things, so I don't feel  
I'm killing myself from the inside out  
And now my head's been filled with doubt

Addison shuttered at the memory. The door to the on-call room opened a few minutes later and Derek came in with coffee and muffins.

"Morning," Derek said giving his wife a long kiss on the lips.

When they parted Addison was almost breathless, "Good morning to you too."

"I brought coffee."

"Bless you," Addison said taking the coffee that he held out to her.

"Did you get some sleep?"

"Yeah I did. Whatever you did with Ava last night was good, she was stable all night."

"That's good to hear. I told her that we'd go in with her."

"What's Quinn doing here so early?"

"She wanted to see Ava before she went down to pre-op."

"Oh."

"But I'm afraid I have some bad news," Derek said solemnly.

"What? What is it?" Addison asked looking instantly concerned.

Derek pulled out shreds of what used to be a shoe, a pointe slipper to be more exact.

"Please tell me that isn't one of Ava's pointe shoes," Addison continued.

"I'm afraid so. I went to the Four Seasons yesterday to get Ava's stuff and check her out. My best guess is that Quinn was looking at these and forgot to put them back in Ava's bag and Doc thought they would taste pretty good."

Addison groaned, "I've told Quinn a million times to stay away from Ava's dance stuff."

"I know."

"I'll have to call Jackson and ask him if she left an extra pair at his house."

"Addison, Ava won't be dancing for at least two weeks if everything goes well today."

"Not fully. But she'll want to keep limber and I won't be the one to tell her that her pointe slippers have become a doggy treat for Doc."

"Ok. I understand. Now will you please drink your coffee before it gets cold?"

"Fine," she said as Derek sat beside her with his own coffee. After a moment Addison said, "Quinn asked me something very interesting."

"Did she?" Derek asked taking a sip of coffee

"She wants a baby brother."

Derek coughed as he tried not to choke," Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that baby brothers take time."

"What was her reasoning?"

"Quinn said she wanted to have someone to play with when Ava went back to New York. I told her that she would have friends when she went back to school. But that didn't change her resolve."

"We've discussed having another child before Addie. There's no reason why we can't."

"No," Addison conceded, "There isn't."

"But?"

"But I don't know whether I want to have a child right now. We've just started to get back on track."

"A baby won't change that."

"Derek, you and I are the heads of two departments in the fastest growing hospital in the Pacific Northwest."

"True."

"And right now, I just want to savor the time we have with our children. Quinn is growing up so fast Derek and I don't want to miss that. We've already missed enough as it is."

"I can't dispute that. But let's keep the option open just in case."

"Derek…"

"Addie, just keep the possibility open that's all I'm saying."

Addison looked at him closely, "You really want another baby don't you?"

"Yes I do. I come from a big family and I would like one more child. A boy would be nice, but as long as he or she is healthy I would be happy."

Addison nodded and looked down at the floor. She said nothing for a few minutes, absorbing what he had said and then she looked up at him, "Derek, before Ava came into our lives I wasn't sure about us and our relationship. Yes I loved you, but I wasn't sure if we wanted the same things. Yes we had medicine in common. But our family experiences were very different. You come from a big family and I don't. I am a product of divorce. I never got to know my real father. And when my mom remarried and had Carrie, it took me a long time to feel like I really and truly belonged in my family. And I was content with that. I never thought of myself as a mother. I was career-driven with my entire life in front of me. And then Ava came into my life," Addison paused as she felt emotions well up within her. "She revolutionized the way that I thought Derek and from the moment she asked me if she could call me mommy I knew that I had found what had been missing in my life and in our relationship. I was afraid Derek, afraid to think too far into the future about us. But Ava gave me permission to do that. And then when Quinn came along and I felt whole. I am complete just way things are."

"And if I'm not, what then?"

"Derek, I didn't mean to upset you…"

"Why are you always the one who makes the decisions? Why don't I get a say?"

"I do not make all the decisions!"

"You do Addie. You might not even realize it, but you do. And that would be fine if this were a one-sided marriage but it isn't Addison. This marriage is a partnership with two people in it and it's about time you remembered that."

"Derek, the joint decisions that we make about our children and family such as where they go to school or what they are exposed to is one thing. But having another child is something completely different. You're asking me to make a lot of sacrifices that I may not be ready for. Having another child puts my life and my health at risk. I don't know if I'm ready to put myself out there like that."

"Addison, come on. You're in perfect health. There's nothing stopping this."

"I deal with mothers and babies all day Derek. I care for women who are having babies in the later stages of life. I am the one who has to fix those complications due to advanced maternal age. And when I am unable to fix those things, I have to watch mothers agonize Derek. Do you have any idea what that's like? Do you? I thank the stars above everyday for Quinn, for the fact that she was born healthy. We had those years with her Derek and I'm grateful. But now, we have to face facts. Quinn is still very ill and the pacemaker is only the beginning. We need to focus on her now."

"Ok, fine. You've made your point," said Derek rising.

"Where are you going?"

"To see Quinn."

"Derek do not walk away from me."

He didn't say anything response and instead choice to walk out, leaving Addison alone.

* * *

_We're taught to lead the life you choose  
(all I wanted)  
You know your love's run out on you  
(all I wanted)  
And you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true _

Oh, yeah  
It's easy to forget, yeah  
When you choke on the regrets, yeah  
Who the hell did I think I was?

"Quinn are you sure you want to give me this?" Ava asked holding up Jojo the monkey.

"Yes I'm sure, he's good luck"

"Ok, but I'll be sure to give him back after surgery."

"Ava?"

Ava turned to the doorway only to see Xavier standing there.

"You shouldn't be here," Quinn said to Xavier. "You hurt my sister."

"It's ok Quinn," Ava said placing a hand on her sister's arm. "I need to talk to him."

"Ok," said Quinn looking at her sister. "But I still don't trust him."

"That makes two of us," said Ava under her breath. "Why don't you go find Izzie? And I'll see you after I get out of surgery?"

"Ok Ava," Quinn said hugging her sister. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too, more than anything," Ava whispered back.

"More than even ballet?"

"More than even ballet."

"Ok," Quinn said giving her sister a kiss before leaving.

"Do you really love your sister more than ballet?" Xavier asked approaching the bed.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize."

"There is nothing to apologize for."

"Gabby---"

"No! Don't you dare call me that! You have no right. I know Xavier so you can stop pretending."

"What are you talking about?"

"I called your cell phone yesterday and imagine my surprise when Serena answered the phone. Yes, she took great pleasure in telling me the truth about you. I know you're her boyfriend Xavier. And I also know that she asked you to come onto me so that she could learn all of my secrets and all of my flaws. I trusted you Xavier. I gave you my heart and you gave it all to her."

"Ava I never wanted to do this."

"But you did and it is done. Serena Michaels is a great ballerina Xavier, she is beautiful and talented. She is everything any man could want. But underneath all of that is a lying, manipulative, scared little girl who can't handle competition. I know that she's here in Seattle and I bet you ten to one that she is going to call a press conference and tell the world that I'm not who I say I am. Am I right?"

"Yes. But Ava I meant what I said on the phone."

"What? That you love me?"

"Yes."

"Yet you sleep in another woman's bed every night."

"Ava please, I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry; for you. I'm sorry that you're letting Serena use you. But here's a little tip for you, you're not the first guy she's manipulated and you won't be the last. Now please leave."

"Not until you hear me out."

"No. Leave!"

Before she could stop him, Xavier crossed to the bed and kissed Ava. His hands pinned her wrists down as she struggled against him, but she was in no position to fight him. Her heart began to race as her fight or flight response kicked in dumping adrenaline into her blood stream. And then when Xavier felt her stop struggling he pulled away just in time to watch her go into respiratory arrest.

* * *

_And stranger than your sympathy  
And all these thoughts you stole from me  
And I'm not sure where I belong  
And no where's home and no more wrong_

Outside of the room, Quinn heard the alarm go off just as Derek came down the hall.

"Daddy!" she said. "Daddy!"

Derek broke into a run at the sight of Quinn and the sound of the alarms going off. When he reached the room, he went inside and saw a team of nurses and George at Ava's side trying to resuscitate her. He saw red at the sight of Xavier in the corner. As soon as Ava was stable again, Derek grabbed the younger man roughly by the arm and lead him outside.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize."

"You broke her heart, I think that's enough."

"But I love her!"

"If you loved her you would have thought to make better choices. My daughter is very fragile right now as you can see. She needs time to heal physically and emotionally. So please leave."

"I can't leave her, not after this."

"When Ava is feeling better she will decide whether or not to continue seeing you. But as her father, I am telling you to stay away. You've done enough for today."

"Fine," Xavier said and he walked away.

When Derek turned around, Quinn was leaning against the wall looking shaken.

"It's ok Quinn," Derek said swiftly picking his younger daughter. "Ava's fine."

Quinn burst into tears, "Daddy…"

"I know it's scary," he said hugging her tightly.

"What happened?" Addison asked coming down the hall as Quinn sobbed into Derek's shoulder.

"Ava went into respiratory arrest."

"Is she ok?"

"She's stable."

"Richard can't operate on her today if she compromised."

"I'll make that determination myself thank you," Richard Webber said walking past them and into Ava's room.

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier."

"It's fine," Addison said as they watched Richard examined Ava.

Derek rubbed Quinn's back as she started to wind down, "Ava's fine Quinnabear."

"He hurt Ava," Quinn said between hiccupping breaths.

"Who hurt Ava baby?" Addison asked.

"Xavier Manoso," said Derek.

"He was here?"

"Yes and I just sent him away."

"Good," Addison said feeling a slight headache coming on.

"What happened?" Izzie asked coming over to them.

"Ava," Derek said simply.

Izzie nodded in understanding, "Let me take Quinn."

Derek handed Quinn, who was half asleep to Izzie, "Thanks," he whispered.

"No problem," she said and they headed off to a quieter place.

"Addie? Are you feeling ok?" Derek asked taking in his wife's pale demeanor.

"I'm fine, just a bit of a headache."

"Are you sure?"

"Derek, I'm fin—" Addison started to say and then everything went black.

"Addison?" Derek said as he caught her in his arms. "Addie?"

_And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was  
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted  
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me _

Mmm, yeah  
Stranger than your sympathy  
Stranger than your sympathy  
Mmm hmmm mmm

* * *

Lyrics: 

"NYC Weather Report"- Five for Fighting

"Sympathy"- Goo Goo Dolls

I know, I'm evil! R/R please


	15. For the Love of Another

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XIV: For the Love of Another

_  
Beautiful dawn - lights up the shore for me.  
There is nothing else in the world,  
I'd rather wake up and see (with you)._

_Beautiful dawn - I'm just chasing time again.  
Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night.  
But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above.  
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me._

Addison Shepherd opened her eyes feeling very dizzy and lightheaded. She tried to sit up, but a hand forced her gently back onto the gurney.

"You need to stay down," Miranda Bailey said as she adjusted her colleague's IV settings.

"No, I need to be with my kids," Addison replied weakly wincing at the sound of her own voice.

"You need to rest," Miranda insisted again, her tone inviting no protests. "Quinn is sound asleep and Stevens is keeping an eye on her. And the Chief has Ava in the OR. She's doing just fine so far. As for you, all of your lab work is negative. But you're dehydrated and exhausted.

"Miranda, I'm fine!"

"No, no you're not. I wondered why my interns had suddenly taken to calling Ava "mini she-Shepherd" but now I know. She's exactly like you; an overachieving, smart, caring person who will always put her family before herself. And now she's having surgery to repair an ulcer brought on by stress and sheer exhaustion. Do you really want to follow in her footsteps?"

"No."

"Then rest, please. I'm telling you this as both your doctor and your friend. Derek says you've barely slept in the last week even when he begged you to go."

"He doesn't understand Miranda."

"What do you mean?"

"Derek, he doesn't understand how it feels." She paused. "When Derek left New York to come here, I knew that he wouldn't be back in a week or two. That's why I didn't come after him right away. I knew that my children would have to stay behind and that was a sacrifice I was unwilling to make until I missed Derek so much I couldn't stand it anymore. And since I've been here, I have missed my children so much that it physically hurt just thinking about them. I have worried about them every hour of everyday as I tried to keep my marriage from disintegrating. And then Quinn shows up and she's fine while Ava is a complete mess. I feel guilty Miranda, very guilty. That's why I haven't left."

Miranda sighed, "I know Addison. I understand how you feel believe me. But you need to relax as best as you can. You won't do Quinn or Ava any good in this state."

"Fine, but if I promise to rest will you go scrub in on Ava's surgery?"

"Yes, I'll go scrub in on Ava's surgery. But rest means going back to sleep. Ava will be out of it for most of the day and Quinn will be with Izzie, so you have time."

"Ok. Thanks Miranda."

"You saved my baby Addison, no thanks needed. Now I'm gonna go save yours."

Miranda exited the room and found Derek waiting outside, worry lines creasing his face, "How is she?" he asked.

"Exhausted and dehydrated, but I gave her something to help her sleep. Your job is to make sure that she does just that. I'm going to go scrub in on Ava's surgery and I'll be back to check on Addison when I get out."

"Thank you Miranda."

"You're welcome; now go see your wife."

Derek nodded and opened the door to Addison's room. He found her lying in bed looking pale and fragile. He felt his heart sink. He hated seeing her like this.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," Addison replied offering him a smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but ok otherwise."

"Addie be honest."

"I'm exhausted," she admitted quietly.

"I know you are," he said getting on the bed next to his wife. "So that's why you're going to sleep."

"Derek…"

"You promised Bailey sweetheart."

"I know I did, but someone should go be with the kids."

"It's better that you and I aren't in the gallery for Ava's surgery. And as for Quinn, the interns have practically adopted her as one of them. Just relax Addison."

"I can't."

"Yes you can," he whispered in her ear as he moved her hair aside and kissed her neck gently.

"Derek," Addison breathed.

"Forget what you know. Forget the world around us Addie."

Addison tensed slightly as his free hand drifted down under the blanket and between her legs, "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Don't speak," Derek said again kissing her lips softly.

Addison gasped at his ministrations, "Don't stop," she whispered.

"I have no intention to."

And then that's when the world around Derek and Addison vanished and Addison finally let go.

* * *

_Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again.  
Do you remember the day when my journey began?  
Will you remember the end (of time)?_

Several hours later Derek emerged from Addison's room with a small smile playing across his face.

"Derek," said a voice from behind him.

Derek turned to see Richard coming toward him.

"Richard, how did it go?"

"Everything went fine, Ava's in recovery now."

Derek looked relieved, "Thank you."

"How's Addison?"

"Asleep, she's completely exhausted."

"That's to be expected under the circumstances. But how are you?"

"Me? I'd be better if Addison weren't lying in a hospital bed. But if this is the only way I can get her to rest than so be it."

"If everything goes as I expect to, Ava will be able to get out of here as soon as she's able to take solids."

"But that's still another three days here at least."

"True, but maybe that will be enough time for you to get something together."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your wife works very hard Derek both in her career and in her personal life. And I suspect Ava does the same. Don't you think it's about time you reward them?"

"I---I don't know."

"Think about it," he said and then walked away.

Derek stood there for a moment looking after the chief and then went back into Addison's room. Closing the door behind him quietly, Derek resumed his position on the bed as he gingerly took his wife back in his arms.

"Derek?" she murmured sleepily.

"I'm right here babe."

"Where did you go?"

"I was outside talking to Richard."

"Ava?"

"Fine, she's in recovery now."

"You should go be with her."

"I'm staying right here with you."

* * *

_Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again.  
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.  
High; running wild among all the stars above.  
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me._

Quinn sat at the intern's table an hour later watching Cristina, George, Izzie, and Alex banter about who had gotten the best cases that morning and which surgeries they got to scrub in on. Usually, this amused the seven year-old a great deal. But today she wasn't interested. She looked as if she was waiting for someone and in fact she was. Quinn was waiting for Meredith, who had been in surgery with Ava. Just when she was about to give up hope, Meredith came up with a tray of food in her hands.

"It's about time you got here," Cristina said as Meredith sat down.

"I had an early surgery this morning and I had to make sure I did a follow-up."

"How is she Meredith?" Izzie asked.

"Ava's fine. She's back in her room. But hopefully she'll be able to be moved out of the ICU later today."

"That's really good news."

"Can I go see my sister?" Quinn asked and everyone looked at her. She had been so quiet that they had all forgotten she was there.

"Uh sure," said Meredith. "Just let me eat first and then I'll take you to go see her."

25 minutes later the unlikely pair of Quinn and Meredith walked into the ICU.

"Grey what are you doing back here so soon?" Bailey asked as she came out of Ava's room.

"I had someone who wanted to see Ava," Meredith replied indicating Quinn.

"Oh," Bailey said looking down at Quinn. She softened a bit. "Your sister is awake right now, but she's still really tired so you're going to have to keep your visit short."

"Okay Dr. Bailey," Quinn said walking into the room.

"I heard about Dr. Shepherd. Is she ok?" Meredith asked Bailey as they watched Quinn get up on Ava's bed and sit next to her sister.

"She's tired, but a day or two of rest and some fluids and she'll be fine."

"Good."

Inside the room, Quinn snuggled up to her sister, putting her arms around Ava in a semi-hug.

"What are you doing here squirt?" Ava whispered.

"I came to see you silly."

"You should be out having fun."

"But I'd rather be with you."

"You're a pretty good sister, you know that?"

"But you're the best."

_Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?  
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,  
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above.  
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me_

* * *

Lyrics "High"- James Blunt

Who do you think Ava should hook up with?

A. No one. She's good being by herself.

B. Xavier

C. An intern; George or Alex

D. Someone completely new that we've never met before.

Please respond to this question in either your reviews or an e-mail. R/R please!


	16. Secrets, Lies, and Everything in Between

Healing Process

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. But I hope you enjoy it and for those of you Addison and Derek fans on the Incision, there's a little inside joke for you here. Happy reading!

* * *

Chapter XV: Secrets, Lies, and Everything in Between

_October 1992_

"_When can I see my niece?" Derek asked NYU's on-call psychologist._

"_The police are interviewing her now. When they're done you should be able to take Ava home."_

"_She's been through enough already," Addison_ _Forbes-Montgomery protested. _

"_If it's okay with you, I'd like to set Ava up with Dr. Reed in the morning. She's an excellent child psychologist."_

"_I know she is," Derek said before Addison_ _could reply. "But Ava has been through enough the last few days, she needs quiet._

"_Dr. Shepherd, the sooner that you seek help for your niece the better. Child abuse is not something that can be fixed with one or two surgeries. Ava is going to need a lot of therapy, but with the right help and a stable environment she has the potential to do very well."_

"_Derek and I realize that Dr. Jacobson. But Ava's mother left her in our care, we don't know when she's coming back and Ava has spent the better part of the last 24 hours in a car driving from Canada. We would like to take a few days before we expose her to anymore people. She's been poked and prodded enough as it is."_

"_Derek!"_

_Derek turned to see Samantha Shepherd, his mother coming toward them with his father James not far behind._

"_Mom, dad what are you doing here?"_

"_Your sister called us and told us that you would probably be here with Ava. She sounded extremely worried. Is everything alright?"_

"_We had to get Ava checked out."_

"_For what reason?" Derek's father asked._

_Just as Derek was about to respond, the door to the room where Ava was opened and two police officers stepped out._

"_Dr. Shepherd?" said one of them. "We're done with the interview."_

"_Can Ava go now?" Addison_ _asked the pair._

"_Yes she can, if we have anymore questions, we'll let you know."_

_Derek nodded to Addison_ _answering her silent question as to whether to go get Ava. She slipped into the room as Derek thanked the officers and they left._

"_What is going on Derek?" his mother asked again, worry evident in her tone._

"_Kate left Ava with Addison and me for a few days." _

"_We can see that," James Shepherd said. "But why did you bring Ava here?"_

_Derek looked down at the floor and took a breath before looking up at them again, "We found bruises on Ava's back, stomach, and legs." He said quietly_

"_Oh my god," Samantha whispered._

"_Is she hurt?" James asked. _

"_Ava has no internal injuries. But emotionally, we don't know yet."_

"_Katie would never do such a thing."_

"_I never said that she did mom. And besides I don't think Kate did it."_

"_Well then who did?" James demanded to know_

"_I don't know, we haven't gotten to ask Ava about it yet."_

"_I think she needs to come home with us Derek," Samantha said regaining her resolve. "You and Addison aren't prepared to care for a child, especially with your schedules. You just started your internships."_

"_We can make it work Samantha," said Addison_ _coming out into the hall holding Ava's hand._

"_There's my girl," Samantha said warmly going over to hug the little girl, but Ava shied away from her and moved closer to Addison. Samantha frowned, "Ava its Grandma." _

"_Mom, Ava's had a long day and she's tired," Derek said putting a hand on his mother's shoulder._

"_Yes, well I still think Ava should come with us Derek."_

"_We have plenty of room Son," James said quietly._

"_I know Dad, but Ava has been moved around enough for one day. And Kate trusted us with Ava for a reason and I won't betray that," Derek said firmly. "We'll call you in the morning when we know more. But for now, don't tell the rest of the family."_

"_Derek, you know how I feel about secrets," Samantha said looking to her only son._

"_Yes, I know. But for Ava's sake, it's necessary._

_James put his hands on Samantha's shoulders, "We understand. But you'll call if you need anything?"_

"_Yes Jim, we will," Addison_ _said with a soft smile._

_Twenty-five minutes later, a cab pulled up in front of the building where Addison and Derek lived and the trio got out. Ava had been quiet the entire ride home. In fact she hadn't said much since her arrival and when she had spoken, she had done so softly. It was around 9pm_ _when Addison_ _opened the door to the apartment with Derek and Ava behind her. Soon after Ava went to get into her pajamas and get ready for bed. Derek sank heavily onto the couch as soon as she was gone._

"_This was the last thing I expected to happen."_

"_I know what you mean." Addison_ _said and then she paused. "Do you think Kate will come back?"_

"_Of course she will, it's just a matter of when. But somehow I don't think it will only be a few days. We need to start thinking in the long term."_

_Addison_ _nodded, "We can do this Derek."_

"_Yeah," he said and then a small smile crossed his face. "We can think of this as a practice run for our own family._

"_Yes we can," Addison_ _said but the thought of a family of her own made her very uneasy for some reason._

_Before the conversation could go any farther, a crash came from the back of the house. The couple rose and went to the bathroom. When they got there, a small glass vase that had been sitting on the sink was now shattered on the floor. Ava stood rooted in front of the sink. Her eyes were wide with fear._

"_Ava?" Derek said slowly going over to his niece and touching her shoulder. Ava jumped and pulled away as if she had been scalded. Her deep green eyes were full of terror._

"_Ava, it's ok," Addison_ _said crossing over to join Derek. "It's just Uncle Derek and me."_

_That was when Ava started shaking, she looked pale and she looked so very scared. Then her legs began to wobble and then they gave out._

"_She's going into shock," Derek said picking Ava up before she hit the ground. The little girl's lower lip began to tremble and then her eyes filled with tears and then she began to sob as she tried to pull away from Derek._

"_Here, let me take her," said Addison and Derek handed the child to her. Addison_ _could feel Ava's body-racking sobs vibrating against her own body. "It's ok Ava, I've got you," she said pressing Ava's head to her chest. "You're safe now."_

_Ava was still crying when Derek came into the bedroom he shared with Addison_ _5 minutes later after sweeping up the glass. He saw his girlfriend holding one of the most precious things in his life and that made him happy. But seeing Ava's tears made his heart break. Slowly he joined them on the bed and Addison_ _smiled weakly as they both held her until she stopped crying. _

_It was going to be a long road_

* * *

_Watch the sunrise  
Say your goodbyes  
Off we go  
Some conversation  
No contemplation  
Hit the road_

Car overheats  
Jump out of my seat  
On the side of the highway baby  
Our road is long  
Your hold is strong  
Please don't ever let go Oh No. 

"You need to get laid Avs," Megan Bridges told her best friend Ava Shepherd over the phone two weeks later.

"Meg!" Ava exclaimed almost shocked as she pressed her cell phone to her ear and stepped onto the terrace of her parents' Downtown Seattle penthouse in bare feet, jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail. "I can't believe you just said that. I'm still recovering from surgery."

"That's bull Ava and you know it. I've seen you dance through shin splints and a 103 degree fever. A little fun won't hurt you at all. And there's nothing wrong with some good sex. You need it, especially with your interview at the Pacific Northwest Ballet coming up tomorrow. It could decide your entire future."

"Really? I didn't know that," Ava replied, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"Seriously though, let's go out to this club I know about. I haven't seen you in like forever. I want to see you before you leave on Tuesday."

"I know. But, I'm not the one who decided to go to the University of Washington and leave Manhattan behind."

"What you're going through with Serena Michaels was reason enough for leaving Ava. All of those girls we went to school with are all the same; vindictive, manipulative, cruel, and who ever they had to step on to get ahead, it didn't matter. After what she and Xavier put you through, maybe you should consider a move."

"I'm not going to run away from my problems Meg. Xavier is nothing to me anyway. If he wants to stay with that skank then that's his prerogative."

"There is a land called Denial and you are their queen."

"I am not in denial. I'm accepting what's happened and moving on."

"Ava, please don't prove those girls right and live up to your reputation as the "Ice Queen". You're hardcore, I get it. But that still doesn't mean you can't feel something."

"If I say I'll go with you tonight, will you stop acting like my shrink and just be my friend?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll go out with you. But I have no intention of getting laid or wasted."

"Whatever you say your highness."

* * *

"Are you going somewhere?" Derek asked as Ava passed him in the hall with curlers in her hair.

"Megan wants to go out to a club tonight."

"Isn't tomorrow your audition?"

"Hence the reason I'm going out. It'll be fine. I'll dance for a few hours, loosen up, and come home. That's it."

"Ava—"

"Dad, please just let me do this? I never go out. I need to have fun."

Derek held his hands up in surrender, "Ok, I give in."

Ava smiled, "Thanks dad," and then she disappeared into her room.

Derek sighed and headed into the living room where Addison was sitting on the sofa thumbing through a medical journal.

"Hey, when did you get home?"

"About 10 minutes ago, why?" Addison asked looking up at him.

"No reason, I just missed you, that's all."

Addison smiled, "How sweet…" She kissed him. "I have good news."

"And what news would that be?" He asked sitting beside her.

"Quinn is going on a sleepover."

"With who?"

"With Izzie and Meredith."

"Seriously?"

Addison nodded as a grin crossed her face, "They thought we could use a little alone time before tomorrow, whatever that means."

"I don't know," Derek said feigning that he had no idea what they had been referring to. But in actuality, Derek had enlisted Izzie and Meredith's help in planning a surprise weekend for Addison and Ava.

"So I was thinking that we could have sex tonight?"

Derek laughed and kissed her, "I like the way you think Dr. Shepherd," he whispered pulling her closer to him and sucking on her neck.

Addison giggled, "Derek…"

Quinn and Ava came into the room just then and stopped dead in their tracks upon seeing their parents. Ava cleared her throat.

"Eww gross" Quinn said as Addison and Derek pulled apart like a couple of guilty teenagers.

"I echo her sentiments," Ava said as she walked over to the open kitchen to get a glass of water.

Derek ignored her, "So Quinn, I heard you're going on a sleepover."

"Yep," Quinn said as Doc came trotting up to her. They had become fast friends since Quinn's arrival.

"You'll have fun," Ava said as she came over to Quinn with water in hand

"What is that?" Derek asked, his eyes immediately going to a sparkling object on Ava's navel.

"That's Ava's belly button piercing," Quinn said.

"When did you have that done?" Addison asked momentarily stunned.

"Months ago, it was a birthday present to myself. Trés mingon, non?"

"I have no idea what that means, but go change now," Derek said taking in her piercing as well as her entire outfit, which consisted of a dark red silk halter top, low rise black pants, heels, and a Burberry hat; chestnut and blonde ringlets cascaded from underneath the cap which was tipped ever so slightly.

"If Quinn gets her way and goes to a French school, I see a lot of phone calls about homework in my future. I can't believe in my 12 years of learning French you have learned nothing."

Before Derek could respond, the doorbell rang and Quinn went to answer it. On the other side of the door stood Megan Bridges dressed in a short skirt, boots, and a sparkly shirt.

"Hey Quinn."

"Hi Megan," Quinn said allowing the older girl to come in

"Mon amie!" Ava said as the two friends exchanged kisses on both cheeks.

"You look hot Avs. Xavier will be so sorry he screwed you over."

"Can we not talk about that?"

"Ok," Megan said and then turned her attention to Derek and Addison, "Hi Dr. Shepherds."

"Hi Megan," said Addison. "How have you been?"

"Good, school's kept me busy."

"Where are you going tonight?"

"This club I found out about a couple of days ago. A friend of mine is a DJ there. It's not far from here."

"Does this club serve alcohol?" Derek asked.

"No not at all, it's 18 and over."

"Good. Keep an eye on her will you? She's at the top of her game yet."

"And yet I'm standing right here Dad. I'll be careful."

"I want you home at 12:30."

"Dad!"

"Ava," Addison cut in. "You're an adult, so come home whenever you want, but make sure you get enough sleep for your audition tomorrow."

"Thanks mom," she said giving Addison a kiss on the cheek.

"Be safe."

"I will," Ava said before turning to Quinn. "Have a good time and be good for Meredith and Izzie."

"Okay Ava. I love you," She said as the two sisters hugged.

"Love you too. I'll see you tomorrow," Ava said giving her sister a kiss before turning to her father. "Bye dad."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," he said pulling into a hug.

"I won't."

"Let's go Avs, or we'll never leave," Megan said pulling Ava toward the door. Ava grabbed her purse.

"Fine." When Ava and Megan were outside, Ava turned to her friend and said, "I can't believe you told them it was 18 or over and that there was no alcohol being served.

"Would your dad have let you go guilt-free if I had told him the truth?"

"No."

"Ok, so shut up and let's go."

* * *

_I know I don't know you  
But I want you so bad  
Everyone has a secret  
But can they keep it  
Oh No they can't_

I'm driving fast now  
Don't think I know how to go slow  
Where you at now  
I feel around  
There you are

Later after Quinn had gone, Addison and Derek were enjoying a bath in their Jacuzzi-style tub.

"This is one of the things I really missed about living a house," Addison said as she leaned back into Derek's chest.

"Really?"

"Yeah, especially after surgery."

"You know I think I missed having a bathtub too," he said flipping them over and kissing her. "I forgot how good bath sex actually is."

"So did I," she said in a low tone as she began to kiss him softly. Derek groaned as she nipped his earlobe.

"Addie…." He said breathed.

"Derek," she said as she licked his neck and then bit down on the tender flesh there.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, did that hurt?"

"I don't know, do it again." Addison repeated the motion. "Yeah that really did hurt," he said with a glint in his eye and Addison laughed.

"Sometimes you are just too much."

"Addie look at me," He said lifting her chin so her eyes met his.

"What?"

"I want to make an FHB with you."

"An FHB?"

"I heard Izzie using it the other day. She said that all of our babies would have fabulous hair."

"Well that is true. Quinn does have really good hair. So does Ava and she's not actually ours.

"I want to have another child with you."

"Derek, we've talked about this. I don't think that---"

Derek stopped her with a kiss, "Don't think, just do Addie. We didn't think for Quinn, we let it happen and look at the way it turned out"

"Honey…"

"Don't think Addie," he said before covering her mouth with his own.

* * *

_Cool these engines  
Calm these jets  
I ask you how hot can it get  
And as you wipe off beads of sweat  
Slowly you say "I'm not there yet!"_

The moonlight illuminated the couple sound asleep in bed. The man had his arm wrapped protectively around the woman's waist. A trail of clothes led into the bedroom from the hallway. A lacy black bra and panty set led up to the bed as well as a pair of boxers.

Ava awoke to a strong pair of arms encircling her waist. She felt very relaxed and at ease. She shifted ever so slightly to look at the clock, which read 3:45am and then proceeded to get out of bed. But the arms held her stead fast in position.

"Where are you going?" The man asked pulling her back onto the bed.

"I have to go. I have an audition at 11:00am."

The man kissed her, "Stay. We've got hours."

"I have to go Alex…" Ava said but it came out as more of as gasp when one of his free hands journeyed downward and Ava felt her entire body flush.

"Just a few more minutes," he said before kissing her soundly.

And in that moment, Ava didn't care about the implications of what she had done. Who knew being so bad could feel so good?

_I know I don't know you  
But I want you so bad  
Everyone has a secret  
But can they keep it  
Oh No they can't_

_I know I don't know you  
But I want you so bad  
Everyone has a secret  
But can they keep it  
Oh No they can't_

* * *

Lyrics- "Secret" Maroon 5

Thanks to everyone who voted in my poll! As you can see, a lot of people wanted Ava with an intern, mostly Alex. But many also thought Ava should have some time on by herself. So I won't be sticking Ava and Alex together right away or indefinitely. It's all about letting it flow. So if you want it to flow some more, please R/R!


	17. Getting the Ball Rolling

Healing Process

A/N: A new day, a new chapter. I'd especially like to thank Chelsea for her opinions in this story, they really helped! So if any of my other faithful readers have opinions regarding this chapter, please feel free to share them when you R/R! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter XVI: Getting the Ball Rolling

Addison awoke at 4:30am to use the bathroom. Sliding out of bed, she slipped her robe on and walked into the master bathroom. The front door opened a few minutes later and Ava tip-toed inside with a pair of Manolo Blaniks that would make Carrie Bradshaw squeal in hand. Addison watched from her hiding place just inside her bedroom door as Ava shut the door and tip-toed to her room closing the door behind her.

"Ava must have had a good time then," Addison thought before crawling back into bed with Derek who instinctively pulled her closer and then she fell asleep.

When she awoke a few hours later at 7:30, Addison found that Ava had mysteriously disappeared again, but the absence of Doc told Addison that Ava had most likely taken him for a run.

"Is Ava still asleep?" Derek asked as he padded into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"No, I think she took Doc for a run."

"Have you given any thought to what we talked about last night?"

"Yes, I have," Addison said before pouring her own coffee.

"And?"

"I won't think about it."

Derek smiled; "Good," and then he kissed her very softly, pushing her back against the counter. He set down her coffee mug followed by his own mug and then wrapped his arms around her waist kissing Addison more deeply.

But before she could respond, the door opened and Doc trotted in panting but very happy. Ava was right behind him dressed in sweats, a t-shirt, and running shoes with her hair pulled into a tight ponytail.

"Morning," Ava said as she crossed to the fridge and pulled out her water bottle and sat down on a stool at the kitchen counter.

"Have a good run?"

"Yeah," Ava said taking a sip of water as her hand squeezed the counter. This gesture didn't go unnoticed by either Addison or Derek.

"Ava are you ok?" Derek asked.

"I'm fine," Ava said before taking another sip.

"Ava," said Addison "How are you really feeling? I want the truth now."

"I'm fine mom really," Ava repeated again, but she wouldn't make eye contact with either parent.

"You're in pain," Derek said. "I can tell by the way you have your fist clenched," he said indicating her balled up fist on the counter.

"Ok, fine I'm a little bit sore," Ava said looking up.

"More than sore, you've been pushing yourself too hard for the past couple of days. You should take something," Addison said before grabbing Ava's medicine off the counter. "Here."

"I'm not taking anything. I don't want to risk getting drowsy during my audition."

"I knew you shouldn't have gone out last night," said Derek.

"I'm fine."

"Look at me," Addison said lifting Ava's chin to meet her gaze. "You either take something for pain and go back to bed for a couple of hours or I will cancel your audition and we won't allow you to go back to New York."

"You can't do that!"

"Yes we can Ava," said Derek stepping up beside Addison. "You're still recovering and all of your teachers agreed to let you finish your midterms, finals, and course work over the internet and through teleconferencing."

"They would never agree to that!"

"Your advisors did Ava. We all care about your health and well-being and we're trying to keep you from having a relapse."

"I won't."

"You will if you keep pushing yourself so hard. Now what will it be, pain and staying here or no pain and you can go back to New York?" Addison asked as Ava folded her arms.

"Ok I give in," Ava said reluctantly as Addison gave her a couple of pain pills and Ava took them.

"Now go back to bed, we'll wake you before the audition."

"This is emotional blackmail" Ava muttered as she slid off the stool and went to her room.

"But with love," Derek said.

* * *

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Addison asked Derek when they walked into his office later that afternoon.

"Just leave everything to me, you'll know in good time."

"Derek…"

"Addie," he said kissing the top of her head. "Sit down and wait for Ava to get here."

"What does this have to do with Ava?"

"You'll see."

Downstairs, Ava walked into the lobby of Seattle Grace and crossed over to the elevator bank. As she waited for the elevator to arrive, a familiar scent filled her nostrils and she closed her eyes remembering almost 24 hours before.

* * *

_Club X_

_Alex Karev wasn't interested in dancing. Tonight he was interested in getting as far away from the hospital as possible. The thought of being anywhere near Izzie or heart guy made him sick. So that's why he was here, in this club, sitting at the bar and intending to get completely smashed. But before he could take a sip of his first drink, someone called his name._

"_Dr. Karev?"_

_Alex turned to tell whoever it was to get the hell away from him, but when he saw who it was he stopped. Ava Shepherd stood before him in low rise black pants, a red silk halter top, and to top off the ensemble; a silver ring glinted on her navel and she wore a Burberry hat tipped to the side. Even though she had had surgery only two weeks before she had the eye of every guy in the room and the envy of every girl. In a word, Ava Shepherd was definitely hot and she knew how to flaunt it._

"_Ava, what are you doing here?"_

"_I'm here with a friend, supposedly to get over my ex. I thought Joe's Bar is where Seattle_ _Grace gets wasted?"_

"_It is but I needed a change so I came here."_

_Ava noticed his drink and then looked back to him, "Dance with me."_

"_I don't dance."_

"_Whoever or whatever you're trying to forget won't be cured with booze. Dance with me and I guarantee by the time we're done you'll have forgotten all about it."_

"_I don't dance Ava, I already told you. So go away," he turned back to his drink._

_But Ava snatched it away and put it to the side, "I didn't ask you to dance with me Dr. Karev, I told you to dance with me."_

"_I don't take orders well."_

"_Well that's too bad, isn't it? Because I always get what I want and besides, I love this song," Ava said before grabbing Alex's hand and dragging him onto the dance floor._

_Ladies up in here tonight  
No fighting, no fighting  
We got the refugees up in here  
No fighting, no fighting_

Shakira, Shakira

I never really knew that she could dance like this   
She makes a man wants to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  
Shakira, Shakira

"_Has anyone ever told you that you can be bossy?" Alex asked loudly over the music._

"_I've been called a lot worse, Dr. Karev."_

"_Call me Alex."_

"_Ok Alex. If you're going to be dancing with me, you need to get closer," she said pulling him closer to her body._

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body_

And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection

_As Ava had predicted, Alex soon forgot Izzie and heart guy. He forgot everything around him until his sole focus was on Ava's hips, her eyes, and the way her body felt as they danced together. She was intoxicating to watch as she moved to the rhythm of the music. But Alex noticed that she didn't get completely lost in it, she kept her eyes completely focused on him and in them he could see his own feelings mirrored back at him. Pain, want, and lust. He watched her hips as they moved to the beat. And then he looked back up at her and in that moment Alex forgot who she was and before the song was finished he dragged her off the dance floor._

_Hey Girl, I can see your body moving  
And it's driving me crazy  
And I didn't have the slightest idea  
Until I saw you dancing_

And when you walk up on the dance floor  
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl  
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it  
So you can keep on taking it

I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa   
Shakira, Shakira

_You're playing with fire little girl," he growled as he pushed her up against the wall in a corner of the club near the bar._

"_Yeah, well so are you," she shot back. And in that instant both of them leaned forward and captured the other in a bruising kiss that left them both panting when they pulled away._

"_You want to get out of here?"_

"_Yeah, actually I do."_

_Alex released Ava from her position and the two exited the club after Ava collected her bag from the coat check. They caught a cab together to his apartment. It was a quiet ride as Ava called Megan's cell phone to let her know that she had left. But as soon as they were inside of the apartment, the couple picked up where they had left off at the club as their lips came together and their clothes came off paving a path to the bedroom._

_Before Alex let Ava hit the bed though, he stopped and looked at her, "Are you sure you want this?"_

"_Yes, I'm sure Alex. Are you?"_

"_Yeah," he whispered before bringing his lips down on hers once more and pushing them both down on the bed._

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body_

And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel you boy  
Come on lets go, real slow  
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto

Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension   
Don't you see baby, this is perfection  
Shakira, Shakira

Oh boy, I can see your body moving  
Half animal, half man  
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing  
But you seem to have a plan  
My will and self restraint  
Have come to fail now, fail now  
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know  
That's a bit too hard to explain

* * *

"How was your audition?" Alex asked casually coming up beside her.

"Fine," Ava replied a small smirk flitting across her face.

"You left these at my place this morning," He said discreetly pulling a pair of black lace panties out of his pocket along with a black Razr cell phone.

"Thanks," she replied taking them and slipping them in her purse.

"I programmed my number into your address book so we could talk, if you want."

"Ok," Ava said as the elevator doors opened and she stepped inside.

"Goodbye Dr. Karev."

"Goodbye Ms. Shepherd," he said with a smirk as the doors closed and he headed back to the pit.

Meredith and Cristina had been standing off to the side unnoticed by Alex or Ava.

"Did he just give her panties?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"I can't belief mini she-Shepherd and evil spawn hooked up!"

"I can't either."

"McDreamy and Satan are going to hit the roof when they find out!"

"Cristina, they can't find out," Meredith said looking at her best friend.

"Why not?"

"Because Addison and Derek will hit the roof if they find out and Ava's just started to get back together with her family."

"So we're not going to tell them?"

"This was probably a one-time thing anyway. She's going back to New York soon."

"So we can't tell them?"

"No Cristina."

"You're no fun."

* * *

"There you are," Derek said as Ava came into his office.

"How did it go?" Addison asked as Ava sat down beside her.

"I don't know, they're going to call me when they've reached a decision."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know. But I'll probably stress over it all weekend."

"Now that is where you're wrong," said Derek. "This weekend will be anything but stressful."

"Dad what are you talking about?" Ava asked and then turned to her mother, "What is he talking about?"

"I have no idea."

"What I am talking about is this," he said handing them a brochure.

"Derek what is this?" Addison asked glancing the paper over.

"I am sending the two of you to a spa for the entire weekend and I have booked both of you for a complete spa package which includes almost every service they offer."

Ava looked up at him, "Seriously?"

"Seriously Ava."

"But why?"

"You are two of the most important people in my life and I want to show how much I appreciate you both for everything that you do. Now if everything is going as I planned Quinn and Izzie should be waiting downstairs with the limo.

"Derek you rented a limo?" Addison asked in disbelief.

"Oh yes, I rented a limo. I pulled out all the stops this time to ensure you both are pampered as much as possible," Derek said before taking Addison's hand and leading them out of the office and into the elevator.

"You didn't have to do this Derek," Addison said as the elevator made its way down to the lobby.

"Yes I did Addie," he whispered. "You deserve it. After everything I've put you through you deserve it."

The elevator doors opened and the trio got out and went outside.

"Surprise Mommy, surprise Ava!" said Quinn.

"You knew about this?" Ava asked Quinn.

"Yep," Quinn said flashing her sister a grin.

"And you managed to keep it all a secret?" Addison asked as Quinn hugged her.

"Yes mommy I did."

"Yes she did," said Derek opening the door of the limo. "Now get in."

"But Derek, what about our clothes?"

"Already taken care of," said Izzie.

"And my patients?"

"Covered," said Meredith who was standing next to Izzie.

"All you have to do is go Addie," Derek whispered kissing her temple. "So go."

"What about Quinn?" Ava asked.

"Daddy and I have our own weekend planned," said Quinn. "Don't worry about me Ava. Go have fun with mommy."

"Ok," Ava said uncertainly. "Mom?"

"Ok," Addison said giving Derek a kiss. "I'll call you?"

"Yes, now go."

"Ok," Addison said flashing him a smile.

"One more thing though. Give me your pager."

"Derek!"

"Addison, you won't need it and by the end of this weekend you probably won't want it back."

"Ok," Addison said reluctantly relinquishing her pager to Derek. "Bye babe. I love you."

"I love you too," he said before giving her a final kiss.

"Bye honey, be good for daddy," Addison said to Quinn.

"I will mommy," Quinn said and then Addison got into the limo.

Ava hugged Quinn, "Bye squirt."

"Have fun."

"You too"

And finally, Ava turned to Derek, "Bye Dad."

"Bye sweetheart. Have a good time ok? And don't think about what happened today."

"I'll try not to."

"Good, now get in," Derek said as Ava slipped into the limo with her mother. "See you both on Monday. Have a good time," he said before closing the door and then the limo pulled away.

The group watched it go and then Izzie and Meredith went back inside leaving Quinn and Derek outside alone.

"Did we do good daddy?" Quinn asked.

"We did good Quinn," Derek said picking her up and kissing her. "Now are you ready to start our weekend together?"

"Just us?"

Derek laughed, "Just us."

* * *

Lyrics "Hips Don't Lie"- Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean

Look for some mother/daughter and father/daughter bonding in the next chapter with some Addek mixed in somewhere. You know the drill…if you want more please R/R!


	18. Little Secrets Come Tumbling Out

Healing Process

A/N: I apologize profusely for taking so long to update. But the finale took a lot out of me. So consequently, you may not see a happy Addison and Derek in the same room together for a few chapters. But fear not I have much planned for the two of them. However before I end this little note, I would like to thank Chelsea for her wonderful encouragement and her ideas. Without her this chapter wouldn't be up so soon. So I would like to dedicate this to her. Thank you doesn't even begin to cover it! Enjoy all!

* * *

Chapter XVII: Little Secrets Come Tumbling Out

"Daddy, where are we going?" Quinn asked Derek as he steered his sleek black SUV off the Seattle ferry and into traffic.

"It's a surprise," Derek replied with a smile as she looked out the window.

"Is it a good surprise?" Quinn asked looking over at him.

"I think so."

"Daddy?"

"Yes Quinnabear?"

"If we live here now, does that mean we'll never go back to New York?"

"Of course we'll go back. But just to visit."

"Oh," Quinn replied, a trace of disappointment in her voice.

"But let's not worry about that for right now ok? We're going to have lots of fun this weekend. I promise."

* * *

"I've never seen anything like this," Ava said to Addison as they walked into their suite at the Rosario Resort and Spa on Orcas Island.

"Neither have I. Now this is my kind of nature," Addison replied as Ava set her purse down and looked out at the view.

"Most definitely."

Addison walked into one of the bedrooms leaving Ava alone and found a surprise waiting for her on the king-size bed. On it was a large variety of items, Addison's favorite items to be more specific. She crossed over to the bed in order to inspect them more closely and found a note sitting on top of the basket in which they had been placed. She opened it and a smile bloomed on her face as she read:

_Addison_

_I hope this makes up for your birthday and missing our anniversary last year. Thank you for not giving up on us when you had every right to. Indulge yourself this weekend babe because you'll never have this opportunity with Ava again._

_And you can thank Savvy for most of this stuff because you can only find it in Manhattan._

_I love you._

_Derek_

She smiled and looked through the basket finding some of her favorite bath products from this small store in Soho. There were also candles from this really expense store in Midtown that she loved. But there was something else, a DVD and there was a note attached to it written in a familiar loopy cursive.

_Addie_

_I found this when I was cleaning and I had Weiss convert it over to DVD. You've come a long way from this moment. We have known each other forever Addie; I have seen you go from high school band geek to a blushing bride and one of the world's best surgeons. But I think that this was the greatest turning point in your life. You are above all the best mother. Always remember that._

_Savvy_

Addison turned and popped the DVD into the player and it began to play. The screen faded to black and then a few minutes' later scenes of her engagement party flashed before her eyes and that was when Addison started to remember.

* * *

_December 29, 1993_

_Two weeks after the performance at Lincoln_ _Center, the Shepherds and the Montgomerys held an engagement party for Addison and Derek. Most of the family on both sides was there to help the couple celebrate this happy occasion as well as many close friends. The atmosphere was joyous and the party planners, Derek's sisters and Addison's sister insisted that tonight would be an adult's only night which meant that three babysitters were presently at Derek's sister Sarah's house watching over the brood of Shepherd grandchildren, with the exception of Ava._

_Ava had refused to go along with the rest of her cousins no matter how much her Aunts and grandmother bribed her. It just wasn't going to happen. Neither Addison nor Derek cared if she was "ruining" an adult's only night. And it didn't really matter anyway as the guests congregated on the lower level of Samantha and James' Shepherd's home. No one had noticed Ava. Secretly, the couple was glad that Ava was upstairs entertaining herself. It saved them from worrying about her anymore than necessary._

_Derek was busy talking to some old college friends, so Addison_ _took that opportunity to slip upstairs and check on Ava. When she opened the door to where Ava had stationed herself, Addison_ _found that she was coloring quietly. A little over a year ago, Addison_ _wasn't sure if she ever wanted to have kids. But standing here now, Addison_ _could not imagine life without Ava. They had bonded fairly quickly and now only 6 weeks before her wedding, she couldn't wait until the adoption was complete. She had started the process with Derek a couple of weeks before, but hadn't told Ava until this morning, when they got the news that the process had been given the go ahead to get started._

_Ava looked up when Addison_ _entered and smiled, "Hi."_

"_Hi sweetheart," Addison_ _replied kissing the top of Ava's head. "What are you up to?"_

"_Just coloring," Ava replied as Addison_ _watched her finish coloring in Belle's dress from Beauty and the Beast._

"_So I see, it looks beautiful."_

"_Thank you," Ava said before looking up at Addison. "Can we go home soon?"_

"_Are you tired?" Ava nodded and climbed onto the sofa where Addison_ _was perched. "We'll go home as soon as I can get Uncle Derek away from his friends," she said stroking Ava's hair._

"_Okay." There was a moment of silence before Ava spoke again. "Addison_ _can I ask you a question?"_

"_Sure."_

"_When the adoption is finished, we'll be a family right?"_

"_That's what it will mean yes."_

"_But aren't we already family?"_

_Addison_ _smiled, "Yes, we are. But we will be officially when the adoption proceedings are finished."_

"_Does that mean I can't call you mommy until then?"_

_Addison_ _paused taking in what the seven year-old had asked her. Having a child in her life was one thing, but being someone's mother was another thing. Strangely enough though Addison_ _felt happiness well up in her chest and tears well up in her eyes, "You want to call me mommy?"_

"_If that's ok…"_

"_Yes Ava, you can call me mommy."_

_Ava smiled and hugged Addison who in turn held her tightly, "I love you mommy."_

"_I love you too baby so much."_

* * *

"Did you have a good time last night?" Addison asked as she sat with Ava in a mud bath an hour and half later.

"Yeah, it was great," Ava replied.

"I saw you come in at 4:30."

"Did you?"

"Where were you?"

"I was at a club with Megan like I told you."

"Until 4:30 in the morning?"

Ava was silent for a moment before speaking again, "No. I hooked up with someone and that's where I was until I came home."

"Who did you hook up with?"

"Just some guy…"

"Just some guy? Ava…."

"Mom it was fine."

"Please tell me you used protection…"

Ava looked at Addison, "No mother I didn't," she said her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I threw everything that you drilled into my brain about sex over the last 6 years out the window. Mommy, come on you know I did!"

"Ok, I'm just checking. It's my job to check."

"You mean you're just checking because you don't trust me," Ava replied softly as she rose and got out of the mud bath in her black Dolce and Gabanna bikini. "I'm not one of your patients," she said wrapping herself in a towel.

"Ava don't you dare walk away from me!"

Ava rolled her eyes, swiped her cell phone off of a small table and left. Addison got out as well, but instead of going after her daughter she grabbed her own cell phone, wrapped a towel over her Michael Kors dark green bathing suit and walked in the opposite direction.

* * *

"So you'll never guess what I saw this afternoon," Cristina said as she sat down at the interns table.

"You look excited," Izzie said as Meredith joined the group sitting next to Cristina.

"It's unbelievable."

"Cristina, I thought we weren't going to tell anyone," Meredith said.

"Mere, come on you know that something happened."

"What happened?" Izzie wanted to know.

"Evil spawn was talking to Ava Shepherd."

"So, what's the big deal? We've all talked to Ava Shepherd," said George.

Cristina rolled her eyes, "He handed her panties and a cell phone," she said ignoring George's comment.

"He what?" Izzie asked in shock.

"And not just any panties, $124 La Perla panties."

"How do you know that?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"I know my brands," Cristina said simply.

"I can't believe he slept with her," Izzie said with disgust.

"Alex slept with Ava?" George said.

"Yes George," Meredith said.

"What an ass."

* * *

"Why is everyone giving Karev the silent treatment?" Burke asked Cristina as he approached the nurse's station where she was charting.

"He slept with Ava Shepherd," Cristina said not looking up.

"Isn't she only 19?"

"Yes."

"So he took advantage of her?"

"Maybe."

"Does Shepherd know?"

"If he did, would evil spawn still be walking around?"

"No."

"Exactly my point, so you can't say anything."

* * *

After leaving the mud bath, Ava returned to the suite to change. But before she did, she flipped open her cell phone and dialed.

"Hey it's me," she said into the phone.

"Hey, I didn't expect you to call so soon," Alex Karev replied into his own phone walking into a quiet corner.

"Is this a bad time, because if it is I can call you later?"

"No, now is fine."

There was an awkward silence.

"So how are you?"

"I'm good."

"Save any lives today?"

"Yeah I did, car wreck victim. He had some bad liver damage but I think he'll make a full recovery."

"That's great."

More silence.

"How are you?"

"I'm ok. I just got out of a mud bath. I'm at a spa with my mom."

"How was that for you?"

"Fine I guess. But it got weird when my mom started asking me where I was last night."

"You didn't tell her did you?"

"Of course I didn't tell her!"

"Good."

Even more silence.

"Alex, what happened last night was amazing."

"It was amazing."

"I'm going back to New York."

"When?"

"I'm going back Tuesday. But I get back from the spa on Monday that is if my mom and I don't kill each other first." She paused. "I'd like to see you again before I go back."

"Ava I don't want to be the person who comes between you and your mother."

"You won't!" Ava said quickly and then slowed down. "But I'd understand if you don't want to see me."

"No, I do. I do want to see you again. I'll call you Monday?"

"That sounds great."

"Ok, I'll talk to you soon."

"Au revior," Ava replied and then snapped the phone closed. And then she stared at it for a moment before whispering, "Au revior? What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

* * *

Derek flipped open his phone on the second ring as he kept a watchful eye on his daughter who had her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to catch her first fish.

"Babe, you're scaring the fish away," Derek said in lieu of a greeting to his wife.

"I don't care!" Addison nearly screamed in frustration.

"You don't sound relaxed Addie."

"That's because I'm not!"

"What could have happened in 4 hours?"

"Our daughter has turned into a teenager Derek."

"Honey, Ava is already a teenager."

"I know we have been blessed Derek, really I do. Ava is a good girl who has never done anything to worry us. But now I'm worried Derek. I'm worried because Ava had sex with some random guy last night and she tried to play it off like it was no big deal. I knew I shouldn't have let her watch _Sex in the City_."

Derek swallowed hard, "She what?"

"And then when I asked her if she used protection, she got all huffy, acted like I didn't trust her, and left."

"Ava's having sex?"

"Yes Derek Ava is sexually active. She has been for awhile now."

"Since when?"

"After graduation at our house in the Hamptons, but Derek that's not the point."

"Addison, why am I only learning about this now?"

"Because I only found out just now Derek."

"About the Hamptons?"

"No. I didn't tell you about the Hamptons because you would have freaked out."

"And you didn't?"

"No, because I knew that was coming."

"Addison, I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"Derek I don't want Ava to go back to New York."

"Addison Ava has to go back to New York to finish school."

"I don't trust her."

Derek took a breath and closed his eyes before speaking again, "Why don't we talk about this later?"

"Why not now?"

"Because I'm still dealing with the Hamptons Addie and you need to go relax. That's what I sent you both there for."

Addison sighed in resignation, "You're right. I'm sorry I just freaked out a little."

"It's ok, better you than me. Listen, try to relax and give Ava some time to cool off."

"I'll try. Tell Quinn I love her ok?"

"I will. I love you Addie."

"Love you too. Bye."

"Bye," Derek said and snapped his phone closed with a sigh. He stood up and crossed over to Quinn, kissing the top of her head, "Any luck?"

"Nope, not yet."

"You'll get one, just be patient," Derek said before grabbing his own pole again.

"Daddy? Is Ava not going back to New York?"

"I don't know yet sweetie."

"She has to go back," Quinn replied looking at Derek.

"Why baby?"

"Ava has to go back to New York to take the CATS exam."

"The CATS exam? What are you talking about?"

"You know the test that you have to take when you want to go to doctors' school."

"You mean the MCATS exam?"

"Yep."

"Ava is going to take the MCATS exam?"

"Yep, she signed up months ago."

Derek put down his pole and sat down in genuine shock. Ava was taking the MCATS.

"Daddy are you ok?"

"I'm fine Quinnabear, just fine.

* * *

I'm sure no one saw that little twist coming. There will be more to come with Ava and Addison's weekend at the spa as well as Derek, Quinn and Alex. So if you want to see more please R/R! 


	19. Closing the Gap

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XVIII: Closing the Gap

_I walked across an empty land  
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
I felt the earth beneath my feet  
Sat by the river and it made me complete  
Oh simple thing where have you gone  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin _

I came across a fallen tree  
I felt the branches of it looking at me  
Is this the place we used to love?  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Richard Webber was enjoying a rare meal at home with Adele when the phone rang. The meal was almost done so Richard rose to answer the phone and in response Adele sighed.

"Hello?" Richard said pressing the phone to his ear.

"It's Derek, I was wondering if you had a minute?" Derek asked stepping out of the trailer and closing the door behind him where Quinn was sound asleep on the bed exhausted from the day's activities.

"Of course," he said taking the phone into the other room. "What can I do for you?"

"What would you say if one of your nieces told you that she was going to take the MCATS?"

"I—I don't know."

"Would you be happy?"

"Yes, I think I would be."

"And you wouldn't question it?"

"Why would I question it?"

"Maybe she's just doing it for you?"

"Derek what is this really about?"

"Ava is going to take the MCATS."

"I see," he didn't sound too surprised.

"Did you know?"

Richard was silent for a moment, "Yes I knew. Ava called me a few months ago to ask for my opinion about classes that she should take to prepare for the MCATS."

"Why didn't she tell me?" Derek asked a raw edge to his tone.

"I don't know why Ava didn't tell you. But obviously there is a reason for it. How did you find out?"

"Quinn told me. Addison called earlier and was freaking out about something Ava did and didn't want her to go back to New York. But I'm still reeling from the Hamptons revelation."

"The Hamptons revelation?"

"Apparently my daughter lost her virginity at our house in the Hamptons after her graduation and I'm the last to know about it."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. Ava and Addison have always had a close relationship. But I just---I feel like I'm losing my daughter Richard. There is this gap between us that is so wide and I don't know how to fix it."

"Then talk to her about it."

"That is something easier said than done."

"But it is a first step Derek."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Talk to her before she goes back to New York. You might not get another opportunity."

* * *

_Oh simple thing where have you gone  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?

Ava was sitting on the sofa in the living area Indian style listening to her iPod when Addison returned. She didn't even look up.

"We're due downstairs for a massage in 15 minutes," Addison said removing Ava's headphones briefly to deliver the message before replacing them.

Ava paused the music long enough to say, "I'm not going," before pressing play again.

Addison stopped midway between the sofa and her bedroom and then turned to her, "Not going? What do you mean you're not going?" Ava didn't respond. Her eyes were closed wrapped up in listening to music. Addison crossed back over to the sofa and removed the headphones again, "You're going."

Ava opened her eyes and looked at her mother coldly, "I'd rather stay here, god forbid I should do something that you don't approve of," she said getting off the sofa and taking her iPod into her bedroom.

Addison willed herself to take a deep breath and walked into her room to change. Then a few minutes later she went into Ava's room.

"We need to talk."

"I don't feel much like talking," Ava replied not even bothering to look at her mother.

"Well you don't have much of a choice," Addison shot back coming around so that Ava had no choice but to face her. "You need to drop that snotty little attitude Ava because it doesn't suit you. I know I didn't raise you to behave that way."

"Whatever."

"Ava," Addison said in a warning tone. "Tell me what is going on right now or we will be going back to the city and you will stay here indefinitely. Going back to New York is a privilege Ava. You are not entitled to it no matter what your friends may tell you. I am not above keeping you in Seattle."

"Now you're threatening me?" Ava asked with a mirthless laugh. "Go ahead, try to keep me here and see what happens. I'm not one of your interns mom; you can't intimidate me that way. And I am certainly not Quinn." She was silent for a moment. "Why can't you trust me?"

"Ava, I trust you."

"No you don't. If you did trust me, you wouldn't have interrogated me about last night like you did."

"I didn't interrogate you. I just asked you a simple question."

"While treating me like a naive teenage girl, that I'm not; why can't you give me some credit? I'm not stupid or naive."

Addison softened then, her anger and annoyance subsiding, "I never said that you were."

"No, but you implied as much. What happened last night was unexpected but that doesn't mean I wasn't careful. I'm already on the pill and yes we did use protection. There was no alcohol involved for either of us and it was completely consensual. So I don't understand why you had to freak out about it."

"Honey," Addison started. "I was freaked out because of the way you treated last night. You made it sound as if you slept with a stranger."

"I didn't."

"Who was it then?"

"Mom!"

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. I won't ask you again."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, are you ready to go downstairs for our massages?"

Ava flashed a small smile, "Let's go."

* * *

_Oh simple thing where have you gone  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

"Unbelievable," Alex said as he joined Izzie, George, Meredith, and Cristina in their usual hangout in the basement hallway. His complaint was met with silence and he looked at the rest of them, "Ok what did I do now?"

"You know what you did," Izzie replied coldly.

When Alex frowned in confusion, Cristina said, "We saw you with mini she-Shepherd this afternoon."

"So? That's not a crime."

"Why did you give her panties then? They couldn't be yours because I know you couldn't afford them."

"Cristina," Meredith said as Alex shot her a dirty look.

"How could you have taken advantage of her like that?" George said looking at Alex clearly disgusted.

"I didn't take advantage of Ava," Alex said defensively. "It was consensual between us."

"Was that before or after you got her drunk?" Izzie asked.

"We were both sober. In fact, she's the one who kept me from drinking."

"She's a little kid Alex. Even I don't go after little kids," Cristina replied

"No you just go after attendings."

"So what? At least I didn't go after my boss' son. You better hope McDreamy and Satan don't find out."

"They won't because you won't say anything." The others just looked at him, but Cristina looked down at the floor. "You told?"

"I didn't tell McDreamy so you don't have to worry."

"So who did you tell?"

"Burke."

"That explains it all then. I've been doing scut work all night and getting dirty looks from Bailey and Burke. This place is like high school," Alex said getting off the gurney.

"It wouldn't have been so bad if you kept your pants on," Cristina said silkily.

"Bite me Yang."

* * *

_And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?_

Ava's cell phone buzzed on the nightstand and she answered it on the second ring, "Hi dad."

"Hi sweetheart, how is everything there?"

"Everything is fantastic. This place is amazing."

"So I take it everything is resolved with your mom?"

"You heard about that?"

"Yes Ava I did."

"Exactly how much did you hear about?"

"I heard about everything," Derek said and before she could continue, he interrupted her. "I'm not going to freak out Ava. You're an adult, what you do on your own time is your business."

Ava paused and then said, "Dad, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Ava."

"Aren't you going to yell at me for being irresponsible?"

"No," Derek said although that was only a half-truth. He desperately wanted to yell at Ava for sleeping with someone she didn't even know. And yes he did want to yell at her for being irresponsible, for giving Addison a hard time, and most of all for withholding the truth about taking the MCATS from them both. But based on what Addison had told him about being confronted earlier that day, Derek knew that if he ever wanted to close the gap between himself and Ava he could not afford to push her away. "But I hope that this is the last of the secrets that you're withholding from us. And if its not, I suggest you tell me everything now."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Are you sure?" Derek asked hoping that she would admit to preparing for the MCATS.

"Yeah."

Derek wanted to sigh but refrained, "Do you have plans after you get back from the spa on Monday?"

"No not really. Why?"

"I thought that maybe you and I could spend some time together before you go home?"

"That sounds good," Ava said before she could stop herself.

"Great, listen honey I have to go, Quinn just got up and I'm going to feed her before she goes back to bed."

"Ok Dad."

"Have fun and be good to your mother."

"I will."

After Ava hung up with her father, she looked at her phone. "So much for saying goodbye to Alex," She thought.

_This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?_

* * *

Lyrics "Somewhere Only We Know"- Keane

R/R please!


	20. Point of Impact

Healing Process

* * *

A/N: Warning! This chapter contains explicit sexual content. If you are uncomfortable with such content, but want to read this chapter, please e-mail me for a "clean version." Enjoy! 

Chapter XIX: Point of Impact

Just before noon on Monday, a limousine pulled up in front of the high rise apartment building that the Shepherd family shared. Addison stepped out first, looking like a million dollars literally. Between the beauty treatments, the clothes, and the accessories that she wore, she was a new woman. Ava followed behind her wearing minimal makeup and looking very well rested. The pair made their way upstairs with their luggage in tow, but, before either could open the door, it was opened for them.

"Mommy!" Quinn exclaimed hugging her mother before then even got inside.

"Hi baby," Addison said with a laugh. "Did you miss us?"

"Yep," Quinn replied. "But I got to spend the whole weekend with daddy."

"Lucky you," Ava said flashing her little sister a smile before they all went inside.

Derek was waiting just inside the door and when Addison came through the door, he pulled her to him and kissed her deeply. Ava smirked and went to set their luggage down.

"Hi," Addison said in a low throaty voice when they finally pulled away.

"Hi," he replied with a grin. "You look amazing," he whispered.

"Thank you. I owe it all to my attentive husband. He insisted that I take this trip."

"He sounds like a good man," Derek mused.

"Oh he is," She said kissing him again.

It was at that point that Ava decided it would be a good time to slip out unnoticed. Her parents were busy being very romantic and sweet. Quinn had gone into her room to search for something to show her mother and so Ava poked her head into Quinn's room.

"Hey squirt, if mom and dad ask I went to Starbucks."

"Ok Ava."

As soon as she was in the elevator, Ava flipped her cell phone open and called Alex.

"Hey it's me."

"Hey, are you back?"

"Wanna meet me at Starbucks on 54th Ave West in ten minutes?"

"Sure, I got the day off."

"Perfect, see you then," Ava said and then snapped her phone closed.

Ava walked the two blocks to the Starbucks and ordered her drink. When she went to pick it up, a voice from behind her said, "You shouldn't be drinking caffeine this soon after surgery you know."

A smirk crossed her face and then she turned around, "Well aren't you quite the authority? It's not caffeinated Alex…unfortunately for me."

"So you're being the good girl today are you?"

"That depends," Ava replied feeling that familiar heat she had felt that night at the club start to creep up her spine.

"On what?"

"Your definition of good," Ava said in a low tone.

He kissed her cheek and whispered, "You wanna be bad?"

_Where do we go, nobody knows  
I've got to say I'm on my way down  
God give me style and give me grace  
God put a smile upon my face _

Where do we go to draw the line  
I've got to say I wasted all your time  
Oh honey honey  
Where do I go to fall from grace  
God put a smile upon your face yeah

Ava nodded and he pulled her toward the restrooms. As soon as the door was closed and locked, lips and limbs were flying everywhere. She gasped when he nipped her neck, "Why do I want you so bad?"

"Because you find me so irresistible?" He said as his stray hand found its way underneath Ava's skirt and up her thigh until his fingers found the lacy fringe of her panties. With one smooth motion he pushed the barrier aside and thrust two fingers inside of her. "Not such a good girl after all, are we? You've been wanting me just as much as I want you," Alex whispered against her hair.

Ava whimpered softly as her body responded to him of its own accord, her inner muscles tightening around his fingers. "What if I said I did?" Ava asked pausing as a shiver went up her spine as Alex thrust his fingers in and out in a steady rhythm. "What then?"

Alex smiled at her as his fingers found what they were looking for and he began to move them in a "come hither" motion That's when spots began to dance in front of Ava's eyes and all coherent speech and thought vanished from her being. All that mattered was that Alex continued doing what he was doing and that he didn't stop. If he did stop, Ava was certain that she would die right there and then.

"Ava…" he said very softly in her ear. "Let go for me." She looked at him through heavily lidded eyes and Alex could see the desire laced within them. He could feel the heat of her body as he caressed her G-spot and he was acutely aware of the tight feeling in his pants. Never before had Alex Karev wanted to please a woman so much and want her so badly at the same time. Usually, he went through a little bit of foreplay before he reached this state. But then again, they had already had their foreplay outside. All Ava had to do was open her pretty little mouth and she had him.

Ava's head was swimming and her body felt like it had been lit on fire. Her legs were trembling and her breaths were short. Alex kissed her gently on the lips, face, and neck pressing his body against hers. This time was different than that first night. The first night was all about lust, giving into temptation. But now standing here, Alex had to fulfill this aching need inside of him, an ache caused by the woman standing in front of him. He could feel her getting close to oblivion as the rhythm of her body changed. A few seconds later, he felt her come as her muscles tightened around his fingers and her juices soaked his hand.

_And ah, when you work it out I'm worse than you  
Yeah, when you work it out I wanted to  
And ah, when you work out where to draw the line  
Your guess is as good as mine _

Where do we go, nobody knows  
Don't ever say you're on your way down when  
God gave you style and gave you grace,  
And put a smile upon your face oh yeah

When her convulsions subsided, Ava opened her eyes, "Mon Dieu" she breathed. "What you just did to me should be illegal."

"So should your hips." He looked at her. "You mean no guy has ever done that to you before?"

"No."

He grinned, "I'll remember that." Then he lifted her shirt over her head and their lips came together again as she unbuttoned his shirt with practiced ease.

"Please do," She whispered as he unclasped her bra and removed it kissing each of her breasts in turn.

He groaned softly, "Ava, I need you now."

She laughed softly, "You're insatiable."

"You're addictive," he said undoing her skirt and pushing it off over her hips along with her panties before removing his own pants and boxers and kissing Ava deeply. Lifting her up a couple of inches, Alex positioned himself to enter her eliciting a moan from her as the tip of his penis brushed her swollen pussy lips.

"Wait!" Ava said.

"What?"

"Condom."

"Ava, you're on the pill right?"

"It's only 99.9 percent effective."

"That's good enough."

"Not for me," she said and at his look she continued. "It's nothing against you. It's the Irish-Catholic guilt."

"I didn't know your parents were religious."

"They're not, but my Grandparents are and they managed to instill the guilt factor in me."

"Ava, you're being ridiculous."

"Alex, don't make my first stop in New York be confession, seriously. I already feel guilty enough evading my mom's questions."

Alex sighed, "Alright fine."

"Inside pocket of my purse.'

Alex reached over to the sink to Ava's purse and opened it, fishing out a condom a second later. Ava shifted in her position against the wall on the one bathroom bars so that she could put the condom on him. But Alex stopped her, "Keep those legs right where you had them. You touch me and this will be over sooner than you'd like."

"Yes sir," Ava replied with a small smile as a tingle of anticipation swept up her spine. A second later Alex resumed his previous position and kissed Ava softly, taking time to suck on her bottom lip. She whimpered softly and then he pushed himself inside of her and buried his face in her hair to keep from moaning loudly. She fit him like a glove.

Alex stilled, letting them both adjust to this new sensation, "You're going to be the end of me," he rasped.

Ava nuzzled his neck, "I'm just the beginning,' she said softly as he began to move inside of her and she hooked her Prada clad feet over his hips

_And ah, when you work it out I'm worse than you  
Yeah, when you work it out I want it to  
And ah, when you work out where to draw the line  
Your guess is as good as mine. _

It's as good as mine, It's as good as mine  
It's as good as mine

The need Alex had felt only moments before to have Ava was now sated. He moved slowly in and out of her, uninterested in reaching his own climax. He wanted to prolong this for as long as possible, not wanting it to end. He had a feeling that she would have to leave once this was all over. It was then Alex realized how quiet it was. He could hear his own, more heavy breathing and Ava's slightly softer breathing. But absent were the usual moans, groans, and nearly frantic race to orgasm. He watched as Ava closed her eyes and buried her face in his neck, murmuring some wholly indistinguishable phrases. A second later he pulled her as close as she could possibly be and that's when it happened. They became in sync with each other not just sexually, but in every other way too. Alex could almost feel every little muscle in her body contract and relax with each motion and that was when he started listening to what her body was saying. It told him how much she craved him, wanted him, and needed him. He kissed the back of her neck and increased the pace slightly as her next orgasm began to build. Soon, her muscles began to tense again and Alex could feel Ava squeezing his shoulders as she came over the edge once again. It was tempting not to go with her.

Ava felt as if she were floating on a cloud as she came down from her second orgasmic high. She captured Alex's lips with her own kissing him soundly, a silent thank you for her pleasure and then she wrapped her legs around him fully pushing him inside of her even deeper.

"Ava…" He groaned softly in her ear as a wave of pleasure shot up his spine. Then his body began to move of its own accord, the lazy pace he had set was now gone. He picked up speed and Ava didn't protest. Instead she captured his lips again as if she couldn't breathe without him. A feeling of urgency settled over them both. Ava could feel his need for her as well as for his own orgasm and she contracted her muscles around him on purpose and smiled against his mouth as she felt his reaction. Alex slammed her against the wall forcefully feeling his climax coming on fast. Seconds later, light exploded in front of his eyes and he came, his entire body quaking as he spilled inside of her, moaning into her mouth.

There was only a split second between then and the time that her cell phone and his pager both went off simultaneously.

"Merde," Ava said as Alex separated from her reluctantly, letting her down gently before bending down to get his pager and allowing Ava to get to her vibrating cell phone on albeit it very unsteady legs. She answered it on the third ring, "Hi dad."

"Hi sweetheart. Where are you?"

"At Starbucks…"

"Still? I asked Quinn 20 minutes ago where you were. You should be back by now."

"I stopped at the drugstore on the way down to get something," she lied.

"Oh. Well stay there, I'll be down to get you."

"Why?"

"You'll see…" Derek said before hanging up.

"Ok then…" Ava murmured.

"I stopped at the drugstore?" Alex repeated as she hung up and snapped the phone shut. "That's the best you could come up with?"

"Under the circumstances, yes," Ava replied as he pulled her to him again and kissed her.

"What was that for?" She asked when they pulled apart.

"Being irresistible," he said with a grin as he began to get dressed.

"Thanks," she said starting to get dressed as well. "Do you have to go in?"

"Yeah, patient came back in."

"So much for your day off."

"Yeah, well this makes everything else worth it. What did your dad want?"

"He's coming to pick me up," Ava said re-zipping her skirt and pulling on her shirt. "I think he wants to bond."

"That should be interesting." Alex said as he watched Ava reapply her lip gloss and run a brush through her hair before pinning it up in a half ponytail before shutting her Marc Jacobs bag.

"You can say that again. There," she said smoothing out her clothes before turning around with bag and the grande crème frappuccino she had ordered earlier in hand.

"How did you do that so fast?"

"I'm a dancer Alex. I can be ready in 10 seconds if I have to."

He paused, "So I guess this is it then. You're leaving in the morning."

Ava smiled but she felt strangely sad, "Yeah, but I'll call you tonight so we can arrange for a proper goodbye."

"I like the sound of that."

"I should go though."

He gave her a kiss on the check so as not to ruin her makeup, "Have fun with your dad."

"I will. Try not to kill anyone."

Alex laughed, "I won't," and he watched her walk away thinking that her hips really should be illegal.

_As good as mine, as good as mine,  
As good as mine, as good as mine _

Where do we go, nobody knows  
Don't ever say you're on your way down when  
God gave you style and gave you grace  
And put a smile upon your face

* * *

_I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard  
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact  
That everybody can see these scars  
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel  
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you  
To just believe this is real  
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got_

"So where are we going?" Ava asked as Derek navigated his SUV through the downtown Seattle traffic.

"You'll see," Derek replied echoing his earlier comment.

"Ok…."

"I thought we could take a little time before you went back to New York tomorrow."

"Oh," Ava said as they pulled into a parking lot across from the Seattle Harbor.

"Are you ready?" He asked parking the car and then opening the door.

"Yeah," Ava said before hoping out and throwing on an Alexander McQueen black leather jacket and grabbing her bag.

Twenty minutes later, they were on a ferry which was taking a tour of the bay. It was half past two on Monday so the ferry was relatively empty.

"So what do you think?" Derek asked when they sat down.

"It's nice. If you squint and look real hard it looks kind of like Manhattan," Ava said referring to the Seattle cityscape which they were getting farther and father away from.

Derek chuckled, "Yeah it does. So how was your weekend at the spa with mom?"

"That place was nothing like the spas in New York. The massages we had were so good I actually fell asleep. And Mom was really relaxed.

"That's good to hear. So are you and mom on good terms again?"

"Yeah, we are."

"Did you finally tell her everything about what's been going on with you since we left?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

"So there's nothing about your life we don't know about? No secrets?"

"Dad, what are you trying to say?"

"I know about the MCATS."

_I can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored _

I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident  
Cuz you don't understand I do what I can  
Sometimes I don't make sense  
I am, what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt  
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out  
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do  
You face away and pretend that I'm not  
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

"You—you do?"

"Yes, I do Ava. Why didn't you tell me or your mother? Why are you keeping secrets?"

"I'm not keeping secrets dad."

"Then why didn't you tell us?

"Because you don't get to know."

"I don't get to know?"

"No, you lost the right to know the night you walked out and left Quinn and I behind," she nearly spat.

"That's not fair," He said quietly.

"Life isn't fair! Do you have any idea what you did? Do you?"

"Ava…."

"I was standing right there and you left. You left me standing in the living room that night alone and you expect me to forgive and forget? I'm not Quinn dad. I don't forgive so easily anymore. I've been burned too many times for that."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it anymore."

"Ava, let me explain please…" Derek said touching her shoulder.

"Don't touch me," She replied coldly. "You can't talk your way out of being the talk of the Manhattan gossip mill for the past year. Every single day people would look at me with pity. They felt sorry for me because my parent's marriage was falling apart, because I was the one who was left behind to pick up the pieces."

_I can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored _

Hear me out now  
You're gonna listen to me like it or not  
Right now, hear me out now  
You're gonna listen to me like it or not  
Right now

I can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored

"Ava, I'm trying to make up for that now."

"Maybe that will work with Quinn. But not with me, you stopped caring about me after awhile too." She paused. "My teachers have been trying to persuade me to take the MCATS for months. They said I had real potential. So I thought about it a lot. And I finally decided to do it because there is going to come a day when I can't dance anymore. And when that day comes, I can't spend the rest of my life teaching others how to dance. I want to do something, give something to this world. So I decided to take the MCATS." She trailed off for a moment. "But you weren't there when I wanted to tell you, you were here."

'You could have called."

"I did. But you never seem to have the time to talk you me. You talk to Quinn. But never to me."

"Ava you sound like a five year-old."

"You see this is exactly what I'm talking about. The only time you ever really talk to me is to tell me I'm doing something wrong. For months, I have struggled with the idea of calling Jackson "dad" because I already have one, or at least I thought I did. But I was wrong about that too wasn't I? I guess calling Jackson "dad" from now on won't be so hard after all."

And with that Ava turned on her heel and walked away. Derek didn't see her again until they were about to disembark. As soon as it was safe to get off, Derek walked off the boat and waited for Ava outside the terminal. However, instead of looking around for him, she headed straight for a black town car, which took off a minute later and he was left standing there, alone.

_I can't feel the way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored  
I can't feel  
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored  
Time won't tell  
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored_

* * *

Songs: 

"God Put a Smile on Your Face,"- Coldplay

"Faint," Linkin Park

Whew! That was a very long chapter! Look for Addison/Derek, Quinn/Ava, Alex/Ava, and Alex/Interns next chapter. Ava's also going back to NYC! But I hope you enjoyed it and please R/R!


	21. Fix Me

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XX: Fix Me

_Calm down  
And get straight  
It's not our eyes  
It's how we operate_

You're true  
You are  
I'd apologize but it won't go very far

"You're back early," Addison said when Derek came through the door twenty minutes after Ava had left him at the harbor.

"Yeah," Derek mumbled as he dropped his keys on the end table near the door and shrugged off his coat.

Addison frowned, "Where is Ava?"

"She left me at the ferry terminal," he said leaning against the sofa.

"What happened? I thought you two were just going to spend some time together?" Addison asked coming over to join him.

"Yeah, well that was before I decided to be stupid and confront Ava."

"Oh God," Addison said softly pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. "You didn't yell at her for the mystery guy she was with the other night did you?"

"No, I didn't."

Addison looked up, "Ok then so what could you have possibly done to piss her off?"

"While you were gone, Quinn told me Ava is preparing to take the MCATS."

Addison stared at him, "Excuse me?"

"I know. It's hard to believe isn't it?"

Addison continued as if Derek hadn't spoken at all, "But Ava doesn't like medicine!"

"Well she must be at the very least interested if she's going to take them now."

Addison cocked an eyebrow, "Ava is going to take it next month?"

"According to Quinn, yes."

"She's only a sophomore. I didn't take mine until the second half of my junior year and I was still not comfortable."

"Well Richard said---"Derek started.

"Richard knows about this?"

"Yes, apparently Ava called him for advice."

Addison sank down on the couch and Derek joined her a second later. A silence settled over them as they thought about what had just been discussed. There was something unsettling about Ava's surprise. But in reality, this had nothing to do with Ava. It had to do with them.

* * *

_Please come here  
Come right on over  
And when we collide we'll see what gets left over_

A little joy  
A little sorrow  
And a little pride so we won't have to borrow  
Wherever you lead, I'll follow

The second Ava Shepherd set foot in Seattle Grace an hour later; a buzz seemed to rise. Gossip always traveled faster than news at the hospital. But it traveled faster now that there was speculation that what happened between a surgical intern and the daughter of two of Seattle's premier surgeons was more than just a one night stand.

Just as Ava crossed the bridge to the other end of the surgical floor where Chief's office was, Bailey came through the door at the other end with her interns behind her. Ava could feel them stare at her as she passed. But she ignored their gazes and continued walking. Alex stopped to look as she walked past, not simply to stare. But in that second as he watched her, he knew that something was wrong. Ava Shepherd was a complex person; there was no disputing that fact. To a normal person, she could appear to be cold, devoid of emotions, the epitome of perfection and professionalism. Alex knew better however. In the short time that he had known Ava Shepherd, he knew that she possessed the ability to put on well-crafted facades. But upon closer inspection, those facades melted away and Alex was allowed to see what was really going on. He felt a sudden urge to go after her and kiss her and make her better. No other woman had inspired such feelings in him ever. But within a matter of days, Alex had managed to develop an ache that could only be cured with her presence. He was falling for her and she for him. The incident in the bathroom at Starbucks had confirmed that fact. It was more than just sex or pure lust. It was a connection that by the standards of the universe shouldn't have been so intense. But it was. They needed, wanted, and craved each other in a way that could not be explained. It just was. Reluctantly, Alex turned away and continued walking with the other interns.

Ava continued walking until she reached the Chief's office suite and she went inside.

"Hi Patricia," Ava said approaching the Chief's secretary.

"Ava, what a surprise," The older woman said, having learned the young woman's name quickly upon finding out that Richard Webber was a close friend not just of the Drs. Shepherd, but of their family as well. "Do you need to see him?"

"Yes, if he's not busy."

"I'll check," she replied smiling at Ava before picking up the phone and pressing the intercom button. "Ava Shepherd is here to see you," she said a second later and then she listened for a moment before hanging up. "Go on in. He's expecting you."

"Thanks," She said before going inside.

Richard was sitting at his desk doing paperwork and looked up when Ava came in.

"Ava, I didn't expect to see you back here so soon."

"That makes two of us."

"What can I do for you?"

"Do you have a minute? I thought we could talk."

"Of course Ava," He said. "Please sit."

Ava did as she was bid and placed her bag beside her. "I didn't know where else to go. I just needed someone to talk to."

Richard nodded in understanding, "I'm listening."

"My dad knows about the MCAT."

"He called me to talk about it." Richard paused, choosing his words carefully. "He was hurt that you didn't tell him."

Ava sniffed, "He didn't act like it today."

"Why what happened today?"

"My dad called me on Saturday to ask me if we could talk when I got back today. I told him that it would be fine and so we went out on the bay not long after I got back this morning."

"How was it?"

"It started out nice enough and then he started to ask me if I had anything I was keeping from him; if I had anymore secrets. When I asked him what he meant by that, he told me that Quinn told him about the MCAT. He asked me why I didn't say anything before and all of a sudden I felt angry. I just got really angry."

"You are entitled to be angry you know. What Derek put you through is enough to make anyone angry."

"I know. But it's not just that. I mean I am angry at my dad for leaving. But I'm also mad at both of my parents. I'm mad because somewhere along the line they stopped caring and I never realized it myself until I was sick."

"Ava, I don't think they stopped caring," Richard replied gently. "I think they just took you for granted."

"Maybe," Ava said softly. "It's like we stopped communicating after I quit cheerleading. It wasn't intentional, but with me in ballet again everything was safe. Sometimes I feel like what I've accomplished pales in comparison with what my parents do everyday."

"You can't compare the two."

"No," she mused. "No, you can't. I'm not taking the MCAT for them though."

"Then why the 180 degree turn around? We never got to that part in our last conversation."

"My senior year I wanted to complete a fourth year of science and physics didn't appeal to me. So I decided to take physiology and the rest was easy. In fact, I think that was the easiest class I've ever taken in my academic career. Everyone in my class was always complaining about how hard it was. But it wasn't for me, I just knew the answers. I didn't have to think about the difference between proximal and distal or memorize the different parts of the heart. It was all just there in my mind waiting to be accessed. And even though I didn't have to think about those things, I was still amazed by all of the things that the human body is capable of. In all my years as a dancer, I never really took the time to appreciate what I could do. Now every time I go en Pointe, I think about all the muscles and bones working to keep me up. Later, when I got into college I wanted to know what kept my parents in the OR for hours on end beside the obvious. And then just before the end of last year, I got to cut with a scalpel when we were dissecting." She paused momentarily as a small smile played on her face, "It was unlike anything I've ever felt before. And in that moment, I was able to glean some understanding about why my parents chose this profession. It's not really about the hours that you spend or the power that you feel, but the knowledge that with every cut you make you learn something new and every moment you spend, you can make a difference."

Richard smiled, "You're smitten. But I'm not that surprised. You started living with Addison and Derek at the start of their internships. So you've gotten to see them progress and grow into what they are today. But what about ballet?"

Ava looked down, "That is where my dilemma lies." She looked at Richard, "My feelings for ballet have never changed. I still love it as much as ever. I just didn't think I would find something I loved just as much."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to take the MCAT. Unfortunately, the media component surrounding my dance career was unexpected. A couple of days after I called you I performed the Sugar Plum Fairy and now I'm the New York Ballet Academy's media darling. I didn't really want to be. But there was little choice. With the decline in ticket sales on Broadway, NYB is seeing hard times as well. They wanted to infuse ticket sales by getting younger people to come and I've always had this talent for changing people's minds about what ballet is. So they chose me."

"You're being well compensated though?"

"You could say that. For the interview I gave to G Magazine I was paid $2 million dollars, not to mention the private engagements my agent booked for me after the _Nutcracker._ I've made almost $5 million dollars since then."

"Do your parents know about all of the money you've been making?"

"No, no one does really. But I've been using it to pay for school myself."

"They're going to find out eventually."

"I know and I'll tell them when I'm ready."

"Whatever decision you make Ava; it will be the right one."

* * *

_Turn me inside out and upside down  
And try to see things my way  
Turn a new page, tear the old one out  
And I'll try to see things your way_

"What's eating you?" Cristina asked as she sat down with the rest of the interns for a late lunch. She was looking pointedly at Alex.

"Leave me alone," Alex replied.

"Could your mood have anything to do with a certain brunette whose outfit cost more than my first car?" Izzie asked.

"Don't even go there."

"So it does then," Meredith chimed in.

"So what if it does?" Alex snapped.

"Easy man!" said George. "We were just asking."

"Yeah, well don't."

"Oh God, you're falling for her," Cristina said almost shocked.

"You're falling for Ava?"

"Alex be careful. You don't know Ava that well," Meredith said gently.

"Like you do?"

"We just don't want to see you get pounded by the Drs. Shepherd," George said tactfully.

"I do!" Cristina said excitedly.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand. Go to hell all of you!" Alex said rising and then leaving.

"He is falling for her," Izzie said in disbelief.

"No, it's more than that," said Meredith. "He's falling in love with her."

* * *

_Turn me inside out and upside down  
And try to see things my way  
Turn a new page, tear the old one out  
And I'll try to see things your way_

The way that we've been speaking now  
I swear that we'd be friends, I swear  
'Cos all these little deals go down with  
Little consequences, we share, we share

Later, Ava was sitting on the sofa with Quinn. Their parents had gone to dinner after Ava informed them before she'd gone to the spa that she wanted a night for the two of them so that Ava could say her goodbyes. When she had returned, Ava had barely said a word to them before they left. The two sisters had just finished eating and watching _Beauty and the Beast_.

"Ava?" Quinn said turning to her sister.

"Yeah?"

"Why can't I go back to New York with you?"

Ava smiled sadly, "You know how you hardly saw me for a few days in the middle of December because of the tests I had to take for school?"

Quinn nodded, "Yes."

"Well when I go back to New York it's going to be like that all the time so I won't have time to hang out with you."

"Is it because of your CAT test?"

Ava smiled, "You mean the MCAT exam?"

"That's what I said!"

"Partly, but I also have school and ballet to worry about too. I heard you told daddy about the MCAT."

"I'm sorry Ava, but I had to. Mommy was talking to Daddy about making you stay here. I didn't want you to miss your test."

"Its ok squirt," Ava replied kissing her head.

"Are you not going to do ballet anymore after you leave college and go to doctor's school?"

"I have to pass the test first and I might not."

"But you're smart."

"Well so is daddy, but it took him two times before he passed."

"Really?" Ava nodded. "But if you do go to doctor's school, will you be a doctor like mommy or a doctor like daddy?"

"Actually, you know your doctor, Dr. Burke?"

"Yes."

"I think if I were to become a doctor I would become what he is."

"So you could fix hearts? Could you fix mine?"

Ava felt the tears start to come, but she blinked them back, "Oh baby I think you'll need your heart fixed before I'd be able to. And besides Dr. Burke is a really really good doctor."

"Yeah he is."

"It's late. We should be getting you to bed"

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Sure."

They went into Quinn's room and the little girl got under the covers with Jojo the monkey and Ava perched on the edge of the bed.

"Will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?"

"No squirt, I'm sorry," Ava said threading her fingers through Quinn's hair. "I have an early flight in the morning."

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep then?"

"Of course," Ava replied curling up on the bed with her sister.

"I love you Ava," Quinn whispered.

"I love you too Quinn, more than the sun, the moon, and all of the stars in the sky."

* * *

_The way that we've been speaking now  
I swear that we'd be friends, I swear  
'Cos all these little deals go down with  
Little consequences, we share, we share_

Ava was cleaning up in the kitchen when her parents got home.

"How was Quinn?" Addison asked.

"She was fine," Ava replied simply. "She's already sound asleep."

"Good because we need to talk," Derek said.

"I'm not in the mood to talk right now."

"Ava, we do need to talk," said Addison softly.

Ava finished what she was doing and then went to sit on the sofa, "Ok, so talk."

"We wanted to talk to you about the MCATS, to make sure you're making the right decision."

"I don't want to talk about the MCAT anymore Mom."

"This is your future Ava," Derek said.

Ava put her head in her hands, "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"Pretend! I can't pretend anymore that everything is fine. Everything is a lie. Quinn isn't fine, I'm not fine…"

"Ava…" Addison said crossing to her and touching her arm.

Ava shrugged it off, "I can't do this. I thought I was strong, but I can't do this."

"Can't do what Ava?" Derek asked.

"Tonight, my little sister asked me what kind of doctor I would be if I went to medical school. Would I be a doctor like mommy or a doctor like daddy? And you know what I told her?" She paused. "I told her I wanted to be a cardiothorasic surgeon just like her doctor. And she asked me if I could fix her heart," Ava said, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I told her that I couldn't, that she would probably need Dr. Burke to fix her heart before I would ever be able to. I should be able to. I'm her Ava, her magical big sister who can do anything except save her life."

"Ava, I know it's hard," Addison said softly.

"No! No you don't know. You don't know because you've both stopped caring. You want to know why I didn't tell you about the MCATS? Because you don't know me anymore and the only person that does is sleeping with a bad heart. Quinn cares. She asks me every single day how my day is and she listens even if she doesn't understand. But with the two of you, one has to be in a hospital bed before you'll give anyone the time of day."

"You're not being fair Ava," Derek said.

"Life isn't fair Dad. If it was fair, I would be the one with the bad heart not my sister!"

And with that Ava turned on her heel and left the room. She came out a few seconds later with her suitcases and her bag.

"Ava, where are you going?" Addison asked. "It's 9:30pm."

"I can't take this anymore so I'm leaving. Maybe I'll see you in a few months. Maybe I won't," she said heading for the door.

Derek grabbed her wrist, "Don't do this because you lied to us."

"No Dad, I'm doing it because I told you the truth and the truth hurts."

* * *

_Turn me inside out and upside down  
And try to see things my way  
Turn a new page, tear the old one out  
And I'll try to see things your way_

25 minutes later, the black town car pulled up in front of Alex's apartment and Ava went up as did all of her luggage. She knocked on the door of his apartment hoping he would be home. And thankfully he was.

"Ava what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Alex?" She said looking into his eyes and he found unshed tears and pain in her them. "Fix me?"

Without saying anything, Alex pulled her into his arms and Ava began to cry. A half-hour later, they were in bed together naked. But they had not had sex. Instead, Alex held her close, skin against skin on top of the covers.

"You're beautiful," he whispered softly in her ear before kissing her lightly. She felt at ease now, her heart still heavy, but a little bit lighter now.

"I'm sorry if I scared you earlier. I just needed some place to go."

"Don't be sorry. It's ok to need someone Ava."

"I know—I just didn't want to scare you."

"You're not scaring me," he said quietly kissing her lips very softly. He wanted to worship her tonight, to love her tonight because that's what they needed, wanted, and craved.

An hour later, the two of them were under the covers and Ava was snuggled into his chest.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"You're welcome," he replied kissing her again before taking in her scent. "You always smell so good, what is that?"

"It's Channel no.5," She said with a smile. "Why, do you like it?"

"It suits you."

"Thanks."

Soon Alex and Ava were sound asleep and Alex's arms were wrapped around her, never wanting to let go. But when he awoke at 6am the next morning, Ava was gone. But in her place was a note and a perfume bottle. Alex picked up the note and read it.

_Alex_

_Here's a bottle of Chanel no.5 so that even though I'm 3,000 miles away, your sheets can still smell like me. If I don't scare you, you don't scare me. Come visit me in New York_ _if you can find the time. But if all else fails, always call me._

_All my love,_

_Ava_

* * *

As the plane rose into the air, Ava laid back in first class and closed her eyes. After this, nothing would be the same again.

_And I'm gonna love you anyway  
Try to see things your way  
Try to see things your way_

* * *

Lyrics: "How We Operate"-Gomez

And that my friends is the end….for now! Please R/R!


	22. Breaking Down

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XXI: Breaking Down

Several weeks later Addison stood on the catwalk that bridged the two wings of Seattle Grace and looked out over the city. It had been exactly 30 days since Ava had walked out of the house in tears. To this day, Addison had no idea where her daughter had gone until she left Seattle. But to ease her fears, Ava had left a voice message saying that she had landed at La Guardia and made it home safely. However, since then any communication from Ava was directed to Quinn via handwritten letters.

Addison was waiting for Derek to finish surgery now. This had become their designated meeting place for the past couple of weeks. The departure of Ava had left a gaping hole in their family. So in order to heal and close the wound that had been formed, Derek and Addison had decided to attend couple's counseling. In the last few weeks both of them had admitted to becoming distant from their family and were currently discussing ways to remedy that particular problem.

"Hey," said Derek's voice behind her.

"Hey," Addison replied turning around and giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

15 minutes later, the couple was in Dr. Collin Barnard's office.

"Good afternoon Addison, Derek. How are you both?"

"Fine," Addison replied.

"Good," Derek said.

"That's encouraging. Now to begin, last session we began talking about ways for you both to reconnect with your children. But in order to reconnect with them, particularly with your older daughter Ava, you need to have a sense of what is really going on with them. The ideal thing would be to have Ava present, but since she isn't, we will hear from her via audio tape. Her therapist sent these to me with her permission yesterday."

"Wait, how could Ava have known that we've gone to therapy?" Addison asked.

"Your other daughter mentioned it in passing in her letter to Ava."

"Ava has so many different issues, where do we start?" Derek asked.

"The beginning of course," Dr. Barnard replied before pressing play on the audio recorder.

"_This is Dr. Grant Hastings. The date is March 8, 2006. The patient is Ava Shepherd, age 19, date of birth August 7, 1986. Ava has been my patient on and off for the past eight years. Her last visit was nearly one year ago," said a deep male voice. "Ava welcome back. What brings you to me today?"_

"_I can't lie to myself anymore or anyone else for that matter."_

"_Can you explain what you mean by that Ava?"_

"_I came back from Seattle_ _yesterday. My family slowly moved out there starting just over a year ago. The night before I left, I got into a fight with my parents. And that's when I lost it. Ever since my parents started having problems a year and a half ago, I feel like I've been putting on this act for them, an act that everything is fine. But I can't anymore. I'm not fine."_

"_What precipitated the fight?"_

"_I haven't exactly been truthful with them about what's been going on in my life. The latest thing I withheld from them was my intention to take the MCAT. But that was for reasons different than the others. I know that the MCAT is a very difficult exam and I didn't know if I could pass it or even if I did end up not wanting to go to medical school. I didn't want to disappoint them, so I wanted to wait until I took the test and got the results back."_

"_That isn't all that bad. But you mentioned this wasn't the first thing you kept from them?"_

"_No. I—I've been keeping things from them for a long time."_

"_Such as?"_

"_The pain I've been feeling. It's not something that a pill can make disappear. It's something more. My sister has shed a lot of tears since my parents left. She was in pain. She wanted my mom and my dad and for everything to be ok again. I wanted those things as well, but I also knew how she felt, all too well."_

"_Because of what happened with Kate?"_

"_Yes. When that happened to me, my mom was there. She helped to take some of that pain away. I thought I could do the same for Quinn. So every time she cried, I would hold her real tight and tell her to put everything she was feeling onto me. A little kid shouldn't carry an emotional burden that big."_

"_What about you?"_

"_What about me? I knew the pain. I knew I could take it on. I had to; I couldn't let Quinn be in pain like that. But now it's not so simple. My sister is very sick and there is nothing I can do," Ava said, tears in her voice. "And I hurt, I hurt so badly. I can't do anything for her except sit back and watch. I can't do this anymore. I can't hurt like this, not this deeply. I need to get all of this pain out of my body before it kills me."_

"_You've admitted to cutting yourself before to treat emotional pain, saying that it was cathartic for you."_

"_It was."_

"_But it's not now?"_

"_No."_

"_Have you had suicidal thoughts?"_

"_Have I thought, "I want to kill myself?" No. But I'm afraid I might."_

"_Why?"_

"_When I cut myself, I have to be careful not to go too deep. The last few times I've done it, I've had to cut deeper and deeper in order to feel a release." She paused. "And I'm afraid that next time, I will cut too deep, I'll go too far. And I don't want to do that."_

Dr. Barnard switched off the tape and the room filled with silence. Both Shepherds looked particularly pained.

After a moment the doctor spoke, "How does hearing Ava's thoughts make you feel?"

"I had no idea she felt like that," Derek said after another moment of silence had passed.

"There were signs Derek," Addison replied softly. "I should have noticed them. This is my fault."

"Addison," said Dr. Barnard gently. "This is not about blame."

"He's right honey," Derek said placing a hand on his wife's shoulder. "If anything, it's my fault. I started everything…"

"Addison, Derek this is not about blame. The point of having these tapes is to be able to understand—"

"All I understand is that my child all but confessed to being suicidal on that tape!" Addison exploded, cutting him off. Her anger, frustration, and fear were palpable.

"It may sound like that at first Addison," Dr. Barnard continued calmly. "But, I assure you that Ava is in no way suicidal."

"You don't know Ava."

"But I've spoken with her. In fact I hung up with her just before you got here. I had to be sure that this is what she wanted especially after hearing the contents of the tape you just heard. She said and I quote, "My parents are surgeons, two of the best in the country and probably the entire world. They will not understand my feelings at first because they are surgeons. They are used to identifying problems, fixing them, and fixing them very well. I have always been the one person that they haven't been able to fix. My mother will react to my thoughts emotionally and try to take all of the blame. But she is not responsible for my pain. My father will feel guilty and wish that he had never walked out on me and on Quinn. He is entitled to my anger and my frustration. I wish that he would listen to me instead of treating me like I am still a child. I understand why he walked out but it could have been dealt with another way. Ultimately though, he is not responsible for my pain either. The pain I feel is a result of a lot of stuff that has happened in my life and while I know they want to, my parents cannot fix me. That is a journey that I must make on my own without them. They have protected me for as long as they can, but I am not a child anymore. I have to grow up. I know that they will feel scared for me and angry at themselves. But I needed to express myself without fear of being judged or worried over. I'm doing this because I want to be truthful with them. And I hope that in time they will be truthful too." Does that statement sound in any way suicidal?"

"No," Addison admitted.

"Your daughter is clearly trying to communicate with both of you. But I get a sense that she is trying to get both of you to communicate amongst yourselves."

"But we are communicating," Derek insisted.

"But are you communicating truthfully?"

"If we weren't we wouldn't be here," Addison shot back. "We're trying to communicate with our children. We've already worked on our issues and on our marriage".

"Working on one's marriage is a process that never stops. Now in your opinions what started the disintegration of your family?"

"I don't know," Derek replied. "I think to some extent Addison and I got very busy. So did Ava. Work became more important than making an effort to have dinner as a family at least once a week."

"You're oversimplifying it Derek."

"You think it's something more complex Addison?" Dr. Barnard asked.

"Yes."

"Could you be more specific?"

"We had a tragic incident occur in our family."

"A death?"

"I guess you could say that."

"What happened on the night of May 19, 2004?"

"I had a miscarriage."

* * *

Dun Dun Dun! I know that this is a bad place to leave it, but more is forthcoming. This is actually part one of three in chapter 21. But since the number count at is off when I do a multi-part chapter I'm calling it chapter 21 straight up. Please R/R! And let me know if you like Ava's audiotape confessions because there might be another coming up. 


	23. Living Through it

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter XXII: Living Through it

"I had a miscarriage," Addison said quietly.

"Addie, we don't have to talk about this," Derek replied wanting to avoid the inevitable pain that would come with this conversation. "We've already talked about it once."

"No Derek," She said looking at him. "We haven't, not really."

"What happened that night?" Dr. Barnard asked.

"I'm not sure. I came home from work early and I was feeling fine. I just remember going into the bathroom to take my makeup off. And then I felt the pain, it was sharp and quick. I had no time to react or process what was happening. The next memory I had was waking up in the hospital and Derek telling me that—that I had lost the baby."

"Ok, Derek can you fill in the blanks in Addison's memory?"

"Quinn was having a sleepover with her cousins at my sister Sarah's house. I think Ava had said she was going out to dinner with Kieran's family. So they weren't home."

"And where were you?"

"I was in surgery when Addison went home and I had a couple of hours left. But I was going to go straight home afterward."

"Where were you when you were notified of what happened?"

"I was changing back into my clothes when I got the page. I ran downstairs immediately and that's when I saw Addison being transferred from the stretcher to a gurney. I tried to get to her, but everyone kept me at a distance."

"Do you know how you got to the hospital Addison?"

"No," Addison replied. "I don't remember anything after the pain."

"Derek, did you ask who was responsible for getting Addison the proper medical attention?"

Derek frowned, "No. I never asked because I had more important things to worry about such as my wife's health."

Dr. Barnard nodded and then pressed play on the recorder.

"_When did things between you and your parents begin to fall apart?" Dr. Hastings asked._

"_May 19th, 2004."_

"_Why do you have such a specific date in mind?"_

"_That was when everything fell apart."_

"_Can you tell me what happened that day?"_

"_I was supposed to go out to dinner with my boyfriend Kieran and his family. His cousin was in town. I got ready in my room and then I went downstairs to wait for Kieran to come pick me up. But I was kind of nervous about my outfit. I was wearing this silver and black Carolina_ _Herrera knee length dress and Manolo heels. It was something Carrie Bradshaw would love, but I wasn't sure if it was something the family would like. So I ran back upstairs to ask my mom what she thought. But looking back on it now, the minute I got to the top of the stairs I knew that something wasn't right."_

"_What happened after you got to the top of the stairs?"_

"_I walked down the hall and when I saw she wasn't in her bedroom I went in and crossed over to the master bathroom. And then-"Ava stopped._

"_And then?"_

"_I saw my mother on the floor and I froze."_

"_What was the first thing that came into your mind?"_

"_I thought she was dead."_

"_What did you do next?"_

"_I went over to her and called her name," Ava said feeling her throat tighten. "She didn't answer me. There was so much blood, so much…" Ava trailed off and tight sobs could be heard. _

_The tape had been turned off and there was a long stretch of silence before Hastings_ _spoke again, "After you went to your mother what did you do?"_

"_I checked for a pulse," Ava said quietly. "She had one, but it was weak. So I went in and got the phone and called 911. The paramedics arrived not too long after and we went to the hospital. I stood back when we got to the ER. I saw my dad when I walked in but everything seemed like it stopped for me, I felt like I was invisible."_

"_Like you were powerless?"_

"_Yes. Everything around me seemed like it had stopped, but my mind was moving so fast it was making me sick. I sat in a chair for a little while away from everyone. I don't know how long exactly. But my cell phone caught my attention. I had held my purse in my hand the entire time in a death grip, I wasn't even aware I had it until the phone rang."_

"_Who called you?"_

"_It was Kieran wanting to know where I was. I hadn't intended to say anything to him. But I told him what happened and that I needed him to come." She paused. "I think that was the only time I was ever really honest about my feelings before now. He came right away and took me home," Ava said. "I was a mess; the dress had blood all over it, the shoes too, and my bag by some miracle had been spared. But that didn't matter. Kieran helped me get undressed and into the shower and when I got out I threw everything I had been wearing my dress, my shoes, the purse and all of my jewelry in a bag and I threw it all out."_

"_You threw thousands of dollars in the garbage?"_

"_Yeah, I know it was impulsive. But I wanted no reminders of what happened. I mean that quite literally because I stayed up until late scrubbing down that bathroom with Clorox until it was so sterile you could do surgery in there. But I never went back in there again even to this day."_

"_And you never told your parents?"_

"_No."_

Dr. Barnard stopped the tape and let a momentary silence fill the room before he spoke again, "Do you agree with Ava? Do you think that night marked the beginning of the destruction in your relationship?"

"I think it had been coming even before then," Derek said looking at the doctor. "Addison and I worked long hours at the hospital and Ava was in school or in ballet almost constantly. But the prospect of another child grounded us again. We all made conservative efforts to spend time with Quinn. But there wasn't time for the three of us together. Having our entire family together didn't happen as often either."

"Did you spend time with Quinn together?"

"Yes. We made an effort to do something together for a few hours a couple of times a week," Addison replied finally lifting her eyes from the ground.

"How long were you two together before Ava came into your lives?"

"Almost seven years."

"And you married when Ava was 7?"

"Yes."

"Addison, how would you characterize your relationship with Ava? Would you say it was a typical mother-daughter relationship?"

"I don't know. My relationship with Ava is different than the one I have with Quinn. Ava and I talked a lot before all of this. She encouraged me to pursue my career like I wanted to. She inspired me to do better. Ava is my daughter, but not in the same way Quinn is. I never relegated her to being "the child."

"Derek, how would you describe your relationship with Ava?"

"Ava and I have a similar relationship to the one Addison and Ava have together. The only difference that comes to mind is the boy factor. That is the most stereotypical aspect of our relationship."

"Do you think the differences in your relationships with Quinn and Ava have anything to do with the fact that Quinn is yours biologically and Ava is not?"

"No," Addison started. "We've both watched Quinn progress from day one and she is a child. But with Ava that wasn't the case. It was different."

"I think so too. We don't love Ava or Quinn any more or less than the other. But the way we interact with them is different."

"Have you ever thought of why that is?"

"Quinn and Ava are two different people. They have two separate personalities."

"True, but have you ever thought of there being another person in this marriage?"

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, confused.

"Normally, there are two people in a relationship, two people in a marriage. But for both of you that is not the case. There is someone else in your marriage and that person is Ava. She is an equal partner in this relationship and she has been from the very beginning. Neither of you intended for it to be like that, but it became that way. She has borne witness to the low points in your lives and in your careers as well as the high ones."

"Ava is our glue, isn't that what you said?" Derek asked turning to Addison.

Addison nodded, "Yeah."

"That is an interesting turn of phrase. What prompted you to say that Addison?"

"Ava was rushed into emergency surgery not too long after she arrived. There was a very real chance that she could have died. And I knew if she did, we wouldn't survive. Our marriage couldn't take it."

* * *

La Guardia International Airport was abuzz with activity as Ava made her way into the baggage claim a few days later on Friday afternoon. Dressed in a short, fitted black blazer by D&G, three inch Prada heels, tailored black pants by Gucci, and a white top accessorized by large Christian Dior sunglasses, Ava appeared extremely uptight.

The last few weeks had been very stressful as Ava arrived back in New York one day before the start of midterms and two days before the opening of the show she had been working on before leaving for Seattle. However, Ava had been very amused to discover that nothing had changed. She still had her role in the show, which earned nasty looks from most of the dancers. But for a select few who knew the truth behind her sudden departure, they thought she was brave for coming back at all. Truthfully, Ava had been surprised that she was in the show at all, let alone managed to keep her role. She knew it had to do with where she had been. NYB wanted to keep Ava in New York and their ticket sales up. The last thing they wanted to do was drive audiences away by demoting their rising star and drive her any closer to the Pacific Northwest Ballet.

Alex Karev walked through the doors to the baggage claim. He had caught an early flight out of Seattle after going over his 80 hour limit on purpose. The need to see Ava had overwhelmed him the past few weeks. They had spoken on the phone whenever they could. But it wasn't enough for them physically, emotionally, or sexually. When Alex spotted her, he could see the effects that the last month had had on her. Her posture was always perfect as a result of her occupation. But it was too straight, too tight, too wound up. He knew the stress was getting to her as much as it was getting to him in Seattle. A small smile flitted across his face as he approached her and before she could say a word he kissed her soundly on the mouth.

In about 2 seconds, all of the tension Ava had been feeling vanished and a very warm feeling shot up her spine starting with her toes, leaving her feeling very tingly.

When Alex felt her give ever so slightly he pulled away, "Hi," he said keeping an arm around her waist.

"Hi," Ava replied, a smile gracing her face. "How was your flight?"

"It was fine."

"Good. Do you have everything?"

"Yeah," He replied kissing her on the forehead before they walked out of the terminal.

Ava had parked the Range Rover at the top of the parking structure directly across from the domestic terminal. There were very few cars up there because no one wanted to make the trek to and from the car with heavy luggage. Ava pressed the automatic trunk lock on her remote and the trunk sprang open allowing Alex to place his bag inside. When he was finished, he joined Ava on the passenger's side, and then without warning he kissed her passionately and she returned it with equal fervor.

"Alex…" She whispered when they pulled away.

"Ava?" He said grinning.

"I need to drive," She said before turning the key in the ignition and starting the car.

45 minutes later, Ava pulled up in front of her parents three story brownstone directly across from Central Park. She led him upstairs, punching in the security code into the system as she walked through the door.

Then she turned to Alex after he closed the door, "Welcome to my world."

* * *

Ok, I know I'm lame. But for some reason, I feel the need to take this part of the story one step at a time. Look for a very Alex and Ava centered chapter next time. Please R/R! 


	24. New York Intro

Healing Process

A/N: This chapter contains explicit sexual content. If you are uncomfortable with the content of this chapter, please don't read it. Similarly, if you don't like Alex and Ava together and having sex, this chapter may not be for you.

Having said that, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to all of the other Avex fans out there; this is for you.

* * *

Chapter XXIII: New York Intro

_I'm crazy for this little lady  
I'm freaking for my little baby  
'Cause she makes me feel good  
She's so fine_

Don't need all my other ladies  
I'm beggin' for this little lady  
'Cause I tell you she's cool  
She's divine

I know she's a super lady  
I'm weak and I've gone hazy yeah

I'm crazy for that lady  
She's chic but she's not shady yeah  
Sophisticated lady  
And she makes me feel good  
She's so fine

"Welcome to my world," Ava said smirking.

"This is where you live?" Alex asked as he stepped into the foyer.

"This is where I live. Would you like a tour?"

Alex snaked an arm around her waist from behind bringing his body close to hers. He pressed himself against her and Ava let out a soft moan. She could feel his arousal pressing against her ass, "Maybe later?" He whispered in her ear as he kissed the base of her neck.

"Later sounds good," Ava replied softly before leading him upstairs.

"Which one is yours?" Alex asked lacing his fingers in hers.

Ava led him down the hall through a door where the paths separated and then down another short hallway before reaching a door. Ava opened it and they stepped into her bedroom. It was a spacious room painted a light blue color. Black and white photos of family and famous dancers dotted the walls as well as prints of some of Edgar Degas' ballerinas. A queen size bed sat pushed up against the far wall and from it a small portion of the Manhattan cityscape was visible. The bed was dressed in an ivory cream comforter with matching sheets and pillows making it appear soft and inviting but not overly feminine.

As soon as they were inside, Ava kissed him with such ferocity that Alex was momentarily taken aback until he realized Ava had realized that it had been a month since they had last touched each other like this. Then he returned the kiss and they began tearing each other's clothes off. Well, not tearing exactly. Alex had learned very quickly how remove Ava's clothes fast but without damaging the expensive fashions. It was like asking to get one's balls cut off. First rule of dating a New York woman; never fuck with her clothes.

Ava shrugged off her blazer and it joined Alex's jacket on the floor. Alex kissed the base of her neck as he began working on getting the fitted blouse she was wearing open and she was doing the same with his shirt. Ava responded with a low moan as he cupped her lace clad breast before letting the top join the other clothes.

"You're wearing pants," He rasped.

"I'm wearing pants," She said with a half groan kicking off her Prada heels and sending them skittering across the floor. "I had a meeting today and the pants fit the look I was going for."

"And what look was that?"

"I'm an intimidating bitch don't cross me," She replied undoing his belt.

Alex chuckled, "You're not intimidating. Cute and definitely very sexy, but never intimidating."

_Never knew there was such a lady  
That would make me want to straighten  
Out my life at this time but I find  
I'm thinkin' 'bout this pretty lady  
I would love for her to have my baby  
'Cause you know she's no fool  
She's refined_

I know she's a super lady  
I'm weak and I've gone hazy yeah

I'm crazy for that lady  
She's chic but she's not shady yeah  
Sophisticated lady  
And she makes me feel good  
She's so fine

"Is that so?" Ava said with a glint in her eye. "I guess you don't want pussy so bad after all. I should go practice my intimidation techniques. Have fun whacking off by yourself," And then she turned and went to leave the room.

However, Alex swiftly grabbed her arm and before she could stop him he had unzipped her pants and pushed them down over her hips before shoving her panties aside and pushing two fingers inside of her.

Alex smiled when he found her wet for him, "But pussy wants me," He whispered before placing a kiss on her temple and leading her back toward the bed. He pushed her down onto it gently and removed both her panties and her pants.

"What are you doing?" Ava asked noticing that he hadn't taken his pants off yet.

"You'll see. Open you legs a little more."

Ava complied with his request and he pulled her closer to the edge of the bed before kneeling in front of her and gently kissed her outer lips, taking great pleasure in watching a shiver pass through her before flicking her clit with his tongue and receiving a groan in response. He licked and kissed the little nub until it was hard and then he replaced his mouth with his fingers. At the change, Ava let out a soft moan as Alex thrust his fingers in and out of her. After a few minutes, Alex's efforts were rewarded when Ava began to ball the comforter in her fists.

Ava could feel her orgasm coming on fast under Alex's care. She closed her eyes after a second to let herself get lost in the sensations she was feeling. But they popped open again.

"Alex stop," Ava breathed.

"What?" He said looking up at her. "Why?"

"I need to use the bathroom."

"No you don't," Alex replied with a grin.

"Alex, I think I know my own bodily functions."

"You're supposed to feel like you want to pee babe."

Ava arched an eyebrow, "How did you---never mind. I don't want to risk peeing on my own bed thank you. This stuff isn't the kind that you can just throw in the washer."

Alex grabbed a towel from the end of the bed, "Lift up."

Ava did as she was told and he placed the towel under her hips, "What are you doing?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Ok, from now on, whatever you feel just go with it. Don't be afraid of what you're feeling. I promise I won't do anything to hurt or humiliate you."

Before Ava could reply, Alex resumed what he had been doing and a few minutes later, the feeling Ava had had returned. But she forced her mind past the urge to get up and let herself feel. Alex watched with intense satisfaction as Ava began to squirm and her hips began to buck slightly. As the seconds passed, Alex could see her body begin to move into a whole new zone. Ava felt her mind do the same thing as she focused again on the pleasure associated with his touch. The world and the sounds around Ava began to vanish until she was no longer aware of anything.

Alex listened as Ava's breathing shortened and her body tightened. She was getting close. Minutes later, he felt her orgasm begin and Ava let go. Her muscles contracted and a small gush of fluid erupted from her as Ava let out some kind of an exclamation that he couldn't understand.

When Ava opened her eyes again, Alex had crawled up onto the bed beside her and they kissed gently. "Thank you," She breathed.

"You're welcome," He whispered kissing her forehead.

When Ava came down off her high, she looked at Alex, "Take off your pants."

He grinned and removed them before she stood up and pushed him onto the bed before kissing his chest and abdomen before lowering her mouth onto his cock which stood at attention. Alex groaned.

"Ava stop," He said.

"Why?" She asked looking at him.

"I need you," He rasped.

_Yeah  
Don't you know she blows my mind  
All the time  
'Cause she makes me feel good  
Like a real woman should  
Yeah  
She's so mine  
Yeah_

I'm weak and I've gone hazy yeah

Ava smiled sexily and straddled him before lowering herself onto him. After a moment, she grabbed his arm and forced him into a sitting position as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck before kissing him deeply. Ava adopted a slow but steady thrust, easily slipping into the routine that had been established in their last encounters with each other. Alex wound his fingers in her hair as they kissed; only pulling away for air.

"I missed you," She whispered, rocking back and forth on her hips rhythmically.

"I missed you too," He said holding her more tightly to him before leaning in to kiss her again. He groaned as he felt her hips moving over him at an increasingly faster pace. Eventually, the sensation became more than he could stand and a second later he flipped them over so Ava was pinned underneath him. "Your hips are torturing me."

Ava laughed, "That's the point."

But her laugh soon turned into a moan as Alex thrust deeply into her, "Feeling it now?"

"Alex…" Ava moaned as her nails dug into his back and her muscles clenched around him.

"I know," He whispered in her ear and then he started to pull out so he could put on a condom, but Ava stopped him. "I'm just going to get a condom," he said. "I'll be right back."

"No, don't," Ava said wrapping a leg around his waist.

"But what about the guilt thing?"

"Screw the guilt, this feels way too good for me to feel guilty; unless you have something to tell me?"

He laughed, "No, I'm safe when it comes to that."

She smiled, "Good," and wrapped the other leg around him as Alex slipped a throw pillow under her ass.

But then he turned serious for a moment, "Are you sure you want to do this? Because once we start, I won't be able to stop after a certain point."

"Do you plan on sleeping with anyone else?"

"No. Do you?"

"No, I don't."

Alex grinned and a mischievous glint appeared in his eyes, "You're mine now Shepherd."

Ava smiled and kissed him, "I'm yours and you're mine."

"Mine," he whispered again as he kissed her deeply before thrusting into her again.

_I'm crazy for that lady  
She's chic but she's not shady yeah  
Sophisticated lady  
And she makes me feel good  
And she makes me feel good  
And she makes me feel good  
She's so fine_

As he set a steady pace, Alex felt a weight being lifted from him. They had made a commitment to each other, successfully making the transition from sleeping together to having a real relationship. Secretly both of them had wanted that from day one. But with Ava going 3,000 miles away, there was a chance that their feelings would fade. But they hadn't and for that he was glad.

The minutes passed and soon their bodies became impatient for release. Alex was almost certain that if Ava's muscles didn't stop contracting around him, he would die of too much pleasure. He pulled away from her mouth and kept his eyes trained on hers as he thrust in and out of her faster and faster. Before he lost all conscious thought, Alex became aware of three things. One, he was now the boyfriend of one of the most beautiful and sexy women in the world. Two, that judging by her reaction, this was her favorite position. And three, Ava trusted him. After those three thoughts passed through his head, all he could concentrate on was Ava's eyes and the sounds that filled the room.

Soon, Ava began to pant again as her orgasm built up inside of her. She squeezed Alex's shoulders tightly as he started to almost pound into her with ferocity. He was groaning loudly as he felt her fall into sync with him and a second later they went over the edge together and he spilled himself inside of her with a shout before collapsing on top of her. They stayed like that until sleep threatened to overwhelm them both and they slipped underneath the covers. Alex pulled her into him before they both fell into a deep sleep.

Alex was being shaken awake what seemed like moments later, but it was actually a couple of hours later.

"What's going on?" He said sleepily.

"Baby, you need to wake up," Ava said kissing him from her position at the side of the bed where she was dressed in a simple dark red baby doll dress and heels.

"Come back to bed Ava," He moaned.

"Come on Alex, we're going to be late."

"Late for what?"

"Dinner of course. At my dad's house."

_Yeah  
Don't you know she blows my mind  
All the time  
And she makes me feel good  
Like a real woman should  
Yeah  
All the time  
Yeah  
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah_

* * *

Lyrics: "Lady"- Lenny Kravitz

Ok, I think it's safe to say we've officially taken a detour into Alex and Ava land. The next chapter will focus on them too as well as life in New York. But don't worry; I will be getting back to Addison and Derek…eventually.

Until then, please R/R!


	25. Delicate Issues

Healing Process

A/N: I am amazed. When I started this story three months ago, I never expected to be here still writing. I have never written a story that is as long as this is nor did I expect that so many people would like it and actually keep up with it. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of my readers. This story is still here solely because of you.

Having said that, I was very disheartened when I received a flame several days ago, and while I respect that people have a right to their opinion I will not tolerate rudeness. If someone doesn't like this story, fine. Don't read it.

Writing and reading fan fiction is a privilege, not a license to tear someone's story apart. And it is about time that people remember that. So let me be very clear, if you choose to review please be positive and constructive. I treat every author and story I read with respect and I hope you will do the same.

This is for Chels, Brandy, Kayli, Raven, Sarah, Flick and all of my fans on both TI and here.

XXIV: Delicate Issues

_We might kiss when we are alone  
When nobody's watching  
We might take it home  
We might make out when nobody's there  
It's not that we're scared  
It's just that it's delicate_

"We're going where?" Alex asked sitting up in bed now fully awake.

"To dinner at my dad's house," Ava replied perching on the edge of the bed.

"But I thought your father was still in Seattle?" Alex asked, hoping that he was right. Dr. Shepherd was the last person he wanted to deal with.

"My biological father Jackson lives here in New York. He's married now and has two sons. We met when I was 16."

"Did he walk out on you?" Alex asked.

"No, it's the other way around I'm afraid." Ava said quietly. "Kate, my birth mother lived with my father the year following my birth. Things between them started to disintegrate at some point and a little after my first birthday my dad came home from work and we weren't there." Ava paused. "It was like we had vanished without a trace. And he finally found me just after my 16th birthday. We've been working on a relationship ever since."

"So is this some kind of a test? If I meet your dad I can date you?"

Ava laughed and kissed him, "No. I already said I would have dinner with them before you told me you were coming out. I thought this was something we could do together. So what do you say? Are you up for it?"

He smiled, "Yeah. But after dinner all bets are off. You're mine," He said pulling her to him and kissing her passionately.

Ava moaned softly and then pulled away, "I'll be waiting downstairs. I don't want us to get sidetracked," she said before leaving the room.

_September 2003_

"_Daddy, why is Ava sad?" 4 year-old Quinn asked her father. It was early evening on a Friday and by some miracle Addison and Derek had managed to get home by 5 o'clock._

"_Sad? Why would Ava be sad?" Derek asked looking at Quinn who was playing on the floor with her dolls._

"_When I was upstairs getting my dolls, Ava was in her room and she looked sad."_

"_She's probably just nervous sweetheart."_

"_Is it because of the man who's coming today?"_

_Derek nodded, "Yes."_

"_Ava needs cuddles daddy."_

_Derek smiled, "Why don't you go give them to her?"_

"_But you make me feel better when you do it."_

"_Honey, Ava's too old for cuddles."_

"_But she really needs them."_

"_Ok, I'll go up," Derek said kissing Quinn on the head and going upstairs. He knocked on the doorframe and Ava looked up._

"_Hey dad, come in," Ava said as Derek sat in the desk chair opposite her._

"_I just wanted to make sure you're ok," He said looking into her eyes, searching for anything that might have been bothering Ava._

"_Yeah, of course I am," Ava replied confidently._

"_Are you nervous?"_

"_A little," Ava admitted. "But that's to be expected considering that I'm seeing my father for the first time in 15 years."_

"_Yes it is."_

"_Everything is going to change after today."_

"_Some things will change, but not everything," Derek reminded her. He observed her carefully and noticed that Ava was now avoiding his gaze. "Are you afraid that things between us will change?"_

_Ava remained silent for a moment, "Maybe," She said softly._

_Derek crossed over to the bed and sat down next to her, lifting her chin to meet his gaze, "I will still be your dad Ava no matter what happens today."_

"_But what if---," Ava started. "What if he wants me to live with him? What if I like him?"_

_Derek laughed, "It's ok to like him you know. He is your father. But as for living with him; Jackson is not like Kate Ava. I've spoken with him and so has your mother. He came to us first before he called you. He respects that you have a family that loves you."_

"_That's what Kate says, but she doesn't."_

_Derek sighed, "I know. But that is Kate, butterfly. She's always shown a certain disregard for people and their feelings whether they are Grandma's, mine, your mom's, yours, or Jackson's." He paused for a moment as he thought of his older sister whom he had loved and adored once upon a time. And now all he felt was sadness. "You were separated from your father unfairly. He didn't walk out on you or Kate when you were born instead he tried to give you a good life. And Kate took you away from him. He needs to see you Ava and I think you need to see him too."_

"_I know. I just—," She stopped._

"_You just what Ava?"_

"_You're probably going to think I'm being silly."_

"_I would never think that. What are you afraid of?"_

"_I'm afraid that by doing this, I'm hurting you."_

_Derek hugged her tightly, "I want you to be happy Ava and if doing this makes you happy I'm all for it. And as for you and me, I will always love you no matter what. Our relationship is something very special and no one can take that away." He kissed the top of her head. "Quinn said you needed cuddles."_

_Ava blushed slightly, but then sighed, "Ok so maybe I did."_

"_Cuddles Ava," He whispered in her ear._

"_Cuddles daddy."_

_They stayed like that for a few minutes before the doorbell sounded._

"_You'd better get that," he said pulling away from her._

_Ava nodded and rose walking toward the door. But before she left, Ava turned back to Derek, "I love you dad."_

"_I love you too butterfly."_

_Ava turned and walked down the hall. Time seemed to slow down at that point as she made her way down the stairs. At the bottom, she paused before going to the door. And then taking a deep breath she opened it._

_So why do you fill my sorrow  
With the words you've borrowed  
From the only place you've know  
And why do you sing Hallelujah  
If it means nothing to you  
Why do you sing with me at all?_

"So do you think I passed the test?" Alex asked as they walked into Ava's room several hours later.

"My father thought you had very intelligent things to say and my brothers were won over the instant you told them you were a wrestler.

"Yeah, but only after they threatened to tear me limb from limb if I hurt you."

Ava cocked an eyebrow, "Did they threaten you?"

"Yeah. But I don't think that will be a problem."

"Is that so?" She said with a laugh wrapping her arms around his neck.

"The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you Ava," He said before kissing her lightly.

"That's good to know."

"I'm going to go brush my teeth."

"Ok, the bathroom is just down the hall," Ava said before pulling away from him and got ready for bed.

Alex walked down the hall to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Only after he was done, did he realize that he had forgotten his mouthwash. Not wanting to go back and get it, Alex opened the medicine chest above the sink and began to scan the shelves. But mouthwash didn't catch his attention; pill bottles bearing Ava's name did. To his shock, Alex found that the three bottles in front of him that bore the names of powerful sleeping pills and anti-anxiety drugs. She was on psych meds and Ava hadn't told him.

When Alex finished, he took one of the bottles back to Ava's room. She was already in bed flipping through a magazine.

"Hey, are you ready to come to bed?"

"Yeah," He said and then crossed to his side of the bed and sat down facing her. "But before I do, I have to ask you something."

"Sure, go ahead."

"Why are you taking anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills?"

Ava looked afraid for a moment as she looked at the bottle in Alex's hand and he felt guilty for bringing it up. But then she spoke again, "Alex I have PTSD."

_We might live like never before  
When there's nothing to give  
Well how can we ask for more  
We might make love in some sacred place  
The look on your face is delicate _

So why do you fill my sorrow  
With the words you've borrowed  
From the only place you've know  
And why do you sing Hallelujah  
If it means nothing to you  
Why do you sing with me at all?

The bright lights of downtown Seattle shined through Derek's office in the high-rise penthouse he shared with Addison and Quinn. A box sat on his desk from New York. He had brought it to Seattle when he had first moved here and had forgotten to unpack it. He pulled a small photo album out of the box and opened it. It contained photos of Ava and Quinn together and separately.

"What are you up to?" Addison asked coming into the room.

"Nothing, just sorting through some old boxes that's all."

"What are you looking at?" She asked crossing behind the desk and seeing the pictures of Quinn and Ava. "I haven't seen these in so long."

"I know. I forgot they were in here. I don't even remember when these were taken."

Addison flipped a page and came across the picture of Ava and Quinn taken the day Quinn was born, "They grew up so fast," She whispered.

"Yeah, they did," He said wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"I don't want to lose them Derek."

"We won't lose them."

"How can you say that? Quinn has a serious illness and Ava may never come back."

"Everything will fix itself in time."

Addison pulled away from him, "What if it doesn't Derek? What then? Our family is falling apart!"

"Gee Addison, I hadn't noticed!" Derek snapped.

"Don't get mad at me for stating the truth. I'm paying for the way you chose to leave New York!"

"I wouldn't have left New York if you hadn't slept with Mark!"

Addison looked like she had been slapped, "You're still bringing this up even after therapy?"

"It's the truth isn't it?"

"That was the only way I could get your attention!"

"Bullshit, there were other ways!"

Addison looked away and after a moment she spoke again, "Derek when are you going to stop punishing me? We lost a child and we lost sight of each other. I tried everything I could think of to get you to pay attention to me and you wouldn't."

"Fine! You want to admit that I was a bad husband and a lousy father? Ok then, I screwed up and I'm trying my hardest to fix it."

"Denial doesn't fix problems."

"I'm not denying anything."

"Aren't you? If you weren't Ava would still be speaking to us."

"She's throwing a temper-tantrum Addison. She'll come back when she wants something."

Addison let out a breath, "For your sake, I hope she keeps punishing you. You need to know what hurt feels like."

"What do you mean?"

"All anyone wants is to spend time with you and you punish them because they won't stay on the pedestal you put them on."

"What are you talking about?"

"None of us are on a pedestal Derek. We're not perfect."

"I never said that."

"You don't have to," Addison said before leaving the room.

_So why do you fill my sorrow  
With the words you've borrowed  
From the only place you've know  
And why do you sing Hallelujah  
If it means nothing to you  
Why do you sing with me at all?_

Lyrics: "Delicate"- Damien Rice

That is the end for now. Please R/R! And remember positive and constructive critiques only! Thanks!


	26. Fear of the Known and Unknown

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 25: The Fear of the Known and Unknown

_Morning smiles  
Like the face of a newborn child  
Innocent unknowing  
Winter's end  
Promises of a long lost friend  
Speaks to me of comfort_

"Alex, I have PTSD," Ava said quietly. "I'm taking these pills because I have PTSD and now my secret is out." Ava laughed bitterly. "I am scary and damaged. That girl whose face the world has come to see is only a mere shadow of who I actually am." Ava took a breath, "So here's your chance Alex, here is your chance to walk out this door without consequences. Go off and find some girl who isn't emotionally defective." Ava got out of bed and started to walk out of the room.

"No," Alex said firmly.

Ava turned and looked at him, "Excuse me?"

"No," Alex repeated crossing over to her. "So you're not perfect, big surprise there. No one is perfect Ava, not me, not you, not your parents, no one. You are a human being, you are supposed to be flawed and screwed up because if you weren't you wouldn't be the same Ava I fell in love with."

"What?" Ava whispered.

"I love you," Alex repeated putting his arms around her waist and then he kissed her softly.

"Alex I—,"

"You don't have to say anything. Just come back to bed," he said kissing her neck. "I want to make love to my girlfriend," he whispered and then scooped her into his arms and carried her back to the bed.

_But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
Here in this lonely place  
Tangled up in our embrace  
There's nothing I'd like  
Better than to fall  
But I fear I have nothing to give_

* * *

_God Save the Drama: Ava's Blog_

_April 15, 2006_

_2 am_

_There is a boy man in my bed. He told me he loves me and now I can't sleep. What is wrong with me? Most of the girls that I know have been dying for their boyfriends to tell them that. But me? I'm not so sure._

_At times like this I would call my mom, but I can't…we're still not speaking. Maybe that's why Alex telling me that he loves me bothers me so much. I don't deserve to be loved. I'm not being a very good daughter right now and I know it._

_I'm conflicted you see. A part of me says that I'm being a horrible daughter and my parents don't deserve what I've thrown at them. But the other part of me says that they do. So which part of myself do I believe?_

_I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself. Almost every day, it seems like there is a new article in the New York Times or the Post or the Daily News that is either praising me or criticizing me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very flattered by all the attention but the girl they praise or try to rip to shreds isn't me. She doesn't exist._

_So then what does that make me?_

_I'm a liar_

* * *

_Wind in time  
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine  
Nothing yields to shelter it  
From above  
They say temptation will destroy our love  
The never ending hunger_

The next morning Ava awoke to a pair of arms wrapped securely around her and she became aware that her head was resting on Alex's chest.

"Good morning," He said softly kissing her head.

"Morning," Ava said sitting up. "What time is it?"

"A little after nine," He said kissing her softly. "Last night was good."

"Last night was a distraction."

"What do you mean?"

"I was trying to be serious and you ignored me."

"I didn't ignore you. I worshipped you last night! And for the record I didn't hear you complaining."

"You just don't get it," Ava said moving to get out of bed but Alex grabbed her arm.

"Explain it to me then."

"Let go of me Alex."

"I will if you promise not to go anywhere."

"You have no right to tell me what to do," Ava replied coolly.

Alex pinned her down on the bed and kissed her neck, "Stop with the obstacle course already and be honest."

"What are you doing?" Ava asked squirming.

"Those walls are back up again because you're cranky and it's morning."

"And your point would be what exactly?"

"My point is that you need an orgasm to loosen up that uptight exterior you put on every day."

"I do not! Now will you please get off of me? I have things to do!"

"Its Saturday sweetheart," Alex reminded her as a hand wandered downward.

"Alex…" Ava froze at first, but then squirmed away from him. "Don't. This is important!"

Alex sighed. "Okay." Alex sat up, one hand gripping her arm. "But I'm not letting you out of bed until you tell me what's wrong."

"I—I'm scared."

"Ok, what are you scared of?"

"I'm scared that I have post-traumatic stress disorder. I mean I know what it is. But I actually have something wrong with me. That's frightening."

"Yeah, it is," Alex agreed. "But you have a diagnosis Ava. A diagnosis means treatment."

"I just—I feel so guilty you know? I've put my parents through sheer hell."

"I know, but they understand Ava. Dealing with this on top of school and a skyrocketing career is hard. You have to let your feelings out at some point and unfortunately your parents caused some of the problems. But they'll forgive you." He paused. "Why were you diagnosed now? Why not earlier? You must have been having problems before you came to Seattle."

"I have, ever since I was six," Ava said quietly.

"Six? Why didn't your parents do something about it?"

Ava looked up at him surprised, "They did." Ava sighed and took his hand. "Alex I have been diagnosed with seemingly every psychiatric disorder in existence from schizophrenia to depression and from bipolar disorder to obsessive compulsive disorder. And I have also been on almost every single psychiatric drug on the planet."

"But you were abused right? How come no one ever figured it out?"

"Yes Alex I was abused; emotionally from the time I was old enough to really feel and physically from age 4 until just after age 6." She took a breath before continuing, "My birth mother Kate was never supposed to be a mother, not then and maybe even now. I never bonded with her as an infant and she always kept me at a distance the whole time I was with her. She never—never treated me like I was her child. I was always a tool to be used, a chip to be bargained with. I was forever trying to please her. But I never could."

"So how come no one ever diagnosed you correctly?"

"Because I was never truthful with anyone who treated me nor was I honest with my parents. Sure, I told my doctors some things. But it was never the whole truth. From a very young age, I learned to develop two kinds of myself. That girl you see in the papers all the time is the perfect Ava who has everything going for her. But this Ava, who is sitting here talking to you, is the damaged Ava. When you live with someone like Kate, you have to learn to compartmentalize your emotions, your feelings, and thoughts to survive; to stop people from asking questions. It sounds stupid and I probably should have dropped that habit years ago. But it became my survival instinct so I kept it. When I came back to New York, I was just so tired of carrying all of these secrets with me. My heart was too heavy. So I let it all out. I had to.

"So you went through your life being misdiagnosed because you felt like you couldn't be honest?"

"Yeah, I did. My therapist always suspected I had PTSD but I never fit the profile. And then after a review of my history and several long sessions talking about my true feelings, I was diagnosed with a textbook case of PTSD."

"Do your parents know?"

"No. I'll tell them in a joint therapy session on Monday." She paused. "Are you sure you don't want to leave now?"

"I'm sure," He said kissing her lips softly.

"I think I could use that orgasm now."

"What my lady demands she shall get," He said kissing her passionately.

* * *

_But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
Here in this lonely place  
Tangled up in our embrace  
There's nothing I'd like  
Better than to fall_

In Seattle an hour later, Addison awoke to find Derek watching her.

"Good morning," He said softly.

"Morning," She replied.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah."

"Listen, about last night—"

Addison cut him off, "Can we please not talk about last night? I really don't feel like having my indiscretion with Mark thrown in my face so early in the morning."

She started to get out of bed, but Derek stopped her, "I'm sorry for what I said really I am. I shouldn't have thrown Mark in your face like that. I promised you that I wouldn't."

"That was a low blow," Addison agreed.

"You want to know the truth?"

"About what?"

"About our family?"

"Yes Derek, I would like to hear your thoughts on the subject."

"I'm just as scared as you are Addison. I don't want to lose our daughters. But I have to believe that everything will turn out alright; otherwise I'll be consumed by it."

Addison nodded, "I try to believe that too. But sometimes it isn't enough. It took so much for Ava to begin to even trust us, to bond with us, and now we're not on speaking terms? Ava has always talked to us."

"I know. But she's upset and she has every right to be. We left her in a horrible position. She had to clean up our messes."

"Yeah she did," Addison said quietly.

"And as much as it hurts we can't do anything but hope that she will come through this. I have faith that she will. With Preston on her side, anything is possible."

"I'm trying to have faith Derek. But seeing Quinn like this makes it very hard to."

"I know it does Addie," He said kissing her head. "As surgeons we want to be able to fix our children. But we can't. In Ava's case, she has to fix herself. We can help her by being there, but we can't wave a magic wand and make it go away. And as for Quinn, for now we have to entrust her care to Preston. But she's in good hands. And we can love her Addie. We can love her."

"I know Derek," She whispered. "But I'm scared."

"So am I Addie. So am I," Derek replied quietly taking Addison into his arms and holding her tightly.

* * *

_But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
I have nothing to give  
We have so much to lose..._

Lyrics: "Fear" Sarah McLachlan

Ok, ok I know that I spent a million years explaining PTSD. But it needed to be said. Look for Alex and Ava at a benefit with some high powered people next chapter. But more importantly, Ava and Addison are going to start speaking again!

Please R/R! And don't throw rocks:p


	27. The It Girl and the Icebreaker

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 26: The "It" Girl and the Ice Breaker 

_There's only so much you can learn in one place  
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste _

I haven't got much time to waste, it's time to make my way  
I'm not afraid of what I'll face, but I'm afraid to stay  
I'm going down my own road and I can make it alone  
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own

"Right this way Dr. Karev," said the usher who escorted Alex into a private box with a perfect view of the stage. The curtain was down and curtain warmers were up.

"Thank you," Alex said politely before the usher vanished.

The New York State Theatre at Lincoln Center was nearly filled to it's over 2700 seat capacity. Alex looked around him and he felt almost as if he had gone through the looking glass so to speak and to some degree he had. Everywhere Alex turned, he saw some famous person that he recognized. Unconsciously, Alex began to play with a button on his classic Armani tuxedo. Being here was unreal for a guy from Iowa.

But then Alex's thoughts shifted to Ava, who had been the subject of most of his thoughts these days. This was her world. All of the bright lights, the glamour, and the people were her world. Normally, Alex would have never been caught dead at a ballet performance. But like everything else about Ava, he was intrigued by ballet now. He wanted to see who she was in this world, in this frame of mind.

Alex's fingers ran lightly over the program he had been given. A group of the dancers in tonight's performance graced the cover. Most of them looked fit, strong, and graceful. Alex looked through the photograph several times to see if Ava was in it. But he couldn't find her until her face jumped out at him. Ava was dressed in a dark red leotard and a wrap around skirt with white tights and Pointe shoes. A red ribbon was threaded through her dark brown tresses. She looked like Ava, but this person different. There was something in her eyes; a passion that made her stand out from the others. Even in a photograph, Ava monopolized the attention of others.

The house lights began to dim and the buzz of idle chatter lessened. And then the curtain rose.

* * *

Addison was sitting on the sofa when Quinn came in. Derek was called in for a consult so it was just the girls tonight. 

"Hi sweetheart," Addison said as Quinn sat down next to her.

"Mommy, can I call Ava?"

"Why do you need do call Ava?"

"I need to call Ava because she's dancing tonight."

"Is she?" Addison asked. "Where is she dancing?"

"She's dancing at Lincoln Center. Mommy?" Quinn asked looking up at her mom.

"Yes baby?"

"Why is Ava not talking to you and daddy anymore?"

"What makes you say that?"

"You and Ava used to talk all the time and now you don't. Did Ava do something bad?"

Addison sighed and pulled Quinn onto her lap, "Its complicated baby."

"Is it because of daddy?"

"Why would you say that sweetie?"

"Because daddy and Ava don't always get along; not like me and Ava."

"Ava and I Quinn," Addison corrected. "All relationships are different. No one always gets along with everyone else."

"I know. But daddy promised Ava and I that he would never leave but he did. He broke his promise."

"Yes, he did. But daddy told you that he was sorry."

"I know. But Ava doesn't think that he is."

"How do you know all of this?" Addison asked with an arched eyebrow.

"When Ava was here, I heard her tell Kieran that on the phone. Mommy is Ava mad at you and Daddy?"

Addison sighed, "Yes sweetheart she is. But we're trying to work it out."

Quinn smiled, "I'm glad she's mad at you and daddy."

"Quinn honey why would you say that?"

"Because Ava has to spend all that time being perfect in New York, she can't tell the truth to anyone because she's famous now. She even stopped telling me the truth because she didn't want me to be sad." Quinn looked down, "I don't want Ava to be sad because of me or because of you and daddy."

Addison hugged Quinn to her, "Neither do I baby."

"Can I call Ava now?" Quinn asked softly.

"Sure," Addison said with a smile and handed Quinn the phone.

Quinn turned the phone on and dialed Ava's cell phone number that she now knew by heart and waited for her to pick up.

* * *

_Are you ready to jump?  
Get ready to jump  
Don't ever look back, oh baby  
Yes, I'm ready to jump  
Just take my hands  
Get ready to jump_

Ava was standing out in the hallway adjacent to the door leading backstage warming up. She could hear the music from the orchestra in the distance and it only served to ratchet her anxiety even further. Ava's stomach churned inwardly as she finished warming up. She was nervous. There were over 2,000 people out there most of whom could be recognized by their faces. They had paid thousands of dollars to be here tonight, to see the crème de la crème of the dance world perform. Truthfully, Ava felt like she had to pinch herself every five seconds to make sure that she wasn't dreaming.

It wasn't the fact that she was at Lincoln Center or that she was performing in front of so many people. This would be her 6th performance in this venue. Both NYU and NYBA liked to use this space for some of their performances. Rather it was the expectations that were being placed upon her as well as the anticipation. One didn't simply perform at "Dance for a Cure." The aptly named benefit performance was filled with only the best dancers from across the world. And each performer here tonight was invited to perform. The Spencer Foundation was very particular about who graced this stage tonight and the people who did would be seeing a major career boost.

Tonight, Ava would be entering a world of prestige and glamour that she had not yet known. This performance would signal her arrival into a world for an elite few. It would also mark not only Alex's first live performance, but also the first time that he would see her dance. And that was the most nerve-racking thing of all. To most, it might have seemed absurd that she was nervous about her boyfriend seeing her perform instead of the scores of important people out in the audience tonight. But to her, Alex was the one Ava had to be on top of her game for. She wanted to leave him with the best impression of ballet possible. She wanted him to want to come back. And most of all, she wanted him to be proud of her. That was what really mattered.

Ava was doing some deep breathing when she heard her cell phone buzz in the pocket of her robe which was draped over a railing. She had forgotten to leave it in her dressing room. Ava fished it out of the pocket and flipped it open without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Ava, it's me Quinn," Quinn said on the other end of the line.

A smile instantly appeared on Ava's face, "Hey squirt. What's up?"

"Nothing, just spending time with mommy; I wanted to call to wish you luck though."

"Thank you."

"I hope you break lots of arms," Quinn said enthusiastically.

Ava laughed, "Its break a leg Quinn."

"I know. But you're a dancer so that's why I said break an arm because a leg might be bad luck."

"Very true."

"Ava, are you nervous?"

"Do you want the real truth?"

"Yes please."

"I'm really, really nervous."

"Why? You're the best dancer I know! Are you afraid that you're going to fall?"

"No, it's not that. There's someone really special here tonight who's watching me dance."

Quinn smiled, "Is it your boyfriend?"

"Maybe…"

"Is it Kieran?"

"No baby, Kieran is still at Yale."

"Oh," Quinn said and paused. "Ava?"

"Yes Quinn?"

"Dance for me."

"What?"

"When you go out to dance, pretend you're dancing for me like when it was just you and me at home."

Ava felt warmth and guilt envelope her heart all at once, "Okay Quinn. Tonight I will dance just for you."

"You mean it?"

"Of course I do."

The assistant stage manager poked her head out the door, "You have 5 minutes Ms. Shepherd."

"Thanks," Ava said and threw her a quick smile before returning to the phone. "Hey squirt, I just got my 5 minute call so I have to go."

"Ok Ava, break an arm!" Quinn said excitedly.

"I will."

"I love you Ava and I miss you lots."

"I love you and miss you too. I'll talk to you soon."

"Ok bye Ava."

"Bye Quinn," Ava said and then snapped the phone closed.

Ava put the phone back and draped the robe over her arm before taking one final look in the mirror that had been placed outside for quick changes. She adjusted the crimson wrap skirt she was wearing and checked to make sure her Pointe shoes were secure and makeup flawless before she entered the backstage area and then went into the wings. The assistant stage manager took the robe from her and Ava took a few deep breaths, cracking her neck as the stage went to black. Then Ava assumed her position right foot behind left before she began counting in her head; 1,2,3….the music came up with the lights…4,5,6,7…..And then the world around Ava Shepherd ceased to exist.

_We learned our lesson from the start, my sisters and me  
The only thing you can depend on is your family  
And life's gonna drop you down like the limbs of a tree  
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see_

Are you ready to jump?  
Get ready to jump  
Don't ever look back, oh baby  
Yes, I'm ready to jump  
Just take my hands  
Get ready to, are you ready? 

* * *

"Ava is dancing tonight," Addison said to Derek who had walked in while Quinn was on the phone.

"Really?" Derek asked, kissing Addison softly. "Where?"

"At Lincoln Center," said Quinn. "For the dance benefit."

Addison frowned, mentally running through her knowledge of the charity events going on in New York this time of year.

"Dance," Addison repeated softly before looking at Quinn. "Is the benefit Ava is dancing at called "Dance for a Cure"?"

Quinn's eyes lit up, "Yep, that's it!"

Addison gasped, "Oh my God…"

"What? What is it?" Derek asked confused.

"Derek, Ava is dancing in "Dance for a Cure!"

"Ok…and that's important because…"

Addison sighed exasperated, "You've been a wood-chopping, flannel-wearing fisherman for too long! "Dance for a Cure" is the Spencer Foundation benefit for AIDS. The performers perform by invitation only. We've been invited every year for the past 5 years, but you wouldn't go unless Ava was up on that stage. Remember?"

Derek thought for a minute, "Oh yeah that's the one with all of the blue-haired high society matrons and the A-list celebrities."

"Right; Ava's performing in the benefit."

Derek's face fell, "And we're missing it?"

"We're missing it," Addison confirmed grimly.

Derek groaned, "Why didn't Ava tell us?"

"She's still not speaking to us."

He sighed, "Yeah." Derek turned to Quinn. "Did you know Quinnabear?"

Quinn nodded, "Yep."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because you didn't ask," Quinn replied simply. "But don't worry, someone is watching Ava dance."

"Who?"

"Ava's new boyfriend."

* * *

Miranda Priestly hated the endless string of benefits that she was forced to attend. There were so many faces to remember and incompetent assistants didn't help matters. Since her arrival 20 minutes before, Miranda had mingled with at least a dozen people and she did not care to socialize with any of them. However, protocol demanded that she did so.

As the editor of New York's top fashion magazine, _Runway_, Miranda was forced to smile and make small talk with people not worthy of her attention. That was until Ava Shepherd entered the grand ballroom at the Waldorf-Astoria. As always, Miranda's eyes drifted to the younger woman's attire. She believed that the clothes that a person wore told Miranda everything she needed to know before the person ever opened their mouth.

Ava had changed into a dark blue Christian Dior silk-charmuse gown with spaghetti straps and blue satin Jimmy Choo pumps. Her jewelry was Harry Winston; simple diamond studs shone from her ears and a diamond choker clung to her neck. Ava's hair remained as it had been for the performance with the ribbon removed and her makeup much lighter and natural looking.

"That would be Ava Shepherd," Emily said softly in Miranda's ear. "She was one of th--"

"I know who she is," Miranda snapped quietly. She thought for a moment. "Go fetch them. That is all."

Emily scurried over to where Ava was standing with Alex talking to Diane Lehman, a Spencer Foundation representative. "Excuse me Ms. Shepherd," she said. "Miranda would like to speak with you, now."

Ava fought the urge to gasp, "Yes of course," She replied coolly. "You'll have to excuse us Ms. Lehman."

"One should never keep Miranda Priestly waiting," the other woman replied before Ava followed who she assumed to be one of Miranda's assistants toward the goddess of the fashion world.

"The man with Ms. Shepherd is presumably her boyfriend according to our sources," the other assistant whispered in her ear. "He is a doctor in Seattle and his name is Alex Karev."

"Miranda," Ava said with a smile as she came over to the other woman, "How nice to see you."

"Ava," Miranda greeted kissing the younger woman on both cheeks. "You're looking very well."

"Thank you."

"And this," Miranda said turning her attention to Alex. "Must be Dr. Karev," she said smoothly.

"Yes," Ava replied. "Alex, this is Miranda Priestly editor of _Runway_ magazine."

"A pleasure to meet you Alex," Miranda said with a polite smile before turning back to Ava. "You've become the talk of New York after your performance tonight. It was absolutely riveting."

"Thank you," Ava replied humbly. "But I was one in a group of very talented dancers."

"I do not care for ballet Ava," Miranda said. "I find it to be quite boring if I am to be truthful. In fact, before you took the stage tonight I considered leaving early. The performances shown tonight were flawless yes; but they lacked passion and fire…until you graced the stage. I can see why you were chosen to represent the New York Ballet. You are the perfect package; beautiful, smart, talented, healthy, graceful, and of course fashionable."

"Again, I thank you for your praise," Ava said modestly.

"Your modesty is quite charming," Miranda replied appraising the girl again. "I would like you to be on the cover of _Runway_ for our June issue. "

"I would be honored," Ava said a little surprised.

"On the contrary my dear, I am honored to have you. Now, give my assistant your contact information and we'll arrange for a meeting later in the week."

"Yes of course."

Like everything else about this encounter, Ava felt very surreal as she gave Miranda's assistant her contact information. It took great willpower for Ava not to scream in excitement as she practically dragged Alex onto the terrace away from the party.

"I can't believe it," Ava said quietly to herself.

"Did that chick just ask you to be on the cover of a magazine?"

Ava looked up at Alex, "She's not a chick Alex. She's Miranda Priestly." Ava dug in her purse and found her cell phone and flipped it open, "I have to call my mom."

Alex smiled and kissed her softly, "Ok, I'm going to get us drinks."

Ava nodded and began to dial as Alex went off. For that moment, she forgot the anger she felt towards her parents, her feelings of helplessness, and of guilt. And she waited for Addison to pick up.

* * *

_There's only so much you can learn in one place  
The more that you wait, the more time that you waste  
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own  
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own_

I can make it alone  
I can make it alone  
I can make it alone (My sister and me)  
I can make it alone (My sister and me) 

Addison was sitting on her bed folding laundry when the phone rang. She was so busy folding that she didn't even glance at the caller ID. She hit the speakerphone.

"Hello?"

"Mom?" Ava's voice filled the room.

"Ava, what's wrong?" Addison asked immediately concerned.

"You'll never guess what happened!" Ava said excitedly.

Addison arched an eyebrow. She hadn't heard Ava this excited in a long time, "What happened?"

"Yes, what happened?" Derek asked coming into the room in search of Jojo the monkey who seemed to have vanished.

Ava took a deep breath, "Your daughter was asked to be on the June cover of _Runway_ magazine by Miranda Priestly herself!" Ava practically squealed.

"No!" Addison said in disbelief.

"Yes!" Ava replied ecstatic. "I couldn't believe that she even knew who I was!"

Derek looked confused, "Who's Miranda Priestly?"

Ava gasped, "Mom? Did he just ask who Miranda Priestly is?"

Addison turned to him, "She's the editor-in chief of _Runway_ Derek."

"_Runway_?"

Addison waved him away, giving up explaining to him about fashion and picked up the cordless handset, "That's fantastic sweetheart," She said into the phone.

Derek rolled his eyes and picked up the missing monkey who had been hiding under the bed and left the room.

"I know it's very surreal."

"Quinn told us about "Dance for a Cure." I'm sorry we weren't there. I know how much it means to you," Addison said sincerely.

"No mom, don't be sorry!" Ava said quickly. "I only found out last week and I can't expect you and dad to pick up and leave on such short notice."

Addison raised an eyebrow. This was a positive development. "I know. But we should have been there. When is your next performance?"

"This is it for the public ones until June. Then I have my end of year workshops at NYU and NYB."

"That gives your dad and me plenty of time then."

"Plenty of time for what?"

"To make plans to fly back and see you perform."

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I am Ava. I think it will be good for all of us."

Ava felt herself tearing up, "Thanks mom," She said softly.

Addison felt tears prick her eyes, "You're welcome butterfly." Addison paused. "Quinn told me you had someone in the audience tonight."

Ava smiled, "Yeah I did."

"You don't have to tell me, but I have to ask. Would this person happen to be your boyfriend?"

Ava took a deep breath and knew that she had to tell her mother, "Actually, yes."

"Do you want to provide details?"

"If you're interested…"

"Then by all means do tell."

"Well for starters—"Ava began and that's when Addison's pager went off.

Addison glanced at the readout and mentally cursed herself, "Honey, I just got paged so I have to go. But I really want to continue this conversation."

"I understand mom. I'll talk to you soon."

"Ava?" Addison asked.

"Yeah mom?"

"I want you to know that I am so proud of you and that I love you," Addison replied meaning it.

"I love you too," Ava whispered.

"Be safe and I'll talk to you soon."

"I will mom. Bye."

"Bye sweetheart."

* * *

Ava flipped her phone closed and sighed. A few minutes later Alex came back out with a glass of sparkling cider for Ava and a glass of scotch for himself.

"Here you go," he said handing Ava the flute of cider.

"Thank you," She said taking it and then having a sip before setting it down.

"You're welcome," He replied before setting his down as well.

"So what did you think of the performance?" Ava asked. Alex had been taken to the Waldorf-Astoria in a separate car because Ava had gotten stuck talking to the press. So they had yet had a chance to talk about the performance.

Alex put his arms around her, "You were absolutely amazing," He said kissing her softly. "And I'm not just saying that because I'm your boyfriend. When I saw you up on that stage tonight, you were a completely different person. I saw this passion that I've never seen before. I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

Ava blushed, "Alex…"

He smiled, "I mean it Ava. You made it clear to everyone, including me that this is what you want to do. Don't give it up," He said quietly as he brought her mouth to his and kissed her softly. After a minute, he pulled away and a sexy smirk graced his face, "Did I also mention that watching you dance is a big turn on for me?"

Ava laughed, "I'll have to keep that in mind."

_I can make it alone  
I can make it alone  
I can make it alone (My sister and me)  
I can make it alone (My sister and me)_

Are you ready to jump?  
Get ready to jump  
Don't ever look back, oh baby  
Yes, I'm ready to jump  
Just take my hands  
Get ready to jump 

* * *

On Monday morning just after 7am, Addison and Derek were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading the paper while Quinn was getting ready for school. Addison had spent the better part of Saturday night and Sunday at the hospital delivering several babies and consulting on numerous cases. So consequently, she had never gotten to call Ava back. But maybe the boyfriend issue would come up in their joint therapy session that afternoon.

Quinn came in looking very excited, "Mommy, daddy come quick!"

"What, what is it?" Derek asked as they both jumped up from the table.

"Ava's on TV!" Quinn said before going back into the living room with both of her parents right behind her.

"Attention has shifted from Hollywood to New York where on Saturday, the Spencer Foundation's annual "Dance for a Cure" benefit was held," the anchorwoman said. "However, the buzz from the benefit was not about the cause, but rather the performances of the dancers. One of them was Ava Shepherd, daughter of nationally prominent surgeons Drs. Addison and Derek Shepherd who were unable to attend the event." Footage of the benefit performance began to flash across the screen as well as the after party. "In attendance to support the very talented ballerina was new beau Dr. Alex Karev, a surgical resident at Seattle Grace Hospital here in Seattle." A picture of Alex and Ava at a restaurant in New York appeared on the screen and they were kissing and laughing, looking very much in love. "The couple was spotted at a restaurant near the brownstone owned by her parents looking very much in love. Ms. Shepherd was here in Seattle last month visiting her family, during which time questions arose about whether she would stay in New York or join the Pacific Northwest Ballet here in Seattle where she was reportedly offered a multi-million dollar contract. But with this new relationship, things could shift…"

Addison felt her jaw drop as soon as Alex's name was mentioned. Her eyes stayed glued to the TV but she didn't hear what was being said. She was in shock. After a few minutes, she looked at Derek and she could see that he was envisioning punching Alex.

"Derek…" she began.

"Don't," he said flatly and then turned to go back into the kitchen.

Alex Karev was a dead man.

_Are you ready to jump?  
Get ready to jump  
Don't ever look back, oh baby  
Yes, I'm ready to jump  
Just take my hands  
Get ready to, are you ready? _

* * *

Lyrics "Jump"-Madonna

That was a very long chapter but I hope you enjoyed it. Please note that Miranda Priestly is a character from the book and film _The Devil Wears Prada_. Go see the film, its fabulous! But Miranda Priestly belongs to Lauren Weisburger not me, I just borrowed her.

Next chapter look for lots of confrontations between Alex/Addison/Derek and Ava/Addison/Derek and the other interns will be making an appearance as well.

R/R please!

The "It" Girl and the Icebreaker


	28. Tick, Tick, Boom!

Healing Process

A/N: Ducks in fear of having things thrown at her. Ok, I know, it's almost been a month since my last update. But this chapter proved harder to write than I thought and it also went in a direction I wasn't expecting. So I hope you all enjoy it!

P.S. I dedicate this chapter to Brandy because it's her birthday today J Here's my present to you!

* * *

Chapter 27: Tick, Tick…Boom! 

_you guys ready...  
alone...listless...breakfast table in an otherwise empty room  
young girl...violence...center of her own attention  
mother reads aloud, child tries to understand it  
tries to make her proud  
the shades go down, it's in her head  
painted room...can't deny there's something wrong_

"You'd better hide if you don't want to die today," Cristina Yang said grabbing Alex's arm as he came through the main doors of Seattle Grace on Monday morning.

"What? Let go of me Yang!" Alex protested as he was half dragged and half walked to the intern's locker room and set on one of the benches.

"Enjoy your little trip to New York?" Izzie asked tossed the day's issue of _The Seattle Times_ in his lap. The entertainment section was on top.

"What—?" Alex started and then he looked down and that's when he saw it. On the front page was a picture of him and Ava at this restaurant near the house. They had gone there for brunch yesterday after sleeping in until 10. In the photo, they were standing and Alex had his arms wrapped around Ava's waist and she was laughing at some joke he made about something that happened at the party. He could still hear the sound of her laughter. It was pure and unedited. The next picture showed them kissing, their happiness apparent. And now the entire world knew.

"So much for keeping your relationship a secret," Cristina said with a hint of sarcasm to her voice.

"How the hell did this happen?" Alex asked himself out loud.

"In case you haven't noticed Ava isn't exactly normal," Izzie said and the comment earned a glare from Alex.

"Your girlfriend is a celebrity now Alex," Cristina added. The benefit she performed at night proved that. You were going to get caught eventually. It was just a matter of when."

"If I were you, I'd stay out of the Dr. Shepherds way," Izzie said before leaving the room.

* * *

_don't call me daughter, not fit to  
the picture kept will remind me  
don't call me daughter, not fit to  
the picture kept will remind me  
don't call me..._

The drive to Dr. Barnard's office was a particularly tense one for Addison and Derek. Alex had managed to stay out of the Shepherds' way until they left for their therapy appointment that afternoon. Derek hadn't spoken very much that morning nor had he said anything since they left the hospital.

As they rode up the elevator, Addison observed her husband cautiously. She desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

"Derek, say something."

"There's nothing to say Addison," Derek replied quietly.

"Yes there is. You've hardly said a word to anyone since this morning."

"I don't want to talk about it Addie."

"We're about to go into a psychiatrist's office Derek. We're going to talk about it."

"No, I'm going to talk about it Addison. That's the difference," He snapped.

"Why are you snapping at me?" Addison retorted. "I'm trying to be supportive here."

Derek sighed heavily, "I'm not going to fight with you," He said as the elevator opened to their floor and Derek stepped out.

"Fine. If you want to be that way then so be it. This is really between you and Ava anyway," Addison said before reaching Dr. Barnard's office door ahead of him and going inside.

* * *

A cab pulled up in front of 280 Madison Avenue and Ava got out. Her Prada heels skittered across the pavement as she put her Mark Jacob's Stella bag on her shoulder and practically ran into the building at 3:55pm and took the elevator up to the 8th floor. Ever since Alex's departure yesterday afternoon, Ava had thrown herself headlong into her school work. Even though Ava had gotten a lot done by Friday, knowing in advance she wouldn't be able to get anything done over the weekend, there was still a ton to do. 

Luckily, Ava found herself not having to go to class on Monday. The MCAT was this coming Saturday and her class had sufficiently covered everything that would be on the exam by Thursday. So all of those classes would meet on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday and hold study sessions. And in addition, her biology teachers allowed Ava a pass for this week in her work so she could study for the MCAT. Her dance teachers didn't want her in the studio until Tuesday in order to prevent Ava from injuring herself in the course of rehearsing for something career wise or completing something for one of her classes academically.

So Ava had found herself spending the day at home for the first time in a really long time. Sure she had been home with Alex most of yesterday. But this was really and truly the first time Ava had been at home alone for more than sleep in almost 2 years. Now she could see why Jackson and her parents had said no to a dorm at NYU. She had wanted to live on campus with her friends, freshman year and Ava remembered being very upset when they had refused. However, living here now was the perfect situation. Since the departure of her parents and then her sister nearly 2 months before, Ava had the entire house to herself and her parents still paid all of the bills pertaining to the house. Most of Ava's friends lived in dorms or off-campus housing at the colleges of their choosing. But she got to live in a $5 million dollar, 5 bedroom house on the upper west side of Manhattan. Ava was hardly ever home enough to actually feel like she lived at her house. But paying $10-15,000 every year for housing at NYU wasn't exactly practical in the long run. And with everyone except Ava in Seattle, Addison desperately wanted to keep the house in Manhattan. Their beachfront home in South Hampton had been sold 6 months ago. That was hard enough; Addison wasn't planning on ever giving up their house in Manhattan. It took her 3 years to find the right one. So Ava was able to reap the benefits.

Therefore until now, Ava had spent the entire day in her house studying or listening to music. She had no idea what was going on in the world today. But little did Ava know that she was about to get an ear full.

* * *

_she holds the hand that holds her down  
she will...rise above...  
don't call me daughter, not fit to  
the picture kept will remind me  
don't call me daughter, not fit to be  
the picture kept will remind me  
don't call me..._

"I'm glad we could all find a time to meet," Dr. Barnard said as he sat in a chair across from Addison and Derek, who were sitting next to each other on a sofa. A phone with the speakerphone activated was between them.

"Yes, I agree," Dr. Hastings replied over the speakerphone.

"Shall we get started?"

"I think so. Why don't we start with why all of you are here to begin with? Ava?"

"I'm here because I have some issues with my parents," Ava said quietly.

"Issues? She has issues with us?" Derek thought angrily. "We're the ones who have issues with her!"

"Addison, Derek, why are you here?" Dr. Barnard asked looking to them.

"We're here to try to learn how to communicate more effectively with Ava and hopefully Quinn as well," Addison said in response.

"This is good. Would anyone like to start with a more specific issue?"

"I do," Derek replied. "Ava has a habit of withholding things from us and then getting angry when we ask her about them."

"Ava, would you care to tell us why you feel that's necessary?" Dr. Hastings asked.

"Yes Ava, do tell us why you felt the need to withhold from us the fact that you're dating Alex Karev," Derek said with biting sarcasm.

All of the color in Ava's face disappeared and she couldn't even speak. The only sound that came from her mouth was a strangled sort of whimper.

"Or should I say sleeping with him in my house," Derek added. And at that Addison elbowed him in the ribs forcefully.

"Derek, that's enough!" Addison hissed.

"Addison, we have a right to know what is going on in our own house!"

"So let me get this straight; you're mad at me because I chose not to tell you about Alex?" Ava finally asked recovering from her shock.

"Mad is an understatement Ava Gabrielle!"

"Oh you're calling me by my middle name I'm so scared." Ava replied her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Since when is it a crime for me to have a relationship?"

"We work with him Ava!"

"Hey, don't drag me into this!" Addison said preferring to stay out of the argument.

"So? That certainly didn't stop you," Ava said continuing on as if Addison hadn't said anything at all.

Addison cringed. "She's baiting you Derek," she thought. "Don't take it, you'll regret it."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You fool!" Addison thought closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger and shaking her head.

"You slept with an intern!" Ava exclaimed.

"That's none of your business!"

"How can you beret me for going out with Alex after what you did?"

"That was different Ava."

"Yeah it was different," Ava replied quietly with a hint of bitterness in her voice. "You were married, you had a family, and you pretended like we never existed, that your life in New York was a dream or something."

"You're being melodramatic."

"Stop trying to brush me off! I know what happened between you and Dr. Grey."

Now it was Derek's turn to be shocked into silence. He had known that Ava had found out that he had had an affair with an intern. He of course, hadn't wanted her to know anything at all. But Derek hoped that that was all Ava would ever know. Addison meanwhile put her head in her hands. This was not what she had expected or wanted.

"Don't worry, mom didn't tell me," Ava continued. "I found out on my own."

* * *

_don't call me daughter, not fit to  
the picture kept will remind me  
don't call me daughter, not fit to be  
the picture kept will remind me _

_May 3rd 2005_

_ Ava came through the double doors of Tisch Hall dressed in her black leotard, black wrap skirt, white tights, a black _ _APC__ down jacket and flats. She didn't have time to change because her Ballet IV class ran long and was heading off to her Contemporary World History class at top speed. She was about to dash down the steps when she heard someone say, "Shepherd." Ava turned to see a small cluster of girls near the main entrance of the building talking. She recognized a couple of them from her graduating class at _ _Manhattan__ Prep. Ava continued down the steps and then discreetly made a right before making a beeline for the wall of the building. The girls were up above her at building level talking, but they couldn't see her. She flattened herself against the wall. _

_"So did you hear about the Shepherds?" One girl, a tall brunette asked. _

_"Who are the Shepherds again?" The only redhead of the group asked. _

_"You mean the same Shepherds as in Ava? Her parents are doctors," said a blonde and the brunette nodded. "I know her; she was in my class at _ _Manhattan__ Prep." _

_"Well," the brunette continued. "My mother does PR for NYU medical center and when she was there the other day; she told me that some nurses were talking about how Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd cheated on her husband!" _

_The blonde gasped, "No way! Who would want to cheat on him?" _

_"Why, have you seen him?" the redhead asked with a smirk. _

_"He came to some of the events at school and I swear to God, the minute he entered the room everyone from the mothers and the female faculty members to the girls were checking him out. He is so fine." _

_"If you think he's fine, you should see the guy she cheated with," A tall, lanky blonde said who had been quiet up until then. _

_"Yeah," the brunette agreed. "She cheated on her husband with Mark Sloane." _

_"My aunt went to him for her jaw lift," the redhead said. "I saw him when my aunt had her follow up visit. He is extremely sexy." _

_"But wait. We haven't gotten to the best part yet," the brunette said bringing the focus back to her. "When my mom found that out, she called an old college friend of hers that works at this hospital in _ _Seattle__ because apparently he left after he found Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd with Dr. Sloane and went there. He works at that same hospital as my mom's friend. And guess what she told my mom?" _

_"What?" the girls asked collectively. _

_"He's having an affair with this surgical intern named Meredith Grey. I think she said they met at a bar the night before they started there and hooked up that night." _

_"Oh my god, this is even better than a soap opera!" the redhead exclaimed. _

_"Tell me about it." _

_It was at that point Ava got away from the wall and she resumed walking. Her entire world had just fallen apart. _

_And this was no soap opera. It was most definitely real life _

_don't call me...  
the shades go down  
the shades go down  
the shades go, go, go... _

* * *

Lyrics: "Daughter" Pearl Jam

Crappy place to end it I know. But now I'll have more fuel for next chapter! Look for Ava to drop a bomb on Derek about Addison unintentionally. Also, Ava will finish giving Derek a what for and Addison will have to deal with the consequences of her actions. Oh and be on the look out for a flashback of how Addison found out about Mer/Der. Alex will be coming back soon as well.

R/R please!


	29. Sins of the Father

Healing Process

Chapter 28: Sins of the Father

* * *

_If I had the chance love  
I would not hesitate  
To tell you all things I never said before  
Dont tell me its too late  
Cause Ive relied on my illusion  
to keep me warm at night  
and Ive denied in my capacity to love  
but I am willing to give up this fight_

_May 3rd, 2005_

_Addison_ _was sitting on her bed reviewing her schedule for the week and trying to maintain a balance between her work and her children. Ava didn't need her so much now that she was in college. But even so, Addison_ _still made time to go to Ava's performances. She sighed while trying to figure out how she was going to get Quinn to the dentist. Since Derek's departure three months before, Addison_'_s workload had tripled._

_When Ava had come into their lives, their chief resident Richard Webber had been very good about their schedules. Addison and Derek worked opposite shifts for several years a lot of the time but Ava also spent a lot of time in on-call rooms doing homework and generally amusing herself. Consequently, they didn't spend a lot of time together as a family._

_Quinn however was a different story. Residency was just a memory when she was born and so Addison and Derek had a little more time to spend with her. With Ava they had to miss a majority of school functions and other events due to the time constraints. But with Quinn, they made a conservative effort to spend more time with her and go to all the events they couldn't go to for Ava._

_But with Derek now gone, Addison_ _found it virtually impossible to do her job and go to all of Quinn's functions. Addison_ _sighed before the phone on her nightstand rang and she picked it up._

"_Hello?"_

"_Hello Addison," Richard said warmly._

"_Richard, hi," Addison_ _replied, happy to hear his voice._

"_How are you doing?"_

"_As good as can be expected considering the circumstances," Addison_ _replied her tone shifting._

"_I'm sorry about Derek, Addison."_

"_This was coming Richard. It was just a question of when."_

_Richard was silent for a moment before he spoke again, "I need you to come out to Seattle."_

_Addison_ _was surprised. "What? Richard, I can't just drop everything and come out there. What about my children?"_

"_Ava can watch Quinn while you're out here for a few days."_

"_You want me to come out to Seattle_ _for a case?"_

"_As it so happens yes; we admitted a TTTS case this morning."_

"_Richard, my old friend Michael Winters specializes in TTTS and he's only two hours away."_

"_I know that. But I don't want him, I want you."_

_Addison_ _frowned, "I appreciate the flattery but there has to be more to this than just work."_

_Richard sighed, "Ok you got me. I want you to come out because of Derek."_

"_Richard, no! Forget it. Derek has made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing do with me or with his children."_

"_So you're just going to let him walk away?"_

"_He's made no effort to even try to talk to me. He hasn't talked to Ava or Quinn since he left. Quinn is devastated, Ava has thrown herself into school and ballet so I have no idea what she's feeling, and as for me I don't even know anymore. My marriage has fallen apart Richard and I'm learning to accept it. I have to accept it for my daughters. Derek made it very clear that he wants to move on and it's about time that we did too."_

"_He's hiding Addison, he's not moving on."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_He's sleeping with an intern."_

_Addison_ _felt a stab of jealousy hit her chest. She shouldn't have felt it. But she did. "What Derek does is no longer my business; he's made that crystal clear. I'm already in the process of drawing up divorce papers."_

"_She doesn't know."_

"_What do you mean she doesn't know?"_

"_Derek hasn't told her that he's still married."_

"_How do you know that for sure?"_

"_Believe me, if Meredith Grey knew she was sleeping with a married man she wouldn't have let it get this far."_

"_Grey? Grey as in Ellis Grey, she's the intern?"_

"_Meredith is her daughter yes. Addison, I cannot allow this to go on. For your sake and Meredith's as well as your family's, this has to end._

"_Don't worry about me or my family Richard. We'll be just fine."_

"_You matter to me Addison," He said quietly. "If you want to divorce Derek then by all means go ahead and do it, but do it on your terms."_

_Addison_ _thought for a moment and then sighed, "Okay, I'll come out. I'll be there by the end of the week."_

"_Good."_

"_Thank you for calling Richard."_

"_Take care Addison, I'll see you soon."_

_Addison_ _hung up the phone a few seconds later. Almost immediately there was a knock on her door._

"_Come in," Addison_ _called._

_The door opened and Ava stepped inside. The look on her face mirrored what Addison_ _was feeling on the inside. _

"_Mom?"_

_Addison got up from the bed, "Oh baby…." She said as she crossed the room and enveloped Ava in a hug. "We'll be okay," She whispered as she hugged Ava tightly. "We'll be okay."_

_Been up all night drinking to drown my sorrows down  
But nothing seems to help me since youve gone away  
Im so tired of this town where every tongue is wagging  
When every back is turned  
Theyre telling secrets that should never be revealed  
Theres nothing to be gained from_ this but disaster

* * *

"Did you honestly think that just because you bought a trailer, moved to the middle of nowhere, and started wearing jeans and flannel instead of Armani suits that your old life and your responsibilities would disappear? That Quinn and I would disappear? You didn't just move from some off the map town in the middle of rural America. You left behind a very successful practice and a house on the Upper West Side. There was no chance of anonymity for you, at least not for long." 

"I know that Ava," Derek said with a sigh. "But I don't need to be lectured by a 19 year-old."

"You just don't get it do you? This isn't a lecture given by me to tell you what to do. This is me telling you how much you suck right now. I know that you're the best neurosurgeon in the country but there was a time when you were the best father in the world. And I don't know about Quinn, but I would take the best dad in the world any day."

"Being the best father all the time doesn't pay the bills Ava," Derek snapped. "It doesn't pay for the house that you live in or the school that you go to."

"Derek that's enough!" Addison said. "We're not going there. This isn't about money and you know that."

"Then what is it about Addison? Because I am sick of feeling like everything is my fault."

"I want you to care Derek," Addison said softly. "I want you to care about me and about our children."

"I do care."

"You certainly don't show it very well."

"Well then, I am so sorry!" Derek exclaimed sarcastically.

"Don't be nasty Derek please."

_Heres a good one__  
Did you hear about my friend  
Hes embarrassed to be seen now  
Cause we all know his sins _

"Why not, I've just gotten a full dose from Princess Ava haven't I? I do care about my children Addison and I resent the fact that you think I don't. I've given both Quinn and Ava everything they could ever want or need. Ava is living in our expensive house and not responsible for any of the bills associated with it. And not only that, I pay for her to receive one of the best educations in the country."

"So this really is all about money," Ava said coldly. There was a tinge of anger in her voice. "Since this session is all about truth, let me give it to you straight then dad. You haven't paid for NYU since the end of the year. I paid for NYU and NYBA myself for the semester. Since December I have accumulated almost 7 million dollars from performances, interviews, and appearances." She paused, "That was only one of many things I was going to share with you when I was ready. And for the record, I was going to tell you about Alex, but I was never given the chance. I never intended for you to find out the way that you did. But for you to come in here today and crucify me for that after what you pulled isn't right. My family was hot on the tongues of Park Avenue socialites and their daughters for months. I had to hear everything from them because you couldn't pick up the goddamn phone after you left to tell me the truth. I have only been with Alex for a month and in that time we were separated a lot so I wasn't sure if it would last but it is now. You kept your secrets for way longer than that." Ava took a shaky breath. "At least Mom was honest about sleeping with Mark and staying with him after you left. That's the difference between you and her. My mother accepts me for who I am, not who I should be. And if me living at home is such a big inconvenience for you, I'll leave don't worry. I'll have my stuff out of there tonight. "

Ava rose from her position on the couch, "I'm sorry mom," She said sincerely before leaving the room. Dr. Hastings could be heard going after her over the speakerphone.

Addison put her head in her hands. This was not how it should have gone. She half expected Derek to tell her how sorry he was, but he didn't

"You stayed with Mark?" He asked incredulously.

And all Addison could do was to look up at him with an expression of disbelief on her face.

_If I had the chance love__  
I would not hesitate  
To tell you all things I never said before  
Dont tell me its too late  
Cause Ive relied on my illusion  
to keep me warm at night  
and Ive denied in my capacity to love  
But I am willing to give up this fight  
Oh I am willing to give up this fight _

* * *

Lyrics: "Dirty Little Secret" Sarah McLachlan

And so it ends hehe! Sorry if Ava seemed to be talking a lot, but she needed to confess all of that, especially the last part. Next chapter look for Addison and Derek to discuss the bombshell Ava accidentally dropped.

R/R please!


	30. Little Girls in Little Boxes

Healing Process

Chapter 29: Little Girls in Little Boxes

* * *

_It's a big girl world now  
Full of big girl things  
And everyday I wish I was small  
I've been counting on nothing  
But he keeps giving me his word  
And I am tired of hearing myself speak  
Do you ever get weary?  
Do you ever get weak?  
How do you dream  
When you can't fall asleep?_

Addison stared at her husband. Her mouth was moving but disbelief prevented her from speaking momentarily. When the initial shock wore off, her mouth and brain began to communicate with each other again.

"Seriously?" Addison said incredulously. "You want to talk about me and Mark when our daughter just said that she was going to move out of the house? Seriously?"

"I can't believe that you didn't tell me!"

Addison put a hand up to stop him, "I am not talking to you about this. Am not," She said before getting up.

"Don't walk away from me Addison," Derek said before standing up as well.

She was already walking towards the door, but Addison spun back around to face her husband, "When I came to Seattle I took all of the crap that you threw at me. Hell, I even deserved it. But this time you've gone too far. Treating Ava like you did was uncalled for. You may be able to get away with that toward me. But she's just a kid Derek. It doesn't matter that she's in college or that she's making millions of dollars. She's still a kid who is desperately trying to live her life despite us and everyone else. All she wants to do is make you proud of her. That's it Derek. It doesn't matter if she's 19 or 40; the only thing Ava will ever want is your approval. And if you ever used your eyes and the common sense that god gave you, you'd know that!"

Without another word, Addison left the room.

"Well," said Dr. Barnard. "I guess that concludes our session for the week. I'll see you both next week."

* * *

_I've been wondering what you're thinking  
And if you like my dress tonight?  
Would you still say you love me  
Under this ordinary moonlight?  
I'm so afraid of what you'll say._

Outside Addison flagged down a cab, having no intention to ride back to Seattle Grace in the same car as Derek. As soon as she was in, Addison whipped out her cell phone and flipped it open and went into her phonebook before pressing send. She pressed the phone to her ear and waited for someone to answer.

"Hello?" A South African accented voice answered 2 rings later.

"Jackson, this is Addison."

"Addison," Jackson said warmly. "How are you?"

"I wish I was better. But I'm very concerned about Ava right now."

"What happened?"

"We had a family therapy session today and it didn't go well."

"I see," Jackson said solemnly.

"It's a long story."

"I take it that Ava and her boyfriend were in your newspapers as well?"

"Yes they were. Derek didn't take the news so well."

"I would imagine not."

Addison paused, "You didn't know did you?"

"What didn't I know?"

"About Ava's boyfriend, Alex."

"Actually I did. Ava brought him over the night before the benefit."

"What did you think of Alex? Was he nice?"

"I thought he was a perfect gentleman. He compliments Ava very well. But I thought you work with him?"

"I do. I just haven't seen his behavior outside of the hospital."

"Is his behavior at work unappealing?"

"At times it can be. I've learned to look past that for the most part because he is a good physician. And I thought Derek had too, but I was wrong apparently."

Jackson laughed softly, "Your husband doesn't want to accept that Ava has grown up. She is a young woman now, but sometimes I still see her as that little baby I once held in my arms. And your husband I'm sure still sees her as a little girl."

"If that's the case then how come you're so calm?"

Jackson chuckled, "Addison, Derek's relationship with Ava is different than mine. He has many more memories and experiences with her than I do. His natural instinct is to protect her. But now, he has realized that Ava no longer needs his protection. And it is not easy for him to let go."

"I suppose that you're right," Addison said softly. "But that still doesn't change the facts at hand."

"What do you mean?"

"Derek said a lot of things to Ava that he shouldn't have and she wants to move out of our house. I was wondering if you could convince her otherwise or at least make sure that she's safe. With her MCAT coming up, she's not exactly in the right frame of mind."

"Of course I will. In fact, this is perfect timing. I was planning to call you later this week to discuss my gift for Ava."

"Your gift for Ava?"

"After I saw the papers this morning, I did not think that it would be appropriate for her to live in your home any longer. With the media coverage Ava has gotten as well as her new relationship, it may be time for her to move into a new stage of independence by having her own living space. But because Ava is who she is and as young as she is I wanted to make sure that she would be in the best place possible. So after making several phone calls I secured a penthouse for her at 15 Central Park West. I hope you don't mind."

"Oh Jackson, are you sure that you want to do this? I mean, I don't mind at all. Whatever you want to do for Ava is your business. But that is an awfully big gift."

"Yes it is. However, please understand, Ava's entire life, her childhood and adolescence is wrapped up in you and in your husband. I missed that. But she has now begun her transition into adulthood and I want to be able to make that transition as smooth as possible."

"I understand."

"Good. I am glad that you do. I want to make her happy."

"And you will. Thank you so much for doing this."

"No Addison, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to have a part in Ava's life."

"You're welcome."

* * *

_I'd like to know if you'd be open  
To starting over from scratch  
I'd like to know if you'd be open  
To giving me a second chance_

After leaving Dr. Barnard's office, it was almost time to pick up Quinn. Addison was nowhere to be found when Derek exited the building. So he headed over to the school himself. Quinn was waiting on a bench in the schoolyard when Derek pulled up.

"Hi Quinnabear," Derek said when he entered the yard.

"Daddy!" Quinn replied excitedly.

He picked her up and hugged her tight, "How was school?"

"School was good," She said hugging him back. "Where's mommy?"

"Mommy had to go back to work after we went to the doctor's."

"Oh. Did you talk to Ava today?" She asked hopefully.

"Yes. She said to say hi," He lied. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes daddy."

The ride home was a quiet one for the most part. Derek remained absorbed in his thoughts and Quinn sensed that something was wrong and left him alone.

"Quinn? Can I ask you something?" Derek asked as they drove.

"Yes?"

"Am I a good daddy to you and Ava?"

"Yeah daddy you are," She said with a smile.

"Are you telling the truth or are you just being nice?"

"I am telling the truth kind of."

He smiled, "Can I have the whole truth?"

Quinn looked hesitant, "Ok."

"Sweetheart, it's ok, I promise that I won't get mad at you."

"If I tell you this, will you promise not to tell Ava?"

"I promise."

"After you went away, Ava used to sit and cry in her room sometimes because she missed you. She didn't think I saw but I did."

"Did you do that too?"

"Once, but Ava told me not to be sad because you wouldn't be gone forever and she was right."

"Yes, she was," He said with a small smile.

"Daddy? Are you sad about Ava? Is that why you asked me if you're a good daddy or not?"

"I'm a little sad about Ava."

"Why daddy?"

"Ava has done some things that I don't agree with."

"Daddy, are you sad because Ava growed up?"

Derek sighed. "I don't know baby."

"Mommy says that I'll always be her baby no matter how old I am. She says the same about Ava too."

"She's probably right," Derek agreed softly.

"Can I ask you a question daddy?"

"Of course princess."

"Will I still be your baby even when I'm all growed up like Ava?"

Derek pulled up in front of the house just then and stopped the car. Then he looked at his daughter and briefly he saw Quinn as the infant he had held in his arms 7 years ago.

"Yes Quinn," Derek said with a smile as he leaned over to kiss her. "You'll always be my baby."

* * *

_I used to think I was special  
And only I have proved me wrong  
I thought I could change  
The world with a song  
But I have ended up in India  
With no lamp to guide me home.  
The strangest place I think  
I have ever been  
And all this time  
I thought that we were friends  
My stubborn will is learning to bend._

Jackson Abrams' chauffeured town car pulled up in front of Addison and Derek's million-dollar brownstone. He emerged from the car a second later. A handsome man of 50, Jackson had been born and raised in Johannesburg, South Africa and had come to the United States for college. He had earned a Bachelor's degree in business from Harvard and an MBA from NYU's Sterne School of Business. After graduate school, Jackson worked for several well known investment firms in New York while still maintaining ties to South Africa. He met Kate Shepherd at a mutual friend's party 4 years after receiving his MBA. She had captured his heart that night. That was what made Kate who she was. You instantly fell in love with her. But once that happened, all of Kate's flaws and problems began to emerge. Jackson however, loved her too much and wanted to help her and fix her.

And in that time came Ava, who was Kate's best decision ever. Jackson had thought that Ava would ground her spirit and her life. And for a time, it had seemed to work. But after Ava's birth, things between Jackson and Kate became rough. She returned to drinking and drugs for comfort because he had to work to support their family. One day, Jackson came home and Kate and Ava were gone.

Jackson had searched for Kate and Ava for months before returning to his native South Africa broken hearted. 2 years later, while working in Johannesburg, Jackson met his wife Mara and the following year, Jared was born and the year after that William was born. Having this new family helped, but it did not overshadow the family that had disappeared from his life, nor did it impede in his search for them.

Finding Ava was a mixed event for him though. He was very glad to know that Ava was safe and thriving. The guilt Jackson felt upon learning about what Ava had gone through, however threatened to overshadow all of the good he had felt. In fact, Jackson almost chose not to contact Ava out of fear that his presence would cause her more pain.

Now, three years later, making contact and building a relationship with Ava was one of the best things he had ever done. It was right up there with meeting and marrying Mara, having Jared and Will, and starting Abrams Investments. But things between them were still awkward at times. However, Jackson and Ava found a common thread in their love for South Africa. Ava had fallen in love with the country almost instantly and tried to go there as much as she could. She had even gone so far as to learn and master Afrikaans, which was the commonplace language in the Abrams household.

English, of course is widely spoken across the world and of course in South Africa. But when Jackson moved the family to New York 4 years ago for work, the family spoke Afrikaans at home in order to feel closer to their country.

As Jackson stepped onto the porch, the silver flecks in his once dark brown mane of hair caught in the light. His green eyes were warm and wise. His Armani suit was crisp, pressed, and impeccable. He was the stereotypical business man at first glance, but when Ava answered the door, the businessman disappeared and Jackson, the father appeared.

"Hello love," He said with a gentle smile.

"Hi Pappa," Ava replied with a weak smile. She had changed into jeans, flip-flops, and a t-shirt looking surprisingly casual. "Come in."

"Thank you," He said stepping inside and giving her a kiss on both cheeks. "How are you?"

"I'm ok," She said softly.

Jackson kissed her forehead, "I heard what happened today with your parents."

Ava looked at him, "How did you find out?"

Jackson gave her a small smile, "Your mother phoned me."

Ava sighed, "Of course she did."

"She doesn't want you to move. But if you feel it is necessary, I won't try to dissuade you."

"You won't?" Ava asked in surprise, looking up at him.

"No, I won't. But are you sure that this is what you want?"

"Yes Pappa, I'm sure."

"Very well, then these belong to you," He said pulling a set of keys out of his pocket.

Ava took them confused, "What are these for?"

"You'll see," Jackson replied with a twinkle in his eye.

"Ok…"

"How much packing do you have left to do?"

Ava sighed, "I only packed half of my clothes and then I ran out of suitcases. And I still have to move my furniture….."

Jackson smiled and put his hands on her shoulders, "Leave the rest."

'What? Why would I do that?"

"Never close one door completely. You never know when you might need to get back through it. This is your home and it always will be no matter where you go or where you live."

* * *

_I'd like to know if you'd be open  
To starting over from scratch  
I'd like to know if you'd be open  
To giving me a second chance _

Addison came in at around 6, having gone back to the hospital to check on several patients before clocking out for the day. She found Derek on the sofa in the den watching TV.

"Hey," She said softly.

"Hey," he replied turning off the TV.

"Where's Quinn?"

"Upstairs in her room; I decided to feed her early so now she's upstairs playing. There are leftovers in the microwave."

"Thanks."

"Did you talk to Ava today?" He asked looking up at her.

"No, I decided to call Jackson instead. He'll take care of her."

He nodded, "Addie, can--can we talk?"

"Derek, if you're going to beret me about Mark or have a desire to bash Ava further, I have no interest whatsoever. I'm tired."

"No-no, it's nothing like that. Just please sit?" He asked softly. "Please?"

"Ok," She said and sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry for what I said today. I really am."

"Don't apologize to me," She said still angry from the session earlier. "Apologize to Ava."

"Addie, I'm trying to be honest here. I'm trying. Could you please just let me?"

"Ok, ok," Addison replied reluctantly.

He took a breath, "When I saw Alex and Ava on TV this morning I lost it."

"That's the understatement of the year," Addison muttered under her breath.

"I lost it because seeing her on TV meant that she grew up. Ava's grown up Addie and I feel like I missed it."

She studied him closely, "What makes you say that?"

"From the minute she showed up here things were different, she was different. When I was still in New York, I let myself get caught up in work. But when I saw Ava here, she looked so grown up. I guess I'm just sad at the end of it all. Now I wish I could have my little girl for just a little while longer."

Addison smiled sympathetically and kissed his cheek, "You still have her you know. Boyfriend or not, she'll still need you."

"I highly doubt that."

"Derek being a daddy's girl doesn't go away."

"She has Jackson."

"But Jackson isn't you. You can't give him your experiences with Ava. They have their relationship and you have yours. Somewhere deep down, Ava is still that girl who thinks her father put the moon and the stars in the sky."

" Addison…"

"It's true," She said with a soft smile. "Ava loves you. That will never change. Just because she's being photographed everywhere she goes and makes lots of money, it doesn't mean that she's changed."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"I just feel bad for missing her grow up."

"Derek," She said softly, running her fingers through his hair. "Focus on the present. We can't go back and change the past. Believe me, I would if I could."

"Ok."

"No matter how old she gets or where she lives, she will always be your little girl, always. Just hold on to that."

* * *

_I'd like to know if you'd be open  
To starting over from scratch  
I'd like to know if you'd be open  
To giving me a second chance _

15 Central Park West was an exclusive part of the Manhattan skyline. When one enters the building there is a sense of arrival. As they rode up in the elevator, Ava felt a knot of apprehension in her stomach. It seemed to only grow bigger when the reached the top floor. They approached the door and Jackson smiled at her.

"Do you want to do the honors?" He asked, handing her the keys.

She nodded and took them before opening the door and when it did, Ava felt her breath catch.

"Oh my god!" She said in disbelief and they went inside.

"Do you like it?" He asked watching Ava drink in the view from the living room.

Ava nodded and turned around slowly and looked around, "It's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it."

"But Jackson, I—I can't accept this."

"Of course you can."

"No, this is too much. I don't want you to bribe me."

"Bribe you?" He repeated with a laugh. "I could never do that. Think of it as an investment."

"In what?"

"Your future."

"Oh," She said and then he hugged her tightly. "Welcome home Ava. Welcome home."

_It's a big girl world now  
Full of big girl things_

* * *

Lyrics- "Scratch"- Kendall Payne

I know, I know. You wanted Derek/Alex, but this chapter took a whole other direction than what I had planned.

Next chapter: Alex and Addison fight; Alex gets burned and Doc gets sick.


	31. Clean Cuts and Messy Lives

Healing Process

A/N: Oh, the guilt. Seriously, I feel major guilt. I have not visited or TI's ff forum in over two months because I had story guilt. Yes, that's right story guilt. I did not like where this story was supposed to go, so I changed it. I hope that all of you like it and won't hate me for eons and eons. WARNING: This story contains some unforeseen twists that may cause gasps of surprise, verbal expletives, and various other forms of surprise. Please read slowly and enjoy the ride!

* * *

Chapter 30: Clean Cuts and Messy Lives 

_All this feels strange and untrue  
And I won't waste a minute without you  
My bones ache, my skin feels cold  
And I'm getting so tired and so old_

_Ava Shepherd walked to the 4th floor nurse's station dressed in a pink and black missoni print Dolce and Gabanna halter dress and black Jimmy Choo pumps. It was the perfect outfit for June in New York, although it was slightly too bare for Seattle, since it was only mildly sunny. But Ava didn't really care. She was only concerned about Alex whom she hadn't seen for two months since he had visited in April. But they had spoken on the phone daily since and Ava also made sure to leave her summer open so that she could stay in Seattle._

_Feeling an almost giddy feeling rise in her stomach, Ava approached the nurse's station._

"_Hi, could you tell me where I could find Dr. Karev please?" Ava asked._

"_He's in the on-call room just down the hall," the nurse at the desk said._

"_Thank you," Ava replied, clutching the handle of her black Dior hobo bag before walking down the hall._

_With every step, her heart started pounding. When she reached the door, Ava knocked softly and with a slightly shaking hand she opened the door._

"_Alex?" She said as the door swung inward._

_The picture that greeted Ava was one of Alex and as she had suspected, he looked even better than he had when she had seen him last. But it was then that Ava realized that he was naked and that there was someone else underneath him. That someone was blonde and very familiar looking. It was Izzie._

_Alex's eyes met Ava's and all the pleasure in them vanished as he met Ava's horror-struck ones. Before he could say anything, Ava turned and walked calmly and with purpose out of the room shutting the door behind her. She would not be one of those women and make a scene._

_Alex burst out the door of the on-call room 30 seconds later just as Ava was walking back down the hall._

"_Ava wait!"_

_She didn't stop nor did she turn around. Alex sprinted down the hall to catch up with her and when he did, he placed a hand on her shoulder. Ava shook it off and turned around._

"_Ava, please let me explain," Alex pleaded._

"_We're done Alex," She replied softly. "There's nothing to explain. I've seen enough."_

"_Ava I never meant to hurt you."_

"_But you did and now we're done. Have a nice life," She said and then turned on one very expensive heel and walked away._

_The anger swells in my guts  
And I won't feel these slices and cuts  
I want so much to open your eyes  
Cos I need you to look into mine_

* * *

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

Derek Shepherd walked onto the upper deck of the Bainbridge Island-Seattle ferry and as always admired the beautiful scenery that floated past as the boat got farther and farther away from the Seattle mainland. Ava had left a message on his cell phone asking if he could please meet her on the ferry. He found a certain irony in the fact that this was the very place where their relationship had begun its rapid dissolution 3 months before.

After their bitter exchange of words the month following during the phone therapy session, Derek had found himself almost immediately regretting his harsh words toward Ava. He had begun trying to make amends soon after. But it wasn't until his and Addison's trip back to New York two weeks ago to see Ava perform in her final pieces for the year that any progress was actually made. Now he could only hope that today's meet would encourage more.

It had been exactly 2 hours, 4 minutes, and 6 seconds since Ava had walked into an on-call room and found Alex and Izzie in bed together. By most standards, Ava seemed to be holding it together quite well on the outside. But when Derek spotted her looking out over the railing of the ferry, he knew by the way that she was standing that there was something wrong.

"Ava?" He said coming over to her.

"Hi dad," Ava replied turning to him and offering him a small smile.

"I got your message. What's up?"

"I went to see Alex today."

"You did? Was he happy to see you?" Derek asked. Ava had gotten in late the night before and this was the first opportunity that they had had to talk.

"I-I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Dad, when you found Mom and Mark together, how did you feel?"

"How did I feel? Uh--shocked, sad, and angry. Why do you want to know something like that?"

"Because Alex—he cheated on me," Ava said quietly.

Derek pulled her into his arms, "I am so sorry butterfly," He said softly pressing a kiss into her hair as he hugged her tight. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I-I went to the hospital, to the nurse's station and asked if someone knew where he was. I was told that he would be in the on-call room just down the hall. So I went down there and knocked. When I didn't get an answer, I opened the door and that's when I saw them together."

"Who together?"

"Alex and Izzie Stevens."

Derek sighed and hugged her tighter, "I'm so sorry baby girl. You shouldn't have to go through this."

"It's ok dad, really I'm ok," Ava mumbled.

"No, Ava it's not ok. You're not fine," He said softly.

It was at that moment that Ava realized that she really was not fine. A few seconds later, tears began to roll down her cheeks. She buried her face in her father's neck and started to sob.

"That's it sweetheart, let it out. Let it all out. I'm here now," Derek said soothingly in Ava's ear as he mentally plotted out all of the things he would do to make Alex Karev suffer for what he had done to Ava.

* * *

_Get up, get out, get away from these liars  
Cos they don't get your soul or your fire  
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine  
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time_

Derek was in the kitchen chopping vegetables when Addison walked in the door around 6:30.

"Hey babe, you didn't come back today," Addison said setting her purse on the counter and going around it to kiss Derek softly.

"I couldn't," He replied, continuing to chop. "Ava needed me."

Addison frowned, "Is she ok?"

"No," Derek said curtly as he sliced through a carrot with more force than was necessary.

"What happened?" Addison asked cautiously. His action didn't go unnoticed.

"He cheated on her."

"Who cheated on who?"

"Karev on Ava."

Addison gasped softly, "Oh god. Are you sure?"

"That's why I had to go meet Ava," He said softly, setting the knife down beside the cutting board."

"What happened?" Addison asked gently.

"Apparently, she went to the hospital to see Karev. He was in an on-call room and it was unlocked. Ava opened it and found him doing the deed with Stevens."

"What a bastard!"

"I want to kill him."

"That's too nice."

"Christ Addie, I thought I would be done going through this with her!" He said in frustration as he sank down on a bar stool. Then he softened, "Remember when Ava was 7 and Nancy's dog ripped the head off of Ava's teddy bear?"

"Yeah I do," She said with a soft smile. "You stayed up performing head reattachment surgery on Mr. Ruffles. She thought you were like Superman or something after that."

"I wish things were simple like that again."

"So do I. But life isn't simple Derek. It's messy. At work, in the OR we can keep things as sterile and orderly as we like. But people are not surgical instruments. We have feelings, urges, and desires. That's what makes us so unique, yet so vulnerable, and ultimately fallible."

He sighed, "I just want to fix this Addison. I want to make this better."

She kissed his forehead, "I know you do. But you can't."

"We fix people everyday Addie. Everyday, we change the lives of people. And yet when it comes to my own children I can't fix what ails them."

Addison squeezed his hand, "I know it hurts Derek. I know it does. I want to help Ava. I desperately want to rid Quinn of this illness. But I can't. I can't and it kills me a little bit every time I think about it. But then I remember those people that I couldn't help, the ones that I couldn't fix. We do what we can honey, the best that we can. But sometimes what we can do isn't good enough."

"And when that happens then what?"

"We have faith Derek," she said softly. "We have faith that everything will be ok. Without that, then we have nothing."

"I want to fix them Addison."

"Have faith Derek, they'll get through this. I don't know quite how they will. But Ava and Quinn will get through this and so will we."

"We'll get through this," He repeated softly."

* * *

_Every minute from this minute now  
We can do what we like anywhere  
I want so much to open your eyes  
Cos I need you to look into mine_

"Ava, are you ok?" Quinn asked, looking up from _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe._

Ava stopped reading and looked over at her sister, "Yeah squirt, why do you ask?"

"Because you look sad," She said and paused. "Did Alex hurt you?"

Ava looked surprised, but answered anyway, "Yes, he did."

"You looked that way when Xavier hurt you too. Did he kiss another girl?"

Ava smiled weakly and ran her fingers through Quinn's auburn tresses, "He did a little bit more than that."

"Are you and Alex still together?"

"No my darling, I don't think I'll be seeing Alex anymore."

"Ava, can I ask you something?"

"Why do you like boys so much?"

Ava laughed, "Because they're fun."

Quinn scowled, "Boys are stupid."

"Not all boys are like that."

"How can you say that when they hurt you?"

"Because squirt, I have faith."

"Faith in what?"

"I have faith that somewhere out there, a boy is waiting for me, someone who'll never hurt me."

"That's stupid too."

"Is it stupid that you believe in Santa Claus?"

"Well—no."

"See?"

"But how can you believe something like that?"

"I have to, just like you have to believe in Santa Claus."

"Why?"

"Because," Ava said with a smile pressing a kiss into her hair. "It gives me something to look forward to."

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

All this feels strange and untrue  
And I won't waste a minute without you

* * *

Lyrics: "Open Your Eyes," – Snow Patrol

Ok, I'm just going to say this, Please don't kill me! In any case I hope you've enjoyed this installment of Healing Process. Please tune in or rather log on to see what will happen next. I've given up trying to tell you what will happen next because truthfully I don't even know until I'm actually writing the chapter.

Thanks to all of you for continuing to read! Please R/R!


	32. Sex on the Dance Floor

Healing Process

A/N: Hello my dear and wonderful readers! I apologize for the lack of updates. But it has taken me quite awhile to figure out what I wanted to do in this chapter. This story did start out as a story about Addison and Derek. If you all remember, I had only intended to make this a three-parter and then the trilogy I had created would be finished. But then Ava came along. She started out as a brief mention in chapter one and 30 chapters later; she has become a full fledged character. Since her entrance, this story has really become about Ava and her journey.

In many of the reviews and comments I have received, I was asked to do more with Addison and Derek. But this story is not about them anymore. That does not mean that they are gone from the story because they will become very important later. But the focus is and will continue to be Ava for now. Things are about to get very interesting so please stick with me. I promise you won't be disappointed.

* * *

Chapter 31: Sex on the Dance Floor

A cab pulled up in front of Tavern on the Green several days later. The passenger door opened and Ava stepped out. The sound of her Gucci pumps clicked across the cement as she walked into the restaurant. The hostess led her out to the patio where she found Nancy and Kathleen waiting for her. They were Ava's fairy godmothers. Instead of having two godparents, Ava was blessed with her two godmothers whom she had aptly named her fairy godmothers after seeing _Sleeping Beauty_ at Nancy's at age 7. Kathleen was Kate's fraternal twin. Both of them stood when she came over to the table and she greeted each with a hug and a kiss before she sat down.

"Back so soon?" Nancy asked. "What happened to spending quality time with your parents?"

"That's still going on, but I was invited to a party this weekend."

"Are you going to go?" Kathleen asked.

"No, I think I'm going to stay home and use the time to clear my head."

"This time you're taking wouldn't have anything to do with a certain intern would it?"

Ava looked up at Nancy in surprise, "You know?"

"Of course we know Ava," said Kathleen. "In fact I knew it was going to happen."

"You knew it was going to happen?"

"Long distance relationships and residency don't mix well."

"No, I guess they don't," Ava admitted before they ordered their drinks.

When the waiter departed, Nancy placed her hand over Ava's, "I'm sorry that you had to go through that sweetheart. But we've all had our share of bad relationships."

"That's very true. You'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince as the saying goes."

"Yeah, but I think I'm going to have to expand on my dating policy."

"You have a policy?" Nancy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course I do. I don't date people I work with because it can get weird later. But I guess I'll have to include people my parents work with as well."

"Did it get weird?" Kathleen asked taking a sip of her drink.

"Yes. I took Quinn in for her appointment a couple of days ago and I saw Alex."

"What happened?"

"We just looked at each other. It was sad really. I-I think he is genuinely sorry about what happened. But I feel like I can't go back. We weren't together long enough for me to consider that."

"That's a very mature decision on your part," Nancy agreed. "So are you going to stay single for awhile?"

"That's the plan."

"It's a sound plan," Kathleen said. "But I think you should try to go to that party."

"But why?"

"You should have fun Ava. You're only 20 and you work harder than most people my age. Be like someone your age and let loose for once."

Ava let out a small laugh, "The last time I did that I ended up sleeping with Alex."

"Ok so then don't sleep with anyone. It's not like anyone is holding a gun to your head," Nancy interjected.

"Alright, so maybe I will try to go."

"Good girl."

Kathleen smiled, "So Ava, have you gotten you MCAT scores back yet?"

"No, although I didn't have a chance to check my mail today," Ava replied.

"I remember waiting for mine," Nancy said with a reminiscent smile. "I checked the mail twice a day."

"Much to mom's annoyance."

"You weren't much better as I recall Kathleen."

"Shut up Nancy."

Ava simply laughed. Such was life with her family.

* * *

Ava stepped out of the elevator of an apartment building on 5th Ave. Down the hall, music could be heard playing. She was on the penthouse level at yet another magazine party. She had been flooded with party invites since her appearance on the cover of _Runway. _Tonight, Ava was dressed to kill in a red corset and black fitted Prada pants with low heeled, custom-made Manolo Blanik boots that were safe for dancing in. After her lunch with Nancy and Kathleen the day before, Ava was determined to forget the past for once and have fun.

The techno music that blared through the speakers seemed to sweep Ava away into another world. She was no longer Ava Shepherd, the ballet dancer. Instead, she had become simply Ava, a girl looking to have a good time. Slowly she made her way to the bar and ordered a club soda.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in," said a voice from behind her.

"James!" Ava said turning to face a man of average height. He was a few years older than her. They had met the year before at a hip-hop class that she had decided to take. "What are you doing here?"

"A friend of mine is the beauty editor at the magazine and she invited me to be her plus one. What are you doing here Ms. Thing? Channeling Jennifer Garner in _Elektra_ I see."

Ava laughed lightly, "Yes, any minute I'm going to whip out my sais," she quipped.

"You're still the most cut ballerina I've met. But you still haven't answered my question."

"I'm here because I was invited."

"I thought you didn't go to parties? What makes this one so different?"

"I wanted to have some fun tonight so I came."

"I heard through the grapevine that you have a new boy toy. Where is he?"

"He's in Seattle."

"Oh, you're doing the long distance thing "

"I was."

"You were?" James asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"We broke up a few days ago."

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"He cheated on me," Ava said simply.

"I take it the break up was swift?"

"Oh yeah," She said with a rueful smile. "I don't like to share."

"This is the second guy you've had a problem with."

"I know. You don't need to remind me."

"I don't understand why any straight man would be with anyone else after you. You're beautiful, smart, and independently wealthy."

"My aunt says I intimidate men."

"Well you are a unique combination. So what was he?"

"Alex? He's a surgical intern at the hospital where my parents work. I met him during my stay there."

"Normally, a doctor even though he's only an intern, would be a shame to lose. But in your case I'm glad you kicked him to the curb."

"Why?"

"Ava, everyone in your family is a doctor. The last thing you need to do is date one. You'll never see each other because of the long hours you work as well as his. Besides, I think you'd be wasted on a science geek."

"James, darling I am a science geek."

"You have class."

Ava laughed, "Ok, then who should I date, Mr. I know everything about dating?"

"Anyone but a doctor, give me your cell phone," Ava did and she took his programming her number into it while he did the same with hers before they handed the devices back. "Now I'm only a phone call away."

"So am I."

"Dance with me."

"I'm not dancing tonight."

"Come on Ms. Thing, I know you want to. Let's put on a show for the fashionistas and show them who the real Ava is."

Ava gave him a small smile, "Ok."

James took her hand, "That's the Ava I know." He led her over to the DJ and gave his request which Ava didn't hear and then they went to the floor.

The voice of Janet Jackson whispering, "This is sick," came over the speakers and Ava looked over at James, eyebrow cocked.

"Bring it on Shepherd," He said with a smirk as the song started to play.

_This is sick  
"Attention it's time to dance..."_

Ava took a breath, reminding herself that this was all part of having fun before she started dancing.

_Work it like you're working a pole  
Shake it 'til you're shaking the floor  
Pop it like you're poppin' a cork  
Don't Stop, Don't Stop  
Jerk it like you're making it choke  
Break it like you're breakin' a code  
Drop it till you're taking it lower_

Their movements were precise as they danced together to the rhythm of the music. Ava was close to him, close enough to feel his breath on her neck making them appear like two lovers dancing with each other.

_Drop it, drop it..._

This is serious  
I'm delirious  
So oblivious  
I could dance all night 

Their movements were very seductive, both always maintaining some kind of physical contact. Ava could feel herself leaving her normal self behind and stepping into the skin of someone who she had never met before. Everything around the two of them seemed to disappear and from that moment on, nothing mattered except for the music.

_With you  
As long as its funky  
This rhythm just makes me high  
I'm like a junkie  
I could dance all night_

_Work it like you're working a pole  
Shake it 'til you're shaking the floor  
Pop it like you're poppin' a cork  
Don't Stop, Don't Stop  
Jerk it like you're making it choke  
Break it like you're breakin' a code  
Drop it till you're taking it lower_

The movements that Ava made flowed into the next like water. Her body was no longer her own as she moved her hips to the beat. The woman she had become had only one goal in mind; to seduce her partner. James played right along with her objective, putting his hands around her waist and dancing with his body flush against her. She threw her head back, her long hair falling against his chest in a moment of pleasure before pulling away from him. She wouldn't be caught that easily.

_  
So intoxicated  
I'm so stimulated  
Feel so X-rated  
I could dance all night_

As long as it's funky  
This rhythm just makes me high  
I'm like a junkie  
I could dance all night

The people watching couldn't pull their focus away from them. Ava and James, while focused solely on each other, had managed to intoxicate their audience. The performance was a voyeuristic indulgence for its audience. They were watching two people have sex on the dance floor. It was not raunchy and dirty, like many of the dances high school students might have preferred. This was not about implying sexual movements to the point of vulgarity, but rather about two people who used movements to create something sensual and addictive. Shedding their clothes, at this point, would have been superfluous.

_Work it like you're working a pole  
Shake it 'til you're shaking the floor  
Pop it like you're poppin' a cork  
Don't Stop, Don't Stop  
Jerk it like you're making it choke  
Break it like you're breakin' a code  
Drop it till you're taking it lower_

_Everybody on the floor (Let's go)  
Let's get hardcore (Get low)  
Make my sweat pour (Oh no)  
Don't stop (Gimme some more)  
Ooh my body's yours (spank that)  
Spank that back door (like that)  
Drive me like a Porsche' (yea)_

I could dance all night

Can we take this party higher?

Now just put your hands to the sky and

Clap, clap, clap, clap

I could dance all night 

When the song faded away, Ava was in James' arms, her right leg hooked around his left hip. As she came to her senses, she became aware of the fact that everyone was staring at her. Throwing a smirk in James' direction, Ava disentangled herself from him and worked her way through the crowd before picking up her purse at the bar and heading for the door. Her work was done here.

"Do you always dance like that?" A familiar voice asked from behind Ava as she was about to walk out the door.

Ava turned to face the questioner and then a small smirk crossed her face.

* * *

Lyrics: "All Nite (Don't Stop)-Janet Jackson

That's the end for now. Hmm…I wonder who that voice belongs to? I guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out. In the meantime, please R/R and maybe you'll get an update if I'm feeling generous. No, really, please R/R and I'll get on the next update ASAP.


	33. Happenstance

Healing Process

A/N: Please note that this chapter contains themes for "Mature Audiences." It is rated NC-17.

* * *

Chapter 32: Happenstance

_You can call me a sinner  
You can call me a saint  
Celebrate me for who I am  
Dislike me for what I ain't_

Put me up on a pedestal  
Or drag me down in the dirt  
Sticks and stones will break my bones  
But your names will never hurt

"Do you always dance like that?" A familiar voice asked from behind Ava as she was about to walk out the door.

Ava turned to face the questioner and then a small smirk crossed her face, "Only when the opportunity presents itself."

"You would make a porn star blush after a performance like that," Mark Sloan said with a smirk that matched Ava's.

"Thank you, I think. So what are you doing here Mark? I didn't think this was your forte."

"I could ask you the same question."

"I asked first."

"I was invited by a friend."

"A girlfriend?"

"No. Contrary to popular belief, my life doesn't revolve around the women I date."

Ava stifled a laugh, "Ok."

"What about you? The woman I saw on that dance floor isn't the woman I know."

"That just goes to show how well you know me then."

"Obviously so. I thought you were in Seattle for the rest of the summer?"

"I am. But I was invited to this and so I came."

"With your boyfriend?"

"No, we broke up."

"Oh," Mark said and then paused. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well that's life I suppose."

"Yeah, it is. Are you leaving already?"

"I think my work here is done. I'm going to go home and relax for awhile."

"I was going to do the same. Can I walk down with you?"

"Yes, thank you," She said politely, but was inwardly surprised. This wasn't the Mark she was used to.

They walked down the hall in silence. It was only after they had gotten in the elevator that Mark spoke again.

"So how's Quinn?"

"She's doing as well as can be expected."

"Good."

"I never thanked you."

"For what?"

"Taking her with you to Seattle."

"You don't have to thank me Ava. My motives weren't entirely legitimate."

"Legitimate or not because of you, Quinn is with my parents," Ava replied as the elevator doors opened and they stepped into the lobby of the building and walked though it before going outside.

"I appreciate you saying that."

"Of course."

"Would you like to share a cab home?"

"Sure, that would be nice."

He nodded and a minute later he flagged down a cab and they both got in.

"15 Central Park West," They said to the driver at the same time before looking at each other in astonishment.

"You live at---," Mark started.

"15 Central Park West," Ava finished as the cab pulled away from the curb.

"How did I not know that?"

"I moved in 3 months ago."

He nodded, still surprised. "Who knew ballet could be so lucrative?"

"The penthouse was a gift from my father."

"Nice gift."

"I thought so."

Mark studied her carefully for a moment, "You're not the same Ava I left in Seattle."

"No," Ava said softly. "And you're not the same Mark that left."

"People change," He said as the cab pulled up to the building and he opened the door before handing the driver a twenty and got out, holding the door for Ava.

"Thank you," She said as she got out and went inside the building with him.

* * *

_I'll be the garden  
You be the snake  
All of my fruit is yours to take  
Better the devil that you know  
Your love for me will grow  
Because_

This is who I am  
You can  
Like it or not  
You can  
Love me or leave me  
Cus I'm never gonna stop  
No no

Mark and Ava stepped into the elevator a minute later and the doors closed before the elevator started its ascent toward their respective apartments. The ride was silent. Mark spent the two minute ride continuing to study Ava. The confused and lost teenager he had seen in Seattle was gone, like she had never existed at all. The woman who now stood next to him was beautiful. She held herself with such grace as always despite how she was dressed. The corset was tied in a way only to accent Ava's perfect frame almost as if it was painted onto her. But it gave nothing away, which only made her even more desirable.

Ava was aware of his eyes on her and instead of feeling uncomfortable as she might have been otherwise, she fought the urge to smirk. "Do you like what you see?" She asked turning to look at him.

Mark met her gaze with mild surprise, but saw that, to her it was a simple question. "Yes," he said.

That's when he saw the look in her eyes mirror what he had been trying to ignore since they had entered the building. And then he knew. What happened next was unexpected to their rational minds but completely natural and inevitable. They stepped toward each other and the moment their lips touched it was like an electric spark went off. Mark pulled her to him and kissed her deeply causing her to moan as the elevator door opened. But neither of them seemed to notice because they kept kissing each other even as the door closed and continued its ascent to the penthouse level.

When the doors opened again a minute later they stumbled out still kissing. Ava pulled away briefly to take her keys out of her purse and unlock the door, during which time Mark wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. The door opened a second later and Ava took Mark's hand before leading him inside. He shut the door behind them and she led him to the bedroom which had a spectacular view of the city.

* * *

_Cleopatra had her way  
Matahari too  
Whether they were good or bad  
Is strictly up to you_

Life is a paradox and it doesn't make much sense  
Can't have the Femme without the Fatale  
Please don't take offense

Setting her bag down, Ava turned back around to face him, her face lit by the moonlight streaming into the dark room.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked meeting his gaze.

"Are you?"

"I asked you first."

"Yes," He said before pulling her to him once more and kissing her soundly.

Ava moaned when she felt his erection press against her. Tonight, all thoughts of what was right and wrong vanished from her mind. She needed what was familiar. The man whose lips captured hers knew things about her that she could never tell any boyfriend. And that fact alone gave Ava comfort. She knew she was safe even though this was new territory for them both.

When Mark pulled away again, Ava took the opportunity to turn on the bedside lamp. When she turned around, Mark could see that her green eyes had darkened with desire. She offered him her hand and he took it. He turned her gently to face the bed. Moving her hair aside, he kissed her neck softly while his fingers deftly unlaced her corset. When that it was opened, he removed it and spun her back around kissing each of her breasts in turn. She whimpered but managed to successfully unbutton his shirt and pushed it off of his shoulders. He kissed her chest and he undid her pants and pushed them down as Ava kicked off her boots which skittered across the floor.

Mark pushed her down on the bed gently and she pulled him down on top of her. Within mere minutes they were stripped down to their underwear. Mark played with the hem of her panties as they kissed. Suddenly she flipped them over and Ava could see the shock in his eyes as she straddled him.

"I'm not the girl you once knew," She whispered and leaned down to kiss his chest sensuously with the grace that personified her.

Mark watched Ava transform in front of his eyes from party girl to lover in the blink of an eye. Before he could utter a response to her statement, Mark had been stripped of his boxers and a second later, she had taken him into her mouth without a second thought. The only response that issued from his mouth was a loud groan as his fingers tangled in her hair. Rational thought had fled from their minds at this point. This was not as simple or as impersonal as a fuck. But it was far from lovemaking. Instead, it was a joining of two people who had known each other but had never gone this far.

Soon though, Mark lifted Ava's head and pulled her to him and kissed her hard. He could taste himself on her lips. In response, she pressed against him and he could feel her wetness soaking through her panties. He quickly remedied this by ripping her panties away and flipping them back over. Hovering over her, Mark gently spread her legs and thrust into her at an angle. Ava cried out softly and locked eyes with him. He thrust into her steadily, never breaking eye contact with her. But after a few minutes, Ava grew tired of their position. She wanted to be in control. So she got out from under him and once he was sitting up in bed, Ava straddled him and lowered herself onto him. Then she began to roll her hips in a forward motion The only sound he could offer was a groan as he held onto Ava's hips as she moved.

Ava felt herself begin to get lost in this moment. There was no need to think now, only the need to feel, to be present. As she moved against him, she could feel her orgasm start to simmer inside of her. She left out a soft moan as she moved, the pleasure of this time far outweighing the consequences that were sure to come.

After what seemed like forever, they came together, riding the bliss that was orgasm before collapsing in a slick sweaty heap. Mark pulled her close to him and kissed her softly and they fell asleep with their legs intertwined. With the dawn would come responsibility, but for the moment they remained caught up in the happenstance of the night.

_This is who I am  
You can  
Like it or not  
You can  
Love me or leave me  
Cus I'm never gonna stop  
No no_

_no no you know_

I'll be garden  
You'll be the snake  
All of my fruit are yours to take  
Better the devil that you know  
Your love for me will grow  
Because

_This is who I am  
You can  
Like it or not  
You can  
Love me or leave me  
Cus I'm never gonna stop  
No no_

* * *

Lyrics: "Like It or Not," Madonna

Well now you know who the voice is. Can't you just see the fallout? Please R/R and I promise to have an update soon.


	34. My Dear, I Must Confess

Healing Process

A/N: What can I say? I was hit with a sudden burst of inspiration and a hell of a lot of dialogue. More after finals are over this week. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 33: My Dear, I Must Confess

_Dance with me across the ocean floor  
Sail away to heaven's open door  
Step right up you're the next contestant  
In this sweet charade  
Take a number, wait while I twist your fate_

On the mating game  
Mating game

"Hello?" James slurred when he picked up the phone after four rings.

"It's Ava," Ava said as she perched on the marble Jacuzzi tub in her bathroom the next morning.

"Girl, it's 7am on Sunday! Don't you have any respect?"

"There's a boy in my bed."

"What's his name?" James asked now more alert.

"Mark."

"Is he cute?"

"Cute isn't one of the first adjectives I would use to describe him."

"Please tell me that you did not go to a bar after you left last night and pick up some ugly guy named Mark."

"One, I don't drink and two, I know Mark. He's a doctor."

"Really, was he at the party last night?"

"Yes."

James thought for a moment, "You slept with that hottie plastic surgeon Mark Sloan didn't you?"

"I did."

"Was it good?"

"Yeah, it was good," Ava replied softly.

"Why don't you sound more enthusiastic?"

"I am, it's just that---I know Mark."

"You know Mark. Know him how? Is he an ex or something?"

"No, he's a family friend. He and my dad grew up together."

"Oh, so you have an older guy-younger girl thing going. Honey, you don't have to be ashamed of that. Age is only a number."

"No, that's not why and I'm not ashamed."

"Ok, then what's the matter?"

"I told you why my parents moved to Seattle right?"

"Something about your dad leaving your mom because she cheated on him and then she followed him to Seattle."

"Yeah, that's it."

"Ok so what about it?"

"The guy my mom cheated with was Mark."

James gasped, "Ava….that's like something out of _All My Children_."

Ava sighed, "Except that it's real."

"Why did you tell me all of this?"

"I think it's the need to confess."

"You Catholics and your confessions...ok so besides who he slept with, what's the problem?"

"The problem is that by seven tonight I'll be back in Seattle for the foreseeable future to spend time with my family."

"Well, did you sleep with Mark just because he was there or do you think there might be something more for you two?"

There was a long pause before Ava spoke again, "I do think that there might be something more. I don't know how I know or if there actually is but I think so."

"Don't tell your parents then."

"Easier said than done James, I was in Seattle for a couple of months starting in February. I had been keeping a lot of stuff from them and it all came out eventually. But all of those secrets hurt my parents. I-I don't want to hurt them again."

"How bad would it be if you told them the truth?"

"Bad, at least in my dad's case, he doesn't talk to Mark after what happened with my mom. There's no telling what he would do to Mark after something like this."

"So why don't you just try telling your mom first?"

"I guess I could do that."

"Your mom will probably understand. See how the rest of today goes with Mark. See if you think that this might go anywhere."

"Ok."

"I have to meet a friend for breakfast, but I want you to remember something Ava."

"What's that?"

"We can't choose who to love or control what our heart sees. All we can do is follow."

"I'll remember that."

* * *

_Hold me close enough to drink my rose  
The devil in my pocket turned to gold  
Sorry to warn you, you're in a daze  
Tonight I'll love you, but tomorrow go away_

"It's a little early for girl talk isn't it?" Mark asked as Ava came out of the bathroom with phone in hand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Ava replied shedding her robe and getting back into bed.

"You didn't," He said pulling her to him and kissing her softly. "I woke up on my own."

A soft sigh escaped her lips, "And here I thought you would be gone before dawn."

He pulled away, "I can go if you'd like."

"I don't want you to go."

"Good," He said kissing her again and pressing against her, "Because I don't want to go yet."

Ava felt the familiar rush of heat going downward and she moaned involuntarily, "I can tell," She whispered as her legs opened of their own accord.

Mark moved in between them and thrust into her, "We're a perfect fit, you and I," he said with soft groan.

"Is that so?" Ava asked as she fell back against the pillows, reveling in how good he felt.

"That is so," He said with a small grunt as he picked up the pace. "You and I both knew what we were doing last night. And it wasn't just fucking each other because we could."

"What was it then?" She moaned softly as she felt her orgasm building.

"We were looking for each other," He said before he started thrusting into her harder and faster, his body overriding his mind.

Ava's nails scored his back as she moaned loudly. Her orgasm came with force seconds later because Mark had started playing with her clit while they were talking. This resulted in girl cum squirting out of her. He groaned loudly and with several hard thrusts, Mark spilled inside of her, his legs shaking.

"That was good," Ava said breathlessly, kissing him as he held her close.

"You squirt," He said in reply, equally breathless.

"I do."

"I'll have to remember that for next time."

"Next time?" She asked in a surprisingly cool tone.

"I knew that this wasn't going to be a one night stand from the minute we kissed in the elevator last night. I wouldn't have kissed you at all if that's what I had wanted."

"You wouldn't have?"

"No. You deserve better, especially after what Karev did to you."

"You know about that."

"I hear about everything eventually."

"Because of my Aunt Nancy."

"Yes."

"That's sweet of you to say that."

"It's the truth Ava. You deserve someone who understands who you are and respects you because of it."

"You mean someone like you."

"I am able to give you all of those things, yes."

"Ok," Ava replied with a soft smile, placing a butterfly kiss on his collarbone.

"Ok, what?"

"Ok, I'm willing to explore this, whatever it is and see where it takes us."

"Good," He kissed her softly.

"So where do we go from here?" She asked, resting her head on his chest.

"To sleep for a little while longer," He said with a soft yawn as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"I like the sound of that," Ava replied closing her eyes.

* * *

_Step right up who's the next contestant  
In this sweet charade?  
Take a number, wait while I tease you sane_

When Ava awoke again, she became aware of the sound of cooking in her kitchen. Slowly, she opened her eyes and rose out of bed before and donning her robe once more before leaving the room. She entered the kitchen to find Mark at the stove.

"You can cook," She said perching on the island in the center of the kitchen.

"Yes," Mark said with a smirk, turning to kiss her. To an outsider, it seemed almost as if they had been repeating this same Sunday routine for a long time, "Among other things."

Ava returned the kiss, "I had no idea you liked being domestic."

"And I had no idea you were thinking of going to med school."

_On the mating game  
Mating game_

* * *

Lame cliffhanger I know. But I needed to end it somewhere. Please R/R!

Lyrics- "The Mating Game," Bitter:Sweet


	35. This Girl's Life

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 34: This Girl's Life 

_Under your spell again  
I can't say no to you  
crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand  
I can't say no to you_

Ava froze the minute the words "med school" came out of his mouth. She didn't know why it bothered her so much that people knew, but it did.

"How did you find out about that? Did Nancy tell you?"

Mark finished cooking the scrambled eggs he had made before turning off the burner and looking at her. "No, I saw the envelope from the American Association of Medical Colleges on the dining room table."

"Oh," Ava said sheepishly.

He studied her carefully, "Why do I get the feeling that you don't want anyone to know you took the MCAT?"

"People do know. You just caught me off guard."

"You know, I was chomping at the bit to get my MCAT scores after I took the test."

"Really?"

"Yeah, so you want to tell me why you haven't opened them yet?"

Ava shrugged, "I haven't had time."

He arched an eyebrow, "You haven't had time? The envelope was postmarked 6 weeks ago."

She sighed, "Ok so maybe I have."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything."

"Then open it," He said serving out the food onto plates and brought them out to the dining room.

Ava sat down and picked up the sealed envelope from the AAMC, staring at it. A tidal wave of thoughts flooded Ava's brain all at once. Thoughts of her biology degree, of her dance degree, her internships, and her career raced through her brain at a dizzying pace. Slowly she opened the envelope and pulled out the contents, scanning it briefly before putting it down.

"There, I opened it. Happy?"

"Did you pass?"

"Here," She said handing him the sheet.

"You received 14's on your verbal and physical and a 15 on your biological. And a T on your writing sample. It's almost perfect. You could get in anywhere."

A small smile crossed her face, "Yeah, I could."

Mark put down the papers and looked at her, "But you won't go."

Ava put down her fork, "Excuse me?"

"You're not like us, you're not a doctor."

"Keep going," she replied sarcastically. "You're scoring major points with me."

"Ava, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that you're different."

"I'm different all right. I'm a freak, aren't I?" She said rising.

"Hey," Mark said grabbing her arm, rising with her. "I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

He frowned, "Aves, what is this really about? I never meant to offend you."

Ava pulled away from him and perched on the counter. "It's the pressure of it all. Do you have any idea what it's like being in my family?"

Mark perched beside her and a small smile crossed his face, "I think I have some idea. I know it must be hard with your mom, dad, Kathleen, and Erin being doctors. But you don't have to be like them or like me."

She sighed, "I know that. But when people find out who I am, they expect me to be like my parents or my family. And my teachers think I have so much talent. I don't want to let them down."

"You won't let anyone down."

Ava looked at him, "I love to dance, Mark. More than anything else in the world, but I know that my love for dance is a fragile thing. I could wake up tomorrow and injure myself and my career will be over. I want to be prepared."

Mark chuckled, "When I was working on my Bachelor's, I was more concerned about scoring a cute girlfriend than my career. But that's one of the things I admire about you Ava, you're focused and you're driven."

Ava blushed slightly, "Thanks."

"You're cute when you blush," He said with a smirk kissing her temple. "We're all fragile Ava. I could fracture my finger tomorrow and never be able to the surgeon that I am now. I know that and because I know that I try to do my best everyday. That's all we really can do. I love my job more than anything else in the world."

"What would you do if you couldn't?"

"I don't know, but I would figure it out eventually. Look, my point is this; yes you are different from your family and from any other women that I've known and I like that. You could be a doctor if you wanted. But I know your heart wouldn't be in it. I've seen you dance Ava. You are extremely talented of course. But you also have passion too and it's evident every time you step onstage. You love to dance."

"Yeah I do," She replied softly, a smile crossing her face.

"Then that's what you should do. You're working on a biology degree already so you have a back-up plan."

"I know that."

"Then what's the problem?"

Ava sighed, "Ever since I danced the _Nutcracker _in December everything has been moving so fast. My phone hasn't stopped ringing. I'm making insane amounts of money. And I've gotten 7 offers from NYB, ABT, San Francisco Ballet, PNB, Royal London Ballet Company and the Paris Opera Ballet. They all want me to do my internship with their company. And it's great…."

"But?"

"But I don't know if I'm ready for all of that. Performing at events is fine, but I'm not sure I want to commit myself to a company yet. Not while I'm still in school, while Quinn is sick. I want to have options; I don't want to lock myself into anything."

Mark nodded, "That's a smart idea. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

"No, I don't," She replied and then she smirked before kissing him soundly.

He groaned, "You're insatiable."

She laughed softly, "I try."

"We don't have to keep having sex you know. We can just talk."

Ava arched an eyebrow, "Do you want to just talk?"

"No…" He admitted.

In reality, all Mark wanted to do was have sex with her over and over again in every room until he couldn't anymore. Even more than that, he wanted to give her as much pleasure as humanly possible. And in that moment, as Mark looked at her, something strange happened. He was the type of man who was notorious when it came to one night stands. But with Ava there, he was willing to give all of that up if she stayed in his bed.

Ava studied him curiously, "What are you thinking about?"

"You," Mark replied hoarsely.

A ghost of a smile flickered on her face, "What about me?"

"I want you to be mine."

"Isn't it a little too early to be possessive?"

"Is it?"

Ava thought for a moment and then looked at him, "No…" She whispered.

Then he leaned in and kissed her hard and the next thing Ava knew, she was on her back. Again.

* * *

_Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly  
now I can't let go of this dream  
I can't breathe but I feel _

Good enough  
I feel good enough for you

Ava walked down to the baggage claim with her dance bag and her Christian Dior bag in her hands. In a pair of Chip and Pepper dark wash jeans and a light top with a black pair of Chanel boots, her hair was down, falling softly around her face. She looked very different from the young woman who had left Seattle just days before. Addison was waiting for her near the door.

"Hey butterfly," She said pulling her into a hug.

"Hi mommy," Ava replied hugging her back.

"You look great. New York did you some good."

"Yes," She said pulling away as a smile crossed her face.

"So I take it you went to that party?"

"Yes, I did," She said as they headed back to the car. "I wasn't going to go. But Auntie Nancy and Kathleen convinced me to go have some fun."

"Good," Addison said grinning. "I'm glad that you did. You looked like you needed some before you left."

"I did."

"So did you have fun?"

"I had so much fun. I saw my friend James and we danced. We had the whole party watching us. It was great."

"I haven't heard you this happy in a long time honey," Addison said as they pulled out. "So tell me about James."

"We took class together."

"Is he cute?"

Ava smiled at her mother, "Yes, he is. But he has a boyfriend."

"Ok. So did you meet any straight guys that you liked?" She asked as they merged on the freeway.

"Yes."

"Spill."

"I actually saw a guy I knew. I used to think he was an ass, but he was surprisingly sweet when we got to talking. We actually live in the same building."

"That's great! Do you think you'll stay in contact?"

"Definitely."

"Good, maybe it will turn into something."

"Yeah, maybe." Ava took a breath, "Mom?"

"Yeah sweetie?" She asked, looking at her.

Ava was going to tell her that the guy was Mark. But one look at her face and Ava couldn't do it. "I got my MCAT scores back."

"Really?" Addison said perking up. "What did you get?"

"14 on verbal and physical, 15 on the biological and a T on my writing sample."

Addison gasped, "Honey that's fantastic! I'm so proud of you! Your father will be too."

"Thanks," She said quietly.

Addison looked at her, "Butterfly, what is it?"

"What if I don't go to med school?"

Addison gave her a small smile, "You don't have to. You said this was just something you were curious about right?"

"Yes."

"There's nothing wrong with that ok? Despite what anyone says. It's ok to explore. We'll support you in whatever you decide to do."

Ava smiled, slightly relieved. "Thanks mom."

"You're welcome."

_Drink up sweet decadence  
I can't say no to you  
and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind  
I can't say no to you _

Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely  
now I can't let go of this dream  
can't believe that I feel

* * *

_God Save the Drama: Ava's Blog_

_June 29, 2006_

_Seattle_

_I spent the weekend in New York_ _and I have to say it was one of the best ones I've had in a long time. Everything with Alex is now far in the past and I've never felt better. I slept with Mark, which seems strange and it is. But it's also not. It was nice to be able to talk to him about my family and school. I've never really done that before. But he understood what I was going through and I appreciated that._

_I know I'm supposed to feel bad and awkward after last night, but I don't. For the first time I don't have regrets…at least about that. I DO have regrets about not telling my mom, but I just couldn't do it. I will eventually. But I couldn't then. It just didn't seem right. I'll try again in a few days. Mark will have called by then._

_I feel a bit scared though. Last night and today was more intense than anything I've experienced. But on the other hand, I kind of liked it. I think he might be addicted to me. I don't know if that's good or bad right now. But I'm leaning towards good._

_But no matter what, I can't wait to see with this thing will go. _

_Good enough  
I feel good enough  
its been such a long time coming, but I feel good _

and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall  
pour real life down on me  
cause I can't hold on to anything this good  
enough  
am I good enough  
for you to love me too?

so take care what you ask of me  
cause I can't say no

* * *

Lyrics: "Good Enough," –Evanescence 

There are definitely going to be some twists and turns ahead for Ava and Addek, so stay tuned. Please R/R!


	36. Welcome Back to Earth

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 35: Welcome Back to Earth

_It doesn't hurt me.  
You wanna feel how it feels?  
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?  
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?  
You be running up that hill  
You and me be running up that hill_

The phone on Derek's desk vibrated, moving across the surface of its own accord. Ava, who had been sitting in her father's large and comfortable desk chair, jumped at the noise. She regarded the phone for a moment, debating whether she had the strength to pick it up or not. After 2 rings she picked it up and flipped it over to check the caller ID which read "Mark." Slowly she flipped it open and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" Ava said into the receiver, her voice was hoarse from tears.

"Hey," Mark said. "I'm glad I caught you. I-I've missed you."

"Mark, now really isn't a good time," Ava replied softly.

The frown was evident in his voice as he spoke, "Ava, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Ava lied as she felt the familiar prick of hot tears in her eyes.

"Obviously there's something wrong. If you tell me what it is, maybe I can help."

"No, there's nothing you can do," She said, the tears coming despite her attempts to stop them.

"Ava, please tell me what happened," Mark pleaded, worry evident in his voice.

"Everything is falling apart," She said, choking back quiet sobs.

* * *

_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building.  
If I only could, oh..._

_5 hours earlier..._

Ava walked out into the kitchen around 7am and made a beeline for the coffeemaker. She pulled a mug out of the cabinet and filled it before leaning against the counter and taking a large sip.

"Good morning my little coffee fiend," Derek said coming into the kitchen. He kissed her head and then grabbed two mugs, filling them both with coffee.

"Morning daddy," Ava said with a smile. She had returned from New York the week before and things with her parents couldn't have been better.

"How did you sleep?"

"Good. I woke up at 5 but I forced myself back to sleep. My internal clock keeps waking me up."

He smiled, "Don't worry, it will adjust."

She nodded and Derek went back toward the bedrooms. Ava sighed and sat down at the table, taking another sip of her coffee. She had not as of yet told her parents about Mark. They had spoken briefly several times but their conversations were always cut short because both of them ended up being pulled away one time or another. But the talk they did manage was very promising.

"Hi Ava!" Quinn said brightly coming into the kitchen.

"Hey squirt," Ava said breaking out of her reverie.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Mommy said I get to be with you today."

"Did she? Well then I guess if she said it, it must be true."

Quinn nodded, "What are we going to do today?"

"Well I was going to take class at 10. But we can do something else."

"I'll go to class with you."

"You will?"

"Yeah, I like to watch you dance."

"Ok. Class it is then."

* * *

_You don't want to hurt me,  
But see how deep the bullet lies.  
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.  
There is thunder in our hearts, baby.  
So much hate for the ones we love?  
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?_

At 10am, Quinn was sitting quietly in the corner watching Ava warm up with the other dancers at a small studio not too far from the apartment. Ava took and deep breath, her movements were second nature. She was relaxed and at peace in this environment. Occasionally, Ava checked her position and posture in the mirror out of the corner of her eye. When the class moved to the center of the room to practice their fouettes, which were movements that required the dancer to move in a circular motion, using their non working leg or leg used to keep them up to spin around in several revolutions, Ava sat back and watched several other dancers go before getting up to do one herself. As she completed her 3rd revolution, Ava could see Quinn reflected in the mirror. She was smiling as she watched her sister. But by the time Ava had completed her 4th revolution, Quinn's smile had faded and her face had gone slightly pale. Ava stopped and immediately excused herself.

"Squirt, are you feeling ok?" Ava asked going over to her.

"Ava—I can't breath," Quinn said gasping.

Ava knelt down, "Ok, Quinn I need you to listen to me. Try to breathe slowly."

Quinn nodded and they waited a few minutes to see if her breathing would normalize. By this time the whole class was staring at them. No one said a word.

"Ava, it's not working," Quinn said, an edge of panic in her voice.

"Can someone call 911 please?" Ava asked her class calmly and her teacher did. "Everything will be ok Quinn, I swear. Just keep breathing the best you can."

"I'm scared," Quinn said her eyes wide with fear.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, I promise," Ava said soothingly trying to keep her little sister calm as she pulled her into her arms. "Help is on the way."

Time from that point on seemed to slow down immensely. Everything went in slow motion. Ava went on autopilot, giving the right answers and doing the right things. The ambulance ride took years or so it felt. Being the good sister that she was, Ava stayed with Quinn, comforting her the entire way.

* * *

_You, be running up that hill  
You and me, be running up that hill  
You and me won't be unhappy._

And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building,  
If I only could, oh...

An hour later, Derek emerged from Quinn's room. Addison was by her daughter's side as Quinn slept peacefully. Her oxygen levels had dropped which had caused her initial admission. They were back up with the help of an oxygen mask. But Dr. Burke was still worried about her overall condition and as a consequence wanted Quinn to stay in for at least a few days. Derek found Ava sitting directly outside of Quinn's room staring down at the floor.

"Ava?" Derek said sitting down.

Ava looked up, "How is she?"

"Quinn is doing well," Derek said rubbing her back. "You did good today butterfly. Your mother and I are really proud of you."

Ava gave him a weak smile, "Thanks."

"Why don't go home and get some rest?"

"I'm not tired."

"Then just relax."

"I-I can't."

He kissed her head, "Why don't you head up to my office for a little while? I'll call you if anything changes."

"Ok," She said softly.

He handed her the key, "Are you going to be ok?"

"I'll be fine," Ava said taking the key and slipping it into her pocket.

"Call me if you need anything."

"I will."

* * *

_'C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,  
Let me steal this moment from you now.  
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,  
Let's exchange the experience, oh...'_

The phone on Derek's desk vibrated, moving across the surface of its own accord. Ava, who had been sitting in her father's large and comfortable desk chair, jumped at the noise. She regarded the phone for a moment, debating whether she had the strength to pick it up or not. After 2 rings she picked it up and flipped it over to check the caller ID which read "Mark." Slowly she flipped it open and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" Ava said into the receiver, her voice was hoarse from tears.

"Hey," Mark said. "I'm glad I caught you. I-I've missed you."

"Mark, now really isn't a good time," Ava replied softly.

The frown was evident in his voice as he spoke, "Ava, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Ava lied as she felt the familiar prick of hot tears in her eyes.

"Obviously there's something wrong. If you tell me what it is, maybe I can help."

"No, there's nothing you can do," She said, the tears coming despite her attempts to stop them.

"Ava, please tell me what happened," Mark pleaded, worry evident in his voice.

"Everything is falling apart," She said, choking back quiet sobs.

"What do you mean everything is falling apart?"

"Quinn is in the hospital again."

"Why, what happened?"

"I took her to my dance class and she had trouble breathing."

"Is she ok?"

"For now, but her doctor wants to keep her in for a few days to make sure nothing else is wrong."

"That's not bad Ava."

"I know. I just—" She started to sob and the sound made Mark's heart break. He hated to hear her in so much pain.

"Ava, honey what is it?"

"I thought she was going to die in my arms," She said before more tears came over the line. "Everything stopped, nothing could happen fast enough. And all I could think was, if she dies it's my fault!"

"But she didn't, Ava. Quinn is ok because you got her the help she needed."

"I'm supposed to protect her!" Ava said her voice raw. I'm supposed to protect my sister from all the bad stuff and I can't! I can't fix it, I can't make it better. I can't do anything!

"I need you to do something for me."

"What?"

"Can you hold it together until tonight?"

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"I need you to sit tight until I get there tonight?"

Ava sat bolt upright in her chair, "You're coming here? Are you nuts? You can't!"

"I am and I will. You can't go through this alone."

"I'm not alone, I have my parents."

"They need you Ava and you need someone there to support you. I know you. You won't tell your parents how you feel because you don't want to distract them from Quinn."

"But---"

"I'm coming Ava no matter what. You need me."

"Ok," She replied reluctantly.

"I'll call you when I land," He said.

And with that, Mark Sloan disconnected.

* * *

_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
With no problems. _

Around 11pm that night, Addison went up to Derek's office. Ava had spent the afternoon and evening with Quinn, taking her mind off of being sick. She had shown so much calmness and strength today. Addison was happy that Ava was there, her support was invaluable to both her and Derek. Making her way to the door, Addison knocked. When she received no answer, Addison let herself in. When the door opened, the room was empty. Stepping inside, she saw that the room was empty. Worry quickly welled up within Addison. Despite how strong and level-headed Ava had acted today, Addison knew that what Ava faced that day had been extremely difficult.

With one smooth motion, Addison pulled her cell phone from her pocket. Flipping it open, she dialed Ava's number and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?" Came Mark's voice over the phone after two rings.

"Mark?"

_'If I only could, be running up that hill._

* * *

Lyrics: "Running Up That Hill,"- Placebo

And this is where it ends….at least for now! Please R/R!


	37. The Meaning of a Kiss

Healing Process

I apologize for such a long wait. But this was one of the harder chapters to write because I had to debate who should find out, when etc… But thanks to Flick and Mel for their ideas, I wouldn't have finished! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 36: The Meaning of a Kiss 

_This could be the very minute  
I'm aware I'm alive  
All these places feel like home_

"Mark?" Addison said into the phone, confused more than anything else.

"Hello Addison," He said into the phone.

"Did I call the wrong number?" She asked, but was 99.9 sure that she had.

"No, you didn't. I'm with Ava."

"You're with Ava….you're here in Seattle?"

"Yes."

"Why are you answering Ava's phone?"

"I saw your name come up and considering that Quinn is sick I thought I should in case something happened."

"Where is Ava?"

"She's asleep Addie," Mark said as he looked down at Ava who was passed out in his arms. She had gone down without so much as a sleeping pill. She found the comfort that she needed in him. "She's safe if that's what you're worried about."

"Good-that's good," Addison said. "Mark, why are you with Ava?"

"I called her and she told me what happened. Ava was obviously upset so I took the next flight out."

"So you two are friends again?"

"Yeah, we live near each other. I've been looking out for Ava."

Addison found herself letting out a sigh of relief, "Mark thank you for watching out for Ava. It means a lot to me, especially with Quinn sick."

"It's been my pleasure Addie. Call me if you or Quinn need anything."

"I will. Bye."

"Goodbye Addison."

* * *

_With a name I'd never chosen  
I can make my first steps  
As a child of 25_

Ava awoke under a very soft comforter feeling very warm and comfortable. Upon opening her eyes, she discovered that she was naked and that a pair of strong arms was snaking around her waist.

"How did you sleep?" Mark asked kissing her neck.

"I slept surprisingly well actually," She said leaning over and kissing him.

"I'm glad to hear that. I ordered room service."

"That was sweet of you."

"I thought we could have a quiet morning before you go see Quinn."

"I love the way you think, except that I think this morning will be anything but quiet," She said with a smirk.

"That's the way I like it," He whispered in her ear as he kissed her neck again.

She moaned softly, "You have a one track mind Dr. Sloan."

"I can stop," He said pulling away.

"Don't you dare," Ava said huskily and kissed him passionately.

Mark returned the kiss and began that age old dance that they had been doing with ever increasing frequency ever since the night of the party. In the back of his mind, he knew that Ava deserved to be told about Addison's phone call. But he knew that it would only serve to ratchet up her anxiety level. So for the moment, he simply continued to kiss her and was going to wait until after to tell her.

But the after came and went.

* * *

_This is the straw, final straw in the  
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you  
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean  
I didn't enjoy it at the time_

Ava entered the peds wing of Seattle Grace later that morning wearing a pair of Dolce and Gabanna jeans with mint green Coach flip flops and a green silk Prada halter top. She looked refreshed as she carried a Balenciaga Motorcycle bag of a similar color and a pair of Chanel sunglasses in her hand. In her other hand, she carried a generic shopping bag. Addison was just coming out of the room looking tired.

"Hi butterfly," She said, clearly happy to see that Ava looked well rested.

"Hi Mommy," Ava replied with a soft smile hugging her.

"How did you sleep?"

"Good, very good actually."

"I'm glad. Did talking to Mark help?"

"W-What are you talking about?"

"I called you last night after I didn't find you in daddy's office and Mark answered the phone."

"He did?"

"He said that you were friends again," Addison said stroking her face softly. "Why didn't you tell me? I might have worried less if I knew Mark was looking after you."

"I don't know. I guess I was afraid daddy would find out and be mad."

Addison smiled softly, "That's considerate of you sweetheart, but daddy's problem with Mark is his own and no one else's."

Ava looked slightly relieved, "Ok."

"What do you have there?" She asked indicating the bag.

"Oh this? I found it waiting outside the front door. Do you remember that party I performed at before I left for New York?"

"Yes."

"Well, it turns out that one of the women at that party works for Balenciaga. She enjoyed my performance so much that she sent these over," Ava said indicating her own bag as well as the shopping bag before handing the bag to Addison.

Addison opened it and gasped, "Oh Ava," She said pulling out a bag that was the same as Ava's but it was black. "It's beautiful!"

"I know," Ava said with a smile. "I thought you would appreciate it. That's why I'm giving it to you."

"Honey, it's stunning but I can't accept this."

"Mommy, yes you can. I only need one bag. And I thought that maybe it might cheer you up a bit. You know after yesterday and all…."

"That's sweet of you butterfly, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I sent your father home a few minutes ago. Could you stay with Quinn until we get back?"

"Of course I can," She said and then smirked, "You're dying to use that bag aren't you?"

"Yes."

"I'll see you when you get back."

"Thanks."

"Not a problem," Ava said before going into the room.

Quinn was lying in bed, but she was awake and alert. She smiled when she saw Ava, "Hi Ava!"

"Hi squirt! How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"That's good."

"Thank you for helping me yesterday."

"You don't have to thank me Quinn. I'm your sister, that's part of my job."

"Thanks anyway Ava."

"You're welcome."

Quinn smiled at her and then the video machine caught her eye. It was an entertainment center capable of letting the pediatric patients watch DVDs and play video games.

"Hey Ava?"

"Yeah squirt?"

"Wanna play a game with me?"

"I would love to," Ava said with a smile and sat down.

* * *

_You're the only thing that I love  
It scares me more every day  
On my knees I think clearer_

An hour later, there was a knock on the door. Ava turned just in time to see Mark come into the room with a stuffed tiger, presumably for Quinn. He smiled when he came in.

"Hello ladies."

"Uncle Mark!" Quinn said looking up. "You're here!"

"I am here," he said walking over to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. I get to go home tomorrow."

"That's great news. I have something for you."

"You do?" Quinn said lighting up. "What?"

Mark held out the tiger and Quinn took it," I thought you could use someone to keep you company.

"I love it! Thank you," Quinn said hugging it.

He chuckled softly, "I'm glad you do. Listen, do you think I could borrow your sister for a minute?"

"Sure."

"I'll be right back Quinn," Ava said as she rose and followed Mark out into the hall. "I should be mad at you."

"Mad at me? Why?" Mark asked when they were outside.

"My mom called, you answered the phone, and you never told me about it."

He sighed, "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you. But I forgot."

"I'll bet you did. She said that you told her we were friends again."

"Well we are. We were before this whole thing."

"True, but friends don't have sex every time they're together."

"No, but we're more than just friends so it's ok," He said as he leaned in to kiss her.

But Ava pulled away, "She's not going to believe that."

"She already has Ava. Just leave it at that."

"But—"

"Shh," He said putting his finger to her lips to silence her. And then he kissed her.

Ava let out a soft whimper and kissed him back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. But unfortunately for the couple, they were unaware that Quinn was looking on from her bed at the two of them.

* * *

_Goodness knows I saw it coming  
Or at least I'll claim I did  
But in truth I'm lost for words_

Later Addison was sitting with Quinn in her lap while she braided her hair. Derek was walking Doc and Ava was off somewhere.

"Mommy? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can."

"Do all grown-ups kiss each other?"

"Not all the time, but sometimes they do. Why do you ask?"

"I saw Uncle Mark kiss Ava."

"Well he's kissed her before."

"Yeah, but this time it was different. It was a different kind of kiss."

"What kind of a kiss was it?"

"It was like the kisses you give daddy."

Addison frowned, "Are you sure?"

"Yep."

It was then Addison felt her stomach plummet in shock.

_What have I done it's too late for that  
What have I become truth is nothing yet  
A simple mistake starts the hardest time  
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time_

* * *

Lyrics- "Chocolate,"- Snow Patrol 

That's the end! Stay tuned for some interesting conversations! R/R please!


	38. Blowback

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 37: Blowback

Addison stepped out of the elevator at the Archfield Hotel in downtown Seattle. She had left Quinn with Derek an hour ago. Ava had gone to visit several of Quinn's friends in the pediatric wing as a favor after she had told them that her sister was a ballerina. So now she was here assured that she wouldn't be interrupted. Turning to the right, Addison walked down the hallway until she reached room 7342. She knocked on the door and it swung open a minute later to reveal Mark.

"Hi Addie."

"You son of a bitch!"

* * *

_2 hours earlier…_

**It's so hot in here**

_Ava let out a soft whimper and kissed him back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled away after a moment and looked at her. His eyes had darkened signaling his need for her. Gently taking her hand, he led her away from Quinn's room to the nearest empty room, which happened to be a supply closet. Mark locked the door behind them and kissed her again. Ava smiled against his mouth and then pulled away. Her free hand wandered downward and she opened the button on his pants. Almost as if he could sense what she was about to do, Mark stopped her hand._

"_Not so fast," He whispered, his breath tickling her ear and then reaching for her pants, "Ladies first."_

**Oh, it's so hot, and I need some air.  
And boy, don't stop 'cause I'm halfway there  
It's not complicated, we're just syncopated  
We can read each other's minds.  
One love united  
Two bodies synchronizing  
Don't even need to touch me  
Baby, just**

_Ava let him, backing up against a small portion of bare wall. Mark took off her jeans, going on his knees as he did so. Once they were off completely, he pushed her top up to reveal the titanium belly ring she was wearing that day. He began to suck on it gently, eliciting a soft gasp from Ava. She had been teasing him about being obsessed with it since discovering it on their first morning together. Mark loved the piercing simply because of the reactions he got out of Ava. _

_A few minutes later the combination of arousal and a desire to kiss him made her tug Mark up. He rose and she captured his lips in a burning kiss and he pressed up against her. Ava let out a soft groan as she felt his erection press against her stomach. She let one hand wander down once more and she began to massage him through his pants which earned her a moan._

**Breathe on me, yeah, oh  
Baby just, breathe on me  
We don't need to touch, just  
Breathe, oh, yeah**

"_Got you," She whispered as her mouth moved to kiss his neck._

"_You think so?" Mark rasped softly and without warning, he moved her panties aside and put two fingers inside of her. She whimpered softly as Mark began to move his fingers in a gentle come hither motion. Once her body began to move against him of its own volition he knew that he had her. Ava relaxed into him and he began to kiss her softly. One thing that Ava had learned in their time together was that Mark was a generous lover. He liked to make Ava climax first before attending to his own pleasure._

"_Not fair," She whispered as he began to move his fingers faster._

_He laughed softly, "You know you want this."_

_She nodded and buried her face in his neck as she felt her orgasm begin to build. She felt her muscles tighten around his fingers and apparently so did he because he let out a soft groan._

**Oh, this is way beyond the physical (it's a way beyond the physical)  
Tonight, my senses don't make sense at all  
Our imagination, taking us to places  
We have never been before  
Take me in, let it out  
Don't even need to touch me  
Baby, just**

"_Ava, look at me," He said softly and she looked up. "I want to see you when you come."_

"_Ok," She said and leaned back against the wall. _

_Mark smiled softly and increased the pace of his fingers. A few seconds later a strangled cry emitted from her throat and Mark watched as she went over the edge. Her muscles contracted, soaking his fingers with her juices. _

_He slowly removed his fingers, "Good?"_

"_Extremely," She murmured, pausing briefly before setting to work on his pants. She had them off with his boxers in what seemed like an instant. _

**Breathe on me, yeah, oh baby  
Just, breathe on me.  
We don't need to touch, just  
Breathe (breathe) on (on) me (me), oh baby  
Just, breathe (breathe) on (on) me (me)  
We don't need to touch  
Just breathe**

_Mark hooked his fingers inside the waistband of her panties and slowly slid them off of her. Ava let out a slow breath. He smiled at her and reached down into the pocket of his pants and took out his wallet. He opened it to get a condom out and swore when he found none there._

"_What's the matter?" Ava asked stroking his face gently._

"_I forgot to replace the condom in my wallet," He replied frustrated._

"_It's ok, I have some in my makeup bag--," She said and then stopped abruptly. "Which I left on the counter in the bathroom at my house," She finished with a soft whimper._

"_We'll have to finish this later, Mark said with a regretful smile."_

"_We don't have to use a condom you know. We've done it before."_

"_I know. But it's not exactly responsible."_

"_Yes, I realize that. But I'm on the pill and unless you're planning to have sex with someone else, I don't mind."_

_He stroked her face, "I know that you don't. But I don't want to screw anything up so to speak."_

"_And I appreciate that, really I do. But I trust you. I wouldn't have suggested this if I didn't."_

_He considered this, "Are you sure?"_

"_Positive. Unless you're planning to have sex with someone else?"_

_He smiled, "No."_

_Ava returned the smile, "Then I'm all yours."_

_He lifted her up, his hands on her hips and braced her against the wall before thrusting into her gently. She moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist. He stilled for a moment adjusting to the feel of her._

**Monogamy is the way to go  
Just put your lips together and blow**

Breathe, breathe, oh

"_Fuck baby," He gritted out._

"_I know," She whispered and kissed him softly as he began to thrust in a steady rhythm in and out of her. _

_Ava let out a tiny whimper and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her nails scored his back as he picked up the pace. Soon all that could be heard was their breathing. Neither said a word, but words weren't needed. The two of them kept eye contact with each other, their eyes communicating what their mouths could not. With every motion, climax approached and with every breath, the bond that was formed that first night grew stronger._

_Usually, this time was spent at an easy pace. But in this moment the feeling of pleasure was too overwhelming. Mark let out a soft grunt as he began to pound into her hard. She let out a soft squeak, but did not try to stop him. Instead, her every movement encouraged him. She captured his lips in a bruising kiss and all thoughts of where they were and who they were vanished._

_Ava's climax started like a spark and quickly shot up her spine like a live wire. Her body shook softly and increased its rhythm in response to her spasming muscles. They contracted around Mark like a steel trap forcing his climax to mix with hers. He thrust into hard and spilled into her, his body shaking with great force. He gripped her tightly and held her to him as their fluids mixed. He nibbled her neck softly and they stayed there for a long time, like they were the only two people in the world._

**Breathe on me (oh oh) oh  
Baby just, breathe on me (on me)  
We don't need to touch, just  
Breathe (breathe) on (on) me (me) oh  
Baby just, breathe (breathe) on (on) me (me)  
We don't need to touch, just**

* * *

_It could be ten, but then again, I can't remember half an hour since a quarter to four.  
Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa, and you leave me with my jaw on the floor.  
Just when you think you're in control,  
just when you think you've got a hold,  
just when you get on a roll,  
here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again._

"Hello to you too Addison," Mark said stepping aside so that she could enter the room.

"You lied to me!" She said clearly angry.

"I did?"

"About my daughter! You neglected to mention that she's become yet another notch on your bedpost."

"H-how did you find out?"

"Quinn saw the two of you kiss in the hallway."

He sighed softly, "Addie I—"

"How long has this been going on?"

"A week."

"End it."

"No."

Addison cocked an eyebrow, "No? You're not exactly in a position to refuse."

"Why should I end it Addison? We weren't doing anything wrong."

"I don't want her to get hurt."

"I know you don't. Neither do I."

Addison snorted, "That's what you've said about every relationship you had. I won't let Ava become another one of the girls who has had her heart broken by you."

"The only way I would break her heart is by ending this now and that's not something I swore to her I wouldn't do."

"How noble of you," Addison said sarcastically.

"Ava is an adult now Addison, she doesn't need her mommy to defend her anymore."

Addison sighed, "Fine. You're right. But I'm serious, she was devastated---" She said and then stopped. "You were the guy at the party she went to."

"What guy?"

"At the airport, Ava told me that she saw a guy she knew at the party. She said he was an ass---"Addison said and then stopped, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. "The clues were all there, I just didn't put them together." She paused.

"Don't hurt her Mark. She's a good person."

"I know," He said softly.

Addison glanced at her watch, "I-I should go before Quinn starts to miss me."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry," She said and began to walk toward the door.

"Addie?"

She turned back, "Yeah?"

"When I talked to you last night, I wasn't lying. I did come for Ava. I know how she is about Quinn. I didn't want a repeat of what happened in February."

Addison softened, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

_Oh, here it goes again.  
I should have known,  
should have known,  
should have known again,  
but here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again._

_It starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy, something inching past the edge of the reserve.  
Now through lines of the cheap Venetian blinds your car is pulling off of the curb.  
Just when you think you're in control,  
just when you think you've got a hold,_

* * *

_Oh, here it goes again.  
I should have known, should have known,  
should have known again,  
but here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again._

When Addison returned to the hospital a half hour later to find that a small crowd of children and their families had gathered in the lobby of the pediatrics wing. Making her way to the front, she saw Quinn and Derek sitting across from where she was standing. They were both watching Ava. It was then that Addison became aware that _Swan_ _Lake_ was playing over the speakers from somewhere.

All around her the children sat mesmerized as they watched Ava dance. In that moment, Addison too became mesmerized, having never seen her dance this particular piece before. But she did notice a change in Ava. She was still as concentrated and focused as ever. However, there was a joy and a passion that radiated off of her. If there was one thing Ava loved, it was performing.

After the dance was finished, Derek came over to join Addison who he had seen come in. Quinn stayed by her sister as Ava sat with the kids and answered their endlessly curious questions.

"Hey," He said kissing her briefly.

"Hey," She said smiling.

"Where were you?"

"I had to talk to Mark about something."

Derek's posture straightened noticeably, "Mark's in town?"

"Yes, for a medical conference," Addison lied.

"What did you have to talk to him for?"

"A consult on a patient."

"Why didn't you just go to Dr. Segars?"

"He was in surgery."

"Oh."

Meanwhile, Ava was sitting with Quinn by her side. Just then her phone buzzed, indicating a text message. While another child was asking a question, she discreetly picked it up and checked it. The message was from Mark.

She opened the message:

From: Mark

Addison knows.

August 1, 2006

2:30PM

Ava looked up in the direction of her parents who were still talking. The shit just hit the fan.

I _guess there's got to be a break in the monotony, but Jesus, when it rains how it pours.  
Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa, and you leave me, yeah, you leave me.  
Oh, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.  
Oh here it goes again.  
I should have known, should have known,  
should have known again,  
but here it goes again.  
Oh, here it goes again._

* * *

Dun, dun, dun! You'll just have to wait to see what happens next! Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Lyrics:

"Breath on Me,"-Britney Spears

"Here it goes again," –Ok Go


	39. Things my Mother Told Me

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 38: Things that My Mother Told Me

_Desperate for changing  
Starving for truth   
I'm closer to where I started  
Chasing after you  
I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

Since Quinn was admitted to the hospital, Addison and Derek had been taking turns staying with her throughout the night. After visiting hours were over at 7, Ava and Addison headed out. Ever since she received the text from Mark, Ava had been trying to stay cool. While neither Addison nor Derek mentioned Mark, Ava thought that perhaps they didn't want to say anything in front of Quinn. So needless to say as they headed out to Addison's Porche Cayanne Ava was understandably nervous. It felt like she was giving the performance of her life. They got into the car and Addison backed out and they left Seattle Grace in silence.

Silence was just fine by Ava, although she knew that she was only delaying the inevitable. She spent most of the ride home fiddling with her phone and was greatly relieved when she had to run in to retrieve the takeout they had ordered before leaving the hospital. As Addison circled the block waiting for Ava to return with the food, she started to formulate a plan. Once she had returned from the hospital, Addison had forcibly pushed all thoughts of Ava and Mark out of her mind. The last thing she wanted was for Quinn to ask her what was wrong. Thankfully, the little girl didn't mention the kiss she had witnessed to Derek or to Ava. But Addison had told her that it was probably best not to mention that to daddy anyway and Quinn, knowing that her father was still angry at Mark understood that it was better.

When Ava returned with the food, they drove home in complete silence. By the time they walked through the door the silence was starting to get to Ava. But she told herself to chill and they sat down to eat. But Ava found that she wasn't really hungry. Instead she just pushed her food around. After a few minutes, Addison noticed this and looked up. She put her fork down.

"Ava we need to talk."

"About what?"

"Mark."

"What about him?"

"I-I know that the two of you are together."

"Ok."

Addison frowned at how calm Ava seemed all of a sudden, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What was I supposed to say? Mark doesn't exactly evoke warm and fuzzy feelings around here anymore."

"True." Addison said and paused. "How did this come about?"

"He came up to me at a party, asked what I was doing there. I told him and I was about to head out. He offered to walk me downstairs and we ended up sharing a cab home. I found out that he lives a couple of floors below me."

"So that it?"

"Yes the short version anyway, h-how did you find out?"

"Quinn saw you kissing in the hallway today."

"Oh."

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"That's none of your business," Ava said simply.

"Ava…"

"Mother!" Ava said sharply. "Stop."

Addison sighed, "Fine, forgive me for caring."

Ava looked down and let out a breath," I appreciate that you care. But who I sleep with is none of your business."

Addison studied her, "So you are sleeping with him."

"So what?"

"I just want you to be careful, that's all. Mark is very complicated."

Ava snorted, "And I'm not? Do you have any idea what a relief it is to be with someone who already knows me? I don't have to lie to him or keep secrets from him like I've done with my other relationships. I can't."

"Ava, I'm happy that you have that. But I don't want you to get hurt again."

Ava reached across the table and squeezed her hand, "Thank you. But I can take care of myself Mom. You taught me well."

"I'm sorry butterfly. But I worry, I can't help it."

"I know." She paused "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"D-did you tell dad?"

Addison smiled weakly, "No I didn't. That will be your responsibility when you're ready."

"Thank you mommy."

* * *

_Forgetting all I'm lacking  
Completely incomplete  
I'll take your invitation  
You take all of me now... _

A little while, Ava entered her room intending to change into her PJs before going in to watch the first season of _Weeds_ with her mom in the master bedroom. This was their attempt at bonding for now. After she changed, Ava checked her phone and discovered that Mark had called. She pushed send and pressed the phone to her ear. Mark answered on the first ring.

"How did it go?" He asked.

"Fine, mom just asked me how we hooked up and that was it."

"Does Derek know?"

"No, I've been tasked with that responsibility."

Mark sounded relieved, "Good. I have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I have to be back at work on Monday morning."

Ava sighed sadly, "That was to be expected I suppose. We'll just have to make the most out of the next few days."

"Well I have an idea if you're interested."

"An idea? I'm listening."

"I know I won't be here for your birthday. So I was thinking we could go to Vegas for the weekend and celebrate a little early. I can fly back to New York and you can fly back here on Sunday."

Ava smiled, "That's sweet of you baby, but there's not much I can do."

"Cirque du Soleil is there. I'll take you to see a couple of shows."

"You would?"

"It's your birthday. We can do whatever you want."

"Can you get plane tickets?"

"Already booked."

Ava laughed softly, "How did you know that I would say yes?"

"Because you've never been to Vegas."

"This is true. What time is the flight?"

"11am on Delta."

"Can I meet you at 9 at check-in?"

"Of course. I can't wait," He said with an obvious smile in his voice.

"Neither can I."

"See you at nine."

"See you then."

* * *

_I'm falling even more in love with you   
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you  
I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
And I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you_

Derek came in at 7:00am the next morning and walked out toward his bedroom to change his clothes. Addison had come in around 6:30am and would bring Quinn home later on. He passed Ava's room on the way. Seeing that her door was open, he poked his head in and was surprised when he found that she was awake.

"Hi butterfly."

"Hey dad," She said turning to face him. "How was your night?"

"Uneventful thankfully, what are you doing up so early?"

"Oh. Megan and I are going to Las Vegas for the weekend. She has to be in New York with her family on my birthday so we're going to celebrate early."

"When are you coming back?"

"Sunday."

"That's nice. Do you have time for breakfast before you go?"

"Yeah. Are you sure though? I want you to have some time to yourself before Quinn gets home."

"And I will. But we should have breakfast first. I know we haven't really gotten a chance to talk lately."

"Ok," She said giving him a small smile.

"Let me go change and I'll meet you in the kitchen."

"Ok."

* * *

_There's nothing else to lose  
There's nothing else to find  
There's nothing in the world  
That can change my mind  
There is nothing else  
There is nothing else   
There is nothing else_

That night in their suite at the Bellagio, Mark and Ava were relaxing after spending their first day exploring parts of the strip and their hotel. They were going to take in a couple of shows the following day and do a bit more exploring. But tonight they were spending what was supposed to be a quiet night alone together.

"So did you have fun today?" Mark asked as he moved her hair aside to kiss her neck. They were sitting on a small sofa in front of a large window that overlooked the Bellagio fountains and the strip. Ava could see the Eiffel Tower rising out of the Paris hotel and into the sky across the street.

"I had a wonderful time," Ava said with a warm smile as she snuggled closer to him.

"Good, I'm glad," He said kissing her ear.

"So what do you want to do tonight?"

"I had a few ideas."

"Oh really?" Ava asked, turning to look at him, a smirk playing on her face.

"Yeah," He whispered turning her over and kissing her collarbone. However just as he was about to continue there was a knock on the door. "I'll be right back," He said and went to the door.

He opened it and someone from room service came in with a small table laden with strawberries and champagne. He signed the receipt and they were left alone once more.

"What is all of this?" Ava asked rising.

"Just a little something for us," He said grabbing the two glasses and the freshly uncorked bottle. He started to pour.

"Wait!"

Mark stopped and looked up at her in surprise, "What?"

"I don't drink, I can't drink."

"You're 20 Aves, it's ok I don't mind. And besides I can drink so therefore it's ok that you do as long as you're with me."

"Mark that's sweet, but I don't drink."

It was then that Mark realized what she meant, "Ava I'm sorry."

She went to him, "It's ok Mark. I know what you were trying to do. That's very sweet."

"I know. But I should have known," Mark said looking embarrassed and disappointed at the same time.

"Oh baby," She said cupping his face. "Don't, this is great. Listen I'll have a sip. Would that make you feel better?"

"Ava, I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to."

"I know, but if taking a sip of champagne will get that look off of your face I will," She said and finished pouring the glasses before handing him one. "To us," She said raising her glass to him,

"To us," He said with a small smile and raised his glass.

* * *

_Desperate for changing  
Starving for truth   
I'm closer to where I started  
Chasing after you..._

"Is Quinn asleep?" Addison asked. She was sitting on the sofa in the living room.

Derek came out and joined her on the sofa, "She's out like a light."

"Good. What a week," She said with a sigh and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Tell me about it."

"Hey, you never did tell me where Ava went."

"Oh, she went to Vegas with Megan."

"That's nice," Addison said, although she highly doubted that Ava went with Megan.

"Yeah it is."

"Have you talked to Ava lately?"

"Yeah, we had breakfast together before she left. Why?"

"And she didn't mention anything to you?"

"Like what?"

"Oh nothing."

"Addison, what is it?"

"Nothing. It was nothing."

"Are you sure?" He asked stroking her face gently.

"Positive," She said kissing him.

* * *

_I'm falling even more in love with you   
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you  
I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
And I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you_

Sunlight filtered into Mark and Ava's hotel room. It was around 8am. The dish of strawberries was sitting on the coffee table in front of the sofa. The bottle of champagne sat empty on the room service cart and an additional bottle of champagne sat nearly empty by the TV.

Mark was lying on his side facing away from the wall sound asleep and Ava was sleeping on her back now, the covers slightly on the floor. The only sound in the room was Mark's soft snores. Ava awoke slowly, her mind fuzzy. Before she had opened her eyes, she knew that she had gotten drunk. Mentally she cursed herself as the pounding in her head started. She opened her eyes and sat up slowly looking around the room. Last night had definitely been just the two of them but it was by no means quiet.

As she looked around, she squinted from the light, her head still pounding. As she scanned the room, her eyes settled on the wall by her side of the bed. A weird pattern of light was on the wall. She yawned, covering her mouth and the pattern jumped. She saw this and frowned. As she yawned again, the same thing happened. Ava looked down and that's when she saw the cause of the light.

"Oh my god!"

_Just hanging by a moment (here with you)   
Hanging by a moment (here with you)  
Hanging by a moment here with you_

* * *

Lyrics- "Hanging by a Moment,"- Lifehouse.

It's the end of the chapter! I know, I know I'm mean. But I'll let you in on a little secret. This is a two part chapter and I already have the next part finished. Want to see what has Ava so shocked? Then please review. When I update this time is up to you. I can update as soon as tomorrow or as late as one week from now. Have a good week everyone!


	40. What Happens in Vegas

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 39: What Happens in Vegas

_Do not get me wrong I cannot wait for you to come home  
For now you're not here and I'm not there, it's like we're on our own  
To figure it out, consider how to find a place to stand  
Instead of walking away and instead of nowhere to land_

This is going to break me clean in two  
This is going to bring me close to you

"Oh my god!" Ava exclaimed looking down at her hand whose ring finger now sported a simple gold band..

Vaguely in the alcohol induced cobwebs of her mind, she remembered being in one of the jewelry stores downstairs and there was definitely an image of Elvis in her mind. She groaned and laid back just as Mark turned over and wrapped his arms around her. Ava could see that the hand draped over her stomach had a matching ring on it as well.

"Mark," Ava said shaking him gently.

He grunted and buried his face in the pillow. Ava shook him again. "What?" came the muffled reply.

"Wake up!"

"What time is it?"

"Never mind that, look at your hand!"

Mark squinted up at her, "What?"

"Look at your hand."

He did, "There's a ring on it."

"Yes I know," She said, showing him her own.

His eyes widened, "Did we--?"

"Get married," She said finishing his sentence for him. "I think so."

He groaned, "I don't believe this. Ava I'm so sorry. I'll get this taken care of."

"The only thing I want is aspirin," She said getting out of bed and digging a bottle out of her bag. She went in to get some water from the bathroom and came out with a glass in her hand. She swallowed two pills and then offered two to Mark who accepted it and the water. Ava slipped back into bed and a silence fell over them.

After 20 minutes Mark finally spoke, "We can get an annulment."

Ava turned on her side to face him, "Is that what you want?"

"You can't be married Ava."

"You didn't answer my question."

Mark ran his hand over his face, "I don't know."

"Look," She said softly, reaching out and removing his hand so she could see him. "I know we weren't in the right frame of mind when we did this. But we still did it. This isn't a tattoo gone wrong."

"I know what it is Ava. But you shouldn't be tied to anyone, not now. You're too young."

"Everyone always says that. But I believe in taking responsibility for my actions, Mark."

"What about your family?"

"They won't be happy I'm sure. But this is my life, not theirs. So if you are willing to try and make this work, so am I."

A small smile played on Mark's face, "So are you saying you want to stay married?"

She smiled, "Yes."

"Alright then, Mrs. Mark Sloan it is then."

* * *

_She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted  
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed_

It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down  
I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around  
When it falls in place with you and I, we go from if to when  
Your side and mine are both behind it's indication

Meanwhile in Seattle, Addison was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Even though this was only day 2, keeping this secret about Ava and Mark was starting to get to her. She knew how Derek felt about his former best friend. Consequently, every time she looked at her husband she felt guilty. But her promise to Ava outweighed her guilt. Addison could only hope that Ava would tell Derek soon and that their relationship would outlast the backlash that it would soon endure.

But as strange as it was, Addison felt better knowing that Ava was with Mark. She liked knowing about his past even if it terrified her 90 percent of the time. Perhaps it was the look Ava got while she talked about him the night before last. There was a flicker of true happiness in her eyes. It was something Addison hadn't seen in months and she was grateful. Even if the relationship lasted only for a few months, if Mark made her happy this small sacrifice was worth it.

Rising out of bed slowly, Addison made her way out to the kitchen to make coffee. Quinn was already at the table eating a bowl of cereal.

"Good morning baby," Addison said kissing her head as she made her way over to the coffee maker.

"Morning mommy."

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better. I missed my bed."

"I'm sure that you did. You probably slept better too."

"Yep. Hey mommy?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Where is Ava? I let Doc into her room this morning, but she wasn't there."

"She went to Las Vegas with Megan."

"Is that the place with lots of lights and stuff in the desert?"

"That's the one."

"Why did she go there?"

"To celebrate Ava's birthday."

"But her birthday isn't until Thursday."

"I know, but Megan will be in New York then and she wanted to help celebrate."

"Oh. Are we going to celebrate Ava's birthday still?"

"Of course we are. Do you have any ideas about what we should do for her?"

"It should be something really special."

"Like what?"

"I don't know."

Addison laughed softly, "Ok, well think about it."

"Ok, but it needs to be really, really special mommy."

"And why is that?" She asked curiously.

"Because she's been really nice to all of the kids at the hospital, even though I never asked her to."

"You mean like other day when Ava was dancing for the other kids?"

"Yeah, but not just that. On the days we come to the hospital to get you and daddy she lets me visit some of my friends. She visits some of the other kids when we're there. You know the ones who can't get out of bed."

Addison nodded, "I had no idea. Does she dance for them?"

"Yeah, sometimes, but she likes to talk to them sometimes too and make them laugh."

Addison smiled, "Just like she does for you?"

Quinn nodded, "That's why Ava's birthday had to be really special. She does a lot of stuff for everyone else and she should have that too, especially on her birthday."

"You're right Quinn. Ava should have that on her birthday. Don't worry we'll think of something."

"Ok Mommy."

* * *

_This is going to bring me clarity  
This'll take the heart right out of me_

She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted  
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed

The next afternoon at 5pm, Mark and Ava sat in the VIP lounge in McCarren International Airport. Mark's plane was leaving at 5:45 and Ava's at 6:15. After recovering from their hangovers, they had managed to have a nice weekend. They had taken in _Zumanity_ the night before and _O_ that afternoon. During the past 24 hours, Mark and Ava had easily assumed the role of newlyweds, unable to stop holding hands and kissing each other at every possible opportunity.

"So," Mark said squeezing her hand. "When are you coming home?"

"3 weeks I think."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," She said with a smile. "Don't worry. 3 weeks will fly by just like that."

"I hope so."

"I know so."

"Are you going to tell Addison and Derek?"

"Yeah, but I think I'll wait until after my birthday to drop the bomb."

"Good thinking."

"I wish I could be here for you."

Ava gave him a wry smile, "No you don't."

"Alright so I don't. But I'm sorry you have to go through it alone."

"Thank you baby, that's very sweet."

Mark smiled, "I try."

Just then an announcement sounded announcing that the 5:45 flight to New York was boarding its first class passengers.

"That's you," Ava said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Yeah it is," He said and kissed her before rising and gathering his luggage. "I'll call you?"

"You'd better."

"I'll talk to you soon," He said kissing her again.

"Have a safe flight."

"I will. You too."

"Ok," She said and he walked away.

When he was out of sight, Ava let out a sigh and sat down. Removing her wedding ring, she stared at it for a long time before storing it in a zippered pocket in her purse. 10 minutes later, when her own flight was called to board, she walked to the gate. As she walked toward the plane that would take her back to Seattle, Ava couldn't help but think about how much had changed in the last 48 hours. Just when she was starting to get back on track with her family, she was going to turn everything upside down. Such is life.

All she had to do was make it through. But that was easier said than done.

_This is going to bring me to my knees  
I just want to hold you close to me_

She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted  
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed

* * *

Lyrics- "She is,"-The Fray.

And that my dears, is the end. How will Addison and Derek take the news? I'll give you a hint. One of them doesn't take it well at all! The next part is done, hence why I delayed posting this one.

R/R please!


	41. The Tracks of My Tears

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 40: The Tracks of My Tears

_Leave me out with the waste _

_This is not what I do _

_It's the wrong kind of place _

_To be thinking of you _

_It's the wrong time _

_For somebody new _

_It's a small crime _

_And I've got no excuse _

Rain drops splattered against the windows of Ava's apartment. Even though it was summer, New York was experiencing showers today. But Ava didn't seem to care or even notice. She was lying still on her bed. Mark was lying behind her running his fingers through her hair. He had been through this before. Once, a long time ago he had comforted Addison when Derek hadn't come home. At the time, he felt bad for Addison and for Derek. They had lost something and in the process of grieving lost each other. And at the time, Mark comforted Addison the only way he knew how, with sex.

Now, Mark found himself comforting another one of Derek Shepherd's women. He found it ironic that while he had dated a lot of women, Derek always had problems. But now, instead of feeling bad for Derek, he only felt anger toward him. He was the cause of Ava's pain. Mark pressed a kiss into Ava's hair, feeling for the first time like her husband. It had been 4 days since they had woken up in Las Vegas and discovered what they had done. And already, Mark faced a test. He would have to make better what Derek had hurt no matter what the cost.

Ava turned numbly in his arms so that she was now facing him.

"Baby, tell me what happened," Mark said gently.

"I-I can't."

"Ava I want to help. Please let me."

She looked at him and her lower lip trembled. Hot tears came to her eyes and this time she didn't hold them back. Mark held her to him as she cried, feeling her tears soak his shirt. And it was then that he knew what had happened. Derek hadn't just hurt her, he had broken her.

* * *

12 hour earlier…

_Is that alright with you? _

_Give my gun away when it's loaded _

_that_ _alright with you? _

_If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it _

_Is that alright with you? _

_Give my gun away when it's loaded _

_Is that alright with you? _

_with_ _you. _

_Leave me out with the waste _

_This is not what I do _

_It's the wrong kind of place _

Derek came through the door with Doc in tow, having just come back from their walk. The _New York Times _was sitting on the table still wrapped up. He let Doc off the leash and removed his jacket before sitting at the kitchen table. Ava was taking class and Addison and Quinn were out shopping so he had a little time before they return home. Un-wrapping the newspaper, Derek opened it and started to read. 10 minutes later, he was flipping through the entertainment section to see if there was anything interesting. Just as he was about to push it aside, he saw Ava's picture in a column on the back page and started to read. A minute later, his hand balled up in a fist and his jaw tightened. When Ava walked into the penthouse 30 minutes later, Derek was sitting quietly on the couch in the living room.

"Hey daddy," Ava said coming in on her way to her room.

"Sit down Ava," He said quietly. "We need to talk."

Ava sat down slowly next to him, "Ok…"

He handed her the back of the newspaper, "Please tell me that this is just some rumor," He said, voice ragged.

She read the column and Derek saw her pale out of the corner of his eye, "No, it's not."

"So then it's true."

"Yes."

"You married Mark Sloan?"

"Yes daddy."

"You're getting an annulment I hope."

Ava let out a breath, "No, I'm not."

When she said no, Derek felt rage bubble up inside of him, "How long has this been going on?" He asked, his rage simmering just beneath the surface.

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks? You've been together for Two weeks? And you're already married?" Derek asked her.

"Yes."

"Why? Why would you do such a thing? Why would you choose to be with someone who has irrevocably hurt your family let alone marry him?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? What kind of an answer is that Ava?"

"Daddy, please I know you're not happy with me—" Ava started but then she was cut off by Derek.

"I'm furious with you Ava! Absolutely furious! How the hell could you have let this happen?"

"I don't know! It just did!"

"Things don't just happen Ava! Did Mark force you to do this?"

"No! He would never do that!"

Derek snorted, "Don't be so sure of that."

Ava looked at him, "He didn't force me into anything."

"Then how did this happen? How did you end up married to him?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know Ava? You were there!"

"I-I don't remember."

"You don't remember? Why?"

"I-I was drinking."

"YOU WERE DRUNK?" Derek asked finally losing his cool.

"Yes!"

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN 21 YET AVA! HOW COULD YOU GET DRUNK LIKE THAT?" Derek shouted.

"Stop yelling at me!"

Derek looked like he was about to punch something, "How could you be this irresponsible?"

"Daddy, I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I was going to tell you, I was just waiting for the right time."

"The right time? And when was that going to be? When he got you pregnant?"

"Daddy, no!"

"Are you sorry, Ava?"

"Yes, daddy, of course I am."

"Then get an annulment."

Ava looked taken aback briefly, "No, I'm not going to do that!"

"Yes you will Ava."

"No. I want to take responsibility for my actions."

"The responsible thing to do would be to end it!"

"I won't do it."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing. After everything I've done for you Ava, you're going to betray me because of Mark Sloan."

"I'm not betraying you!"

Derek took a breath, "I won't take Mark back into this family Ava. You have to decide. Who is more important? Your family or a man you hardly know?"

"I won't choose."

"You have to."

"No!"

"Fine. If you don't get an annulment, you will no longer be a part of this family."

"What? You can't do that!"

"I can and I will."

Ava reached for her cell phone, "I'm calling mom."

He took the cell phone, "No Ava, this is between you and me."

"Give me back my phone!"

"Make a decision Ava."

"No."

After a minute, Derek set her phone on the sofa, "You have 20 minutes. I want you to go to your room and pack your things. I want you out Ava. You leave me no choice."

"Don't do this," She said. "Please."

"Go now Ava, or I will do it for you. Take your pick."

"Why are you doing this?"

"GO Ava. We're done here."

Ava rose slowly and walked to her room. She went on auto pilot as she pulled her clothes from the dresser and closet. She packed them neatly into suitcases along with shoes, books, and other things that she had brought from New York. 20 minutes later, she walked out with them. Doc came out from the kitchen and sniffed them curiously. Ava set them down and crouched down to his level.

"Goodbye Doc. Keep Quinn safe ok?" She whispered and rubbed his head before standing up.

Derek was standing by the door with her keys in his hand. She had put them on the table when she came in. He handed them to her silently. Her keys to the penthouse, brownstone, Range Rover at the brownstone, and the keys to the house in the Hamptons had been removed.

Ava walked out into the hall with her suitcases in hand. Before she could turn around to shut the door Derek had already shut it, locking the door behind her.

* * *

_To be cheating on you _

_It's the wrong time _

_but_ _she's pulling me through _

_It's a small crime _

_And I've got no excuse _

_Is that alright with you? _

_Give my gun away when it's loaded _

_Is that alright with you? _

_If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it _

_Is that alright with you? _

_Give my gun away when it's loaded _

_Is that alright _

_Is that alright with you_?

Addison and Quinn returned home 2 hours later. Derek was in the bedroom across the hall from Quinn's room, which had become an office and was on the computer.

"Hi daddy," Quinn said coming in.

"Hi princess," He replied with a smile. "How was shopping?"

"We found really cool presents for Ava's birthday."

"That's great baby."

"Mommy made reservations at that place Ava likes to eat at. We're gonna go there tomorrow for her birthday."

"Quinn, why don't you play a game on the computer? I need to go talk to mommy."

She smiled, "Ok daddy!"

Derek kissed the top of her head and left the room, going into the kitchen.

"Hey babe," Addison said looking up from shopping bags on the kitchen table.

"Hey. Quinn told me you had fun shopping today."

"We did. Ava will love what we got her this year, I think."

"About Ava, did you see the entertainment section in the _Times _yet?"

"No, why?"

He brought it to her and pointed out the article, "That's why."

"This has to be some kind of a rumor Derek," Addison said keeping the shock out of her voice.

"It's not."

Addison looked up at him, surprised. "How do you know?"

"I asked Ava myself."

"So it's true."

"Yes."

"Wow. I didn't expect this."

"So you didn't know?"


	42. Dr and Mrs Sloan

Healing Process

A/N: It's been a little over a month and I have gotten a lot of requests from various people asking me to update. I apologize for taking so long, but this is a chapter I really struggled with. If you all remember, Derek kicked Ava out in the last chapter. I thought it made a great ending. But when I went to write the next chapter I found myself overwhelmed by what the fall out of this would be. I even debated making the following chapter the final one for Healing Process and starting a new story. But the title of this story is Healing Process and no one in this story is fully healed yet. I haven't addressed every character in this chapter, mainly because this is only to establish where everyone is at this point in time. Thanks to Flick and Mel for listening to me bitch and moan for a month about this. I couldn't have done it without you guys!

* * *

Chapter 41: Dr. and Mrs. Sloan 

_Lights go out and I cant be saved  
Tides that I tried to swim against  
Have bought me down upon my knees  
Oh I beg, I beg and plead  
Singing  
Come out of things unsaid  
Shoot an apple off my head  
And a trouble that cant be named  
A tigers waiting to be tamed_

"Good morning, I'm Barbara Kane. Here are your top stories for this morning Wednesday, August 10, 2007," said a smiling brunette on the 7am morning news on New York 4. After going through stories such as car accidents and deaths, the news turned to a lighter story. "In other news today, the New York City Ballet and New York University Medical Center have both announced the departures of Ava Shepherd-Sloan and Dr. Mark Sloan respectively. The couple, who were married in a ceremony in Las Vegas last year, will be leaving New York for Seattle according to their publicist, Jane Andrews. Since their marriage Dr. and Mrs. Sloan have become mini-celebrities in the city. They have been frequently seen together at charity events and fundraisers for various causes. Ava Sloan, who was promoted to Principal Dancer 10 months ago, has driven audiences to see the New York City Ballet since their season opened in January. Dr. Sloan, considered to be the top reconstructive plastic surgeon in the country, will be joining the staff at Seattle Grace Hospital. There has been no word on whether or not Ms. Shepherd-Sloan will be joining another company there. We wish the best to both of them," the television said.

The kitchen of penthouse suite #2 was virtually empty save for the refrigerator, coffee maker, and small flat screen TV monitor coming out from the wall over the counter. The TV was on an autotimer as was the coffee maker which now held freshly brewed coffee. But no one emerged to enjoy it. Just then, a moan emitted from the bedroom. Inside the couple known more frequently as Dr. and Mrs. Sloan was making love for one last time in New York. Long, dark chestnut locks were splayed on the pillows of the master bed. The sheets were currently balled up in Ava's hands as Mark thrust into her steadily. Despite the activity at hand, Mark looked at Ava with complete love in his eyes. Though they had not said those three precious words to each other verbally, the two had managed to communicate the sentiment in other ways. Mark kissed Ava's neck gently traveling up until he reached her jaw line and then her mouth. He captured it and she responded immediately. Her hands let go of the sheets and tangled in his hair. His hands tangled in hers as he picked up the pace, smiling to himself as he felt her body relax. They had done this so many times that there was no rush to finish. Ava's long dancer's legs wrapped around his waist and her hips rose to meet his with every thrust.

Mark groaned into her mouth then, feeling himself near the end and it was Ava's turn to smile. Their lovemaking was not as fast and furious as it was only a year ago. But Ava knew that while Mark liked to think there was no rush to finish, nature had other plans.

"It's ok baby," She murmured softly, pulling away from him. "Go ahead."

"Not yet," He breathed, even though she could feel his body saying otherwise.

Ava kissed him again and wrapped her legs tighter around him. His response was a loud moan. She was playing a little dirty. So Mark decided to play along and before she realized what he was doing, Mark had his thumb pressed against her clit. The second they met, her reaction occurred. Ava shrieked softly as her orgasm washed over her with force, causing her to come on him. And that was exactly what Mark had wanted as he thrust in once more before he came inside of her, legs shaking. Ava let out a breath and relaxed with Mark still firmly attached to her.

"Cheater," She said breathlessly.

He smirked, "I happen to like doing that."

"Is that so?"

"Mmhmm, that is so," He said rolling off of her and pulling her to him. He kissed her gently. "Are you ready to go to Seattle?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well you'll be seeing your dad again."

"Correction, you'll be seeing him."

"I just want to make sure you're ok."

"I'm fine," She said sitting up. "He made a decision a year ago not to have me in his family. So I made my own with you," Ava said kissing him. "And it was the best thing I ever did. I wouldn't trade this year we spent together for anything."

"Really?"

"Really. We're going to Seattle because Richard offered you a job and if my father has an issue with us being there, that's his problem."

"You sound confident this morning."

She smiled, "Thanks to you."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because you love me."

Mark looked momentarily surprised but then he returned her smile, "Yes, I do. Do you love me?"

"More than anything."

_

* * *

__Singing  
You are  
You are  
Confusion that never stops  
The closing walls and the ticking clocks  
Gonna come back and take you home  
I could not stop, that you now know  
Singing come out upon my seas  
Cursed missed opportunities  
Am I part of the cure  
Or am I part of the disease_

8 year-old Quinn sat at the kitchen table only an hour later in Seattle. She looked forlornly at the Seattle Times whose front page contained a blurb about Ava and Mark moving to Seattle in the entertainment section. Ava sent small care packages and letters via Izzie to Quinn over the last year. But the two sisters hadn't seen or spoken to each other since the day before Ava's 20th birthday. Quinn knew that the reason for this was that her daddy was mad at Ava. She wasn't exactly sure why, but she had a feel that it had something to do with her Uncle Mark.

Addison came into the kitchen dressed for work. She made a beeline for the coffeemaker whose pot was full and hot. But she stopped when she saw Quinn.

"Why so glum sugarplum?" She asked sitting down next to Quinn.

"Nothing," She replied softly and returned to her cereal.

"Quinn…" Addison started and then she saw the paper. "I understand how you feel," She said and then rose, going to pour herself coffee.

"Mommy, when is daddy going to stop being mad at Ava?"

Addison sighed, "I don't know baby."

"Why is he mad at her?"

"She did something that daddy didn't like."

"Like marry Uncle Mark?"

"Yes."

"But Ava likes Uncle Mark. He makes her happy."

"I know he does."

"Mommy, can we see Ava?"

"We'll see honey."

"That's what you said at Christmas when we went to see Grandma."

"I know I did."

"Then why can't I see Ava?"

"It's complicated baby."

"No it's not!" Quinn said sharply.

Addison turned, "Quinn!"

"Daddy should just say sorry."

"It doesn't work that way. Ava and Daddy are very stubborn, they have to work things out themselves."

"Will it take another year?"

"God I hope not," Addison murmured under her breath.

_

* * *

_

_Singing  
You are,you are  
You are,you are  
You are,you are  
You are,you are  
And nothing else compares  
And nothing else compares  
And nothing else compares  
And nothing else compares_

Later that afternoon, a town car pulled away from Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Inside of the car, Ava was trying to shake off the last remnants of her nap on the plane. She had made a habit of taking a nap on the plane. She had taken this trip many times over the past two months, having signed a contract with the Pacific Northwest Ballet in June. It had been kept under wraps since then by some miracle. She could only hope that it would stay that way until the following week when the official announcement would be made.

Mark kissed her head, "How are you feeling?"

"Better. I still can't believe that you're here."

Mark chuckled, " And why is that?"

"I've had to make this trip so many times myself and it was lonely without you."

"Well I'm here for good this time."

Ava kissed him softly, "I know, that's what I love."

He paused, "There's something you should know."

"Yes?"

"We're having dinner with my family tonight."

"What? Oh my God! Mark! Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God!" She said again and frantically dug in her bag for her lip gloss, compact and other makeup.

"Ava it's ok. Honey, calm down."

Ava looked at him, "Calm down? We've been married for a year and I still haven't met your mother."

"My mother will love you."

"Yeah right," She said retouching her make up.

"So will my sister."

"You have a sister?" She practically squeaked and then cleared her throat. What time is dinner?"

"6pm."

Ava glanced at her watch which read 5:45pm, "It's 15 to 6!"

"I know, they're meeting us at the hotel."

"Jesus Christ," Ava breathed, smoothing out the Dianne Von Furstenberg wrap dress she was wearing. "Thanks for the warning," She said her voice dripping with sarcasm.

He took her hand, "Hey, you look great Ava. They'll love you."

Ava merely nodded and continued to primp, only to have the car come to a stop 5 minutes later.

"We're here," Mark said getting out and offering his hand to Ava.

Ava accepted it and stepped out of the car. She gripped his hand as they walked into the lobby of the Archfield Hotel. They were about half way across the lobby when Ava noticed Meredith Grey standing off to the side in a dressy yet casual outfit and who could only be her mother right beside her.

Mark smiled, "Hello Mom. Hi Mere."

Ava just smiled. It was all she could do so as not to vomit right there and then. She was screwed.

_You are,you are  
Home, home, where I wanted to go  
Home, home, where I wanted to go  
Home, home, where I wanted to go(you are)  
Home, home, where I wanted to go(you are)_

* * *

Lyrics- "Clocks"-Coldplay 

Yes, Ellis is Mark's mommy! I will explain how in the next chapter. But I really wanted his family to be someone already in the Grey's world instead of someone I just brought in. The state of Addison and Derek's relationship will be addressed in the next chapter as well as dinner with the Grey's.

R/R please!


	43. Six Degrees of Seperation

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 42: Six Degrees of Seperation 

_Oh, we're sinking like stones, _

All that we fought for,

All those places we've gone,

All of us are done for.

"Right this way," the hostess said leading Meredith, Ellis, Ava, and Mark to a table. They sat down and she gave them their menus before departing.

"It's nice to finally see you Ava," Ellis said with a smile. She had promised herself that she would reserve judgment on her son's wife until she had seen her. "I was beginning to think that we would never meet because Mark has been telling me that you're always busy."

"Has he?" Ava asked, throwing a look at Mark; it was a mixture of annoyance and amusement. "Well, I am glad that we finally have the chance to meet Dr. Grey."

"Please, call me Ellis."

"Very well."

"So Ava, you're finishing your degree?"

Ava nodded, "Two actually."

"You're double majoring?" Ellis asked. "In what?"

"Biology and Dance."

"Interesting combination."

"Yes, well they reflect my two interests."

"Mark told me that you took the MCAT last year."

"Mom—" Mark started, not wanting Ava to feel pressured.

"What? Am I not allowed to ask a question?"

"Mom, that's not what Mark meant," Meredith cut in. Ellis turned to Meredith, "Then please tell me what he meant, Meredith. The two of you have been offering excuses for why Ava has been unable to attend a dinner with this family for the past 6 months."

Mark opened his mouth to respond, but Ava was quicker, "Yes I took the MCAT, Ellis."

Ellis turned back to her, "Have you applied to medical school?"

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"Not right now. With the move, I don't know if I'll be able to get all of the classes I need to finish my degrees."

"But it is in your future plans, correct?"

"I don't know."

"You received an almost perfect score on the MCAT and you aren't going to attend medical school?"

"Mom, we didn't come to this dinner so that you could interrogate my wife."

"Mark, I am doing no such thing."

Ava squeezed Mark's hand, "It's ok honey. Really."

"No it's not," Mark said, throwing his mother a look that said "Back off" in no uncertain terms.

Ellis sighed, "I apologize. My intention was not to interrogate you, Ava."

"It's alright."

"So you intend to stay with dance?"

Ava nodded, "Yes."

"Very well, though it does seem a waste with all of your talent."

"Perhaps, but what am I doing now is my passion. Like medical students, not everyone who is a dancer actually makes it into a career; much less see as much success as I have."

In the waiting area, the hostess led Addison and Derek to a table only 10 feet away from where the others were sitting. Mark hadn't told his mother about Derek and Ava because he felt that it wasn't his place. So therefore when Ellis spotted the couple, it was perfectly natural for her to wave to her colleagues. Addison and Derek both smiled and went over to the table, not recognizing Ava and Mark who were facing away from them.

"Well isn't this a small world?" Addison asked with a smile coming up to greet Ellis and Meredith. "Hello Ellis."

"Hello Addison," She replied returning the smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Quinn is out with a friend tonight and Derek and I had the night off so we thought we would come to dinner here. What about you?"

"My son finally allowed me to meet your daughter. Ava is well spoken."

Addison turned and saw Ava, managing to hide her shock and surprise, "Yes, she is."

Ava smiled at her softly, "Hi mom."

"Hi honey. When did you get in?"

"A couple of hours ago."

"Oh. Well you look good."

"Thank you. So do you," Ava replied. She didn't dare look at her father.

"Why don't you join us?" Ellis asked.

"We don't want to interrupt."

"Nonsense, we just sat down. We haven't even ordered our drinks yet."

"Honey," She said turning to Derek. "Is that ok?"

"Of course," He said.

It was as if the last year had not happened. But really, Derek was merely ignoring this fact. After all, that is what the Irish did best. They ignored their problems, and never let any sign of a family problem be aired in front of others. It all had to be a secret. And it was. Mark, Addison, Quinn, and Meredith aside, no one knew about Derek and Ava's strained relationship. Not even Jackson. After the restaurant staff accommodated their expanded party, everyone settled into their seats once more. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

_We live in a beautiful world, _

Yeah we do, yeah we do,

We live in a beautiful world,

Derek Shepherd never thought that he would be happy to have his pager go off during dinner. Tonight was an exception. The dinner conversation had been mildly enjoyable. But every once in a while, he would catch the sparkle of the diamond and sapphire platinum ring Ava wore. It was 4 carats, commissioned by Mark as an engagement ring for Ava. He had read all about it in the paper several months back. Supposedly it was worth several million dollars. And every time Derek looked at it, he seethed inside. To him it represented nothing more than a gilded cage, a way for Mark to placate Ava so that when he cheated on her, he could slide.

Pushing the thoughts out of his mind for the moment, Derek closed his phone. He had resolved the issue without having to go back to the hospital. Steeling himself, Derek headed back inside to the table. But instead of going back to the table immediately, he stopped in the restroom first. Walking inside, he noticed it was empty. But only a minute later the door opened again and Mark stepped inside. The two men looked at each other but said nothing. They both proceeded to do their business and Mark fought the urge to say something. He stepped away a couple of minutes later to wash his hands and Derek did the same.

"You've got balls," I'll give you that," Mark said.

"Excuse me?" Derek said turning to face him.

"You heard me. That took a lot of guts considering that you've made no attempt to talk to my wife in the past year, yet you sit down to dinner with us."

Derek snorted, "Your wife? Ava's nothing more than a useful toy to you."

"No Derek, that's you. You used Ava to make good with your family. The minute she fucked up, you kicked her out."

"You're right, I did kick her out. But not for marrying you. I kicked her out for not getting an annulment."

"Yeah and in the process you broke her Derek. You broke her and now you're sitting at our table like nothing ever happened."

"What was I supposed to do? Say no?"

"That would have been nice since I don't want you anywhere near Ava."

"You don't want me anywhere near Ava?" He repeated with a near laugh. "That's rich."

"It's true. You don't deserve to be in her presence after what you did."

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic."

"You broke her, you son of a bitch!" Mark snapped. "It's taken almost a year for her to recover and then here you come back into her life again."

"Shut up Mark," He said quietly, but his eyes flickered angrily.

"No, I won't! You treated Ava like she meant nothing to you. You threw her away like a piece of trash."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is. Ava didn't want to listen to you. So you treated her like garbage, just like every other woman who goes against you."

"Liar!"

"You called Addison every name under the sun after we slept together. It was my fault, yes. But you didn't even ask why she did it."

"I didn't want to know why!"

"Exactly, it's all about you Derek. Always has been. You were the perfect guy until a girl screwed up."

"Go to hell!"

"You wish!"

Derek took a swing at him.

* * *

_Oh, we're sinking like stones, _

All that we fought for,

All those places we've gone,

All of us are done for.

"Hold still," Addison said irritated as she applied hydrogen peroxide to the cut just above Derek's left eye.

Derek hissed, "OW!"

They were in the kitchen at the penthouse, having left the restaurant after Derek and Mark came out of the bathroom, their appearances revealing clearly what had happened.

"Shush!" She said continuing to clean the wound. "I can't believe you."

"I was provoked!"

"I don't care Derek!" She said applying the bandage before she began to clean up.

"Don't be mad at me," He said rising to remove his jacket.

"I'm not mad, Derek. I'm livid! This whole thing with Ava is ridiculous."

"Mark started it."

"It doesn't matter who started it Derek. You're still not talking to Ava."

"That's my choice Addie."

Addison sat down and put her head in her hands, "I don't know what to do anymore."

"You don't have to do anything."

She looked up at him, "Yes I do Derek. I kept silent for Quinn. But now that she's more stable, I'm done."

"What do you mean?"

"I think we should spend some time apart."

"Apart? Addie, you're not serious."

"I am. Tonight showed me that we both need some time."

"Addison, please don't do this."

"You've left me no choice."

* * *

_We live in a beautiful world, _

Yeah we do, yeah we do,

We live in a beautiful world.

"I'm such an idiot," Mark groaned as he held a bag of ice to his left cheek where a bruise was now forming.

"Mark, what is going on?" Ellis asked taking a seat across from them in the living room area of the suite. "We were having a nice dinner and then you come back from a fight."

"It's a long story mom."

"I've got the time, explain," She said sternly.

"It all started last year when I was on-call….."

* * *

_August 6, 2006_

_Mark was in an on-call room trying to catch up on his sleep in between surgeries. He was just about to drift off when his phone rang. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he glanced at the caller ID and opened the phone._

"_Hey you," He said, a smile coming through on the line._

"_Hi," Ava said softly._

"_Aves?_ _Are you ok?"_

"_I-I know that this is a lot to ask. But could you come pick me up?"_

"_Pick you up? Where are you?"_

"_La Guardia."_

"_But I thought you weren't coming back until the end of August."_

"_Change of plans."_

"_Did something happen?"_

"_Yes."_

"_What?"_

"_I don't want to talk about it here. Can you come get me?"_

"_I'm leaving now."_

_Two hours and one good cry later, Ava let out a soft sigh._

"_I'm sorry," She whispered._

"_Don't be," Mark said running his fingers through her hair. "Do you feel any better?"_

"_No, not really."_

"_What happened?"_

"_Someone from the Times saw us in Vegas."_

_He sighed, "So your family knows."_

"_My dad knows, but my mom probably does too by now. He confronted me about it and I told him the truth."_

"_So you fought with him and left."_

_Ava let out a shuddering breath, "I wish it was that simple."_

_He frowned, "Then what happened?"_

"_He was angry, but I expected that. He wanted me to get an annulment. But I told him that I wouldn't because I wanted to give us a chance."_

"_Ava, you don't have to do this. We can get an annulment. I don't want this to come between you and your family."_

_Ava sat up and looked at him, "He wanted me to make a choice, Mark. You or my family and I couldn't do it. These past few weeks have been the best of my life. And I made a commitment to you. I won't give it up unless we decide to. Together."_

"_I appreciate that Ava," He said stroking her cheek. "But what about your mom and Quinn?"_

"_You don't understand."_

"_What don't I understand?"_

"_My dad said that if I didn't make a choice, he would do it for me. I told him that I was calling my mom. He took my phone and demanded that I go pack my things." She paused. "I knew that he might want me to leave, so I didn't unpack much. I wasn't even planning to leave Seattle. I was going to go to the Archfield a couple of blocks away."_

"_So what made you come home?"_

"_After I said goodbye to Doc, I went to get my keys by the door. While I was packing up, my dad had taken the liberty of relieving me of the keys to my parent's penthouse, the house here, the Range Rover, and the house in the Hamptons. He wouldn't even look at me," She said feeling tears well up again. But she pulled herself together. "That's when I knew it wouldn't blow over."_

"_So you flew home?"_

_She nodded, "He disowned me."_

_Mark pulled her closer to him, "I'm so sorry baby."_

"_I need this to work Mark. I need us to work."_

"_And we will," He said kissing her head. "We will."_

* * *

"And it's been this way ever since?" Ellis asked. 

"Yes."

"I see."

"Mom, whenever you say I see, you're holding something back."

Ellis sighed, "I'm just concerned, that's all."

"About what?"

"The state of your marriage. Are you sure that Ava is the one you want to be married to?"

"Yes. Mom, I thought you liked Ava."

"I do, very much so. But this isn't like you Mark. You don't get in a fight with someone in public, especially not when you are due to begin your job as head of plastic surgery at Seattle Grace on Monday."

He sighed, "Yes Mom, I know that. But I want to protect her."

"Ava doesn't seem like the type to need protecting."

"She doesn't. But she's been hurt by a lot of people. Derek was the last and worst of them all."

Ellis nodded, "Is that why you kept putting this meeting off? Because you were afraid that I was going to hurt her?"

"Maybe. Look I know it sounds stupid, I do. But this thing with Derek really took a blow to Ava's confidence. "

"I understand. Do you love her?"

"More than anything, Mom."

Ellis rose and kissed his forehead, "Then I will support you and welcome Ava into this family." She paused, seeing the little boy who she saw grow up but never got the chance to raise. "You haven't changed. You're still sweet, even under all of your dashing good looks."

"Thank you mom."

"Why don't we meet for breakfast in the morning at the house around 10?"

"I'd love to. I'm sure Ava would too."

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow then. Tell Ava I said good night."

"I will."

Ellis left then feeling content. She had been concerned for the last several years that Mark would never be able to settle down. Having him at such a young age, Ellis was forced to let Mark be raised by his father, a man whom she shared a brief affair with and a ten year age gap. But tonight, she was given proof that he had indeed settled down. And he had done so with a woman that he loved more than life. That much was evident. Putting her fears to rest, Ellis went back down to retrieve Meredith and headed home.

Mark sat in the chair for a few more minutes before rising, intent on going out on the terrace to make sure everything was ok between Ava and him. Then there was a knock on the door. Mark sighed, wanting nothing more than to go to bed with Ava. But he crossed the room and answered the door anyway.

"Hi," He said in surprise when he opened it.

"Hi Uncle Mark," 8 year-old Quinn said with a smile.

_Oh, all that I know, _

There's nothing here to run from,

And there, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

* * *

Lyrics- "Don't Panic,"- Coldplay 

Not the most nail-biting cliff hanger I know. But a lot happened in this chapter and a lot more is going to happen. But I hope this will keep everyone satisfied for a couple of weeks. I go into tech week for a show I'm working on starting tomorrow so I don't know how much energy I'll have to write at 11:15 every night. But I still hope that you enjoyed it.

R/R please!


	44. Pick Up the Pieces

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 43: Pick up the Pieces

_Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
Still a little hard to say what's going on_

"Hi Quinn," Mark said, obviously surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I told my friend Chloe's mom that I was spending the night with you and Ava. Is Ava here?"

"Yeah. Come on in and take a seat. I'll go get her."

Quinn sat down, "Uncle Mark? What happened to your face?"

"Oh, I had an accident."

"Are you ok?" She asked genuinely concerned.

He smiled softly, "I'm ok Quinn," He said and went out onto the terrace.

Ava was sitting in a chair with a shawl draped loosely around her shoulders. She turned as soon as he came out, "Hey," She said softly.

"Hey. You have a visitor."

"A visitor?"

"Quinn is here to see you."

"What?"

Ava rose and went inside. Quinn was still sitting on the sofa and turned around, "Hi Ava."

Ava smiled, feeling tears well up inside of her but she pushed them back, "Hey squirt."

Quinn crossed the room and hugged her tight, "I missed you!"

"I missed you too. Does mommy know you're here?"

Quinn looked up, "Not exactly."

"I'll call Addie, Ava," Mark said kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you," She said. "Come on squirt, let's go talk for a bit," Ava said leading Quinn into the bedroom.

Mark crossed the room and sat on the sofa before picking up the phone and dialing Addison.

"Hello?" Addison said on the other end of the line after three rings.

"Addie, it's me. Please don't hang up."

"I'm not going to hang up on you, Mark," Addison said.

"I just wanted to let you know that Quinn had herself dropped off here. And that I'm sorry for tonight."

Addison sighed, "Quinn has been dying to see Ava. I'll be there in a little while to get her. And don't be sorry."

"Addie—"

"Mark, it's ok. Derek had it coming for a long time. Tonight gave me a good excuse to leave him."

"Addie, no. You can't do that."

"Don't worry, it's only temporary. At least I hope."

"I'm sorry Add."

"Don't be, I need some time apart from Derek. He and I haven't been happy for the past year. He has issues that are unresolved. Everything with Ava just brought them to the forefront. You know just as well as I do that what you and Ava did is only a small part of the problem."

He sighed, "I know. But what about Quinn, she'll be devastated."

"I don't think so."

"What do you mean?"

"Their relationship has suffered too."

"What do you mean?"

"When Quinn found out that Ava went to New York, she got very upset with Derek. She was really looking forward to Ava's birthday."

"How did she know what happened?"

"She didn't really, but the way Derek was acting it was obvious. They barely speak now."

"It is bad then."

"The worst. Now Derek is at rock bottom and he has to get help. I tried to talk to him and convince him to go to someone, but he refused. So this is the way it has to be."

"Ok. Ava and I will support you in any way that we can."

"Thank you. I should be there soon."

"We'll keep Quinn until you get here.

* * *

_Still a little bit of your ghost your witness  
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed  
You step a little closer EACH DAY  
Still I can't SAY what's going on_

The next morning, Addison knocked on the door to Ava and Mark's room. She had dropped Quinn off at camp and was here once again to talk to Ava. She hadn't gotten a chance before.

Mark opened the door, "Hey."

"Hey, is Ava here?"

"Yeah, she's getting dressed," Mark said letting Addison into room with a sigh.

"Are you ok?"

"Fine."

"Liar."

"Ava didn't sleep much last night. I thought she was doing ok after she put Quinn to bed. But I found her out here staring out the window at two am. She said she couldn't sleep."

"Did she take anything?"

"I tried giving her ativan but she wouldn't take it. I convinced her to come back to bed, but she still didn't sleep no matter what I did. Usually, it's the exact opposite."

"I know. "

Ava came out a few minutes later, "Hey mom."

"Hi sweetheart. Thank you for taking Quinn."

"You're welcome, but it wasn't a big deal really."

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," She said and led Addison into the bedroom.

"I assume Mark told you that your father and I are taking some time apart?"

"Yes he did."

"Is that why you couldn't sleep last night?"

"How did you---oh of course, you talked to Mark."

"Ava, he's worried about you and frankly so am I."

"I'm fine mom."

"You say that and you're far from it. I know it."

"That's my business. I don't need you and Mark hovering over me like I'm some goddamn ticking time bomb!"

"Ava, we're just trying to help."

"As nice as that is, I don't need it right now. We've all got better things to worry about."

"Ok, fine. But you are still my daughter no matter what. I promised you that I would never let you go and I still mean it." Ava said nothing and sat on the bed. Addison sat down beside her. "I made a mistake Ava, a very big one. I should have come after you. But I didn't because I was afraid that something might happen to your sister. And because I was afraid to do anything, both of you suffered."

"It's not your fault mom."

"I am partly to blame Ava," She said softly squeezing Ava's hand. "Your father has issues from his past and you are not the cause of them. They were there before you came along. The signs have been there since last spring and I ignored them."

Ava looked at her, "What are you saying?"

"I am saying that you are not responsible for your father's anger."

"But I married Mark."

"I know you did. But the way he reacted was totally inappropriate."

"He had a right to be angry, mom."

"Yes he did, but there are ways to handle anger and they don't involve taking your keys and kicking you out. I don't want you to take this on. This is his problem Ava, not yours."

"I know," She said softly.

"Then please, get some sleep. Let Mark take care of you. "

"I don't need to be taken care of."

"We all do from time to time. Just let him."

Ava sighed softly, "Ok."

Addison left soon after, but Ava remained on the bed. Her lack of sleep the previous was not just due to the scene at dinner the night before. In fact, unbeknownst to Mark, Ava had been a victim of restless sleep for the last several nights. And it was all due to one unanswered question. Slowly, she rose and went into the bathroom. She opened her toiletry kit and pulled out a pregnancy test that she had bought the day she left New York. She looked in the mirror and knew that today was the day the question that had been nagging at her had to be answered.

* * *

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannonball_

Almost at the same time, Derek found himself sitting in his office after a surgery was cancelled at the last minute. He hadn't seen Addison all day and he knew that she was avoiding him. Slowly he picked up the phone and dialed before putting the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" Kathleen said on the other end of the phone.

"Hey, it's me. Do you have a minute?"

"Of course little brother, anything for you."

"I think I hit rock bottom last night."

"Why would you say that?"

"I punched Mark in the bathroom at a restaurant last night."

"I see. Why do you think that was?"

"Don't psycho-analyze me Kathleen."

"I'm a psychologist Derek. It's what I do. Besides if that isn't what you wanted, you wouldn't have called me."

He sighed, "You're right."

"Ok, so why did you do it?"

"Mark started it," He mumbled.

"What are you, five?"

He sighed, "I'm sorry. But he's Mark, Kathleen. He married Ava. I still can't get over that."

"Because he slept with Addie?"

"Because he's Mark!"

"And what does that mean to you?"

"He charms women so that they can't see straight and then when they want to commit, he cheats. I don't want Ava to be another one of his women."

"What makes you think that she will be?"

"The ring that Mark "commissioned," it looks like a trophy wife's ring. Something that will keep her placated so that he can do as he pleases."

"I was with Mark when he had the ring commissioned and I can assure you that was not his intention Derek."

"Oh really? Then what was his intent, Kathleen?" Derek asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Don't get nasty with me Derek or I swear to God I will hang up this phone," Kathleen replied .

"Fine, I'm sorry," He said sounding like a 5 year-old.

"He had the ring made to make Ava feel better and to show her that he was committed to their marriage."

"Feel better about what?"

"Ava was devastated when she left Seattle. You hurt her, deeply."

"I hurt her? She married the enemy!"

"Derek, are you hearing yourself? I thought you wanted my help?"

"I do. But Ava did do something wrong. You know that she did."

"The only wrong that Ava did is in your eyes."

"Kathleen, she got married while she was completely wasted and underage!"

"I'm not saying that the circumstances were ideal. But Ava did an honorable thing by trying to make the marriage work. I don't know many people her age who would do that."

"But she married Mark!"

"Derek, you're going to have to get over that. I don't think that this marriage is going to end any time soon."

"They could get divorced."

"Kathleen sighed, exasperated, "Derek how long are you going to keep going on with this?"

"What do you mean?"

"How long? Until she has children?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Ava is too young to have children."

"Ava is 21 Derek. She's finishing college this year and she has a job as a principal dancer. It could happen sooner than you think."

"What do you know?" Derek asked quickly.

"I don't know anything."

"Then why did you say that?"

"You can't keep doing this. What about Quinn and Addison?"

"W-what about them?"

"Derek, this can't be good for them either."

"N-no it's not."

Kathleen frowned, "Derek, what happened?"

"Addie walked out on me."

"I'm sorry D," Kathleen said softly. "What did she say?"

"That we should take some time apart."

"Maybe it's for the best."

Derek sighed, "Am I going to lose them?"

"It's all up to you. You started this Derek."

"I-I don't know if I can forgive Ava, Kath."

"You don't need to. It's her forgiveness that you need."

"How can I ask her for forgiveness when she married the man who betrayed me? I can't do it."

"Let it go Derek. Staying mad at Ava isn't worth it especially when you're punishing her for Katie's sins.

"I am not. That isn't true."

"Ava got drunk and married Mark. Kate got drunk and almost got raped. That's what started everything. You and I both know that. Kate started with alcohol and then progressed to drugs. You were afraid Derek."

"I was angry Kathleen," He said in a low tone.

"Because of Mark. But you were scared. You were scared that she was going to end up like Kate."

"That's bull!"

"It's only bull because you know it's true. Someway, somehow you thought was going to turn into her mother."

"Yes," He admitted in an almost inaudible whisper.

"Talk to Ava, Derek. It doesn't have to be today. But soon, talk to her."

"Ok."

* * *

_Still a little bit of your song in my ear  
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear  
You step a little closer TO ME  
So close that I can't see what's going on _

Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannon

10 minutes later at the hotel, Mark knocked on the bathroom door.

"Ava, are you ready to go? We said we would be at my mom's at 10 for breakfast."

Ava jolted out of her reverie inside, "Yes. I'm coming," She said and slowly rose.

She looked around for a place to put the pregnancy test. She couldn't throw it in the trash on the off chance Mark would find it first. Thinking fast Ava stuffed the box in the toiletry kit followed by the pregnancy test. The pink positive sign stared up at her like an alarm. Without another glance, she closed the case.

It would have to wait.

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to cry  
So come on courage!  
Teach me to be shy  
'Cause it's not hard to fall  
And I don't WANNA scare her  
It's not hard to fall  
And I don't wanna lose  
It's not hard to grow  
When you know that you just don't know_

* * *

Lyrics- "Cannonball,"-Damien Rice 

I bet nobody saw that coming! R/R please!


	45. Inside of Her

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 44: Inside of Her

_Why does it feel like night today_

_Something in here's not right today_

_Why am I so uptight today?_

_Paranoia's all I got left_

_I don't know what stressed me first_

_Or how the pressure was fed/but_

_I know just what it feels like_

_To have a voice in the back of my head_

_It's like a face that I hold inside_

_A face that awakes when I close my eyes_

_A face watches every time I lie_

_A face that laughs every time I fall_

_And watches everything_

_So I know that when it's time to sink or swim_

_That the face inside is hearing me/right underneath_

_my skin_

* * *

Ava stood with the other parents on Monday afternoon as they waited for their children to come out of the gates. She had volunteered to pick up Quinn from camp and keep her for the night. Mark was working until late and she hadn't been called for rehearsal that day. As she waited, Ava took in her surroundings. Some of the mothers and fathers had babies and toddlers with them as they waited for their older children. She watched them feeling detatched and numb. The results of the pregnancy test she had taken more than a week before scared her out of her mind more than anything. This wasn't how she expected to feel when she found out she was pregnant. Ava knew that she wanted children. That was never really a debate, especially after her marriage to Mark. She wanted to have children with him. But when the time came, she expected to be done with her undergraduate degrees, be settled into her job, and getting along with her family. And more than anything, Ava had expected to be older and wiser. But instead, here she was, 21 years-old, barely married, and pregnant. Her relationship with her father was non-existant and if and when he found out that she was pregnant, any hope of reconciliation would be dashed. And in addition, Ava was just four weeks away from the opening of Pacific Northwest Ballet's new season. Unlike the New York City Ballet whose official season ran from January until the the end of May, their season lasted from September until the first week in June. It was a 9 month season and if she had this baby it would come in March and after a 6 week recovery period she wouldn't be ready to return even for the final production of the season. This was not how it was supposed to be. In a perfect world, none of this would be a concern and she wouldn't have to secretly agonize over it. But it was a concern. She couldn't just go to the artistic director and say "I'm pregnant." Not after everything that he and the board of directors had gone through to get Ava. She didn't know the details, but the terms of her contract in New York would have kept her there for two more seasons without question. But Mark was ready to move on to somewhere else, somewhere closer to his family and Ava wasn't prepared to have him 3,000 miles away. So she went to Pacific Northwest Ballet and poof, the rest was--- 

"Ava?" said a voice.

Ava snapped out of her reverie to see Quinn looking at her. She smiled, "Hey squirt."

"Hi. What are you doing here?"

"I thought I would pick you up and you could spend the night with me. Is that alright?"

"Yeah," Quinn said returning the smile. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You looked worried."

"I'm fine Quinn, just thinking about some stuff."

"Grown-up stuff?"

"Yes, but it's not important. Are you ready to have some fun?"

"Yeah!"

* * *

_It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back_

_It's like a/whirlwind inside of my head_

_It's like/I can't stop what I'm hearing within_

_It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin_

Elsewhere, Mark and Meredith entered his hotel room. They were on their way to Mark and Ava's new house only blocks away from Ellis and Meredith. It was only a few days from being ready.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Meredith asked as they entered the room.

"Yes Meredith."

But why would you want to live that close to mom and I?"

"Because a lot of families like to be close to each other."

"We're not a lot of families."

Mark turned to her, "Ok, so we're not your run of the mill family. But that still doesn't change the fact that I want to be closer to my family."

"I don't get it. A year ago, you were in New York happy to be 3,000 miles away living your own life. What happened to you?"

"A year ago, I got drunk and woke up married. "

"So marriage is what changed you. Ava is the reason you're doing all of this."

"Yeah, she is. Mere, I offered to annul the marriage and Ava refused. She wanted to do the right thing. She gave me a chance even though she knew that doing it would piss off Derek. I want to give her everything that she deserves."

Meredith smiled, "That's sweet."

"It's true," He mumbled, mildly embarrassed.

"Ava is very lucky to have you."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Now go get dressed. I want to see this house."

"Ok," He replied and disappeared into the bedroom.

Once there, Mark began to change his clothes. He had been on-call for 24 hours due to an emergency and Meredith had finally dragged him out of there. After he was dressed, he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and put on some after shave. He reached for his toothbrush only to discover the head was missing. After a few minutes of fruitless searching, Mark opened Ava's toiletry kit to get another toothbrush head, knowing that she had packed extras. But when he opened it, instead of seeing a toothbrush, Mark came face to face with a pregnancy test. It was positive. He felt his mouth go dry as he picked it up and stared at it for what must have been a long time.

"Mark?" Meredith called a good ten minutes later. Receiving no answer, Meredith went into the bedroom. "What's taking you so long?"

Taking in her surroundings, Meredith saw that Mark wasn't there. So she moved into the bathroom. She saw Mark there, staring at the pregnancy test.

"Is everything alright?"

Mark looked at her, shock in his eyes. "Ava-she's pregnant."

* * *

_I know I've got a face in me_

_Points out all my mistakes to me_

_You've got a face on the inside too and_

_Your paranoia's probably worse_

_I don't know what set me off first but I know what I_

_can't stand_

_Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is_

_I can't add up to what you can_

_But everybody has a face that they hold inside_

_A face that awakes when they close their eyes_

_A face watches everytime they lie_

_A face that laughs everytime they fall_

_And watches everything_

_So you know that when it's time to sink or swim_

_That the face inside is watching you too/right_

_inside your skin_

* * *

Elsewhere in Seattle, the city was sprawled out before 8 year-old Quinn as she took in the view from the Space Needle. Ava felt a smile cross her lips as she watched her sister look out over the city. It had been so long since they had gotten to do this, just something as simple as spending time together. Quinn had changed so much in the last year. Ava felt a pang of guilt at all that she had missed. But she quickly brushed it off. Things couldn't get any worse. They could only get better. 

On impluse, Ava checked her phone. She had turned it on silent when she went to pick up Quinn. There were two missed calls. She hit the missed calls option and noted that one was from Mark and the other from a number that she didn't recognize. They had left voicemails, so while Quinn was enthralled with the view, Ava decided to call it.

The first message was from Mark:

"Hi Ava, I don't know why you're not picking up. I guess you're working. I got off of work sooner than I expected. But I really need to talk to you. Call me on my cell when you get this message. Bye."

The second message was from Lila Parker, her accountant:

"Hi Ava it's Lila. I just got off the phone with the IRS. They rejected your tax return because you're not married. It seems there is no marriage license on record in Clark County, NV. But I don't want you to worry or panic. I'll help you fix this. Give me a call when you get this. Bye."

_The sun goes down_

_I feel the light betray me_

* * *

Lyrics- "Paper Cut," -Linkin' Park 

R/R please!


	46. Lost in Translation

Healing Process

* * *

A/N: It has been a long time since my last update hasn't it? I've been in summer school since my last update, among other things. I had to take an English class and after 5 essays in 5 weeks, my brain was exhausted. Then the final Harry Potter book came out and before I finished this, I finally finished the book. It took me a week to do so because I didn't want it to end. But thankfully I had this wonderful chapter to fill the rest of my time. It is probably the hardest I've written so far because of the difficult decisions Ava has to make. I hope you enjoy it. And as always, please review.

This chapter is dedicated to iamsomeredith, who wrote such kind words about this story during my hiatus.

* * *

Chapter 45: Lost in Translation

_In my place, in my place  
Were lines that I couldn't change  
I was lost, oh yeah_

"It's nice to meet you Ava," Diane King, a reporter from _The Seattle Times_ said as she sat down across from Ava in the living area of the suite the next morning.

"It's nice to meet you too," Ava replied sitting down as well.

"I'm going to ask you a series of questions. If you feel uncomfortable answering something, you don't have to."

"Ok," Ava said nodding.

"So how do you like Seattle?"

"I love it. My family lives here so I've been here quite a bit already. New York is a very fast-paced environment. So being somewhere where the pace is somewhat slower is nice and yet it's still a very urban setting, so I don't feel out of place.

"What made you move to Seattle?"

"My husband's family lives here as well. He wanted to move here to be closer to them and get out of New York. I guess you could say I moved here for him. But we both needed a change.

"You are premiering in the Pacific Northwest Ballet's new season which opens next month. What do you think about the company and how does it compare to the New York Ballet?"

"I was nervous when I first came to work with the other dancers. PNB's company is smaller than NYB so I was worried about fitting in. But my fears were relieved immediately. Our company is a very tight knit group and I was accepted right away. The quality of the dancing in PNB is the same as NYB. But since PNB is smaller, we have been able to create a strong bond within the company. At NYB, there are so many dancers that doing something like that is nearly impossible. I do think that the bond that the dancers of PNB have will come through in the works that will be seen onstage this season.

"You were saying before that you were worried about fitting in at the Pacific Northwest Ballet. Did you have problems fitting in when you were in New York? And if so was it because of your age?"

"Yes I did have trouble fitting in. And it was partly because of my age. New York is the dance capital of the country and the programs I was involved in were very tough. But any program regardless of location is tough for dancers. Every professional ballet dancer in this country represents the very few dancers that actually do make it in this business. But the success that I've seen so far never happens to dancers my age."

"So you didn't think that substituting in the _Nutcracker_ would take you as far as it has?"

"No, no. Definitely not."

"Since that performance, you've become a celebrity of sorts and many have said that you've bridged the gap between ballet and the general public. How does that make you feel?"

"If that is true, I feel very good. Ballet is my passion and I think that everyone, no matter who they are, should experience it at least once."

The door opened to the suite opened and Mark came in. He had come home around midnight and had been called in again at 6am. As a consequence, he had not yet talked to Ava about what he had found the night before. He entered the room and Ava smiled.

"Good morning handsome," Ava said turning around.

"Good morning," He replied returning the smile. Mark came over and kissed her, forcing himself to let everything else go for the moment.

"Honey, this is Diane King. She's the reporter interviewing me for _The Seattle Times_."

"It's nice to meet you," He said shaking the other woman's hand. "I'll be in the other room. I don't want to interrupt."

"Don't be silly," Ava said holding onto his arm. "Stay."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. I want you to stay."

He pulled up a chair, "Alright."

Diane smiled, "This is perfect, this will be your first interview together, am I right?"

"Yes," Mark replied taking Ava's hand.

"Continuing on the topic of celebrity, your marriage thrust you both into a more prominent place in the media spotlight. Was your marriage something that you planned and how have you adjusted to the media scrutiny since then?"

"Our marriage wasn't planned at all. It was very spur of the moment."

Mark smiled, "Yes it was. I don't feel like I've been thrust into a spotlight in terms of the media. Photographers are taking pictures of us, but Ava is the one who everyone wants to see. I'm just along for the ride."

"Earlier, I asked Ava if she had problems being accepted into the upper ranks of ballet because of her age. Quite a few people have expressed their displeasure at your age differences and the fact that you, Mark are a friend of the family and have been for quite some time. How does that make you feel?"

"I don't think about it or at least I try not to. I've met a lot of people who thought I shouldn't have married Ava. After we got married initially, I thought that it was a mistake. But we've been through a lot together this past year and I consider our marriage the best decision I ever made."

"What are your plans for the future?"

Ava looked at Mark and smiled, "My plans for the near future include being with my husband and continuing to dance for as long as I can."

"And for you, Mark?"

"I would say the same," He replied squeezing Ava's hand.

"What about children? Has that come up?"

"Not recently," Mark said even though to him the issue had presented itself. "But I would like children."

"Ava, how do you feel about that?"

"I would like to have children eventually. Maybe a couple years down the line. Right now though, I'd like to keep my focus on my marriage, my career, and my family."

At Seattle Grace, Meredith was coming out of surgery. She was worried about Mark because he had seemed so tense that morning. She knew that it was probably due to the whole situation with Ava and the fact that they hadn't talked about what Mark had found yet. As she walked down the hall, Meredith saw Addison standing at the surgical desk doing paperwork. Slowly she made her way over to her.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said by way of a greeting.

"Hello Dr. Grey," Addison replied as Meredith set a chart down.

"How are you?"

"I'm doing well and you?"

"I'm fine. Have you spoken to Ava in the last few days?"

Addison looked up at her, "Yes I have. Why?"

"No reason, I was just wondering if she was alright."

"She seemed fine to me," Addison replied examining her closely. "Did you notice something out of the ordinary Meredith?"

Meredith hesitated and then sighed, "Mark took me to see the new house yesterday. On the way, we stopped by the hotel so that he could change. He found something Ava had hidden. I know that what happens between my brother and Ava is their business but---"

"But it has to be something significant, that's why you asked me about Ava. So what did he find?"

"You should ask Ava."

"Meredith, you're obviously concerned enough about this to come to me. Spit it out."

"Mark found a positive pregnancy test."

Addison nodded, "Thanks for telling me."

Judging by Addison's semi-shocked expression it was clear that Ava had said nothing about a pregnancy. Meredith watched as the other woman walked away and a sick feeling developed in the pit of her stomach. The shit was about to hit the fan.

_

* * *

_

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?  
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?  
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

An hour later, Addison's Mercedes sedan pulled into a parking space in the parking lot of Seattle Center, home to the Pacific Northwest Ballet. She wasn't supposed to be here for another half hour for lunch with Ava. But since Meredith's confession to her earlier, Addison thought it prudent to arrive early. As she walked up the path leading toward the building that housed the company and administrative offices, she saw promotional posters advertising the opening of the new season in a month's time. "Pacific Northwest Ballet takes you there," the posters said beneath pictures of company members during various performances. As she approached the door, Addison saw her daughter's own poster featuring Ava as a ruby in _Jewels_. She looked different. For the first time, Addison looked at the image of Ava and found that she was no longer looking at her daughter. The young woman in the photograph commanded the attention of her audience. She was focused and the movement that had been captured looked effortless. Addison was broken out of her reverie by the opening of one of the doors. Taking one last look at the poster, she disappeared inside of the building.

Security cleared Addison in the lobby and she was directed to a large rehearsal studio on the third floor. As she approached, Addison could hear the sounds of a piano playing. One of the doors to the studio swung outward and Ava stepped out into the hall, catching the door and closing it softly behind her.

"Ava."

Ava turned and smiled, "Hey mom. What are you doing here? I thought we weren't supposed to meet for another 20 minutes?"

"We're not. But I wanted to talk to you about something. Let's go out to the car."

"Ok," Ava replied and followed her, not really sure where this was heading.

When they returned to Addison's Mercedes, she got inside and Ava followed suit.

Addison turned to her daughter, "I'm just going to come out and say this. Are you pregnant?"

Ava looked mildly shocked but answered anyway, "Yes," She said softly.

"How long have you known about it?"

"A week. How did you know?"

Addison took a breath, "Meredith told me."

"Meredith? But how did she--?"

"Apparently Mark found the pregnancy test in the hotel room yesterday. Meredith was with him. She was concerned by Mark's reaction so she came to me." Ava nodded numbly. "Why didn't you tell him Ava?"

"I-I don't know."

"Ava…."

"Ok so maybe I do," Ava said looking down at the floor. "I had to think about how I felt before I told Mark."

"Ok," Addison replied nodding. "So how do you feel?"

"I can't have this baby mom," She said almost inaudibly.

Addison was tempted to tell her that she could, that she would help in any way that she could. But something told her she needed to listen, "Why Ava?"

Ava sighed shakily. She had not yet admitted her reasons aloud to anyone, "I can't dance if I'm pregnant. I know it sounds stupid and selfish, but I'm not in a position to take time off to have a baby."

"Ava I'm sure the company would understand."

"I know they would. That's not the point. If I was still in New York, I would take that time off. But I can't, not here."

"What's the difference?"

"I just started with the company mom. We open next month. I'll dance for the next two to three months and then I'll be out the rest of the season. I can't do that to them."

"People have babies every day Ava."

"I know that. But the Pacific Northwest Ballet bought me out of my contract in New York so that I could come here."

"They bought you out?"

"Yes. They paid the New York Ballet a significant amount of money to release me from my contract. I don't know the details. But I do know that the board of trustees had to approve the purchase." She paused. "They can't really afford to do that but they did. Ticket sales are strong so they are hoping to make up the loss from that and the company tour next summer. I can't let them down."

"If ballet wasn't a factor, how would you feel?"

Ava paused before speaking again, "I still wouldn't be ready. I'm not ready to be a mother. Not yet." Ava throat tightened, "I've come so far from where I was mom. I took responsibility for my life and I don't want to screw that up."

"So what do you want to do?"

"I-I've been thinking about that over and over again all week. Either way, it's bad. If I choose to go through with this I risk my career and I risk myself. I don't want to be the person I was a year ago. But if I don't, I'm a rotten person."

"So you've considered abortion?" Addison asked quietly.

Ava nodded slowly, "I hate myself for it. I can't bring a child into this world if I'm not ready. I-I know that you can't plan children. But I need to be ready mom. I wish that I didn't have to consider abortion. I've tried over and over again to come up with something else."

Addison took her hand, "Whatever you decide I'll support you. But you need to talk to Mark first ok?"

"O-ok."

* * *

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?  
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?  
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

The door to Ava and Mark's suite opened a half hour later. Ava stepped inside quietly and closed the door. She and Addison agreed to postpone their lunch date until she had a chance to talk.

"Aves?" Mark called from the living room area.

"Yeah," Ava replied and entered the room. Mark was sitting on the sofa watching TV on the large plasma flat screen mounted on the wall.

Mark turned off the TV when she came in, "Can we talk?" He asked.

Ava nodded, "I think we need to. You found the pregnancy test."

"Yes I did. Why did you do it Ava?"

"I needed time to think."

"About what?"

"About how I felt."

Mark softened, the momentary anger he felt was gone now, "Ava I know that this is unexpected but we'll make it work," He said taking her hand and squeezing it.

"Mark…" Ava started but he cut her off.

"We're not alone, our families are here and I'm sure that they'll be more than happy to help with the baby."

Ava swallowed hard when the word "baby" was mentioned, "So you're happy about this?"

He smiled softly, "Yeah I am. It wasn't planned but I am happy about having a baby with you."

She stared down at her lap and was silent for a moment before she spoke again, "I wish I could say the same."

Mark looked confused, "What are you talking about?"

She looked up, "This is bad timing."

"I know it is, but I've already told you that everything will be fine," He replied soothingly.

"We've just moved all the way across the country. You've just started a new job. I've started a new job and a new school. We can't do this!"

"Ava, we can and we will. I know it."

Ava pulled her hand away and rose from her place on the sofa. She walked to the window and stared out of it, trying to find the courage to say what she wanted. Usually that was never a problem. But today it was.

"What is it?" Mark asked coming up behind her.

Without turning around Ava said in a clear voice, "I don't want to have a baby right now Mark."

"What?"

Ava turned around to face him, "You heard me."

He looked hurt and Ava felt like someone had just dumped cold water over her. She hated herself for it, "But why? Why don't you want to have a baby with me?"

"I do," Ava said quickly. "Just not right now."

"Oh I see, you want a child when it's convenient for you. Well I have news for you Ava, life isn't always convenient!"

"That's not true!" Ava protested. "I want to do what is best for everyone including you."

"You're not doing what is in everyone's best interest Ava you're being selfish."

She flinched as if she had just been slapped, "Maybe I am," She said quietly. "But forgive me if I want to give a child parents who are ready for it. I've come so far in the last year, Mark. I don't want to go back to that girl I was."

"Really? Because I see her standing right in front of me," He spat.

"Get out!" She snarled.

"Right. You don't me that."

"The hell I don't!" She exclaimed, sudden feelings of anger coming out of her. She removed her rings and thrust them into his hand. "We're done."

"So that's it. You're divorcing me over this?"

Ava laughed without mirth, "We were never married. Funny how that works doesn't it? There was no marriage certificate."

"Excuse me?"

"My accountant found that out after our tax return was rejected."

Mark looked like he had just been punched, "Oh my god…" He sank down onto the back of the couch and took a breath, "I'll fix this."

"Don't bother," Ava said coldly.

He looked up at her, "Ava, I didn't mean what I said. I was just upset."

"So what, you expect me to crumble and cry and say I'm sorry too? No. I'm not going to apologize anymore."

"I didn't ask you to."

"How dare you say those things to me Mark!"

"Ava," He said reaching for her, but she pulled away. "I am so sorry. I was caught off guard."

"So you decided to attack me? How could you?"

"Ava please…."

"This is why I didn't tell you. I knew that you wouldn't understand."

He grasped her hand and forced her to look at him. "Then explain it to me. Tell me what you want."

Ava looked at him. He looked so earnest. She felt her anger ebbing away and a mixture of shame and fear taking its place, "I want an abortion."

In my place, in my place  
Were lines that I couldn't change  
I was lost, oh yeah  
Oh yeah

Lyrics- "In My Place," Coldplay


	47. Gimme More

Healing Process

Chapter 46: Gimme More

Ava stood just off the dance floor at Nine in downtown Seattle. Dressed in a dull gold metallic Alice + Olivia dress and knee high black leather boots, she was dressed to party. However partying was not on Ava's mind, dancing was. She needed to let off some steam. The admission she had made about wanting an abortion had not gone so well. Mark was still understandably upset and she couldn't stay in their hotel room a second longer. So she had decided to go out and to her complete shock, Mark had decided to come along.

He came over to their table and sat down, a double scotch in his hand. He drank when he was upset and she liked to dance. What a pair they made.

"Dance with me," Ava said turning to him as the current song began to wind down.

"I don't dance," He said gruffly, taking a sip of his scotch.

"When you're with me you do," She said and took the drink from him, setting it down.

Before he could protest, Ava had dragged her husband out of his seat and out onto the dance floor just as the next song began.

_(It's Britney, bitch)  
__(I see you, and I just wanna dance with you)_

Ava smirked and turned to face him, moving her hips slowly at first.

Mark didn't looked amused, "Ava I'm not doing this with you."

Ava simply shook her head, causing the soft curls that she had put in her hair to shake. She put her finger to his lips and leaned in until her lips were against his ear, "Shut up and dance Mark."

_Every time__ they turn the lights down  
__Just wanna go that extra mile for you  
__You got public display of affection  
__Feel's like no one else in the room (but you)_

Then Ava began to move her hips to the beat, her body pressed against his. He could hear the faint clinking of the gold hoops she wore in her ears. Before he could react, Ava kissed him passionately on the mouth, rendering him completely motionless. She was seducing him right before his eyes, just like the first night they came together and there was nothing he could do about it.

_We can get down like there's no one around  
__We'll keep on rockin' (We'll keep on rockin')  
__We'll keep on rockin' (Keep on rockin')_

The whole of the dance floor seemed to melt away as Ava turned in his arms swiftly, dropping down before coming back up all while keeping her left hand wrapped around the back of her neck. Both of them knew that he couldn't keep up at this pace, but that wasn't the point. She wanted his attention, for him to see that she was no one's mother and wouldn't be until she was ready.

_Cameras are flashing my way dirty dancing  
__They keep watchin' (They keep watchin')  
__Keep watchin  
__Feel__s like the crowd is saying  
__Gimme gimme more  
__Gimme more  
__Gimme gimme m__ore  
__Gimme (Uh)  
__Gimme gimme more_

Every time Britney Spears said "Gimme more" Ava pressed her ass against his hips as she moved her own to the beat. Mark heard the blood rushing through his ears as his heart rate sped up. He held her to him with one arm around her waist. She rested her head against his chest and he could feel her breathing in time with the beat. Everything went out of his head as he concentrated on the movements of her hips and her body. He wouldn't last much longer if she kept on like this.

_Center of attention ('tention)  
__Even when they're up against the wall  
__You got me in a crazy position (Yeah)  
__If you're on a mission (Uh-uh)  
__You got my permission (Oh) _

A primal instinct was taking over him. Ava was forcing it out. She was holding him captive with the way she moved. In this moment, responsibility and doing the right thing took a back seat. The most important people on the floor were Ava and Mark not Dr. and Mrs. Sloan. Ava was reminding him why she was his Ava and no one else's. She wanted him and as the song repeated its chorus again, he wanted her too. Badly.

_Gimme gimme more  
__Gimme more  
__Gimme gimme more  
__Gimme gimme more  
__Gimme (Uh)  
__Gimme gimme more  
__Gimme gimme more_

Without a second thought, Mark pulled Ava off of the dance floor and back into their private VIP booth and kissed the hell out of her. Ava groaned as he pushed her into the booth. When she felt the back of her knees hit it, she let herself fall back into it. Then she leaned up and kissed him hard as one of his hands made its way under her dress.

_(I just can't control myself, oh)_

_Gimme gimme more  
__Gimme more  
__Gimme gimme more  
(Gimme more)  
__Gimme gimme more_

"Ow…."

"Ava?" He said stopping what he was doing and looking down at her in concern.

"My head…it hurts," She said as she saw the room begin to dim.

"Ava. Ava?" said voice. But it wasn't Mark. It was his mother.

"Ellis?" Ava said confused as her vision tunneled and then everything went black.

_Ohh, gimme more, gimme more (More)  
__Gimme mo__re, gimme more baby  
__I just want__ more_

* * *

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
__As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
__Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
__My heart has started to separate_

"Ava?" Ellis said again, feeling her forehead for a fever afraid that she was delirious.

Slowly Ava opened her eyes to find her mother in law standing over her still in her scrubs and in full doctor mode. "Ellis?" She croaked mouth dry.

Ellis watched the EKG monitor for a second more, making sure that Ava was indeed stable before moving to the water pitcher and cup on the bedside table. She poured water into the cup and stuck a straw in it before going to Ava's bedside. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she pressed a button on the side panel allowing her daughter in-law to sit up. She offered the straw to Ava who took a sip.

"How do you feel?" Ellis asked, eyes still searching for anything amiss.

"My head is sore and so is my back. But other than that I'm fine," She replied and then looked around at the dimly lit room. The sky was dark outside and there was an IV in her arm. "Am I at Seattle Grace?"

"Yes Ava. Do you know how you got here?"

"No," She said and then forced the dream she had just had out of her mind for the moment, trying to remember what had happened. She had talked to Mark about the pregnancy yesterday. They had had a quiet evening, not talking much and went to bed early. Ava had gone in for rehearsal around 9, the agenda for the day being a stumble through. After lunch, Ava was onstage dancing. "I was dancing and then something hit me in the middle of it. I heard someone scream."

"Is that the last thing you remember?"

"Yes."

"You were brought into the ER. Mr. Neubert, the man who came with you said that a set piece fell on you from behind. You hit your head."

"How long have I been out?"

Ellis consulted her watch, "Almost 10 hours, it's nearly midnight."

"Is that bad?" Ava asked worriedly.

"You were thoroughly checked for any and all injuries. Barring any complications, Mark will take you home in the morning. After your tests came back, we knew that the cause for your unconsciousness must have been exhaustion."

"My tests?"

"The standard procedure."

"Oh," She said and looked at Ellis. "So then you know."

"That you're pregnant, yes. We all know."

"By everyone you mean my dad too right?"

"Yes. That is why your mother isn't here. She forced your father to go home lest you wake up to total chaos."

"That was nice of her," Ava mumbled.

Ellis paused before speaking again, "I assume that this wasn't planned?"

"Not at all."

"I won't press anymore then," Ellis said. "It's none of my business."

"You can ask," Ava said softly. "I could use someone else's opinion."

Ellis sighed, "You don't want the baby do you?"

"No…at least not right now."

"Well at least you know what you want. Have you thought about your options and discussed them with Mark?"

"Yes, but it didn't go so well. Mark wasn't happy with me at all."

"You want to terminate and he wants to keep the baby."

"Basically."

Ellis took her hand, "You're very brave for someone so young. I probably would have done the same, had I had the opportunity."

Ava looked up shocked, "Really?"

"Yes Ava. I love Mark and Meredith even though they may not always hear it or know it. But they both came at times when I could not be a mother to them. I had men in my life to care for them. But it wasn't enough and they paid dearly for my shortcomings. Mark mentioned your past. I hope you don't mind."

"No, no. You should know. I don't like keeping secrets anymore."

"If your instincts are telling you no Ava then you shouldn't do it."

"I wish Mark could understand that."

"He will. But he's a man. When it comes to children, men cannot see the big picture. As helpful as they are, woman give up their bodies and emotions for their children from the moment that the child begins to kick inside the womb. And the emotional sacrifice never ends. Mark will see that once he has perspective."

"But what if he doesn't? What if he resents me, hates me?"

"If he loves you and I am sure that he does, my son will concentrate on your relationship first. You cannot have a child without a solid relationship. Otherwise the consequences are disastrous. I am living proof of that."

Ava nodded and leaned back into her pillows, "Then why do I feel so guilty? The look on his face when I told him that I wanted to terminate…he looked so hurt. I don't want to hurt him like that again."

"Mark is strong Ava. He can take it," She said before getting up. "I'm going to get him now. I sent him to get some sleep in the on-call room."

Ava grabbed her hand gently, "Ellis."

She turned back, "Yes Ava?"

"Thank you for staying, for listening"

Ellis smiled softly and kissed Ava's forehead, "You're family now Ava. Get some rest."

And with that she left the room.

_

* * *

_

_Oh, oh, oh  
__Be my baby  
__Oh, oh, oh  
_

A few minutes later Mark was standing in the doorway watching the woman who was his wife in every way except legally. She looked so tiny in that bed surrounded by all of those machines. Meredith's words of earlier that day still played in his head.

_"Ava had an accident, Mark. She's downstairs."_

_"Is she ok?"_

_"I don't know."_

For a moment, he thought that Ava died. That was the worst case scenario after all and he was a surgeon, trained to think of the worst. It was the longest moment of Mark's life as he made his way down to the ER. But when he finally got there and saw Ava's vitals, he started breathing again not even aware that he had been holding it.

"Aves?" He said as he came into the room.

Ava turned, "Hey."

"Hey," He said taking her hand as he sat down on the bed. "How do you feel?"

"Sore. But I'll live. Mark---" She started.

Mark put his hand up, "You don't have to say anything Ava. I'm just glad you're ok," He said and kissed her softly.

_

* * *

_

_Oh, oh, oh  
__Be my baby  
__Oh, oh, oh  
__Oh, oh, oh  
__  
I'll look after you  
__If ever there was a doubt  
__My love she leans into me  
__This most assuredly counts  
__She says most assuredly  
__  
Oh, oh, oh  
__Oh, oh, oh  
__Be my baby  
__I'll look after you_

Early the next morning, Mark had gone to get what he deemed "real food" for breakfast. Ava in the meantime was sitting in bed flipping idly through a magazine. Thanks to some sleep, the soreness in her head had become merely a minor discomfort. But her back still ached and she was sure that there was now a good sized bruise where the set had hit her.

"I heard through the grapevine that you were here," said a voice from the doorway. "But I had to come see for myself."

Ava looked up and saw Alex Karev standing there, "Hi Alex."

He came into the room, "Hey. I didn't know being a ballerina was so hazardous."

Ava laughed, "That makes two of us. My mom told me you stayed on her service."

"Yeah, it's actually better than I thought it would be."

"You'll learn a lot from my mom. She's good at what she does."

"Yeah. So how are you besides being here?"

"Me? I'm doing ok, still adjusting to my new job and school."

He nodded and then looked at her seriously, "Does he make you happy?"

Ava smiled, "Deliriously so. Does Izzie?"

"More than I thought anyone could. Look Ava, I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"The way we ended up. I want to say I'm sorry that you had to find out like that."

Ava nodded, "Thanks."

"So how are you feeling?"

"I'm still a little sore, but it's nothing I can't handle," She replied before wincing.

Alex fowled, "Are you sure?"

Ava was about to reply when she felt a sharp pain start in her lower back and spread into her abdomen. "Alex…."

He immediately jumped into action, "Where does it hurt Ava?"

"My stomach…"

He pulled the covers away to examine her only to find blood spreading on the white sheets beneath her.

"Damn it," He said and reached for the call button, pressing it.

"Alex," Ava said, trying to keep the pain out of her voice.

"Everything's gonna be ok Ava. We'll fix this," He said reassuringly as a nurse came in. "We need to book an OR stat," He said to her.

"I'll call and let them know you're on your way up," She said before leaving the room and sending orderlies in.

"Alex!" Ava said more urgently. "I'm pregnant."

He looked at her and then at the orderlies, "Let's go."

They along with two other nurses moved the IVs onto the bed so they could move her.

"Someone page the on-call ob resident!" Alex called. "Tell them to meet me in the OR," He said as they started wheeling Ava down the hall.

A few feet away, Mark was coming through the double doors with a bag in hand just in time to catch a glimpse of Alex wheeling his wife down the hall to the elevator.

"Karev!" He shouted. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Saving your wife's life," He shouted back before the elevator door opened.

But before Mark could reply, they loaded Ava onto the elevator and the doors closed behind them, leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

_It's always have and never hold  
__You've begun to feel like home  
__What's mine is yours to leave or take  
_

* * *

Look for more soon and as always please review! 

Lyrics: "Gimme More"- Britney Spears  
"Look After You"- The Fray


	48. The Fight for You

Healing Process

* * *

Chapter 47: The Fight for You

_Hello world  
Hope you're listening  
Forgive me if I'm young  
For speaking out of turn  
There's someone I've been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me  
They're in their own place trying to make it right  
But I'm tired of justifying  
So i say you'll.._

The fluorescent lights that dotted the surgical hallway ceiling were mere blurs in Ava's vision as she was rushed to an OR. Pain raced up and down her spine as the bed slowed and then stopped completely. On a count of three Ava was transferred from her bed to a gurney as a pain passed over her that threatened to split her apart. She moaned softly. Almost as soon as she was on the gurney, blood began to pool under her again like water.

Ava started feeling dizzy as she was wheeled into the OR just as she had when her ulcer had burst. That same fuzzy feeling was encroaching on her brain and threatening to take over. That time someone had saved her. She had heard Mark's voice calling to her. But Mark wasn't here now and Ava felt herself beginning to fade in spite of all the activity around her. Surgical staff had just finished draping the table and now two of the scrub nurses were helping to lift Ava onto the table. The hospital gown she had been wearing was undone and removed. New cardiac leads were attached to her chest and the EKG monitor came alive showing that Ava's sinus rhythm was in a down swing.

"Someone call the blood bank and get some pints of A+ down here," Alex said through the intercom as he scrubbed in quickly, watching as Ava's abdomen was rubbed with iodine and draped.

"Alex?" Ava said weakly

Alex finished scrubbing in and entered the OR before going to Ava's side, "It's going to be ok Ava. We're going to fix this."

"Tell Mark I'm sorry….that I didn't do this on purpose. Please…you have to tell him," She said with urgency in her voice.

"This isn't your fault Ava," He replied frowning as blood was brought in and hung.

"Yes, it is."

"Dr. Karev?" said the anesthesiologist. "I have to put her under now."

Alex nodded and took Ava's hand, "It'll be ok Aves, I swear."

Before Ava could reply, the anesthesia was injected into her IV and her grip on Alex's hand went slack.

* * *

_Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all i see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
So come home  
Oooh_

* * *

At a quarter to seven, the phone in the kitchen rang and Quinn jumped up to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Quinn, is your mom there?" asked Mark as he tried to keep the fear and worry out of his voice.

"Hi Uncle Mark! No, she's not. She went for a run."

"Let me talk to your dad. Tell him it's about Ava."

"W-what's wrong with my sister?" Quinn asked concerned. She had no idea that Ava had fallen the day before.

"She's hurt Quinn. But she'll be ok," He said as reassuringly as he could even though there was a very good chance that Ava would lose her life.

Quinn went into her parent's room with the phone, "Daddy?" She said, her voice shaking.

Derek turned around to face his daughter who was in near tears. She heard the worry in Mark's voice despite his efforts to suppress it and now she too was worried.

"Quinn, what's the matter?" He said concerned.

"Uncle Mark is on the phone. A-Ava's hurt daddy. You have to talk to him."

"Ok, ok," He said taking the phone from her and kissing her head. "Hello?"

_I get lost in the beauty  
Of everything i see  
The world ain't as half as bad  
As they paint it to be  
If all the sons  
If all the daughters  
Stopped to take it in  
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin  
It might start now..Yeahh  
Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud  
Until then_

* * *

Dr. Addison Montgomery Shepherd made a beeline for the surgical desk when she got off the elevator. She hadn't even bothered to change out of the New York University shirt, black pants, and running shoes she had been wearing when she had gotten Derek's 911 page, twenty minutes ago.

"Olivia, have you seen Dr. Sloan and my husband?" She asked, addressing the redhead behind the desk.

"They're in the surgical hallway Dr. Montgomery," Olivia said immediately. "Dr. Grey, Meredith is with your daughter in the cafeteria."

"Thanks," Addison said quickly before ducking into the attendings locker room to change into scrubs.

Five minutes later, Addison came through the double doors dressed in the dark navy scrubs of an attending, tying her scrub cap on her head. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the sight in front of OR 2. Derek and Mark were sitting next to each other against the wall staring at the OR door silently. Both of them were also dressed in surgical attire.

Addison sat on the other side of Derek, "Any news?"

"No," Derek said softly

"What did Ava go in for?"

"Exploratory laperotomy," Mark mumbled head down. "She started bleeding…" He said and trailed off.

Addison knew what he meant. Ava was losing the pregnancy, "Ava will get through this Mark," She said.

"I should have never---I should have been more careful. I knew the risks."

"Ava knew the risks too Mark," Addison reminded him. "Things like this happen. The risks are the same for any pregnancy."

"But if she dies I could never---" He began but then trailed off again. The thought of such a thing was too horrible to even contemplate.

Wordlessly Derek placed a hand on his former best friend's shoulder, trying to offer him comfort in what was a dark and stressful time for them all.

* * *

_Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all i see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Oooh_

Nearly four hours after Addison had arrived, the OR doors opened to find three of the country's best surgeons sitting on an empty gurney waiting. A gurney containing Ava emerged from the OR with Alex by her side. When he saw Mark and the two Shepherds, he separated himself from Ava's side.

"How is Ava?" Mark asked immediately going to her side.

"The surgery went well," He said facing Addison and Derek. "Ava's oxygen sats dropped during surgery. They went back up but we're keeping her on oxygen until she wakes up."

"And the pregnancy?" Addison asked.

"Dr. Hollander tried everything he could to save it."

"Ava lost the baby?" Mark asked, turning around to look at Alex.

"I'm sorry Dr. Sloan," Alex said quietly.

Mark nodded, "Take Ava to recovery," He said softly. "I need some air."

Without another word, Mark disappeared through the double doors and after awhile he found himself on the bridge leading to the surgical wing, staring at the view. He was confronted with a mixture of grief, relief, and worry. To his surprise, Mark found himself grieving for a child whose existence he had known of for only two weeks. As scared and freaked out as he had been, Mark had been looking forward to becoming a father and now that possibility was gone. At the same time he was relieved that Ava had made it through the surgery in one piece. But he was also worried about Ava too. She had looked so small and pale on that gurney and had been through so much in the last 24 hours. He could only hope that there would no complications.

"How did the surgery go?" asked a voice beside Mark.

Mark turned to see Meredith beside him, "It went well. Ava's in recovery right now."

"Why aren't you with her?"

"She lost the baby."

"I'm sorry. But maybe it's for the best."

"I know Mere, she's too young."

"It's not just that. You're not ready either Mark. I know you. This relationship you have is a good thing. But another person might derail all of that right now. You need Ava and she needs you. There's no shame in admitting that. And there's nothing wrong with it. Go be with your wife."

"I can't Meredith. There are so many things that could have gone wrong."

"But they didn't. Look, you can stand here all day thinking about the worst case scenario. But the fact is that Ava is fine and she will continue to be fine. She's been through much worse you know."

"I know."

"Then what are you still doing here?" Meredith asked, hands on hips. "Go."

Mark smiled for the first time all day, "You sound like mom."

"Shut up and go see your wife."

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

_Everything i can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why i need you here  
Everything i can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why i need you here  
So hear this now_

Meanwhile, in Ava's room Derek was sitting by Ava's bed while Addison was with Quinn. Ava was still asleep in her bed, pale and steadily breathing in oxygen from the mask over her nose and mouth. Derek examined the hand he now held. It was once small enough to hold inside of his own hand. But Ava was not a child anymore; she was a young woman even though to him she would always look like that little girl who had been dropped in his lap all those years ago.

Derek sighed softly, "I meant to talk to you, you know," He said to the sleeping form. I know what I did to you, kicking you out of the house was wrong. I know that I overreacted and that I hurt you. But I was so angry. I was angry because you had made a big decision while you weren't sober. I was angry that you lied about who you were with. And I was angry that you had done this with Mark and were determined to go through with it. I've been hard on you the last few years and I shouldn't have been. I thought you were going to turn into Kate, but I was wrong. You're Ava, my daughter. I raised you differently than that. But instead of having faith in you, I doubted you and I put conditions on my love for you. I broke my promise to you Ava and for that I am very sorry." Without warning Ava squeezed Derek's hand and she moaned softly. "Ava?" Derek asked looking at her.

Ava opened her eyes, half awake, "Daddy?" She replied groggily.

Derek smiled softly, "Welcome back to the world sleeping beauty."

_Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all i see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Come home

* * *

_ Lyrics: "Come Home"-One Republic 


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